How to Spot a Zombie.

A Common American Zombie.

Source

Astro Zombies.

Zombies in the United States of America

Zombie spotting is becoming an essential activity here in the United States of America, and the Zombie Crisis is gaining momentum, and we're rocketing towards the foretold Zombie Apocalypse. It's my hopes here today, fellow Americans, to help you to spot the Zombies that Walk Amongst Us, so as to help you to better be able to protect yourself from the Undead Flesh Eaters.

The eyes have always been known to be the windows to the soul, and Zombies famously have no souls, and thus, they have a thousand yard stare. You can spot that quite easily, as the drones drive, walk, or bus to work; and they often work in hives, where assimilation by the Zombie Borg is more easily established. The Zombie virus, you know, doesn't always hit it's tertiary stage so quickly. Often daily reinforcement by Zombie assimilation drones is the only thing that can coax those of us most adapted to be resistant to the virus into tertiary Zombie assimilation.

Rob Zombie, Zombie N' Chief.

Buy Amazing Bullshit About Zombies On Amazon.com!!!

Common Types of Zombie

Though there are as many variety of Zombie as there are of, say, cats, or dogs; Zombies can be classified by the type of Zombie jargon that they consistently spew. It's my wish and intent here to help you to not only identify, but to classify the Zombies that you encounter, so as to better avoid them, and remain human.

!. Christian Zombie : The Christian Zombie is very common, they go to church every Sunday, but have never read the text of their holy book, and don't know what any of that stuff means at all. Christian Zombies are unfamiliar, and incapable of understanding "complex" literary forms or ideas, such as the following: allegory, metaphor, simile; etc. Christian Zombies are easily identified in the larger world by the thousand yard stare, and the inability to read texts in context, or with any sort of philological perspective, they are often known to point into Bibles and say repeatedly,

"Look, it says it right here in the Bible!"

Though the Christian Zombie constantly claims to be concerned for our souls, it has none of it's own, and this can be proven by the fact that the creatures claim that if you are not also a Christian Zombie, that you will be going to hell when you die. These types of Zombies spend inordinate amounts of time on the world wide web, but they are easily spotted there. This dangerous type of un dead Zombie is mostly dangerous because it has the ability to vote, though doesn't have the ability to think.

2.The Atheist or Agnostic Zombie. Despite the obvious irony, ZNA testing has conclusively proven that the closest genetic cousin to the Christian Zombie is the Atheist and Agnostic Zombie. These Zombies are slightly more clever, but not always; they often merely substitute the Bible, for books by Christopher Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, and Sam Harris; their speech patterns are often recognizable by their endless chants, such as:

"There Is No God, There Is No God, There IS No God."

What is deceptive about this type of Zombie is that they well know the meanings of words like simile, metaphor, allegory, etc; but they often don't seem to know one while looking at a King James Bible. You could smack them over the head with those things, and it wouldn't help, they are Zombies, for crying out loud; but don't try the smack over the head and Bible thing, Zombies are dangerous, and the Zombie virus is contagious.

3. Media Zombies : Media Zombies are a wide ranging species of Zombie, they sometimes absorb newspapers to feed their illness, and sometimes they just watch television for inordinate lengths of time. Now, that might all sound harmless, but these Zombies promote the Zombie lifestyle, and effect us all. They are often either completely intoxicated with the newest flavour of the week boy bands, or lip synching female model pretending to be an artist. Others are obsessed with their chosen political party; never realizing that the game is all rigged, and that anything coming from a politician is intrinsically Zombie fodder from the start. These types of Zombies are forever drinking teas and cool aide; nobody really knows what for.

Media Zombies can sometimes be heard saying things like,

"Dude, Glenn Beck ROCKED tonight!"

or

"President Obama is the Greatest President EVER!"

4. Materialism Zombie: The Materialism Zombie is closely related to the media Zombie, it's really a sub species of the Media Zombie; but it's so common a type now that I've listed it as a species of it's own. Materialism Zombies are forever worried about the latest fashions, and forever trying to out do their neighbours, family, and friends in terms of largest house, fanciest vehicle, so forth, and so on. This Zombie might be the most deadly, or have the most corrosive effect on our human society, as that money could have been spent on something useful, or to even, heaven forbid, help out a human in need.

