How To Call In Sick To Work

This is a...

 

We've all done it. Oh yes, you have. It's just you and me talking here...I'll keep your dirty secret. You know how it starts. One morning you wake up and it's too beautiful outside or perhaps you've only just gotten into bed and you'd rather not get out of it just yet. Haven't you earned a day off? When was the last time you called in sick? In your head you'll tick off the time, trying to remember the last excuse you had used. Did it work? Is it recyclable or do you have to come up with a new one? What possible, plausible reason can you come up with in the next half hour to wriggle out from your responsibilities? One by one, you think of a reason, tasting it...testing it...until you find one that sounds like it could work.

You pick up the phone and while it rings, you get into character so that by the time you hear the word, "Hello?"...your voice is a pathetic shadow of its former self, which is only to be expected when you are lingering in death's doorway. Yes! They bought it! You do a little snoopy dance as you imagine a whole day doing anything but work...

...and then if you are anything like me, you feel guilty for the rest of the day. But not enough to fake a miraculous recovery and go into work. That would be irrational guilt and I would recommend therapy for it.

After nearly thirty years of being a member of this nation's work force, I can say with pride that I've gotten the art of how to call in sick down to a science. And now, thanks to this week's hubmob topic, I will gladly share my expert advice with you. Trust me...these tried and true excuses work every time. Not only that, but once you have perfected the technique into the more advanced stages, you may even receive bonuses such as, but not limited to: get well cards, sympathy cards, flowers, congratulatory raises and my personal favorite, finding that somebody else took care of your work while you were out and now you have time to really screw off.

Some places expect you to call in sick once in a while. They've even made it so you don't have to actually lie as long as you use one of the familiar catch phrases. You might need a "mental health day," or you are "having a vision problem (as in...you can't see yourself going to work)." Should you be fortunate to work for such an enlightened employer, you may not ever need to employ any other method. However, while some places might seem more advanced, their idea of how many sick days you might need may be in direct opposition to your requirements. It is wise, therefore, to familiarize yourself with other excuses...just in case.

Bad Excuses

Perhaps you are a new member to the working community. In any place of employment, there is always at least one person that fumbles the ball when it comes to delivering a good excuse. They might lack the creativity, be confused into honesty or even worse, they foolishly over-embellish a story to the point that even the most gullible office worker knows it's a lie.

To illustrate my point, I give you the following examples of BAD EXCUSES:

  • Calling in drunk - Unless you are a twenty-something year old hot babe or studmuffin that the office manager is hoping to have mad copier machine sex with, don't use it. It's just not as attractive coming from any other source.
  • Calling in hung over - Even if you are a twenty-something year old hot babe or studmuffin, don't use this excuse. Hangovers bring to mind things like...oh...vomiting. Most managers find that to be a turn-off.
  • Calling in complaining of jet lag - This won't work because EVERYONE in the office hates your guts and is jealous of the fact that you actually went somewhere. They want to see you as you suffer from sleep deprivation. It serves you right for leaving them to take care of your work...
  • Sprained ankle (or other injury of a non cast requiring nature) - While on the surface this sounds like a perfectly plausible excuse, it requires serious commitment to see it through to the bitter end. Most people don't recover 100% from this sort of injury overnight and you'll be forced to limp around the office for a few days upon your return. There is also a greater risk of having your excuse exposed as a sham by a wily co-worker. Use at your own peril.
  • Death in the family - Baaaaaad excuse. For one, you are laughing in the face of fate when you use an excuse like this. How would you feel if after pretending your sweet Aunt Erma died, she suddenly keeled over? Yeah...pissed! If you'd only waited a few more days you wouldn't have had to lie! How inconsiderate of her. But beside that...in this day of rampant information, anyone can google an obituary. Not worth the karmic risk.

