How I learned to love and forgive my dad after his death
(From the Testimony section on page 69 of my book On Solid Ground...)
It was long after his death,
I gave birth to this love.
For most of his life, I was distant and cold.
I only spoke in a manner
that was contemptuous and bold.
I'm not proud; I'm just stating the facts.
We often hear, "Beware the wrath
of a woman scorned;"
But the consequences of
a brother spurned
can be just as painful,
generative, and wrong.
Selfish, irresponsible, and uncaring;
to me, that is where he stood.
I was just too young to remember
the heydays of his fatherhood.
Blinded by partial knowledge and
the stagnant perception of a child,
A hardened heart
that would not let me see
the best of him …
also present inside of me.
My journey to this posthumous love
began when I got saved.
Forgive to be forgiven was how
this reconciliation road was to be paved.
I grew to speak with a civil tongue
and intentionally quench
the negative thoughts;
But, the desire to demonstrate any love
seemed to be forever lost.
I don't remember ever calling him "daddy"
or saying, "I love you" to his face.
But, I finally got the opportunity
thanks to the ministry of
and God's precious grace.
I learned to search out the good
and make peace
with his spirit and within myself.
I learned that harboring ill feelings
and that Love is the key above all else.
I discovered his enriching legacy
transmitted to my sister Renee and me…
his good heart, his sense of humor,
and his dancing ability.
And the one thing that I hold dearest,
my childhood desire, the greatest gift
is my younger brother William; dad's namesake
and physical image, who I met when I was 36.
To conceive this posthumous love I now experience
for my earthly father, whom gave me life;
I opened my heart and took the steps to grow
in the healing power of the resurrected Christ.
(I Corinthians 13:12) "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."
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