How to Say Nothing and Get Paid for It: Discussion on God; Sex; Obama; Gay Marriage; and the Smurfs

This image took less time to make than the article itself.  When you master the art of nothing you will be able to do stuff like this too.  One step at a time is all.
This image took less time to make than the article itself. When you master the art of nothing you will be able to do stuff like this too. One step at a time is all.

The first thing any would-be writer of nothingness needs to know is that you must never say anything. Nothing is everything when it comes to producing nothing. The key is to fill the page with words that lead in circles that go nowhere but round and round, always turning and just following a loop of circularity that is not oval but constantly spherical in a flat-upon-the-page sort of non-sided geometrical way. Say nothing, say it well, and say it in a high enough word count to not get penalized by search engines.  And no matter what you do, do NOT deliver what you promise up front.

Key Stuff About Keyword Stuffing

Another key element of writing nothing is to make sure that it is tedious and completely uninteresting to read. Pack keywords into it; stuff them in deeply. So, if you want to make an article about, say, “keyword stuffing,” make sure you talk about keyword stuffing and that you key in on stuffing the key words related to keyword stuffing. Don’t talk about things off topic like keys, donkeys, monkeys, blankeys, church keys or anything like that, nor should you use stuff about stuffing, as this is flakey word stuff, ingenious but bad. So, yeah, stuff keywords into any article about keyword stuffing, or, in our case, keywords about nothing.

Employ Girl Parts and Related Items

A third essential element of writing nothing but getting paid anyway is to include pictures of hawt Indian women, hawt women in general, and to use lots of talk about boobs, vaginas, sex, love, or dildos. All of these things will help your hub that says nothing contribute nothing and yet still make you some money. It’s great.

Hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Don't be shallow.
Hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don't be shallow.

Polemics: A Key Word to Stuff in Your Article

When naming your article about nothing, make sure you invoke the most tired, tedious and beat-to-death topics you possibly can. It’s best if you go with the really, really dead horses like religion and politics, but “making money online” is good too. The more you can hype up your article by promising awesome returns or eternal salvation in glowing adjectives and adverbs the better. Especially constantly use lots of amazing, awesome, descriptive adjectives and adverbs of incredible power frequently, constantly and religiously. And remember, hyperbole is the greatest thing in the world!

NO Proofreading!

No matter what you do, do NOT go back and proofread your stuff. Waisting time fixing mispellings and typoes and revizing stuff thats poorly written or edited bad will only serve to minimalize you're profits. Don't be the the one to get sucked in to the tyranny of the gramar natzis.  (You have my word that I will not go up and proofread this hub.  That is my quality guarantee).

http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Say-Nothing-and-Get-Paid-for-It-Discussion-on-God-Sex-Obama-Gay-Marraige-and-the-Smurfs

The last thing to remember is to self-promote. Once you have written nothing, you need to make sure that nothing shows up on Google right away. You don’t want nothing to go un-noticed, so make sure you share nothing with everyone. Put nothing in your signature, nothing in all your emails, even post nothing forums threads pretending to want criticism about nothing at all. It’s awesome. Even go to other sites and write about nothing and have links that point to nothing too.

And for more information, and some pictures of this incredible naked chick all covered in oil with huge boobs, check this site out:

AWESOME SITE OF NAKED WOMEN

(See how that works!)

So anyway, nothing is awesome. Write one. Write a hundred. Just do it and watch the money roll in. Or nothing.

More by this Author


Comments 98 comments

cashmere profile image

cashmere 7 years ago from India

hahaha...good way to follow your own advice!

This was pure self promoting nothing!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

What? I am innocent of all charges! :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Oh, and another excellent technique for self promotion is to reply to your own comments.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Some might suggest that this is a cheap strategy, but that criticism is nothing to me. Frankly, talking to myself in my own comments is rather like having multiple personality disorder, which is no laughing matter, and frankly, you people should be a little more sympathetic.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

I'll have to keep posting until Jewels or Lita (who are both on the forums right now) take the bait. Hooking one of them would be a great piece of evidence for the effectiveness of this particular strategy. Like comment fishing. /casts line near the reeds where he last saw Lita swimming.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Damn you man! I so wanted to learn how to make money without doing anything because that's what I was brought up to do, to never get my hands dirty or think by myself. This was the wrong hub to open as I have consumed a forty ouncer and I am digging through the cabinets for some left over drops of tequila. If only I can make some cents off of adsense I wouldn't have such problems like a shortage of beer. Oh yeah, I would be paid out, or would that be played out, I don't know. At this point, I know nuttin'. That I do know.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

It's always best to read my hubs while drinking, so, you're in good shape... sort of. The out of tequila thing is tragic and all I can do is say that I am so, so sorry. For what it's worth, I'm out of Herradura and have been for like two weeks. I'm not sure if it's sloth on my part or an evil plot to make my life miserable on the part of my wife, but, yeah. Missing tequila is just wrong. WOrk of the devil and stuff.