Iffy Excuses

After you have been seasoned by a few years of gainful employment, you learn that the aforementioned excuses just don't seem to have the desired effect. You may want to try one of the following ideas, but because they are iffy at best, try to save them only if you've run out of better excuses:

  • Car Trouble - This one is rather tricky. If you live within convenient driving distance, you have to wait until everyone is safely at work before calling in or risk the chance that some overly brown-nosing employee is only too happy to come and pick you up on the way in. Why didn't you call in earlier? You were stuck out in the middle of nowhere and didn't have cell phone service of course! Do I have to tell you EVERYTHING? Just remember, unless you plan on taking a sledgehammer to your car, the trouble is always internal. If you work for an automotive mechanic...don't even dream of trying this.
  • Pet problem - This can be as simple or as complicated as you want...and is only limited by your imagination. Fido ran out the front door while you had it open and is running amok in the neighborhood...you simply have to find him. Your cat ran out of lives and you need to take him in for a refill. Just don't abuse this excuse too much or you may arrive at work to find your co-workers have taken up a pet euthanasia collection in your name.
  • General Household Needs - This is a broad category that can cover anything from a flooded basement to waiting ten hours for the cable guy to show up. Everyone in the office can relate to life's little catastrophes and you'll garner a lot of sympathy upon your return. However, this only extends to situations that cannot be scheduled. If you are constantly working on your home during your work hours, you might find the former becoming a full time job.

The Big Four

And now, at last we come to what I like to refer to as my Big Four. These are guaranteed to get you out of work for at least a day without a ripple of repercussion. You may even get to enjoy the phenomenon of "sympathy sickness" once you have returned. Watch miraculously as your imaginary illness has ironically spread to other co-workers who have decided to take advantage of the current plague state. Don't be upset with them, you'd do the same thing in their position....

  • Conjuctivitis (Pink Eye) - This is the PERFECT getting out of work disease if there ever was one. Why? It's incredibly contagious and easily faked. You doubt the master...err...mistress? Try this...rub your eyes until they are nice and irritated...use an onion...have somebody blow smoke into your face...whatever it takes. Take a nice glob of Vaseline and smear it over your eyelashes so that it looks like ophthalmic ointment. There...instant conjunctivitis. Nobody wants to catch this...it's not pleasant...and you'll be dancing out the door as they follow behind you, disinfecting every surface that you have touched.
  • Migraine - Another easily faked and completely debilitating illness. Even if you have just a slight headache, just by scrunching up your face and going into the bathroom every few minutes to make retching noises you'll convince even the greatest cynic of your painful condition. Remember to rub your forehead frequently and insist weakly that you should stay. Nobody will even dream of your staying and you'll be ushered to freedom quickly.
  • Stomach Flu/Food Poisoning - These two go hand in hand. Your symptoms are vague...cramping, diarrhea (be explicit when describing this side effect of your illness), nausea, vomiting...perhaps a little bit dizzy. Is it stomach flu...is it food poisoning...hmmm...it could be either...maybe a bit of both. Nobody will want to take a chance and you'll be sent away to endure your misery elsewhere.
  • The Non-Specific Illness - Some mornings you just don't want to go to all the hassle of sounding sick. The best you can muster is sounding weak...and tired. Probably because you stayed up all night having fun and you really are tired. This one can be fun especially if an office-worker is truly sold on it and helps you come up with symptoms because your brain is not functioning. Of course your co-worker understands, you've been up all night...throwing up, tossing and turning with a bad leg cramp, and your ears kept incessantly ringing...forget about work, go and get some rest...you poor thing.

Expert Excuses

 

Once you have the Big Four mastered, you may want to attain the ultimate level of calling in sick with an expert excuse. These are not easy to attain. You must be inventive and yet simplistic, convincing and yet not too practiced, give details without sounding too desperate. At all costs, you must avoid anything that would send you to the doctor or lead to documentation of any kind.

Good Example of Expert Excuse:

A tree has fallen across your driveway and you are stuck until the person you have called to remove it has done so.

Bad Example of Expert Excuse:

You've just been evacuated in your pajamas because of a bomb threat.

The first is simple and could happen to anyone...even though it didn't. The second is easily checked up on and won't you be embarrassed when the reporter and cameraman shows up to find it is a hoax and plasters your face all over the 6 o'clock news. Expert excuses are best left to the professional slacker.

