Has anyone seen my daughter?

Besties
Besties
Craziness
Craziness
me and her
me and her
16th birthday
16th birthday
18th Birthday
18th Birthday

She's lost.

Has anyone seen my daughter?


She is about 5’2, has champagne blonde hair,


and the most beautiful blue eyes you have ever seen.


She has a laugh thats infectious,


you can’t miss her,


She’s the loudest one in the room.


She plays hard, loves harder and fights till the death.


She loves to debate, I once found this trait to be endearing.


I used to imagine that one day she would use her talent to make a difference.


Perhaps as a lawyer, politician or a judge.


When she was younger and going to counseling the doctor said she could argue the


paint off a fence post.


A high school teacher even signed her middle school year book saying, “ Have fun on


the debate team!”


She was exhausting though, constantly trying to prove her point, any point. It didn’t


matter whether she was right or wrong, you were going to listen to her until she was


done.


She was strong, both her physical strength and mentally.


She defended her closest friends and always had a soft spot for the underdog.


She was feared by some because of her abrasive personality, yet loved by many!


Her family was important to her, she and I were close.


We lived alone for years, just her and I.


She never liked to stray too far from home,


Our house was always filled with her friends.


Sleep overs, eat overs and come overs where always at our house.


My daughter, she’s older now,


She’s a mom too, has a 3 year old son.


He’s beautiful!


A warrior!


He has the same blonde locks but the darkest brown eyes, like chocolate.


He is adventurous and has an incredible imagination.


He’s my super hero!


He’s with her mostly, his mom that is.


His love for her is constant as is mine!


Yet, he tells me “she’s angry,


she cries, a lot!”


He cries!


I cry!


“ Why is she angry poohmis,” he asks


“I don’t know why little man, but I think it’s because she lost something.”


Yes, we lost something too, I think to myself,


my daughter, his mother.


If you see her, tell her the very thing she is looking for is right here!


He’s beautiful!


A warrior!


HER SON!


Comments 29 comments

ienjoythis profile image

ienjoythis 3 years ago from Nevada

This is beautiful... you have so much love for your daughter. It's very admirable. She sees it too, though she may not know how to show it yet.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

wildove5,

You're going to make me cry! The difference she's made has been being your daughter and that, she will always be. There's no doubt she's changed you and you've shaped her! I'm not too far off from coming out of the age she's in now and what a scary and confusing place that can be! I don't truly know either one of you, but from what I do know and how you talk of your daughter, she has to have an unconditional and unbreakable love for you. Times get tough... but when the healing comes... the relationship is always twice as strong. She'll come 'round!

And oh my goodness, how much she looks like you! Beautiful women!

Hugs love,

Cat


rose-the planner profile image

rose-the planner 3 years ago from Toronto, Ontario-Canada

This is certainly a beautiful poem! The love that you have for your daughter and grandchild is detailed so well in your writing. The is very heartfelt! Thank you for sharing. (Voted Up) -Rose


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Oh ladies, I am so weary. My heart breaks into pieces every time I see her fall. I've stayed away in order to let her pick herself up. I keep telling myself baby steps, tiny steps all over again. Only this time I can't walk behind her, shielding her from sharp edges and obstacles. She needs to learn to walk on her own. But it's so hard. I thank you all for your kind words and I do find comfort in your encouragements. Most of the mom's who have traveled this road before me have assured me that she will walk again, more than likely even learn to fly! Until then I have my prayers, friends, family and my extended HP family. From the bottom of my heart I am grateful to have found some really amazing people here. Thank you!


