Happy Birthday Suit
The other day my grandson Nikolai was reminding me for the hundredth time that his birthday will be coming up soon. I breathed in silently and tried to go back to what I was reading, after exclaiming how special his day was going to be when it finally got here. There were a few moments of silence in which I was sure he had finally taken the hint.
“Grammy, when's your birthday?” He was solemnly looking at me as though he hadn't a clue.
I looked up from my computer screen. “Now, Nikolai, you know my birthday is two weeks after yours.”
He smiled sheepishly. “It's Feberairy 16, right?”
I nodded my head and went back to my reading.
“Mine's on the 1st of Feberairy, you know.”
“Um-humm,” I grunted. Please, God, let this sweet little boy I love so much, get out of my hair, just long enough until I finish my reading.
“Grammy?” he tugged on my sleeve wanting my full attention. “Is Donnie going to give you a present for your birthday?”
Obviously he wasn't going to let me be until he was ready. I closed my laptop and pulled him into my lap.
“I don't know. Do you think he should?” To which he nodded his head vigorously. I wondered where this was going. “What do you think he should get me?”
He appeared to be thinking for a moment, but answered a bit quickly for someone who didn't already have an answer ready. “I know!” he said a little too rehearsed to be convincing, but I played along anyway.
“What? What do you think he should give me?” I asked in exaggerated enthusiasm like I couldn't wait to hear his idea.
“He should take you to Jumbo's!” He grinned from ear to ear, the gap from his two missing teeth only adding to his devilish looks.
Jumbo's is a Chinese all-you-can-eat buffet with seven long steam tables of dishes to choose from. Donnie and I had taken Nikolai there for his fourth birthday and he had never forgotten it. He isn't really partial to Chinese food, but the restaurant also caters to the picky offspring of its patrons by having mac and cheese, and pizza on hand. In addition to all the ice cream, cakes, and puddings he could stuff in his little mouth, Nikki had the pleasure of falling in love with the little oriental girl who served as our waitress. He couldn't take his eyes off of her, going so far as to tell her she was really, really, really pretty.
“Do you really think he should take me there?” I pretended to be extremely excited about the prospect. The truth was that we eat there on a pretty regular basis, and it wasn't necessarily what I would want to do for a birthday celebration.
“Yeah!,” he jumped down from my lap to stand in front of me, almost bursting at the seems with excitement. “And I could go with you! It can be a party!!!” His eyes were huge and shining. He truly believed he was pulling this one off.
I laughed and laughed. He thought I was laughing because I was happy he had such a good idea. I didn't tell him I was on to his game. “Well, okay then,” I chuckled, “I'll let Donnie know first thing tomorrow. We'll have a great time!” And finally he was gone, satisfied now that his wish was about to be fulfilled.
I gave up going back to my reading. Nikki had sparked some memories of past birthdays I'd spent in Donnie's company. There was one in particular that came to mind. My birthday had arrived on the heels of one of our barren patches. That's how I describe the times when he and I are “on a break” from our relationship. It's a long, twisty-bendy story that one day will be told in its entirety, but for now, just understand that it's complicated. We had sort of called a semi-halt to our break period by making plans for my birthday.
I had to work that evening and wouldn't be free until after 6pm. I'd have to go home, get a shower, throw on the old war paint, and then there was my hair. I told him to expect me around 8:30. I'd meet him at his house. When I arrived, he was upstairs taking a shower. I waited until I heard the shower curtain pulled back before I announced my presence.
Normally I would have just gone up and sat in the bathroom talking to him while he was showering, but we had been on a break for two months. I knew if I entered the bathroom while he was nekkid, we'd never get to our destination. I had planned an evening at the local karaoke bar. Donnie was lead singer in a band. He had a beautiful voice I could listen to all night. Our first date he had sung Unchained Melody in my ear while we were slow dancing. I fell in love that night. I was determined he was going to sing it to me again.