Of course, you can always ignore my sage advice and go with the tried and true, "my kid is sick and I have to stay home with them" or the ever popular and mysterious "female problems" if you are a woman. The first one works for a while...until the child welfare authorities show up at your doorstep when your kid is sick too often. And sadly...the latter now has some competition due to the rapid acceptance of Irritable Male Syndrome (shameless self-promotion of another one of my hubs) as a debilitating illness affecting the masculine gender. I have yet to see a man call in sick to work saying he is feeling somewhat cranky and irritable...but it could happen.

As always, if you want to clinch the deal regarding your day off, don't forget to volunteer your availability via the phone for any assistance that might be required. Just remember, should you decide to leave your home during the course of your sick day, engaging the call forwarding feature on your house phone is a wise precaution.

Good luck and have a great day off!

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Comments 85 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 4 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Roderick -

This is why I write and you read. My imagination is much better than yours. :)


RoderickQ 4 years ago

Over 30 years in the workforce and you are still making up excuses to call in sick? I imagine you still punch a time clock and your boss half your age...


plaid pages profile image

plaid pages 4 years ago from Wisconsin

I'm new to this and literally gave myself a coughing fit because I was laughing so darn hard.

You are terrific.


Benoitsmidget profile image

Benoitsmidget 4 years ago from Boston

I had a skunk spray in my house in the middle of the night. No way could I go to work, took all day to rid the house of the smell, not to mention having to give the dog a really intense scrubbing!


ergenzinger profile image

ergenzinger 4 years ago from Raleigh, NC

Hilarious! Love your writing style and wit!


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

There are no requirements to leaving a comment Mr. Smiley Face. Your facial expression gives everything away. :p


I just forwarded this to your boss 5 years ago

:)

Addendum to the simple smiley:

My comment may be rather short, but it's completely succinct and to the point. Shouldn't I be able to provide a simple two character comment, rather than having to type all this diatribe that no one's interested in?


Noble One profile image

Noble One 5 years ago from Milpitas, CA

LOL i could use this one of these days. thanks! very engaging too


lilli 5 years ago

..........


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I've met people like you...no absences in school, always at work every day...in the end they usually get a plaque or piece of paper commending their "dedication" to whatever. Sometimes it is truly dedication, sometimes it's fear that thru absence their place in the hierarchy will disappear or somebody might deem them irrelevant....sometimes it's just luck. Whatever the reason, I recommend watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off", calling in sick, dancing in the rain, eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's and behaving totally irresponsibly. Dr. Spryte's orders.


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 5 years ago from Jamaica

I am going to start practicing. I've never asked for a day off.


wreck head 5 years ago

hi people. Dont bother with excuses just tell the truth.HAHAHAHA.(Unless u plan on taking weeks off from work in total).

I rang in sick not long ago and said it was because i had drank enough booze to almost give myself a seizure the next day!!!!!!

I did apologise profusely and offerred to work the weekend to compensate.My boss can b an ahole about sickness but if you dont do it too often, ppl dont seem to mind.

Altho i wouldn't recommend telling the truth if nearly every sick day u take is due to a hangover.Will make urself look dangerously like an alcoholic.Not many bosses who would tolerate that and i wouldn't expect them too.


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Delightful article...thank you! Lol! Thanks for the laughter and the insight.


KKK 5 years ago

Yes go back makes you look more reliable and genuine


Fidab 5 years ago

had four days off work sick but wandering whether to go back in tomorrow just for one day because I know they are short staffed.


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

chirls - You are absolutely correct. Too many details will hang ya!

niki - LOL!!!! Still...I loved the "heat exhaustion" excuse...bravo!


niki 5 years ago

So this is my story. So I was working retail at the time, and did not want to go to work. I was after all at my husbands summer work pool party. Who wants to leave that. It was extremely hot outside, and the sun was beaming. So to be smart, I got my husband to call in for me with "heat exhaustion". It was perfect, the next day I am fully recovered, except a mild headache. I always have those, so it was perfect. I got into work the next day, and was is so much trouble. It turned out that I called in after my shift had ended. OOPS!


chirls profile image

chirls 5 years ago from Indiana (for now)

2 words - back pain. Always a winning excuse. Not that I would know. :P

I've heard that providing unnecessary detail can be a sign that someone's lying, so I would also suggest being reasonably vague until someone asks!