(/recasts line by the tree roots where Jewels just rippled the water)


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I believe the devil and my wife are sleeping together, they obtain happiness through my misery. My wife thinks nothing of using my patron for her margaritas. I tell her the jose cuervo is for her fruit punch, and yes, she mocks me as she continues to empty my patron and blend away.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Dude... Patron in a margarita? Why? It's not like she can taste the difference. Look, I'm a horrible tequila snob, and even I can drink a margarita with NO problem made from Jose. (Granted, I never do unless I end up somewhere where maragaritas are the "theme" or whatever, but, on those rare occasions, Jose is totally fine.. and I have a cultured pallet.)

/gives up on active fishing, ties a bobber to the dock and goes to bed.

Good luck on finding a bottle, GT. Worst case scenario, go to bed and dream about good booze.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I know man, she thinks its all the same, even if I show her the price tag. In the end, I think she does it to just get under my skin and if I hide my stuff, how big of an alky do I look like? Don't answer that so fast, I'm sensitive about such matters.


Leta S 7 years ago

LOL! Circular, Shades, Circular...especially that 'awesome' bit. Ever notice how LOL is the same backwards and kinda circular? Oh, and God is Dog backwards. Profound! Like the religion forum! But yeah, you put a hook in my mouth...I'm here...now, yawn, I'm going to bed. :)


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Shades - i can sincerely promise you that i have never stuffed a keyword - i know "nothing" about keywords so if I ever manage to earn some odd adsense cents it will be for nothing planned in the arbitrary sense.... and if misspellings and no proof reading of non informative hubs help me to achieve these goals - I guess so be it!... thanks for shining your light into hub darkness ...cheers


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Abolutely friggingly mind-blowingly awesome! I learnt nothing and clicked on nothing and you made nothing, no wait - you made me piss my pants laughing!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

All that high-energy fly-fishing and fancy casting, and I catch my Lita fish with a bobber tied to the dock. Go figure. Just proves that spending lots of money on fancy tackle is just buying into the capitalist conspiracy! (And lol @ lol being lol backwards. The profundity of your mind is awesome. I've got one too: "raft" is "fart" backwards. ROFL. Well, except that the "t" isn't in exactly the same place. Or the "f" isn't. Something like that. Anyway, see, I can do that too. I love when our minds are like in total synch like that.)

Hey, Ajcor. I can honestly say I've noticed nothing from you about nothing yet. But if you do ever earn some odd adsense cents from the nothing planned you have arbitrarily sensitized about, I certainly would have nothing to say against it. And my light is here to beam its beaminess wherever it is needed!

Cindyvine, thanks for nothing. Really. Those clicks mean so much to me. Deeply and at the bottom of my heart. Sorry about your pants though. Hopefully you had a roll of paper towels handy or were sitting in a catbox at the time. I mean, it seems unlikely, that last one I mean, but you never know, you know? Who am I to go around assuming people don't sit in a catbox when they are on hubpages. Maybe you're having flashbacks to your last trip to the beach? Seriously, I mean, I'm not judging. I think it's fine that you do. More power to you and your catbox sitting ways, I say!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

You bugger Shades. tongue firmly in cheek. and cheekily getting me to open your hub again by a click through. You just said what we have all been saying but dammit done it so well. A droll piece with lots of aplomb!

Shades you are still the greatest!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Thanks Sixty. It's encouragament from the likes of you that keeps me droll and aplombing. (I'm glad you appreciated my link. I was giggling the whole time I was putting that in there.)


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Well. I am in awe. I know genius when I see it.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*gets an idea*

I'm going to go back to EVERY single goddamn piece I've ever written and insert the word Shadesbreath as a tag...

:P

Ack! And now I have 15 minutes to shower and dress for work. You do this to me every time and I love you for it.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Teresa, thanks. I say that to myself every morning as I gaze starry eyed into the mirror at myself.

