How to go to the toilet

Well I bet how to go to the toilet is an original hub!

Inspired by some great writers here and elsewhere to write what I want. Let us see how far that gets me, he he.

Well just so it does not get booted for non related content. Here is some information on exactly how you go to the toilet.


Now if you really want to get in to toilets then go to France. They aparrently have toilets that are just holes in the ground, or so I was told in High school. But that is all together a seperate hub.


In the Western world the toilet is a porcelain bowl that is plumbed in to remove your Urine and faeces, by using gallons of drinkable ( yes amazingly crazy) water. I do not advise drinking it AFTER doing your ablutions however.


Now for people who have never been to the UK and visited the apparently middle classes, there is something next to the toilet that can confuse and look quite like the toilet. Porcelain and white, and all rounded just like a toilet bowl.

Whatever you do, do not defecate in this however. You may get away with urinating in one, but defecate and you have well s£$t it! You will find your ablution sat there with no where to go and nothing to flush. But why? You were told that if you went in to a bathroom there would be a bowl that you say on to do your business.

What you will have just done, apart from a massive poo, is embarassed yourself an a Bidet. The toilet is usually sat next to the Bidet and has a kind of shower attachment.


So what is a Bidet for? Well, a Bidet is to um, er, well...wash your bum, your crack, your um buttocks!!! Us common people just make sure we do not make that much of a mess and use a bit of toilet paper however.

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Comments 53 comments

Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 3 years ago from UK Author

I think we have all done that, haha.


eugbug profile image

eugbug 3 years ago from Ireland

....or you could wash your feet in the bidet. At least that's what my sister did years ago when on holiday and saw one for the first time!


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 4 years ago from UK Author

Thank you Ardie. I really need to write a couple more "just for fun" articles, they keep motivation alive.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 4 years ago from UK Author

You obviously have one of either my problems or my traits. One is to be left alone and I will find peace ANYWHERE, inc the toilet. The other is kids, so the only place you can kind of get peace is the toilet.


Ardie profile image

Ardie 4 years ago from Neverland

Hilarious! How have I not read your Hubs before? Really - common people and their TP hahah!!


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

the toilet is responsible for well over half of my novel reading :-)


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 4 years ago from UK Author

He he, so you hold my same humour. Thank you for getting it.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

ha ha... very funny. when I was in high school, i started a cult that worshiped the toilet.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 4 years ago from UK Author

I am so grateful for porcelain, hehe.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 4 years ago from UK Author

Thank you, I hope you enjoyed the dry wit.x


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

VERY funny and interesting. I have been to turkey where it is a hole in the ground and it stinks UGH!!..

voted up

Debbie


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Entertaining write!


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

I'm disappointed that the at has to use kitty litter. I thought it had learned to go in a regular bowl. Voting this Up and Interesting.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Nothing at all up with the French. I just remember the faces on my aged 11 year old peers, after going on a trip to France to find toilets that were not as they were use to.

I purposely made this hub because of its oddity and the faux pas of talking about toilets. I am glad you enjoyed reading this.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

I was reasonably sure that I had these details nailed down prior to hitting the hub (as it were) ...so...what's up with the French? I liked this...very odd.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Thank you kindly for your compliment Mr Roychoudhury. Thank you for reading one of my more unusual hubs. I look forward to reading your writing also.


H P Roychoudhury profile image

H P Roychoudhury 5 years ago from Guwahati, India

I am glad to see that you have made an article interesting even writing with "Toilet". I am well coming your fan request.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Suramya, I am glad that I made you laugh my friend. If I cheered someone up then I am happy.

Epigramman, You are very welcome on my hubs anytime with those kind of compliments. And I am now rather jealous that you are watching a full moon over lake Erie. Unless that was a pun and it is a different kind of full moon?


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

....greatest 'going to the toilet' hub of all time and believe me I've read thousands of them ..... but this one is different .....because it has you!!!!!!!

lake erie time ontario canada 11:03pm with glorious full moon over the lake and warm wishes to you


Suramya.K 5 years ago

This is worth a +1... LOLz!


TheDailyMessenger profile image

TheDailyMessenger 5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

To Ddraigcoch,

Truer words, and even I have learned quite a bit from blogging and meeting new people. Thats just the way things are, with everything in fact. experiance is the key, that is what i have learned anyways.

TDM


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Thank you Sueswan. Ironically I think this is my best performing hub at the moment.

TDM, it is a strange world when this hub does better about toilets than some of my serious hubs. That is the way of the world, and I am learning all the way.


TheDailyMessenger profile image

TheDailyMessenger 5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

Ddraigcoch,

oh o.k, well then I am glad you enjoyed writing about a toilet. Even though it was interesting and kinda comical, it had interesting facts and alot of info, in a strange way. Kinda of a T.M.I but, sometimes the strangest things have lots of info. keep up the good work.

TDM


Sueswan 5 years ago

I vote up and awesome for a most original hub.

Never used a bidet. I read that there are even ones that have built in dryers.


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Good for you, there is way to much..uh crap on here. Be careful though they might ban you and I know you'd miss that .39 :-P


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Someone on my feed stated that there was so much crap on Hubpages that you could probably write about toilets.

Also some great writers here are being censored, not for bad language or attacks. They are being censored because they do not conform to a certain type of opinion.