Kim Lynn profile image

Kim Lynn 5 years ago

Great list, just in case I was thinking of calling in...

Thanks!

Kim


spryte profile image

spryte 5 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Huh? Perhaps you could share your helpful tips in a format that would be more easily understood. :)


ramzan beerdeer 5 years ago

thanks alot. i haven't tried but ur tutorial is put together very well. only suggestion is make it easier to understand. u asid apply updates to cod4 then under pb said update pb then game. confuse but none the less ill fiqure it out. make the tutorial like this next time: part one: download all this stuff. part 2: start here go here then here then install this and this. pictures aer also good for noobs. thanks again


spryte profile image

spryte 6 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

I always love this time of year...this hub gets so much attention when cold & flu season rolls around! :)

Keep your excuses coming! I'm keeping a list that I can draw from just in case.


brandonfowler66 profile image

brandonfowler66 6 years ago from EveryWhere USA

For me, my excuse was always problems with the kids. Being a family man if your boss is also a family person they might show some sort of sympathy......lol


Sexy jonty profile image

Sexy jonty 7 years ago from India

That's funny .... post some more of those ........


DSKH 7 years ago

Needless to say, she switched departments recently, so she doesn't have to look at him as much anymore (LOL)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Ugh! I once had a boss like that too...such a tyrant he was until his wife became pregnant and delivered him a healthy baby boy...and then decided to go back to work herself. :) He was suddenly absent quite often and became infinitely more lenient of an occasional sick day here and there.

Sounds to me like your uptight boss is wired like "Bob." A type of guy that has the luxury of only having to think, eat and sleep work...without any of life's other complications that annoy the rest of us.

Unfortunately, there's really no getting around this guy except for just refusing to work for him. Which is what I ended up doing and the stress relief was worth the cut in pay from my new job...with normal people.

Good luck!


DSKH 7 years ago

I am with "Mr. Nice" on this one. What do you do if you have a really uptight boss who says you can only call in sick, when you call in dead?

A friend of mine tried calling in because—living in Texas—we don't know ow to drive on [black] ice, because it rarely happens here. Well her boss, being from up north, says that is no excuse, and if you call in, you'd better call in dead.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Do you get yourself something on Boss's day, MM? :)

It never hurts to suck up.


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Groan. Hate to say this, my dear Spryte, but your hub made me feel sick:-).

These excuses were hard enough to keep straight back in the day. Now I don't even bother. My new boss has my number and doesn't ever let me play hookey. Consequences of being self-employed!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

That's the problem with texting...everyone wonders if you REALLY are sick or simply using technology to facilitate your escape from the rat race. Try sending a really bad picture of you from your cellphone along with the text message. It doesn't have to be one you took that morning either....take several the morning of a really bad hang over, or have somebody wake you up after only a half hour of sleep....that should do the trick!


kea profile image

kea 7 years ago

I don't call in sick anymore...I just email in sick. It's easier! I used to use the stomach issue and sound weak on the phone, but I always felt guilty and was afraid of running into someone from work in public. Now, I just email something like "I think I have a stomach virus. I won't be in today, but I will check email a few times during the day, when I'm not throwing up". The email trick only works a couple times a year though, then they seem to get suspicious.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Hi Spryte,

How are you today? Here is another one.

~Instead of calling in sick I call in dead.~


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Hi Spryte,

Thanks for the nice feedback & I am glad you like my comment. If you want some more giggle the please visit my hub & do leave your precious thoughts.

http://hubpages.com/entertainment/FUNNY-QUOTES-N-J


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

Ha ha!!!!!! ;-)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hmmm...I wonder if a note from "Doctor Mom" would work. I've seen her on television and she seems to be VERY experienced in taking care of the wretchedly ill in her family without succumbing herself, thanks to commercial pharmaceuticals.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

At my place of business, you can call in sick 2 days in a row before having to produce a doctor's note. Not that I've ever abused it, mind you......


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

~Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.~

LOL!! I love THAT! Thanks for sharing that Mr. Nice...you gave me a great giggle for today.