Spryte, go to work smelly. Maybe the boss will avoid you and you can just mess around all day


nazishnasim 7 years ago

Nothing was nothing great - nothing thumbs up from me you have.

Hope you understand that you did nothing to make me laugh like nothing raving crazy! :D


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Nazish, when it comes to my gratitude and appreciation for having left a comment, you get nothing. :P


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Again, I would like to remind people that commenting on your own hub is a shameless tactic for generating page views.


Tari profile image

Tari 7 years ago from New Zealand

I'd be brilliant at this and will make millions.. crickey, I can talk for hours about nothing!! Why oh why didn't I see the money making opportunities before?!?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Don't feel bad, Tari. Not everyone has the mastery of Web marketing and total mastery of anything resembling Online business acumen that I do. But, we each have our gifts, it's just that I got so many more gifts when it comes to the Internet techniques than most people, that, well, I cannot help but divine these little nuggets of brilliance where other's can't. It's both my gift and my curse.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 7 years ago from USA

LMAO !!!   much to do about nothing is key.

All this time I've been wrong, wrong!!! I tried to0 hard to write about something when it should have been about nothing and then I would have made it into the Hubber Hall of Flame!!! Burn, baby, burn!!!

ohmygod this said it ALL you rock, you are the American Idol of Hub-no-nuggets... King, I bow to you!!!  what is your command??


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Oh, Marisue, you can't leave me openings like that. lol.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

I'm more concerned with Shadesbreath's lack of nuggets....


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

It was cold when I wrote them, I swear! It was the cold!


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 7 years ago from USA

mmmm...hmmmm excuses, we're still at your command...you groupie...


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Whew... that's always an awkward moment to get past.


Paper Moon profile image

Paper Moon 7 years ago from In the clouds

What a title! Kudo's for that alone. :D


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

A good title is the essence of revenue!!!

(thanks :)


CC 7 years ago

A real smartass aren't you? A brain, spinal column without a body wearing spectacles. Pretty good nothingness and witty too. 'twas a great read with good tips sans Smurfs. You lived up to your nothingness well. thanks


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

LOL cc


Annoyed Smurf 7 years ago

I am writing this letter rather reluctantly, because of the failed promise of Smurf related content mentioned in the title.

I do not wish to begin an incendiary debate about Shadesbreath's rejoinders. However, Shadesbreath has recently made a few statements that I find disturbing to such a degree that I cannot remain silent. Let me get to the crux of the matter: You shouldn't let Shadesbreath intimidate you. You shouldn't let him push you around. We're the ones who are right, not Shadesbreath. For those of you out there who don't know what I'm talking about, let me give you a quick explanation: Someone has to be willing to renew those institutions of civil society—like families, schools, churches, and civic groups—that help others to see through the empty and meaningless statements uttered by him and his forces. Even if it's not polite to do so. Even if it hurts a lot of people's feelings. Even if everyone else is pretending that it's okay to impose ideology, control thought, and punish virtually any behavior he disapproves of.

If anything will free us from the shackles of Shadesbreath's sleazy hastily mounted campaigns, it's knowledge of the world as it really is. It's knowledge that the next time he decides to abuse science by using it as a mechanism of ideology, he should think to himself, cui bono?—who benefits? Although Shadesbreath obviously hates my guts (and probably yours, as well), every time Shadesbreath utters or writes a statement that supports hedonism—even indirectly—it sends a message that the sun rises just for Shadesbreath. I doubtlessly claim that we mustn't let him make such statements, partly because I have resisted taking legal action against him, as others have advised me to do, but primarily because after hearing about his intolerant attempts to mollycoddle pernicious losers, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level.

If we look beyond Shadesbreath's delusions of grandeur, we see that he frequently avers his support of democracy and his love of freedom. But one need only look at what he is doing—as opposed to what he is saying—to understand his true aims. Just think: You, of course, now need some hard evidence that you should think of this letter as a clarion call for us to do something about the continuing—make that the escalating—effort on Shadesbreath's part to subjugate persons of culture, refinement, and learning to what I call adversarial, mawkish dunderheads. Well, how about this for evidence: If we can understand what has caused the current plague of longiloquent roustabouts, I believe that we can then punish him for his bloodthirsty remonstrations. Allow me to explain. There is indeed reason to fear that unholy insurrectionists will instill a subconscious feeling of guilt in those of us who disagree with Shadesbreath's offhand remarks sooner than you think. So what's the connection between that and Shadesbreath's belief systems? The connection is that I try never to argue with him because it's clear he's not susceptible to reason.

