Twilight:How to Avoid Your Jacob

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So ladies... Are you Team Edward? Do you have your own personal Jacob annoyingly stalking you? Pinning after your love every... second... of ... every DAY?! Well here's a quick list to help you weed out the Jacobs, so you can "Find Your Edward".

May contain spoilers... But most of you already know these by now...

It's okay.. he is JUST your friend!
It's okay.. he is JUST your friend!

# 10 Label him... JUST FRIENDS!

Make sure you really hammer this home ladies. Continue to hang out with him in a friendly manner, but don't get TOO friendly or he will misconstrue what your intentions are!

# 9 Ditch him...OFTEN!

Make sure you ditch him for someone else. You can even do this right in front of him so he really gets the message, you just aren't that into him.Make sure you continue to ditch him on a regular basis. Hang out, then move on!

leave him every time!
leave him every time!

# 8 Find a creepier guy...

  Find a creepier guy who may or may not want to drink your blood. Make sure the presence of this guy REALLY ticks him off, and then go hang out with him instead. Refer to your number 9, ditch him for your blood drinker in front of him. That will really let it sink in that you aren't interested!

make him storm off anger every time!
make him storm off anger every time!

# 7 Piss him off... frequently

Make sure you go out of your way to make him blistering mad at you.... mad enough to break things and scream constantly. If you make him mad enough, he may turn into a werewolf, but that's okay... He loves you too much to really hurt you.

# 6 Stalk him when he screens your calls.

  After you have insulted him and pissed him off enough to walk away from you.. If you don't hear from him for a few days obsessively call him up. You KNOW he is just screening your calls. The point here is to keep him hooked, but not hooked enough to make you want him.

If you avoid him enough, you can mope in bed thinking about your Edward.
If you avoid him enough, you can mope in bed thinking about your Edward.

# 5 Blame him

 You want to make sure you blame him for things that aren't his fault, and things out of his control.  This will start the cycle of #7 and #6 repeating themselves nicely. 

# 4 Not the "right kind of monster"

   Make sure you let him know he isn't your type, you prefer MUCH older, pale, creepy guys who sparkle. 

It's okay... let him kiss you... You can just get pissed off after!
It's okay... let him kiss you... You can just get pissed off after!

# 3 Lead him on...

Lead him on in a situation where he thinks you like him enough for you to want him to kiss you. Then act surprised and leave in a hurry. Make sure he knows that even though this is mostly your fault, he must take all the blame for kissing you.

# 2 Tell him and his family off...

 Make sure that you disobey his wishes and his family's wishes. You don't want to him to think you respect people, ESPECIALLY not his family. They don't know what is best for you!

# 1 Give him another love interest

  The best way to really remove his interest away from you is to have someone else's child and then die. I know it sounds a tad extreme, but it's okay if you have your Edward. He will turn you into vampire so you can stay with him for the rest of your life. In turn you will no longer have a pesky Jacob following you around with his wolf brand of puppy love. His love interest will be focused on your child, which isn't weird at all, right? It must be a dog thing? You and your Edward will get to live happily ever after.

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Comments 6 comments

Dave Mathews profile image

Dave Mathews 6 years ago from NORTH YORK,ONTARIO,CANADA

As a man I thank you for pointing out these techniques. I will be on the watch for them.


SognoPiccolo profile image

SognoPiccolo 6 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio Author

lol... I think if you had a werewolf dude pinning after you, you would need more then these words to help you. lol

Sunny Robinson profile image

Sunny Robinson 6 years ago from Tennessee

Dave and Sogno, LOL.

This is hilarious. I'm surprised no Jacob or Edward fans have hit this up with comments! Ah, maybe soon.. they are rallying up!

ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 6 years ago from NE Ohio

Funny, Sogno. Very clever.

SognoPiccolo profile image

SognoPiccolo 6 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio Author

I am admittedly NOT a Twilight fan, nor have I ever been. But even though he is a "werewolf" he has decidedly better characteristics then Edward, but she is completely hopeless and sadly... a sorry excuse for a female heroine of a novel.

barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca


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