As for experience...unfortunately, I'm the woefully responsible type that companies adore. Or I was....living in New England. Now, living out west and adopting some of their more laid back lifestyle, I have to say I completely agree with "mental health days."


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America

Hi Spryte,

Very interesting details how to call in sick or how people really do it. You are very creative I guess you have lots of experience. The truth, sick leave just another paid holiday majority of people use it when they really need it sick or not sick doesn't matter.

Pain is the easiest excuse, Neck pain, writer’s cramp, migraine or just headache & any thing mentioned above. For one days we didn't need any doctors note so no problem, more than one day doctors note was required that was not a problem either.

~Instead of calling in sick, call in well. Tell them how great you feel not having to go to work today.~

~The sick soon come to understand that they live in a different world from that of the well and that the two cannot communicate.~ Jessamyn West


Ms Chievous profile image

Ms Chievous 7 years ago from Wv

Ha Ha.. But my child really is sick.. cute hub


newcapo 7 years ago

These are great! May have to use a few.


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

I hope you got good gifts (esp if it happens to be from your brother). Yes we can choose our friends not our relatives...LOL

Things are just the same. I am supposed to leave tomorrow for India but the seatac airport is still not fully operational I heard. I was invited yesterday for a christmas party by a work colleague and another colleague of mine had to pick me up since I am scared to drive in so much snow. But otherwise things are ok at my end. Wishing you happy new year now in case I don't get a chance to say that later. Bye hugs to everyone too from my side.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Merry Christmas to you too sweetie! I hope your holidays are going well too and that you are recovering from all that wintry weather that plopped down on top of you. I'll be spending more time back in here come the new year...as long as I survive the next week with these crazy people I seem to be related to.... :)

Big hugs to everyone!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Spryte- Glad to see you back. I wish you Merry Christmas. Hope everything is going well at your end and having a great time. We all missed your witty comments over here.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hi country! Yeah...Mondays and Fridays are a red flag to most managers. I like to pick a Wednesday or a Thursday myself. A Wednesday breaks up the week nicely and being sick on Thursday can naturally lead to a perfect excuse for being sick on a Friday. Thanks for the comment!


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 8 years ago from Washington, USA

Good tips.... Mostly even managers figure out if one calls on fridays/mondays sick(But mostly tend to ignore it if done rarely)..LOL


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

trish - Well...can't say he's a hypocrite then. LOL! But yeah...it does make me want to cough on his keyboard. What a great example he is...and a perfect one of how to come in and spread that cold around. Yep. Smart man...heheheh!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi Spryte,

Not to keep you in suspense, but sad to say, no chicken soup.

Oh, these rules applied to him as well. He was a member for many years of the 'perfect attendance' club. They celebrated that major event with juice and muffins. Makes ya wanna come to work with pneumonia and pink eye, doesn't it?

I can only recall his being out sick one day, which just happened last week, and I've worked under him for the past 11 years. Does he get sick? Of course, but he'll come in sniffling and coughing and stay in his office most of the day. Setting an example, don't ya know!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hiya trish!

Your boss sounds like a real stinker...and obviously has no life outside of work. Err...unless the sick time hating doesn't apply to himself? That would be worse of course...

And you are right that older people should be given more credence. I'm not saying that we are less healthy than our younger counterparts and require more time off....but we are more experienced in recognizing the need to call in sick. Even more so when you are talking mother and grandmother experience. I'm thinking that whole "Dr. Mom" thing.

80 hours is a generous amount of sick time (except for when you need short term disability...but that's why it's short term disability and not sick time). I wonder why your boss has a fixation on keeping it under 57 hours per person. Does he get a special kick back for coming in under the maximum...or a pat on the head for being such a control freak? :)

Thanks for stopping by and adding your perspective to this topic. As always, a pleasure and honor to have your comment on one of my hubs!

