How to Give Someone a "Shame-O-Gram"
Call 1-800-SHAMELESS to Order Your "Shame-O-Gram" Today!
Do you have a friend or family member who's a chronic passer-outer? Someone that you just can't go out for drinks with because they always end up passed-out and puking? Someone who has been "86'd" from more bars and clubs than 10 obnoxious frat-boys put together? Well I'm here today to tell you about an exciting new service we're offering called the "Shame-O-Gram!" The "Shame-O-Gram" is a revolutionary new product that GAURANTEES your chronic passer-outer will never expect to go to a bar or club with you again... EVER! "Shame-O-Gram" was developed by Norweigen scientists using new, innovative psychological techniques, and is simple to use! Once you're friend or family member is passed out, simply call us at 1-800-SHAMELESS, and let us work our magic. The "Shame-O-Gram" works in just four easy steps!
- Step 1) Our team of Shaming experts will come to your passed-out friend or family member's house and get them into bed - naked.
- Step 2) We'll supply all neccesary actors and props needed for the most successful shaming EVER! Haul-away is included in our up-front pricing with no surprises.
- Step 3) We work on the passed-out friend or family member's schedule. We'll wait until the "shamee" wakes up to perform the "Shame-O-Gram" (Maximum waiting time is twelve hours - we'll call you to come check the vital signs after eight hours)
- Step 4) Wake up time! When the "shamee" wakes up, he/she will find a midget in a clown suit doing sommersaults on the foot of the bed. You heard me right - a midget in a clown suit! But wait - That's Not All! We'll also include a chain-smoking elderly woman in lingerie to place in bed with the "shamee" at no additional cost! Also, we'll throw in an angry drunk mime for the first 100 callers, absolutely free! But Wait - I'm Not Done Yet! If you call within the next 15 minutes, we'll throw the Shameless Squared and include a real donkey in a miniature cowboy hat to put in the shamee's bathroom! You heard me right - a REAL donkey!
We're so confident that "Shame-O-Gram" will make your problem drinker think twice before going out next time, that we offer a 100% return policy. Try our product worry-free for thirty full days, and if you're not completely satisfied with the results, simply call us we'll return to your house and choke you until you're blue in the face!
More by this Author
Psychological egoism is the view that humans are always motivated by rational self interest, even in what seem to be acts of altruism. This can be defined by either ethical egoism (the view that the individual should...
Let's admit it. Work can be rather... boring? It sure can! We've all suffered the doldrums of cubicle hell, but I present to you here a sure-fire list of things you can do to "liven up" your place of...