I stood there chattering inanely while I waited for him to finish up. Suddenly I heard the the strip tease tune being sung loud and clear in Donnie's oh so distinguished voice. My head snapped up and I turned to look to the top of the stairs. There he was in all his glory swinging body parts around and strutting his stuff. I could only laugh but I held firm to my resolve. I insisted he get dressed.
I waited at the bottom of the stairs for him, still chattering. After a few minutes, he appeared looking so handsome and irresistible in a denim shirt and jeans. He came straight at me, backing me against the wall.
“Don't you want your birthday present,” he whispered before he laid on a lip-lock that took my breath away. Kissing him back I sort of nodded my head and was almost lost. No! Dammit! It was MY birthday and I wanted him to sing to me. I broke the kiss and ducked under and out of the arms that were braced on the wall to either side of the spot I had just vacated.
“OK,” he said in a sing-song voice, “just remember, you wanted it this way.” He pulled on his jacket. “I might change my mind, and then it'll be too late,” said in the same sing-song voice.
Yeah, whatever, Big Boy. Let's get the show on the road.
It was a great night. My how he sang. I'm not much of a drinker, but I was getting a little tipsy by the time we left, and I was all about romance. Donnie must have been feeling the romance too, because he headed down to the boat landing along the river. He parked the van where we could look out over the water. There was a bright, almost full moon shining down making little sparkles on the ice chips floating in the river. Every now and then, wispy clouds would drift over the moon like cobwebs. Oh yeah, I was feeling the amour.
We snuggled. We cuddled. We kissed. We moved to the back of the van. It was a conversion van, made for camping out. We opened the back bench into the comfy double bed. We stretched out. We snuggled and kissed some more. First one article of clothes, followed by another until the heat of flesh on flesh was searing. Man, this was sooooooo worth waiting for. It was a romantic night like no other. I would never, ever forget this birthday with the love of my life!
The moment of truth had arrived, if you know what I mean. He bent his head down to kiss me again.....BANG, BANG, BANG thundered on the side of the van. BANG, BANG, BANG again. I jumped. He jumped. Flashlights were shining in the windshield. A circle of light rested on my bare chest. I dove for cover, pulling the edge of the blanket up to cover me. Geez, it was my birthday, but I didn't want to be seen in my birthday suit!
“Open up!” a voice thundered outside the driver's side.
Donnie snatched the nearest blanket to cover his nakedness, before moving to the front of the van. Damn! Suddenly I was uncovered again. He had taken my blanket. I grabbed for my coat and pulled it over me. The circle of light was still trained on my chest. My heart was pounding. I was too startled to make sense of the commotion.
A low voice said something. Donnie answered equally as low. I couldn't hear what he was saying. He turned and came back to me.
“Where's your driver's license?” he asked.
“My what? Why?” I still hadn't caught on to what was happening.
“Because it's the cops. They want to make sure I don't have anyone underage back here.”
I felt my cheeks start to burn. OMG! Donnie and I had grown up and lived in this town most of our lives. We knew everyone. Everyone knew us....including the local cops. I would never live this down!
He handed them my ID. They seemed to be satisfied. They were going away.
Donnie came back and started to get dressed.
“Hey, what are you doing?” I was shook up, but I wasn't going to let a little embarrassment totally ruin my romantic birthday.
“We have to leave. It's a public place. We gotta go.” he put the van in drive and headed home. I heard him chuckle.
“What's so damn funny?” I demanded from the back where I was throwing my clothes on.
He pointed at the time flashing from the dashboard.
“You gotta be kidding!” I wailed. I had exactly fifteen minutes to get home. The babysitter had school the next morning.
We made plans to meet at the same karaoke bar when I got off work the next week. Anticipation nearly had me swooning by the time I parked the car in front of the bar. I stepped through the door, saying my hello's and nodding my head to acquaintances as I made my way to the back room. All went silent for a split second before the crowd broke out in a rousing round of :
Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Your boobs look a bit chilly and your bottom does too!
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