Materialism Zombies can be identified with some of the following phrases

"Dude, have you seen my new I____?" Referring to the latest Steve Jobs gadget,

and

"Dude, I traded in my H2 for a smaller H3; It's all about the environment, man!"

5. Patriot Zombies: The Patriot Zombie is a close relative of all the Zombie species and sub - species listed above. Patriot Zombies are exceedingly dangerous, as they foster the completely false notion that United States Foreign Policy, as seen by the assassinations and disposals of democratically elected leaders by Patriot Zombies trained at the School of the Americas. and in South America, and over seas is a good thing for American Humans, while in reality, it only helps ensure the profits of the American Corporate Zombie Hordes. Patriot Zombies allowed George W. Bush to criminally enact the criminal Patriot Act in America, to the detriment and subjugation of all American Humans. Patriot Zombies are universally illiterate, and have not a clue as to what the word "Patriot" actually means. They are often fans of Toby Keith, and universally hate the Dixie Chicks. They can often be identified by the following phrases

"Dude, Hugo Chavez Is Out To Get Us!"

and

"I'm So Much Safer Now That We Got Rid Of Saddam Hussein."

These types of Zombies typically work for the Central Intelligence Agency, F.E.M.A., and the Department of Homeland Zombie Security.

Survival Skills For Zombie Outbreaks.

The Truth about Zombies.

What To Do If Your Loved One Has Become A Zombie.

If your loved one has been hit by the Zombie virus, and is in tertiary viral stage, then your loved one, will always carry the Zombie virus, and should not reproduce. There is a way to bring your loved one back close to humankind, though, and this corresponds with the latent viral stage. Your loved one, the Zombie, can not exist in the presence of reality, reason, logic, spirituality, kindness, helpfulness, respect, Love, and some other things that I. . . .I. . . .I might be coming down with it too.

Somebody Help Me!

~WTS~



When Zombies Collide.

More by this Author


Comments 72 comments

Mark Upshaw profile image

Mark Upshaw 5 years ago from Long Beach, CA

Funny. Too bad the all truth is relative to stage/level of consciousness.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thanks Mark; if I weren't zombie virus positive(the test came back), I'd probably understand what you're talking about.


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

We have got a few like that over here as well. I think the zombie virus is very catching.

Thank you for a brilliant piece of satire.

Your article is going some way to restore, my once fading belief, in intelligence in human kind.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey Christopheranton, thanks for the compliment! I swear, I wasn't even drinking when I created this thing. I don't really understand what vibe causes this sort of hub. . . .but it happens.

Do you think that people in the U.K. watch less television than Americans??


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Yo brotherman!!! Son! You are brilliant! I just posted the link to this on facebook. But- I could do that with every one of your hubs! And yes, I danced on your buttons! God bless you!


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Wesman.

I would guess they watch around the same amount.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey Micky Dee, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure that I'm half as brilliant as you are kind though.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Christopheranton, sorry if it was a dumb question; but I've never been to Europe, and I've always wanted to go very badly. I've also always had ideas that Western European nations were just all around smarter, wiser, places with more intelligent people than here.

I hope I'm not disappointed when and if I ever get there. I don't know how the U.K. and Ireland could really have benefited from such close associations with us here in the U.S. in the last thirty years though, in fact, I sort of think our policies here couldn't be nothing but toxic to the rest of the world.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

Wesman, this is fukking brilliant. We have a running joke about zombies at the high risk civilian contractor (mercenary in PC) school I have trained with, I gotta send a few this way. Thanks, 50


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

You sir, (50 Caliber) are very kind. I'm glad that folks seem to be liking this, I was hesitant to publish it, as people just look at me funny when I do stuff like this, but of course, those are zombies to begin with. . . .