PS - Did you bring any chicken soup with you? :)


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi Spryte,

I've found the best time to call in sick is the minute my eyes open. It is at that moment that my voice sounds really pathetic. So, no matter what I choose to say, I sound awful. I also share with you that overwhelming sense of guilt if and when I have to uhh,,stretch the truth. It just makes me mad that I sometimes have to resort to this behavior, and it's because my boss hates when people call in sick. We get 80 hours sick leave per year, on a rolling calendar. Since the company leaves it up to the manager to approve or disapprove sick time, my boss makes a point of telling us he wants to see nobody even getting close to 57 hours. It really pisses me off. I've told him numerous times, I am not a 20 year old calling in on Fridays and Mondays and coming in on Tuesday with a tan. You see, one of the things employers do is look for 'patterns'. Well, being a grandmother, I believe I know whether I'm sick or not. Not to mention, I've always brought in a doctor's note just to cover my butt. Eeeek! In January 07 I was out on short term disability for what turned out to be eight weeks. My boss was not a happy camper. Oh well!!!

Thanks for this fun hub.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Gwendymom I think your hubby might need to come down under and get educated. Spryte as long as your corn doesn't pop too early and you can keep your slurpie noise to a discrete level I don't think anyone will complain. Not me anyway?


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

I agree, people should stay home if they're sick or going to bring down the group, I had good sick leave when I was teaching school, but it was so much trouble to prepare for the substitute, I just took a lot of vit C  LOL  

I didn't take pictures. - I went straight to the Dr....got lots of shots and then had to go to bed.  that b...tchy boss deserved the shock!!!  she was always taking off...never wanting anyone else to --  she never questioned me again, but I didn't stay much longer.  grrrr   still makes me mad  -- I'm glad you've got a good company - I do too, now!!  it's very appreciated as I realize many companies from the darkside exist and shove people around.  =(


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Maybe a matinee is just a nooner with popcorn and a giant slurpie?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

I have never heard of a nooner as a matinee, but maybe I'll try that one out. My husband will probably think I want to go to the movies! Haha!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

:P Of course you were!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Hey it only took 6 hours. go figure. Don't know why your bragging I think drummer boy should be congratulated for being a gentleman. I always believed in ladies first.

Tut Tut What are you thinking.??? I'm talking about opening things. Things like doors etc.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Not to brag or anything...but usually it's me. :)

*let's you figure it out for yourself*


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Ohhhhhhhhhhh. reeaally Gwendymom is my face red?

Actually when I was ahhhhh....active as it were, they were called "matinee's"

lasted much much longer than a lunch time "quickie"

Spryte my dear I have just the thing for you and no its not a spy camera its what we in OZ call a fly swat? and you dare me to what? if its what I think it is I double dare you? Watch out drummer boy, or Mr bunny whichever comes first!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

gwendymom: I can see it now...agvulpes is going to ask swmbo for a nooner. Damn...there are just times when it would be so much fun to be a fly on the wall.

agvulpes: If you haven't already... I dare you. :)

marisue: I'm lucky to work for an enlightened office...and they rather enjoyed reading this hub (from what they've said). *waves to anyone from work reading this* We're such a small group that we had to adopt some serious "rules" about sick time. For us, its more devastating to have McGermy come into work spreading around his illness because he has too much to do. We'd rather have one person out for a day or two...simply not "feeling well" than to have two or three out because he thought he felt well enough.

I know occasionally my co-workers just aren't feeling up to work...whether it's physically or mentally...and could probably come in without infecting us with a bug....but attitude is contagious as well. If they don't want to be there...I don't want them there. If it became chronic, then I'd probably have to say something...but luckily I seem to work with a good group of grown-ups with a healthy attitude toward their jobs and a wonderful understanding that sometimes we all have "vision problems."

LOL - I did get a really good chuckle about your confrontation with the boss. I bet the look on her face was absolutely priceless! You didn't perhaps happen to take any pictures did you?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

agvulpes, it is having sex on your lunch break, or in the afternoon.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Well Spryte I will only say this:- 1)boot lickin >>I suck 2)Kissinbutt...most exellent, butt vewy vewy selective.

btw Gwendymom down under here in my liddle fox hole I don't get out much. What's a "nooner"?


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

Some years ago, I had a terrible tooth infection, almost overnight it seemed. I woke to a right cheek that was swollen to grapefruit size, my eye shut and my mouth turned outward. My boss - the job from hell - wanted me to come in anyway, she had a headache.