As I noted at the beginning of this letter, Shadesbreath says he's going to replace Robert's Rules of Order with "facilitated consensus building" at all important meetings in the immediate years ahead. Is he out of his mind? The answer is fairly obvious when you consider that he will give hopeless curmudgeons far more credibility than they deserve because he possesses a hatred that defies all logic and understanding, that cannot be quantified or reasoned away, and that savagely possesses what I call unenlightened beggars with besotted and uncontrollable rage. If I recall correctly, he would not hesitate to make serious dialogue difficult or impossible if he felt he could benefit from doing so.

While Shadesbreath insists that it is damnable to question his complaints, reality dictates otherwise. Actually, if you want a real dose of reality, look at how if you were to ask Shadesbreath, he'd say that he doesn't remember plaguing our minds. Not only does Shadesbreath unmistakably have a very selective memory, but the ultimate aim of his pleas is to restructure society as a pyramid with Shadesbreath at the top, Shadesbreath's accomplices directly underneath, scabrous scum beneath them, and the rest of at the bottom. This new societal structure will enable Shadesbreath to make today's oppressiveness look like grade-school work compared to what he has planned for the future, which makes me realize that he sometimes has trouble convincing people that he is a bearer and agent of the Creator's purpose. When he has such trouble, he usually trots out a few piteous, licentious tricksters to constate authoritatively that Shadesbreath has his moral compass in tact. Whether or not that trick of his works, it's still the case that if I have a bias, it is only against bilious sewer rats who inflict more death and destruction than Genghis Khan's hordes. Let me close by reminding you that the statements I made about Shadesbreath in this letter are in earnest. I will not equivocate. I will not excuse. I will not retreat a single inch. And I will be heard.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Thanks CC.

Annoyed Smurf, not only did you say nothing there, you even did nothing to say nothing. Excellent work employing a nothing-device to say nothing. Fine, fine use of technology. I commend you.

/wave @ Cindyvine


Annoyed Smurf 7 years ago

@ Shadesbreath

I've always said you were smart :-)

P.S. Check out the link in my url. (They say every bit helps)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Hahaha, awesome link. What a tremendous piece of writing you have linked to with that. You have exquisite taste in Internet literature. lol


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

I love talking about nothing. It is the only thing I know anything about. ~Oscar Wilde


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 7 years ago from USA

well, shade, you should feel good for bringing all the readers out of the woodwork...you did it by saying all that we wanted but couldn't because after all, it was nothing...it just wouldn't come out, yet you managed so beautifully to capture, the something of nothing!!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

MindField, Oscar Wilde is a personal all time favorite when it comes to great minds and wit. That guy did hilarious better than just about anyone in the universe. I have always had this little fantasy about how awesomely hilarious it would be to watch him and Mark Twain get in a rip argument. How fricking fun would it be to sit on the sidelines of that debate, crack a beer and just laugh your ass off. /sigh. Anyway, great quote, fits perfectly. It makes me giddy to think that something I wrote could make anyone think of that dude even in the most microscopic way.

Howdy Marisue, nice to see you again. I'm glad readers are coming out of the woodwork. I know that me and many, many others don't write this crap in a vacuum, so, yeah. I'm glad people are coming out. Still not going to hit publish on anything that matters till the dust storm blows over, but I think you're right that people are sort of waking up like out of this weird zombie dream thing as they realize the concept was beyond reason.


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

I'm just as jazzed that you mentioned Mark Twain. My business card uses his quotation: "The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug."

One of the reasons I retain a belief in heaven is to witness the sort of witty repartee you imagine: Oscar (Wilde and Levant), Mark Twain, George Carlin, Abe Lincoln - any night and every night at Celestial Comedy Central. And front row seats for all.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Hah, can you imagine! I think Carlin would get destroyed by the likes of Wilde, Twain, Churchill, Shakespeare, Franklin and Voltaire, but, sure be fun to place bets and find out.


pgrundy 7 years ago

I knew two sentences in that you yourself were Annoyed Smurf, Mr. Breath, because I have NEVER seen a troll who can write like that. Which only puts me more in awe of you.

I'm sick of this hundred hubs in 30 days already (I think I wrote 22 so far) and I'm not getting rich and I have nothing much left to say--but now, thanks to your excellent hub, I see I don't need to say anything! What a relief!

