How I learned to love and forgive my dad after his death

Posthumous Love

(From the Testimony section on page 69 of my book On Solid Ground...)

It was long after his death,
I gave birth to this love.
For most of his life, I was distant and cold.
I only spoke in a manner
that was contemptuous and bold.
I'm not proud; I'm just stating the facts.

We often hear, "Beware the wrath
of a woman scorned;"
But the consequences of
a brother spurned
can be just as painful,
generative, and wrong.

Selfish, irresponsible, and uncaring;
to me, that is where he stood.
I was just too young to remember
the heydays of his fatherhood.

Blinded by partial knowledge and
the stagnant perception of a child,
A hardened heart
that would not let me see
the best of him …
also present inside of me.

My journey to this posthumous love
began when I got saved.
Forgive to be forgiven was how
this reconciliation road was to be paved.

I grew to speak with a civil tongue
and intentionally quench
the negative thoughts;
But, the desire to demonstrate any love
seemed to be forever lost.

I don't remember ever calling him "daddy"
or saying, "I love you" to his face.
But, I finally got the opportunity
to reconcile
thanks to the ministry of
Pastor Youngblood
and God's precious grace.

I learned to search out the good
and make peace
with his spirit and within myself.
I learned that harboring ill feelings
was self-destructive
and that Love is the key above all else.

I discovered his enriching legacy
transmitted to my sister Renee and me…
his good heart, his sense of humor,
and his dancing ability.

And the one thing that I hold dearest,
my childhood desire, the greatest gift
is my younger brother William; dad's namesake
and physical image, who I met when I was 36.

To conceive this posthumous love I now experience
for my earthly father, whom gave me life;
I opened my heart and took the steps to grow
in the healing power of the resurrected Christ.

(I Corinthians 13:12) "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."

Related hubs you may enjoy:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Expressions-Of-Rev-Johnny-Ray-Youngblood;
http://hubpages.com/hub/Healing-Grief
http://hubpages.com/hub/Divine-Relationships

Be blesses,

Jo Anne Meekins

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Comments 6 comments

Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

How beautiful this story of forgiveness is, and how forgiveness changes a person. I, too, once I forgave my father, of just not understanding him as a child, and then I was changed, a heavy burden was lifted from me. Your words are so beautiful and this hub is precious. In His Love, Faith Reaper


Inspired 4 U profile image

Inspired 4 U 4 years ago from Queens, NY Author

Thank you Faith Reaper! Forgiveness is truly liberating and healing. God's love is the key to letting go and allowing it to take place.

Blessings


ShalahChayilJOY profile image

ShalahChayilJOY 4 years ago from Billings, Montana

Inspired 4 U, It is so hard to see the goodness in others through the pain of disappointment and betrayal only because not all parents have the skill to express the love children so desperately need to grow healthy all way around.

Yet, Father Yah and Ruach Hakodesh still can 'raise us right' all over again! [I call Him Yah because to me that is His breath sustaining me and Ruach HaKodesh because gentleness lifts me up and carries me on her wings above the pits in which I once sunk smothered forgotten] Your writing inspires me Lady! Eloquent, inspired, real

WE are the canon of His word..


Inspired 4 U profile image

Inspired 4 U 4 years ago from Queens, NY Author

Wow! So beautifully expressed. Thank you so much for that. Yes He is the sustaining breath of life, who ever so gently carries us through all our experiences. He is my hope, my all in all, my everything and because He lives, I can truly face tomorrow one day at a time. God's biggest, brightest abundant blessings to you dearheart.


EuroNinila profile image

EuroNinila 4 years ago from NYC BABY

This is wonderful, I too am going through forgiveness of my father. But due to the circumstances of what he did, it's very hard, but I will pull through. Thank you for this encouraging hub!


Inspired 4 U profile image

Inspired 4 U 4 years ago from Queens, NY Author

Thank you EuroNinila. Be encouraged, pressing forward with an open heart and let God wash away the pain and heal the hurt. Forgiveness is truly for us, not for our offenders. It frees us to move forward and regain joy, and keeps us in right relationship with God. Increase your love and the forgiveness will follow. Love, Forgiveness & Gratitude are keys to success in every area of life. We will never suffer to the point of what Jesus Christ endured up to and on the cross (Thank God!) yet, His final words included, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." And we all benefit from God's unconditional love and forgiveness, so it would behoove us to do so to others. He has sufficient grace to help you through and to your desired result. Peace and love.

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