Hunting Down the "Bitch in the Box"

This is what my GPS looked like BEFORE I tossed her out the car window.
This is what my GPS looked like BEFORE I tossed her out the car window.
The sales of valium went up considerably upon the invention of GPS's.
The sales of valium went up considerably upon the invention of GPS's.

You Can't Trust the "Bitch in the Box"

When I lived in Las Vegas for a short time, I didn't know my way around very well, so I had to rely on a GPS to get me where I was going, but I am telling you right now that the "bitch in the box" was crazy and if I ever find out who she is...well, let's just say that it won't be safe for her to come near me when she goes on vacation.

Once, I was going from North Las Vegas to South Las Vegas (which is a long darn way) so I simply plugged in the addresses and headed out, but you would have thought I was the crazy one because I threatened that bitch at least 50 times on that one trip.

"Right turn ahead," she said, so I take the first right turn I see. But no, because once I took that first right turn, she said "turn around when possible."

"Turn around when possible? What the heck is that all about? You're the one who told me to take a right turn ahead!" She was so embarrassed that she wouldn't even answer.

So, I turned around and gave her the benefit of the doubt.

"In 800 yards" she said, "stay left then stay left". What the hell does THAT mean? She had already starting talking to me like I was stupid, or something. "I've got it, lady! You want me to stay in the left lane!" I screamed, but she remained as cool as a cucumber and again didn't even bother to answer.

"In 400 yards, take the exit right, then take the motorway!"

"Say what? What the heck is a motorway? Dang, lady, I was born in Pine Bluff, Arkansas, do I LOOK like I know what a motorway is? Besides that, didn't you just tell me to stay in the left lane? I don't know where you were raised, but in Pine Bluff it is more than slightly illegal to make a right turn from the left lane. Lady, you are going to get me killed!"

It took me about two hours to get from one side of Las Vegas to the other, but I finally made it, no thanks to the bitch in the box. About one-half a mile from the address, she said, "You have reached your destination." But I know she is lying because I'm supposed to go to an apartment building and am sitting at a red light in front of a Shell Oil station. Not only is she aggravating and confused, she LIES BIG TIME!!! With no help from her, I got to my destination and was sitting in front of the apartment where I was supposed to be, and she said: "Turn around when possible."

You might say that was the straw that broke the camel's back, as I threw that bitch out the window and pulled out my map.

This pretty much says it all.
This pretty much says it all.

Yes, This is Just How I Feel!

And Then There's This!!

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Comments 2 comments

Odie Langley 4 years ago

I got a tomtom once and on the way home it wanted me to turn left in a cotton field. I sold the thing and got me a Garmin. It isn't perfect but it does a lot better at getting me where I need to go.

Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 5 years ago from California Gold Country

I know someone who talks to his GPS, too. It's alright though, because he argues with it instead of with me. (Some people actually think it is a real person.) I don't know about yours, but ours has more than one voice-- if you get tired of it telling you, you can change it to a different voice. You should try that before tossing it.

Mine seems to have different terminology. It doesn't use the word "motorway". I don't think it tells you to go back, it just says "recalculating", then it politely gives you an alternate route.

Yours IS definately funnier than mine ... which can be maddening.

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