Hey, I'd love to know more about the mercenary school! I wasn't ever even a soldier, but I damn near enlisted twice. Guess I'll just have to accept the regrets at this point, or re classify those thoughts as something else.

I went to a gun store yesterday while I was out with a guy that I was doing some electrical work for, and man, I'm not a gun nut; but I am a sucker for great pieces of equipment and tools; and that is really what a gun is, of course; I fell in love with a few military rifles up there.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

Wesman, you too can train at those schools for different levels, like civilian concealed carry, all the way to "High Risk Civilian Contractor" in political correct speak. I've trained with the young guys they make an old guy look bad, but often my treacherous mind beats them in a gun fight, using "simunition" that will make you think you've been shot, wearing face shields and unfortunately no face shooting allowed as it is my favorite, 2 to the face move two to the chest move assess then empty your magazine in your area of choice assuring 1 liar stands up in court,Ha!

These two I'm about to drop have a lot of been there, done that, got the t shirt, and some who are in stan and Iraq with their lap tops, much to be learned and their bullshit tolerance is zero, so you won't run up on 16 year olds pretending 'cuz the ban button is used at the first sign of bull, especially at GOTX, read their disclaimer on the front page. A ton of how to from those who do. You can learn to take and save lives as well in these schools, how to stop Zombies.

http://getoffthex.com/groupee/?s=817104881&cdra=Y

http://www.suarezinternationalstore.com/aboutus.as...

Dusty


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey Dusty, I knew that was your name; but I wasn't sure that it would be cool for me to call you by your name; but I will now.

Sir, I have an idea that those links are going to be FULL of awesome information. Thanks very much for leaving them for me. I want to get into survivalist stuff, bow hunting, and firearms. I also would benefit tremendously from an EMT certification, if I'm allowed to even have one, having had chemical arrests in the past.


50 Caliber profile image

50 Caliber 5 years ago from Arizona

Wesman, both sites are companies I've trained with. "Get off the X" has a section called "disaster preparedness" and the moderator is a cool guy who knows his stuff, I trained in winter survival at their facility as well as fighting pistol, shotgun, rifle and medical classes. You get the hands on how to with the medical classes and a certificate, piss on a license unless you intend to do it for a living. Just knowing what to do or not to do is key to a disaster response. Like the shooting in Tucson, how many died because no one knew how to stop the bleeding while waiting for 911 response? I wasn't there but if I was the medical gear would have been in my jeep, you never know when you'll run upon a place like a car wreck that you can make a difference, the same with a gun, a person there could have stopped that kid dead if they had their gun like every responsible person should and know how to use it.

Check it out there is a ton of good stuff to just read up on. I've trained with both companies and they are good to go. Even after 8 in the Marine Corps, new stuff comes along all the time, dust


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Todd, I'm here to cosign to the above comments. You're fuckin' brilliant and crazy and like I've said before, I like that!! Now I gotta' go look up what "tertiary" means :-D Killer hub man!! Peace!! Tom


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thanks Dusty, you'll probably wind up seeing a hub come out of those links; and a link to your profile as my source.

Hey Tom, thanks! Last time I did something like this, it got unpublished by staff. . . .because I used a tag "evil white people, " in reference to myself and my older sister, they said it was "hate speech." So you see, Tom, it's not cool here to even joke about being evil, and not liking yourself. So now I wonder, if I slap myself, would that be a hate crime? After all, I did call myself an "evil white person," and clearly, I'd have to hate myself to slap myself. Call the police!!!!!!!!!!!


Tracy Savage profile image

Tracy Savage 5 years ago

Dawkins Zombie? I refudiate the existence of such a creature. As for media and Bible Zombies...I say aim fr the head and run before they bite you! Grrrarrrgggh!


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Unpublished? Congratulations on being politically incorrect. I need to come up with something that will get me unpublished. I've got some pretty radical shit from a group called "The Last Poets" that just might do it. I'm sure not many people would get it but it would for sure stir up shit! Keep doin' it man! Tom


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey Tracy, what was that guy's name, Steven something? A.A./DAWKINS ZOMBIE! arghhhhh ~choke/spit~ grahgrrrr! I had to just drop that conversation, he started insulting my intelligence. . . .well, he might have been onto something there, but. . . .still.

