I Am Abuse- A Poem

I Am Abuse

I cannot admit my true feelings, feel like I am weak

Can't you see how it's like to be me?

Lingering here in a time

Where I don't belong coming up with stupid rhymes?

You won't understand unless you're in my mind

The pain I feel constantly all the time.

The scars that form a time line on my pale skin

The lack of confidence, I'll never win.

Can't you ever understand where I am?

No, you'll never understand.

Unless you read my thoughts and know what I've been through

Then you'll know that it's not you.

It's this illness that makes me insane

Lost in this disdain.

This agony, this misery, this pain.

Can't you hear my cries?

Cries of help that I need inside?

I've attempted suicide

I've harmed my own self inside and outside.

And all you think of are lies.

That I am just using it as an excuse

That according to you

I can control

But deep inside my gruesome soul

I have no where to go

And I fall to my knees

Wanting you to just see

That there is no control here

There is only fear.

In my life fear is all I know, abuse is my life.

You say it's the past to get over it and stop the cries.

How dare you say that? You've been here yourself haven't you?

Now I can't go on in life feeling this sad, this blue.

Wish you would have listened to my cries.

Otherwise I wouldn't have tried to commit suicide.

Thankfully there are those that actually do care about me

And placed their caring arms around me

Telling me don't I see

There are other things in life for me?

Other people there to save my life from this agony.

Friends and other family besides you.

My own mother. Wish you could have been there to see

My own agony.

Because of you.

I am abuse.

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Comments 9 comments

writer20 profile image

writer20 5 years ago from Southern Nevada

Hopefully this isn't about you, please.

It's a great poem but really said. If this is you, you have all your followers feeling for you.

Cresentmoon2007 profile image

Cresentmoon2007 5 years ago from Caledonia, MI Author

This is about me... and thank you.

jabbo1 profile image

jabbo1 5 years ago from Iowa

Grateful you are here :-)

Cresentmoon2007 profile image

Cresentmoon2007 5 years ago from Caledonia, MI Author

thank you jabbo

suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 5 years ago from Taos, NM

What a poignant poem! There is a lot in life in store for you that is beautiful and good. I guess all you can do is take one day at a time and you will move forward. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward and I believe you will survive this.

Someday, because it may be too soon for you now, try to forgive your abuser. Not for your abuser's good, but for YOUR good. If you can someday forgive, it will release YOU from the horrible memories and fear. I did not say forget. Unfortunately, you probably won't forget. But, get it out in your writing as you have been. I think that is the best therapy for you.

I hope someday you are able to come to terms with this abuse. Try not to let it hold you back from doing something you really want to do. I wish I could give you a "big bear hug" so I am sending you a "hub hug" at this moment, and always know that you have someone on hub pages who cares!

Voted up! keep writing! I enjoy your hubs!

Cresentmoon2007 profile image

Cresentmoon2007 5 years ago from Caledonia, MI Author

Thank you for your hug. And I am currently working on being able to one day forgive him, although I know that right now that will not be possible. I do know that someday I will be able to.

Ask_DJ_Lyons profile image

Ask_DJ_Lyons 5 years ago from Mosheim, Tennessee

To CresentMoon2007,

My heart goes out to you. I am so very sorry for what you have had to endure. You are correct that no one can really imagine what you have had to go through; however, I think you will find that Hubpages is made up of a very caring community. I too, like the former commenter, would like to give you a great big verbal hug. I will say a prayer for you that God will give you peace and a feeling of release from your pain, so that someday, you can see that there is life beyond this pain.

When I was going through Breast Cancer, it was indeed a challenge. It was thrilling to have it affirmed for me that there is indeed life beyond breast cancer.

Pray this in the right direction. What I mean by this is to try to cling to the fact that life can get better and will. You are older and stronger - no longer subject to abuse. Or at least, I hope that is the case. Walk, one step at a time, to a life of freedom. There is an old saying that states, "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time." Sure, it is unlikely you can get over this all at once. But can you reach out to others in pain and try to help them? Can you find something that brings you joy and involve yourself with that? Can you find those golden moments in the day where you no longer view yourself as ABUSE but view yourself as a person working her way toward freedom?

I am not trying to tell you what to do. I am merely making some suggestions that may or may not prove to be helpful. I welcome you to hubpages. I also invite you to choose freedom over pain - one step at a time. God bless you!

Best wishes to you,

Debbie aka DJ Lyons

P.S. I am now one of your "followers." Thanks for "following" me as well.

suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 5 years ago from Taos, NM

It takes time, a lot of healing time, to get to the forgiveness stage. Don't rush it. I admire you for writing about it and bringing it to the hub forum for discussion. You help so many others this way, so your experience as not been in vain.

Cresentmoon2007 profile image

Cresentmoon2007 5 years ago from Caledonia, MI Author

DJ, I am open to as many suggestions that people can give. And I actually commend you for your own strength with your case of breast cancer. Your words actually were truly helpful. Actually on hubpages I have already run into several very helpful people. That alone helps more than anything.

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