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

I think we couldn't imagine worrying about them anymore than we do when they are babies, but I imagine it gets even harder when they grow up. This is such a tough time you're going through and my heart and thoughts are with you. I'm sure she knows you're there for her when she's ready and it's gotta be heard not intervening, but at her age, too much might lead to resentment... I'm sure these are things you've battled with in your own mind. Your love is so obvious and contagious... this can only go one way, it'll just seem to take forever. Hang in there girly!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Ugh FOREVER? I can't wait that long. lol Oh believe me I have had battles to choose from! I'm sure I haven't made the best decissions myself and I have certainly lashed out with ugly words in frustration. However, i think I slipped through tonight and got a good smack in. I tried a different approach. I told her how much I love her, how I'd die for her, give her my last breath, to take her pain away. I told her that no matter what her age I will do my best to protect her. I explained to her what it's like to watch a bully beating on your kid and not being able to do anything but watch. I told her that was what it is like watching her battle addiction. Her bully is the drug! It's the one that won't leave her alone, he just keeps taunting and hitting her until she stops defending herself. Every time she tries to get up he knocks her down. I explained that I can't defend her from him. She has to gather the strength and wisdom to kick his as all by herself, to prove to him once and for all that he can no-longer pick on her! She cried! Said Mommy I love you! God I miss her! I'm hanging Cant! Im hanging! As god as my witness, I will get my daughter back! Luv ya Cat!!! We should do coffee sometime, I would luv to meet you, you've helped me a lot in the short time we have been friends here!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 3 years ago from southern USA

What a lovely heartfelt and heartrending poem here. Your daughter sounds a lot like mine no doubt! She can argue you down no matter what the issue! It is hard when you see them, even after grown, not happy and going down the wrong road and not seeing what's right in front of them.

Hugs and love from one mother to another, Faith Reaper


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

That's what she needs, those words you spoke. They might take a minute to set in, but she'll learn to appreciate them. Sometimes when you're in an ugly place, you'd almost just assume be there alone, trust me, I'm speaking from experience. When I was going through my bulimia, it was a dark and shameful place and I didn't want to let anyone into that world, despite the pleas from others. It was easier for me to suffer in silence... but you get to a point that you just don't want that anymore and it took me 4 years! It's not easy, but I can only imagine she's going through a lot of pain and there's not such thing as you 'telling her you love her too much'. She just needs to know that it's under all circumstances even if you can't stand what's going on... you have to be an impartial party and just keep your fingers crossed behind your back. I'm no relationship expert, but I've mastered failing and shutting people out and I can only imagine what your daughter's going through. It seems unfair and it is. Is there something else she can look forward to? I know she has a beautiful son... but through my addiction I had 2 beautiful reasons to stop but we take for granted knowing that they'll always be there and they'll even love us in our darkest hours... something else has to give, something has to enter her life or she has to find some kind of new perspective or path or something... that drop to the bottom can take longer that we'd like or she deserves. You're right... nobody can stop this but her and she has to get to that place where she's ready. I hid my bulimia for the last 3 years because I was just so sick of having all my family concerned and let down and 'trying to save me' when I just wanted a normal day... you know? I feel for you, I really do... but you've got the kind of love she'll need and you might not feel like it's doing much for her now, but when it hits her, it'll come in tenfold... just keep doing what you're doing.

You're not that far... I'll have to find an excuse for a road trip! :D


billybuc profile image

billybuc 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

Sadly beautiful, and a poem any parent would understand. My son, who is 28, is making bad choices right now, and we had an unpleasant talk yesterday. All I can do at this point is love him and hope he finds his way to the truth about life.

Thank you for sharing this piece of your heart.


DJ Anderson 3 years ago

You have had a lot of pain in your life in recent years, haven't you? Some days it seems that the pain may never end.

Hold on tightly. You may be the only positive thing in your daughter's life, right now. And, you absolutely must be the

strong adult in your grandson's life.

Dish out positive encouragement and hope that some of it sticks. Never give up hope, never give up hope.

And, know that, although we may be only small photos with crazy names attached, we are a breed apart from the norm,

as we do care greatly for one another.

From one mother to another mother, our job is to give out as

much love as we possibly can.

Sending positive energy your way,

DJ.


kj force profile image

kj force 3 years ago from Florida

wildove5....

It is not and never has been an easy road titled

" Motherhood ".