Hey Tom, I put that former hub on blogger, I might delete it from there, and put it back here, just for shits and giggles! I've found that you can't say "nigga," even though that is accepted slang without the negative connotation associated with the word that it was derived from, and you can't say "rape" even if you're talking about a crime, etc; those things kick google ads off instantly.


DoItForHer 5 years ago

This may be your best write done to date. If you have a chance to submit this in a contest, you would be a contender. Writer's Digest and others offer contests with different topics; maybe this Hub would work for one of those.

If you decide to submit, you need to let us know how it works out.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thanks Willie, you know I almost scrapped this one, thinking that folks would just look at it and go "what the fuck?"

I was half way expecting comments that would embarrass me. Like I was telling Tom, last time I did something like this it got unpublished by Hubpages staff. They've got contests here all of the time, but I've never checked into any of them. I might have to do that, but I assumed(maybe in err) that they just found shit, or other hubbers found a hub, and said, "what about this one?"

I guess I'm just being shy.


DoItForHer 5 years ago

It's a bugger to objectively evaluate your own work. A lot of times you just have to put stuff out there with most of it being mediocre and some of it being bad before you eventually come out with a real gem.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey, Let me show you my favourite two that I doubt you've seen. . . ..some folks liked them, but they are my favourites, other than the one about Rahne(acid_rahne); who everybody knows I'm fruitloopy over:

http://hubpages.com/hub/Monsanto-and-their-Crimina...

that one above is my most successful thing ever, almost 4,000 page views so far.

http://hubpages.com/hub/What-a-REAL-Patriot-Will-N...

I think my favourite hub of my own is the one above, and it's not scored very high at all.


rich_hayles profile image

rich_hayles 5 years ago

Fantastic hub, best one ive read so far tonight.

Im quite sure my girlfriend falls under one of the categories...shame we won't be able to reproduce and have our own little zombie fiend crawling round. Cheers for the excuse anyway, I was running out of ways to say no to children but with this I have an iron clad excuse.

Brilliant read once again and I really look forward to more of your work.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey rich_hayles; you just got a new fan!


Springboard profile image

Springboard 5 years ago from Wisconsin

I used to not believe in zombies much. After reading about them here I am certain they truly do exist. Scary indeed. I'm shuttering my doors and windows.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Jim, we just need you to discover which Zombie repellent works best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Reb 5 years ago

Freaking brilliant work, Mr. Shaw. One of your best, hands down.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

THANK YOU REB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Acid Rahne profile image

Acid Rahne 5 years ago

Todd, I cannot believe how awesome this was. I'm sorry, but it really was one of your best pieces ever. And sitting here I can honestly say I wish I had written it!!!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thank you very much, BEAUTIFUL LADY!!!!!!!!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

You are brilliant and I had such a great time reading this hub. I must admit I was concerned that I would be reading about dead zombie-like monsters but this was much better.

Pushed all the buttons possible here:)


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thanks so much, Minnetonka Twin, you got yourself a new follower.


Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 5 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

OMG, that was awesomme! Loved every bit of it! Ha ha! I am recovering from Zombie status (I think) and the experience is a bit jarring. Sometimes, you must admit -- it sounds appealing to just be one of the masses for a while instead of being one of the few humans left. Meep Meep!

I heartily dance on the buttons below as well. And highly suggest a hub on recovering from Zombie Status...yeah, that would be good. :)


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thanks Elefanza. . . . .but I'm getting worse even, the doctor's prognosis is. . . . .not so good. . .. :-p


Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 5 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

No! You have to fight it! There's only so many of us that are still human! And you'll hate the recovery period if you ever come back! Fight!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

. . . . I. . . .I. . . .glenn beck is almost on!!!. . . .and I want a new iphone!!!!!!!!!!!


Elefanza profile image

Elefanza 5 years ago from Somewhere in My Brain

hahaha....all i want for christmas is better dentures! please, can't I have the latests upgrade? pretty please?


