Wells of tears fill 'round my eyes
A natural urge as I ache to cry
Yet dimly between heart and mind
Stoic emotions are all I find
No comfort brought in this release
My burdens leave me far from peace
Constriction bears down on me
throat feels tight, I cannot see
Lost in denying you are going to die
Dear mother please help me figure out why
Tell me how to hold your hand
God help me now to understand
When you leave this common earth
I'll fly angels out to search
And if they spy you anywhere
I'll ask they keep you in their care
Until the light shines down for me
To follow you into eternity
This particular poem was written in 2006. I received a phone call the morning of July 4th, 2006 from my daughter in Florida. She called to tell me my mother had a stroke and was at the hospital and could I please fly down as soon as possible.
I did and by the time I got there my mother who at age 84 was still doing her normal busy routine had been diagnosed with a stage four brain tumor. We were all in shock. No one could understand why she presented no symptoms prior to the onset of this condition. She was a fiery full blooded Italian with more energy than I'll ever have. The doctors told us they could operate and if the surgery was successful she could live another six months. My mother chose surgery at her age and came through it with flying colors. I stayed in Florida to tend to her after her surgery then I had to come home.
She proceeded with chemo treatments yet we all knew the surgeons were right. I knew that by January 2007 my mother would be gone and there wasn't anything I could do to change it.
We know, or have in the back of our minds that one day we will lose our parents. Yet to be in that place, to be aware ahead of it was an agonizing experience for me.
I flew back to Florida in January 2007 and stayed with my mother in hospice for two weeks. She was alert and not in much pain. She was even sewing bless her heart. We watched television, talked and laughed. I confessed to her some of my teenage misgivings, nothing that was overly bad just enough to make her laugh out loud several times. Looking back I cherish the time I had with her. Yet then, waking up each morning knowing I was sleeping in the same room where my mother would die soon was overwhelming to me. The emotions are hard to describe.
She was treated like a Queen the last two weeks of her life and I thank the Tuscany House in Florida for making that possible. I also thank God that I was blessed to have her as my mother for fifty years.