I'll bet it was hard for you to put all those spelling errors in your text. I'll bet that was the hardest part.

God, I'm glad you are back. It wasn't the same here without you.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

@Pam You have a way of saying things in such a great succint precise way.

Shades you have invented Neo Nihilism! So I have nothing more to say except .....nothing nada niks nil blankety blank!


Annoyed Smurf 7 years ago

@ Pam

Madam. How DARE you imply that I am Shadesbreath. He would NEVER stoop so low as to use a sock puppet in one of his posts.

But you're right about the quality of the writing. I regard it as one of my better minor works. :-)

Just move along now everyone.

Nothing to see here.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Yes, Pam, as much as I love the compliment, that was not me.   Actually that A. Smurf post is, as he has confessed, a "sock puppet."  I believe its from a letter generator or something of that nature that people use for writing complaints to companies or something of that sort.  It DOES cobble together some lines from very awesome writters, however, so to be assumed the source of some of the quotes is a high compliment for sure, and while I think you should continue to be in awe of me, do it for my nearly almost rock-hard abs instead. 

(And yes, I have to say, it was tough to do some of those spelling things.  My personal favorite is "minimalize you're," I was quite pleased with that. lol. )


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

I agree, SB, that Carlin would be at a distinct disadvantage in that vaunted crowd but it seemed only fair to include someone recently passed over. It is not that Carlin doesn't have a quick mind and clever wit - it is his inability to draw upon the breadth and depth of education (much of it autodidactic) that the others can plumb.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Yeah, I spent some time thinking about your comment last night, wondering who from today really would be able to handle that crowd. I bet there is someone, someone you and I both know of from somewhere around the world, but the thing is, those other names have the advantage of having survived the filter of time. Too much noise going on right now in our day to really hear the geniuses. We'll probably never know what light is really shining brightest right now, the glare of everyone else is drowning them out.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

Yes.. I was disappointed too because I came here for the Smurf reference. It's hard to find good Smurf material these days.

Of course the scary thing is I think I am writing a nothing hub right now and may post it soon.. Probably doesn't have any keywords at all.

Good work-- except for the lack of Smurf.


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

another good hub Thnaks


Ellandriel profile image

Ellandriel 7 years ago from Portugal

Awesome. laughed a lot, talking about nothing a lot is sure fun!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Rochelle, you can always just go back and stuff them in. That's the upside of writing a nothing hub, it doesn't matter if it's readable or whatever. I mean, if your hub is about hamsters, and you have a sentence that reads: "Ask your vet or local pet store professional what the best source of nutrients for your pet is." Just stuff it full of key words like this: "Ask your hamster vet or hamster local pet store hamster what hamster the hamster best source of hamster nutrients hamster for your hamster pet is hamster."

See how easy that is? Sorry about the Smurf thing, but technically, to talk about Smurfs would have been something, not nothing.

Lgali, thanks. :)

Ellandriel, glad you laughed, thanks for the comment too. (And Willow kicks ass. Val Kilmer's best role imo. - that based on the assumption that your name is taken from the movie. If not, well, it's still a good movie. lol)


Ellandriel profile image

Ellandriel 7 years ago from Portugal

Lol Ellandriel is the name of my cattery... But I like the name of the Midle Earth lands....


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Well, I do too. But I still say, despite beer induced whatever, that cat icon combined with the name struck a Willow chord in me and reminded me of the good sorceress that was trapped on an island in the form of a... like... marmoset (sp?) or some cool, pointy-faced, possum like critter. :D


sulumits retsambew 7 years ago

Well. I am in awe. I know genius when I see it


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

It's like there's an echo in here.


dineane profile image

dineane 7 years ago from North Carolina

LMAO - love it, Shades, especially your tags & ebay capsule :-)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Thanks. And I'm glad you noticed those. I try not to miss opportunities for humor, even in the small places and shady corners.


funnebone profile image

funnebone 7 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

"boobs, vaginas, sex, love, or dildos" the keys to my survival!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Mine to, although I admit I would exchange dildos for beer to make the list perfect.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

You told me you were going to publish nothing during the challenge to produce 100 pieces of nothing in 30 days and that's what you did.  I just popped in to read some of your old stuff, so forget I was here.  That laughter you heard was nothing...squirrels in the attic probably, but it couldn't have been me cause i wasn't here and I won't be here until after the challenge, so you didn't see me, not here, not there, not anywhere.