I got so mad, I dressed and went to work where people screamed at the sight of me. I wasn't so ticked I wasn't even embarrassed. I marched into her office and said, "If you're head ache hurts as bad as my face looks, then go home."

She was shocked to silence. Needless to say, I didn't stay at that job, that was only one way I lost respect for her, however, fake sick calls do cause employers to be suspicious.

I've always had those jobs that gave you more to get done than a small army could complete. I have to force myself to take a day off. - if you need an excuse, come up with something contagious. LOL

interesting hub spryte, you are a bit onery. thumbs up!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

You are so very welcome spryte!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

LOL! gwendymom...thanks for sharing that, you just made my Friday afternoon! :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 8 years ago from Oklahoma

I once told my boss I was taking off work half a day, he asked what for and I said it was for a nooner. I came back later that day and he asked what I was doing there, he thought I was having sex, I told him I needed batteries. He laughed and let me go!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Dottie - You definitely had the pick of the litter with that boss! But it also sounds like you had earned that well-deserved sick day too. Wish that everyone could have that type of relationship with their employers...

Heheh...it's too bad that couldn't be an interview question from the prospective employee to the potential employer... :)


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

When I worked for a company who did work for the military, I remember the long and grueling hours I had to put in.  When a particular assignment was finished I made sure I went to my boss and said "I am going to be sick tomorrow".  He never questioned me, he understood!  Not many bosses you can say that to today.  As a matter of fact, I have not found one since.  So I am grateful Spryte for your list that I am going to soon need!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Aggie dear...Of course it would be swmbo's favorite day. Boot lickin' or Butt kissin' ... the question is, are you any good at it? :)

B-Man: Funny you should bring up the "spouse calling in for you" scenario. As I was jotting notes for this hub and running it by my editor in residence (hubby) I asked him if he would ever call in for me to add authenticity to my claim. He made a face and then remembered that I had done it once for him. Actually...in that particular instance, he really was sick and we were both in the emergency room waiting for a doctor's diagnosis of his problem. I snapped a picture of him in the bed, wearing that cute little johnny, IV tube sticking out of his arm...sent it to his boss with the text "..he won't be in today." He said he still wouldn't do it for me....so ungrateful.

Hi Amanda - Yeah, that's why I feel guilty when I call in sick. I'm not self-employed but I work in a small office where all bodies are needed every day. But then again even when I am really sick...I still feel guilty. When you mentioned your kids though...I realized, I'm simply making up for my childhood. *nods* My mother was tough to impress....


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

Hi Spryte,

Like Agvulpes I'm partly self-employed, so no point in phoning myself up! And partly I work in a tiny business with just two other employees and my conscience won't allow me to throw a sickie there. It would be too mean on the other guys. My kids, on the other hand, are extremely creative with their sickies, but it's amazing how quickly they recover once I've rung the school!


Brainstormer profile image

Brainstormer 8 years ago from Australia

Sally used to get me to ring her boss when she was bungin it on. Till I told him she had thrush so bad it smelled.

Well that was the end of that.

My son on the other hand got me stop by the side of the road one day when I was real late driving him to school. When asked why he was late he replied that the car had just "stopped". Apparently it's a sin to lie to a nun.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Yes Spryte my dear in OZ we do celebrate "bosses day" its aka "Boot Lickin' Day" and it swmbo's favorite day of the year. (I cleaned that up a bit, I could have said Ass)


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spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

agvulpes: Must be even worse when you ask for a raise! What do you do for boss's day? Anything? :)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

I've been self employed for the last few years of my working life!!!!

If I lied to myself about being ill>IMS>sore foot etc. do you think I would believe that after what I've just read? Like heck I would, you've just killed it for everyone.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Ahhhh I see. You are saving up all that good work karma for when you really need it. I admire that. :)


ProCW profile image

ProCW 8 years ago from South Carolina

I've just never had the urge or the need to play the role of the boy who cried wolf, but someday I may have to. :) I hope that if I ever need to do so, the wolf doesn't have any viruses in his saliva when he bites. :)

ProCW


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Hey Proc!  What??!!! You have never called in sick when you weren't sick?  I'm appalled...you should try it some time just for the thrill of it.  :)  IMS can strike at any age...why, have you been feeling cranky lately?