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

I just wanna make my first google check on hubpages. . . .so maybe I can buy a better used desktop computer. . .and write more hubs. . .. .:-p


Evelyn Anne 5 years ago

Congratulations on such a thought provoking, successful hub! Your writing is great and comes from an intelligent, witty mind! Keep up the great work!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Thank you, Mrs. E. A., I hope the medications I'm taking hold out a while longer.


KC Santiago profile image

KC Santiago 5 years ago from Texas

I would suggest you get better than a bolt action though. Rapid fire of a semi or full auto will be appreciated when you have a zombie mob to deal with, and it is my understanding they tend to hunt in packs.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

I think the guy across the street has the right idea - he's got automatic defense rifles ("assault rifle" is propaganda ). . . and at least one helicopter. I think he used to have two.

I need a defense rifle and a helicopter, damnit!


KC Santiago profile image

KC Santiago 5 years ago from Texas

In the event of a Zombie Apocolypse I think all bets are off and you can legally steal your neighbors.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

I totally agree! I'll download helicopter flying instructions right away!


RowanRiver profile image

RowanRiver 5 years ago

Very funny, Todd. Also, a little depressing...one of the mechanics of delivering the virus of zombieism is the ongoing inculcation by practice of what I call "logoism," in which straightforward but perhaps a little complex concepts are reduced to the bare minimum, such that it is nearly impossible to do things like: extrapolate, consider ramifications, or worst of all, apply what you've learned to your own personal landscape of hopes, beliefs, behaviors and agenda. Folks want everything in a nutshell so they can note it, laugh a little, point a few fingers, and then move on to the next empty pre-constructed bandwagon. Of course, part of the problem is that simply making an honest mistake in this world is practically considered anathema--people really fear it. Folks think it's impossible to make a mistake and be a good person at the same time.

Love, faith, compassion, mercy, forgiveness... wisdom...

Imagine.

T


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

This is why I'm convinced that I'm positive for the Zombie virus, Ms. River -cause I'm as guilty as all the rest. . .of hitting that horrendous "Like" button, and even worse - signing "feel good" petitions and thinking that I've done something positive in the world.

Have I?

It's really hard to say - would it be morally wrong for me to NOT sign a petition asking the government to send aid to starving persons in Somalia? I think it would - so I sign all the petitions. Does it actually do a bit of good?

Hell if I know.


RowanRiver profile image

RowanRiver 5 years ago

Well, the short answer, of course, is common sense--which itself I note is under attack even among the "intelligentsia"--I've witnessed harangues on the net which argue that there is no such thing.

Of course there is, or we humans wouldn't be able to interact at all.

There are a number of precepts that can be used as part of the Arsenal of Common Sense, but since this is a comment on your hub and not my own personal blog, I'll just mention one rather informal (and culturally specific) example:

When I was attending a class in political sociology back in the olden college days, there was one simple question our instructor said it was good to ask about any particular issue and its presentation, and that question is "Who benefits and who loses?" Asking that question (and researching it perforce) is gonna give you a lot of interesting information, as I'm sure you can see for yourself. A lot of information and other questions can be extrapolated from it, as well, although again, the question presupposes the existence of an adversarial/competitive/predatory social milieu.

Other more general precepts are ordinary things like "don't throw the baby out with the bath." A folkism? Mayhap. Under the geis of babies and bathwater, probably a good idea not to categorically dismiss folkisms or folk wisdom as practice--despite our technological and scientifically enlightened age.

Todd, you can only do the best you can, eh? Especially in a world in which information is a commodity and a weapon at the same time. I tear my hair about what horrendous precedents I'm setting in motion via my own ignorance, fallibility and faulty memory, too--but on the other hand, I recognize that it's not all on me, and that the process of making the world a better place is exactly that--a process. It ain't gonna happen POOF just like that, execution won't be flawless--and not everyone is gonna make it. But don't let that slow you down, because if you do--if we hold out for an impossible ideal of perfection--NO one is gonna make it...