P.S.  The link does not work.  I got an awesome site of naked women which was something, and it was supposed to be nothing, ergo, it does not work.  Except that I wasn't here to tell you that so forget about it.  I guess I'm going to have to not start publishing something too, so thanks a lot!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

DONT DO IT... don't post anything good on my account. This was written in 20 minutes, after god knows how many beers in a spate of ... whatever that spatey stuff is that happens to me sometimes when I'm annoyed and semi-inebriated. I'm still holding on to the good one (or the one I think is good that will probably bomb, but oh well).


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Genius as ever Shades, I never thought 'nothing' could be so funny and so interesting :)


wittywriter profile image

wittywriter 7 years ago from Concord New Hampshire

You are a hub genius. I learned nothing, you made no sense and you misspelled. All that you intended and more. LOL!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Nothing is interesting Misty, that's what I always say.  I care deeply about nothing and so I put my effort into just that. (Where you been anyway, stranger?)

Witty: Then my job here is done. :D (Thanks, btw, very kind of you to overstate my merits and swell my already bloated sense of self.  It is fun to abuse the language from time to time, that's for sure.)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Sorry I haven't been around much lately, but I have a large (and I do mean 'large') vegetable allotment this year and have been battling with the weeds for anything up to 6 hours a day. So far the weeds are winning :) Anyway, I hope to be online more when the weather is bad and I can't garden, and of course in the Winter it will be much easier.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

I say nothing to you and you respond with nothing! Ha you think I missed that. Not on your life. You, you writer of nothing! LOL


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Nothing comes from nothing and nothing ever will.

(Anybody remember what that's from?)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Misty, dude, that sounds horrible Put in concrete and you won't get weeds. That's serious labor, and sounds like excercise to boot. I can't imagine a worse combination short of being boiled in oil or dragged through broken glass by a team of Clydesdales.

LOL Sixty, I was waiting for you on that one. Sheesh.

MindField, Sound of Music via Parmenides. (Google, not me).


MindField profile image

MindField 7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Yep. Apologies to those who love it, but in my opinion the worst song Rodgers and Hammerstein ever wrote - by far. Nevertheless, it fit the theme here. What or who is Parmenides in relationship to this?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Awww Shades, the veg just wouldn't be the same marinated in concrete :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

My wife loves that kind of music, me, not so much. And he's and ancient contemporary of Socrates who did a lot of philosophizing about nothing, from which that song may (or may not) have gotten it's origins. But the lyrics seem to echo his words pretty closely. Maybe an asumption on my part. I do that a lot, but it's so much fun.

True, they wouldn't taste the same, but they'd sure be less work. :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, but rather crunchy to say the least!!!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

MMmmmMMmm... concrete salad. My favorite.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

From nothing comes a concrete relationship.

BTW appropro of nothing, I hate crunchy peanut butter. I wonder why? A great friend of mine loves crunchy peanut butter and so does his dentist!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Dude, crunchy peanutbutter was invented by Satan to make regular, godfearing peanutbutter seem wimpy when really it's not. Who else would put little pieces of gravel and broken glass into one of nature's most yummy creamy delights? (Yes, I am crediting nature with peanutbutter, who gonna say sumthin'?)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Absolutely I agree. An elephant sitting on an uprooted peanut bush would have ensured that the first organic, natural peanut butter came into being! Smooth of course.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Damn straight.  Then some pagans from England came along, and their priestess got some of it on her, which nobody noticed till they got to the beach.  Her boyfriend saw it and licked it off her, and is credited with being the first person to have ever tasted a peanutbutter sand witch. The rest is history.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 7 years ago from California Gold Country

Nothing you never write is not very interesting, which especially includes this which is not very nothing and very interesting. I like all of it. Hope I didn't get no double negatives misplaced.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Nothing is never interesting if it is not not written well.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Is this hub a naysay or by it's very nothingness a gain say?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Yes, it is. lol


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Okay, well, ahem. I'm 4 weeks late obviously. I sort of clocked out during the challenge and now I'm finding gems. Sorry about that chief.....better late than never.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Hahah, yeah, the challenge was a real killer for those of us who come here for pleasure ala reading/writing fun. I've been digging up nuggets too. I will say, I found some awesome older stuff too as I poked around.


