How to be a Real Man – Are you Awesome Enough?
How to be a Real Man
In our world today it’s hard to find real men. If you’re a guy and you don’t feel like your acting man enough don’t worry, you have come to the right place. I am going to share some tips on how to be a real man. You will learn not only how to be a man, but how to be completely awesome too. After reading this you will be comfortable knowing that you are more awesome than any man you see out on the street. To be a real man all you have to do is follow the steps below. Welcome to manhood ladies!
While driving be sure to speed and cut off as many people as you can. Real men don’t drive slow. When you stop somewhere and there is loose gravel on the ground you should always peel out. Doing so let’s everyone around know how awesome you are and you can feel good knowing you impressed the women nearby.
While listening to music you should have the volume cranked up to the max whether you are in your house or car. If you are in your house and your neighbors can’t hear each line through their walls, it isn’t loud enough. When you are in your car you have to make sure it can be heard two blocks up the street. Doing so will let everyone know that you like to rock out and you have exceptional taste in music. Be sure to add details, spoilers, and large rims to your car no matter what kind of car you drive. This is a sign of your masculinity. You know what they say about a guy with a big rims and spoilers…..
You have to pick a fight with any guy smaller than you or who has a woman that you think is cute. Be sure to use names like you did in elementary school. There is nothing wrong with it really, you look tough and you are sure to impress everyone around you. Also don’t be afraid to kick someone when they are down (figuratively and literally) you don’t need them getting back up and ruining your fun.
First of all, Bro is the best way to refer to your friends and anyone else you meet. This shows how well you get along with the other awesome guys. Bro codes are real and you must stick to them no matter what. If you don’t know what they are exactly don’t worry because nobody does. Just take a pen and paper and just start writing down rules for guys to follow. This way only you and the other awesome guys know what they are. It’s like a secret amongst you and your Bro’s.
When you wear jewelry make sure it is large and you refer to it as “bling”. This tells everyone it was expensive and you will be the man that others dream of being. Wearing rings on each finger is fine too, because they come in handy in a fight. You will leave your mark on the other guy and he will have a constant reminder that he is not awesome.
Make sure every other word that you say is a curse word. This is how men speak to each other about work, sports, and women. If you don’t do this then the other guys will think you are a sissy and not awesome. You should curse very loud also, because you need everyone to know how many curse words you know. You have to be prepared if another guy wants to learn how to be a real man like you while you are out.
Every real man needs a really cool looking pair of sunglasses. If they are expensive be sure to point it out- that is great conversation starter. When you are not wearing them on your face, make sure you wear them upside down and on the back of your head. This is a symbol for everyone to see that you are cool and not a “poser”. If you don’t want to wear them on the back of your head, clip them on the back of your collar for easy access when you're ready to go back out into the sun.
Make sure you brag about what you have and how much of it. If you don’t have a lot that’s fine, just make up whatever you like. Stories of how much weight you once lifted and your heroism are sure to win over any woman. It doesn’t matter how absurd it is, as long as you sound awesome while telling your story. Be sure to keep your stories straight, and if you bring a girl home and none of your stuff is there, just simply explain how you've been robbed.
Remember that men do not show emotions, no matter what. Your feelings are hurt? Suck it up and drink a beer. Your woman dumped you? Well, first she isn’t awesome enough to be with you then right? Second, push your pain down until your stomach feels like someone has taken a power drill to it. This is normal so don’t worry. After you suck up the pain, drink more beer because real men live on beer.
As men we are in constant competition with other men. If you come across a guy that is somehow at your level you have to one up him. He has a Corvette? You have a Porsche. He can break a board with his hand? You can break a concrete block with your head. What happens if he breaks a board and brings out a concrete block for you? Simply explain how you have a phone call to answer and walk away as if you are talking. Then make way for your car (with details, rims, and spoilers) and drive off quickly. If confronted explain how the gas pedal became stuck and you couldn’t stop until you were home.
Yes real men do travel with boards and concrete blocks in their cars. This is just in case we get into a one up contest with another guy.