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Hey Thanks, Ms River!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes - "Who wins? Who Loses?" Is a priceless way to examine things. Sadly, I don't think many people see the problems that I see - most folks just seem to see and say "that's just the way it is."

What sickens me the most is how people TRUST our government - there's nothing less trustworthy anywhere in the world!

Worse still - PEOPLE TRUST THE MEDIA!!!!!!!!!!

The media, I'm certain truly is the fourth and unofficial wing of our criminal government. I hate everything coming out of the media. I already know who wins - and EVERYONE BUT THE GLOBAL ELITE LOSES.


RowanRiver profile image

RowanRiver 5 years ago

Well, actually it's worse than you think--the global elite will lose eventually, too, beans how they're all dependent on having a large pool of non-elites by which their elitism is defined, not only in terms of metaphysics, but on a pragmatic level as well.

But cheer up! There are a LOT of us non-elites, and quite a number are actively working to shift the momentum to a more sustainable direction/pace/focus. Yer one of them, of course (welcome to an elite group! LOL!). For instance, I like the way you're able to entwine moral perspectives with stuff that's just plain interesting for its own sake in the articles you write. Of course, that could just be my twisty sense of humor that recognizes a kindred spirit--but I highly doubt I'm the only one who appreciates your efforts. And if ya piss off a few folks standing in the shadows, so much the better: gives them something to think about, and that may bear fruit down the road.

Too, people don't trust the media near as much as they used to, and I find that encouraging. Granted there is layer after layer to be disinterred on any topic, but folks are getting an increasing amount of practice at reading between, behind, over, above, below, and catty corner to the lines.

Trite as it may sound, Rome wasn't built in a day, nor did it fall apart all in an afternoon. And in any case, what can we do in the meantime but put our shoulder to the wheel where and when we can, and don't forget that life is ALSO about living, not just about fighting the enemy--so IF a moment comes your way when you can simply relax, jump on it without shame. Seriously.

:D


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Well, I got this new old guitar -and the old old guitar (which is my treasure) to play. I'm just sort of forever creating web articles.

I DEFINITELY try to throw as many moral/political/scientific ZINGERS into things as is possible. I suppose that I've left them out of the guitar specific product articles - but I'm sort of into doing some little biographies as well ~devious grins ensure~

I'm working on one - but I had to file DMCA complaints this morning for stolen (word for word) material this morning that sort of slowed me down a bit.

Oh well, got to visit with my brother and his beautiful wife last night - which is nearly always very exciting for me.


RowanRiver profile image

RowanRiver 5 years ago

Someone stole your material? Hahahaha! The sincerest form of flattery, granted the paperwork is STILL a pain in the ass...

What happened?

Yeah, I think I'm going to somehow contrive a campfire, a guitar, some tequila, and a few friends (on da beach mebbe) before the end of the summer if I can manage it...no better thing (that you can talk about in public, anyway). ;)


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

LOL!

Yeah - everything on this one dude's site was stolen from hubpages. MY "King Snake" article, however, was their top article and on their front page!!! I didn't know about it - someone showed it to me.

I'm told that my complaint WILL get it taken down in a day to a week's time though.

My brother and his wife flew to L.A. this morning - but yo beaches gotz COLD water!

I'm EFFING going to Oregon and Washington State some day - I got to. You like in and around some of the prettiest stuff on the planet.


RowanRiver profile image

RowanRiver 5 years ago

Yep. We even have VINYARDS! And microbreweries...and hot air balloons...trees, lakes, rivers, ponds, sloughs, mountains, waterfalls (lots), ferns, wild huckleberries, hot springs, birds, bees, etc...lemme know! Lol!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

I'm . . . going to have to create more webpages first it seems. . . LOTS more webpages :=\


The Taco Tagger profile image

The Taco Tagger 5 years ago

I think the #1 way to prevent the zombie disease from spreading is to go to a college and grab a degree in English like I did. I know what all of those words mean AND can think critically while still maintaining whatever religious belief I want. Good Hub.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

TACO TAGGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so heart that pseudonym!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, the average vocabulary of folks in this current and present reality is surely shrinking.