Karen Banes profile image

Karen Banes 7 years ago from Canada

Can't believe I've only just found this... Very funny. I wonder if I go and google "nothing" if it will bring me back here!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

I don't know, Karen. There's an awful lot of nothing vieing for those top spots on Google.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 7 years ago from Lost in America

I realize this is a bit late, but I don't suppose it matters. I can go on forever and never say nothing important, well, unless someone is listening and finds value to something I have said that means nothing to me. I'm hoping though that if someone has read this far they'll learn that two words spelled frontwards and backwards actually have a name! Yes, they do, it's called "palindrome" that's what they are, yep, no kidding, just go ahead and look it up, or just take my word for it. Cos you never know it might be really true!

This is one reason my God is spelled Dog, because she thinks she a God and she's a Dog, but the Dog is head of the household cos she's God and we do not want God unhappy cos it makes for an unhappy household, and we can't have that so we keep our God happy, honest to Dog!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

LOL, Katharella, it's never too late to inject fun into the fun. I think I may have found value in the something you said that means nothing to you here... or else I didn't find value in something that means nothing and found value in something that does or does not instead. It's hard to say. As for your dog god or god dog, depending on ordering and which modifies what and how much emphasis is put on either when spoken aloud, I can only say, yes, I probably agree that you are or are not on to something there.


h.a.borcich profile image

h.a.borcich 6 years ago

:) Looking at hubs from before my time can be very entertaining! Holly


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

I agree. I keep discovering people that have been here for years too. Not only is their old stuff from hubbers we know, there's old hubbers that somehow fly under the radar too.

Some of Christoph Reilly's old stuff and B.T. Evilpants old stuff is absolutely classic. Just not the kind of stuff that searches, so it's just brilliant comedy gathering dust in the HP basement.

Glad you popped by. :)


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Very clever and highly compelling Shadesbreath. I have nothing else to say except that I believe nothingness is closer to godliness than cleanliness or smurfs.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

There is nothing I can say about nothing being closer to godliness or cleanliness or smurfs. To say otherwise would be something, wouldn't it?


Jule Romans profile image

Jule Romans 6 years ago from United States

hee!


wingedcentaur profile image

wingedcentaur 6 years ago from That Great Primordial Smash UP of This and That Which Gave Rise To All Beings and All Things!

Good Evening Shadesbreath

Now, you wouldn't have any particular hubbers in mind, would you? Hmmmmm.

Anyway, I've noticed discussion recently of at least two of the points you raised here. The hubber known as Jaggedfrost asked in the Q&A: Is there a point to hubbers posting all the questions that are ill-conceived at best? He went on to say that he hadn't been aware hubbers were so hungry for accolades that they resorted to spamming questions and so forth.

I thanked him, saying that I hadn't wanted to be the first one to raise the matter. People are posting dozens of question a week, at least. They can't possbily want to know all those thing. People are asking the most taseless, crude, and intimate questions as well. Rather shocking blurring of boundaries!

In the hub exchange a fellow said that he was thankful to the HubPages editors for cracking down on questionable content - this goes to your point about folks turning their Hubzines into model/whore photo layouts.

One hubber said it was starting to look like a soft porn site around here. We're trying to set a good example on the Internet as to what quality content is all about. And on a coldly practical level, such sludge hurts us all, keeping traffic down as well as revenues, I should think.

Anyway, another satirical masterpiece. Well done, Shadesbreath!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Hey Wingedcentaur, great to see you. I really enjoy your comments on hubs. It's fun when people really engage, makes the effort truly worth it, far more than a $100 check every X-number of months does.

As for having anyone in particular in mind... I plead innocent... however, there's so much of it now that you can throw a rock in the dark and hit one of them and even get a second on the rebound. Maybe a third gets nicked with the roll off.

Funny thing about the whore hubs. I could never understand why anyone would bother, since HP penalizes them to a degree, and they are poo-pooed. But, so I had this little rant about Coors Light labels and the blue thing when they are cold. I found a picture of these hot chicks painted like coors light bottles. I get so many page views off of that because of that picture. It was meant to be a joke, and there it is. Just goes to show you that reading Sartre and any of the rest is not going to pull clicks like to tarts in body paint.

No wonder education is dying and the ability to focus long enough to process a novel is going the way of the ability to speak Latin.

(sigh)

Cheers.


Karen Wodke profile image

Karen Wodke 5 years ago from Midwest

I think there is a particular skill involved in saying nothing, and using many descriptive words to do it.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

I've got lots of practice saying nothing. I've tried saying something and earned nothing, so I figured out that I can earn just as much saying nothing.

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