Misty:  *smacks my forehead* Of course! The dreaded "family crisis"...that is a GOOD one.  Nobody wants to come across as too nosy and so it's the rare boss that will ask for details.  Thanks for bringing that one up!

pcjunkychick - That one is my husband's favorite excuse.  He works for an enlightened company and is able to telecommute.  Either way...he works, but he can hang out in his boxer shorts and drink beer at home.

Rowan - I'm hurt!  And after all that limping and whimpering in pain.  Truly you must at the very least admire my level of commitment.  And I couldn't very well have shown up for work driving myself now could I...especially if the vehicle was a standard.  Remember...it's the little details that could trip you up!  :)


rowanelayna profile image

rowanelayna 8 years ago from York, PA

I'm starting to have doubts about your hurt foot episode! Though you DID keep it bandaged up for weeks, how convenient was it that your work time changed while you "recuperated?"


pcjunkychick profile image

pcjunkychick 8 years ago from OKC

you are "having a vision problem (as in...you can't see yourself going to work)

I luv that lol great hub!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 8 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Had me in stitches laughing reading this Spryte, and it brings back so many memories of excuses I have either used myself, or heard of others doing.

1) The women's problems excuse. Works a treat when you have a male Boss as they instantly get really embarrassed and can't give you the day off quick enough.

2) The guy my Husband worked with who told his employer that his Dad was really ill, and then the next day the Dad, (who was a courier), turned up at this guy's work to deliver a package looking right as rain. When asked how he was feeling by another colleague he looked incredibly puzzled as to why he was even being asked such a question when it was obvious he was in peak health.

3) The time a group of friends and I wanted the day off to go fishing. We all phoned into our respective employers with a range of excuses from food poisoning to sickly relatives, and all five of us got away with it.

4) The time I phoned in saying I had a 'family crisis', and needed the day off. As I made it sound so personal nobody could quiz me on the nature of the crisis I was referring to, so the next day I just had to make vague noises about urgent phonecalls around the world to various relatives having solved the problem.

5) Telling my Boss in Tenerife that my Mother had been taken very ill and I needed to fly home to be with her, (really I had just been offered a free trip back to Guernsey for a week, but as I would have to leave the next day I doubted he would have been to happy about me taking time off at such short notice).


ProCW profile image

ProCW 8 years ago from South Carolina

:) Shame on me for never thinking of this stuff! :) I've never played sick, not even on stage... but if I ever need to, I'll reference this hub!!!!!!!

Am I too young to claim IMS? :)

Thumbs up, spryte! :)

ProCW


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Christoph: Thank you! I just hope my boss doesn't read it or I'll have to come up with a Big Five... :) If you have any suggestions (and I know how creative you are) please let me know. Raging toenail fungus is all I can come up with...and I'm not sure it'll work...yet.

Agvulpes: I shudder at the thought of what you are truly capable of at times. LOL!

Ajcor: A lot of rookies make the mistake of over-using a good excuse. It makes me wonder what this guy had against grandmothers though...couldn't he have tossed in a grandfather, aunt or uncle occasionally? I'm glad you liked the hub! Thank you!


ajcor profile image

ajcor 8 years ago from NSW. Australia

I remember in one of the offices I worked there was a chap who used to take the odd day off saying that his grandmother had died and maybe a couple of them had but one day his boss actually asked how many grandmothers did he have? even checked with personnel as to how many times he had used the excuse. So he was well and truly busted! great hub - shows good imaginative skills as practised over years of training!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

but not the shredder OK


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 8 years ago from St. Louis

Hi Spryte! Very funny! And practical too! I'm going to print out a copy and hang it next to my phone. A fine entertainment from beginning to end. Cheers! Great job of turning this weeks topic into a humorous hub.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA Author

Not until you remove the copier....Sir.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 8 years ago from Australia

Ah, Spryte will you PLEASE come into my office first thing tomorrow morning. There are a few things we need to discuss????

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