We cry for them as they face the harsh reality of growing up and then adulthood it starts all over again. We feel their pain , yet if we interfere it could be the end of what relationship we have with them. We fell many times as we grew and now we must allow them the same priviledge...and as we get older life it's dealings are more precious than ever...keep being there for her and hopefully it will be sooner than later that she re-discovers the beauty of life , her young warrior the Mother who cares so deeply for her...you're in my thoughts...


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 3 years ago from Scotland

Your love for your beautiful daughter shouts out from every line of your moving poem.

Things sounds so hard for your family just now and I hope she finds the strength soon to come back to where she should be.

Your words really moved me and I really do hope you get your baby back soon.

Hang in there and remember she still really loves you; even when she pulls away.

Anna


Vickiw 3 years ago

Wildove5, this must be so sad for you. In past times our parents used to breathe a sigh of relief after their children reached maturity. They had seen them through the angst of teen hood, and now they were safe, with their own families to care for. It just was a much simpler time. Now the complications are tremendous, the prevalence and use of drugs seems to be ever increasing, and shattering to families. The worst thing for parents of the addicted is the fact that they are helpless to do anything. But you have said all the right things, and you are a miracle for your grandchild. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Anna, I'm hanging by a thread and it's unraveling! I know she loves me but she's too lost realize it just yet!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Vicki, prayers are all we have! It's what keeps me going! Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 3 years ago

@wildove5 this was really beautiful and I enjoyed reading about your daughter and your grandson. A beautiful poem indeed. Voted up, shared, and pinned!


truthfornow profile image

truthfornow 3 years ago from New Orleans, LA

Your love matters even if she doesn't show it. All you can do is be there when she needs you. You can't live her life for her. I pray that everything works out for her and you.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Thank you truth, right now she wouldn't know I'm here for her even if I had her in a head lock and kissing the top of her head. I'm to blame for all her woes. Although I do remember blaming my mother quite a bit at her age as well. I guess it was easier to place blame at someone else's feet than to risk tripping over the truth! maybe there is hope, maybe one day she will realize just how much I love her and need her to be well!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Thank you torry! I have been browsing your hubs as well!


Anna Haven profile image

Anna Haven 3 years ago from Scotland

Hi, I really hope things change soon.

Hang in there and keep that thread intact and hopefully better times are coming for you and your family really soon.

Sending you positive thoughts and love.

Anna


LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

I see photos of a happy childhood. That's a strong foundation. Those debating skills will hopefully come to your daughter's rescue as she debates in her own mind just where she is right now and where she'd rather be.

Sounds like her son is with you, safe and sound. That's one good decision she made. She obviously trusts and respects you. Stay strong and patient, and trust that she'll return. You're doing your best, and that's all that anyone could ask of you.

Hugs.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Thank you Anna! Change would be nice, even a slight change would be!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

I did do my best! God knows I've tried, nagged and cried to get through to her. My latest tactic has to back off entirely. This seems to be getting a reaction, will see if it causes her to take action to repair her life and our relationship. Balls in her court now! Thanks for the encouragement!


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 3 years ago from London, UK

A very touching and beautiful read. I love your way with words. I pray God intervenes and she returns. She knows her child is in safe hands and in her own time, she'll come round.

Take care.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Thank you Lady E,,,My faith and the faith of others is so important to me!


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

UPDATE: My daughter has a new counselor! We actually talked on the phone tonight for an hour without a single voice being raised and even had a few good laughs!! Baby steps,,,:) Thank you all for being here for me,,I just had to let you know your prayers and thoughts are helping!!


LongTimeMother profile image

LongTimeMother 3 years ago from Australia

If I had a street nearby, I'd be dancing in it! That's great news!

:)


DJ Anderson 3 years ago

Kimberly, I am thrilled for you. This is the best news I have heard all day.

Thanks for sharing this with us!!

DJ.


wildove5 profile image

wildove5 3 years ago from Cumberland, R.I. Author

Thank you ladies! I'll keep ya posted!

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