What are we going to do about it?


KC Santiago profile image

KC Santiago 5 years ago from Texas

I wuld highly recommend Oregon. It would be a dream come ture if we could be back there by Christmas.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Well KC, I do hope your dreams come true! I'd love to visit all of that area, and on up to Vancouver. If I could just stay between San Fran and Vancouver - I doubt I'd much wanna come to Texas except to visit.


The Taco Tagger profile image

The Taco Tagger 5 years ago

Thanks! Uh, I think the only thing we can do to those people that have a terrible vocabulary is ... shoot them in the head. If I'm not mistaken that's the only way you can make them stay dead :P


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

LOL! Yes, they are Zombies - after all. . .


MamaNeedsJava profile image

MamaNeedsJava 5 years ago from Undisclosed

Great zombie work. The categories are helpful and the inclusion of the Cranberries proves you've done the historical research on the topic.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

HEY THANKS MamaNeedsJava!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really didn't expect that you'd bother to find and read mine! THANK YOU!


leroy64 profile image

leroy64 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

Todd,

How did I miss this hub? This was great.


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

It's pretty old Leroy! It had got to where whenever I'd try to publish something like this - Hubpages staff would instantly "unpublish" it - so I almost trashed this one, it's not popular with Google or anything, but the people that know me the best all seem to like it!

Thank You!


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada

The Survivor Skills for a Zombie Outbreak cannot be viewed in Canada. I guess we're doomed ... rofl

And yes, castrating all zombies would be a great idea, just so they cannot pass-on the virus. On a more serious note, I do think people should have to pass some sort of test before being allowed to have children. There are way too many donkeys running around and multiplying like rabbits.

Fun post! Thanks for writing it, cheers!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 4 years ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

THANKS MR. HAPPY!!!!

I had fun writing this, and almost trashed it as I was sure the moderators here would give me hell for the thing. They seemed to at the time go after everything I'd published as being inappropriate one way or another.

Glad I went for it. They seem to have "chilled out" some since then.....hopefully.

Gotta pass a test to drive a car - but anyone can go and create a new human, ain't that fucked up?

I'm not into eugenics, but I'm not into dumbasses putting a burden on everyone else either. What to do?


ptosis profile image

ptosis 9 months ago from Arizona

I call Meth/crack addicts Zombies because they have no frontal lobe - the part that give humans a social cooperation with each other. I too wrote a zombie hub on how to make money in the coming zombie apocalypse by lobotomizing zombies into obedient puppies that are then to be used as slaves working in dangerous jobs without healthcare or litigation. http://hub.me/aakHL


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 8 months ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

well, I'm a 20 year and more meth user. I can agree I'm kinda slow though :)

I think the herd mentality is where the zombie thing comes in - people say, ' oh look, others are doing this,' or on the internet, facebook is where I always see it, 'oh look, others like this, so I like it too!'


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 8 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Awwwww, Wesman....this old hub is worth a million bucks if only for the exchange between you & our precious late "Dusty." What a sweet old man he was. I have some hubs he commented on that are special to me for that reason!..............Effer


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 8 months ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Yeah, I'm leery about deleting anything he commented on; but he commented on all the old ones that weren't any better than blog posts.

On the upside, anyone can rewrite anything and all the comments are still there, even if the old content is gone.

I had personal messages from him, and a lot of them - but on AOL mail, if you're gone for a year, and then log in, all that history is now gone like the wind, it doesn't exist.

His page is still here though, and probably will be so long as this place exists, so there's that for the bit of future. There may as well be no future though, really, as nothing in the way of 'tomorrows' is ever promised to anyone, of course.


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 8 months ago from Toronto, Canada

Hey, was thinking of You yesterday. Wish all is good on your end!

And may Mr. Dusty rest in peace too, I just read the comments here. Time flies ...


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 8 months ago from Kaufman, Texas Author

Definitely. Seems like I was 30 yesterday, and today I'm 42. All I did was blink, aaaaaand it's gone!

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