This is a tongue in cheek honorary page to them. To show them support and show they are indeed right. x


TheDailyMessenger profile image

TheDailyMessenger 5 years ago from Las Vegas, NV

To Ddraigcoch,

very interesting blog, what made you all of a sudden write about toilets?

TDM


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

It would be great if people could train their cats to poo in something other than gardens. I dearly love cats but could cry when they try and poo in my garden, as I grow vegetables.

I have learnt planting leeks and onions stops them harmlessly enough.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 5 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Pretty funny! I would be interested in trying a bidet. I love the pic of the cat. I have actually been considering toilet-training my cats. I don't think the bidet would work with them, though...haha!


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Totally clean....well mostly :-P


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Hope you get my tongue in cheek reason for this hub also justtom?!

Potty humor is funny. Hope I crack you up in a clean way? ( get it?lol).


justom profile image

justom 5 years ago from 41042

Haaaa! I love potty humor but I ain't gettin' into it here. I live in the U.S. but have been to Europe and find that bidet a much nicer way to finish the business :-P You crack me up (oops... I did go there :-P) Peace!! Tom


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Same here Real. I have 3 girls and a baby boy. We only have two toilets, but it doesn't matter, they all fight to use the same one.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Well this gave me a good morning chuckle! I do have 3 girls - and one porcelain throne for each of them so toilet humor is big at my house:) I loved this hub! Ha!


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Cheers Joe.x

Deni. You have toilets to wash your ass for you. Because its so much effort to get up, move to the left or right 30 cms, and sit on a bidet? ha ha, love it!!


Deni Edwards profile image

Deni Edwards 5 years ago from california

Well, I've never heard of a bidet...thanks for the info.

Here in the states we now have toilets with, well, I suppose built-in bidets. These are pricey, too--some of them run into the tens of thousands of dollars believe it or not.

Good one!


Joe Cook profile image

Joe Cook 5 years ago from UK

flipping incredible photo - catastic.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Serious, I would not worry. Most people in the UK have no idea what they are for either. Glad to help he he.


seriousnuts profile image

seriousnuts 5 years ago from Philippines

Haha, interesting information. I've never been to UK, so I've never used a bidet. Now I know the purpose of that contraption. Thanks to your hub, I will be saved from future embarrassments.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Jeannie. Sssh don't be telling people I am tasteful, I am not, I protest!! :D.

If I had a Bidet my kids would probably think it was a mini bath for the dogs.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Writeronline. Oh you have me laughing out loud, literally, my children are looking at me like I am a freak.

Your whole comment just outdid my whole hub. But what an honor off a fellow writer such as yourself.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

He he. I was going to Josh. Just didn't know what HP would let me get away with x


.josh. profile image

.josh. 5 years ago

Appreciate the heads-up, Ddraigcoch. Perhaps in a subsequent hub, you can provide a detailed guide on exactly how to use the contraption :)

Quite original, good hub.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

I have never had the pleasure of using a bidet. They are not common in the U.S. at all. We can only watch television shows and dream of having our own bidets. I've heard they are quite nice.

P.S. Nice photo with the cat on the toilet. That is a tasteful way to include a good toilet photo.


writeronline 5 years ago

Nice work. And very instructive.

Re the Bidet confusion, as a member of the gentler sex (watch Panda root that word out, sorry..), I suppose you wouldn't be familiar with the standard plumbing technology / methodology of the Urinal. You will be, in just a minute :)

Basically there's a long drain, with a grate above it, that you stand on, facing a stainless steel wall, that you urinate on. Simple.

More recently, (getting back to the Bidet, bear with me)upper class men's rooms have been istalled with individual, stand-alone wall-mounted urinals which are "Porcelain and white, and all rounded just like a toilet bowl". Plenty of room for confusion there, although I must admit I've never actually seen an errant turd loitering in one. However, they are an extremely handy format for those drunken occasions when the Guiness and the kebab are demanding instant evacuation, and all the stalls are occupied. Technicolor yawn, here we come!

Who could envy the poor toilet cleaners of the world?


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Sammyfiction. I agree but hey I am meeting new people and others are getting my British toilet humor.xx


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

That is an interesting fact Barbara. Isn't it strange how we can even find useful facts in the toilet. Shows we have true creativity to know these things, don't you think?

What do you think if I extended this hub in to a fact finding mission for different parts of the world?


sammyfiction profile image

sammyfiction 5 years ago from Australia

Bum wash! Yuck!

Original hub? most definately.

Good work


Barbara Kay profile image

Barbara Kay 5 years ago from USA

I've heard that Europeans think we are disgusting because we use toilet paper and not a bidet.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

Glad you found some use for it Mark. The hub, not the Bidet with toenail clippings.xx


Mark Ewbie profile image

Mark Ewbie 5 years ago from Euroland

Funny, and useful bidet info. We have a bidet. To my knowledge it has never been used, apart from occasionally collecting toenail clippings. Why do we have one? Because it's not a 'proper' bathroom suite without a bidet, that you never use.


Ddraigcoch profile image

Ddraigcoch 5 years ago from UK Author

He he thank you. I thought I would inject a large dose of irony and humor in to HP. I want to see just how well or bad something like this ( useless) does.


lostwithinmyself 5 years ago

Very interesting ! x

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