I Am Only Me

How can I know that people love me

Yet still at times feel so incredibly lonely

How long must I keep up my guard

When some days it isn't so easy, but rather hard

To keep it up, the guard that knows that you're all wrong

But I've been fighting back for far too long

That now I even forget to let down my defensive guard

An unconscious effort to protect my mind, soul, and heart

This isn't right, you know, or do you truly not have a clue

How thoughtless and unfair are some things you say and do

I am not a bitch, I tell you, nor am I many other things that you imply

My only question is do you really believe the things you lie

Let me tell you something else, I am merely human

Though at times I feel a little less than that, thanks to you, man

So I'll tell you one more thing, I am only me

What else or who else do you really want me to be

yes, go on - hate me, despise me if you must

But inside I refuse to turn to dust

© 2013 Shannon

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Comments 43 comments

Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 3 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

I try to avoid the kind of people that make me feel like less of a human. I have been around the type that doesn't seem to be happy with me, and I never know exactly what they expect of me. They made me feel low for a while, but I didn't let them fully destroy me. I broke free, and have blossomed since then.

I love this poem. Thanks for sharing it with us, and have a fabulous Sunday.

~ Kathryn


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Yes, Kathryn, definitely best to avoid those kind of people whenever possible. No one should ever let someone else make him or her feel that way, even when that someone else tries hard to enforce that feeling.


wayne barrett profile image

wayne barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

To thine own self be true. Very passionate piece.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Yes, to thine own self be true, but at what cost?


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Shan, shan, shan,

Well, never doubt my love for you! But, I know all too much about these words that you speak. A bruised heart and scarred mind can hurt and it would seem only natural that we would learn, over time, to protect it; but what is the happy-medium? How to we let the good love in and keep the bad out? How do we keep the bad out without blocking the good from coming in?

I love this pieces that you do; they make me feel like I'm sitting in a coffeehouse with a scorned, passionate and talented poetess up at the mic!

I'm hitting all kinds of buttons, of course :D

Love ya,

Cat


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Hahaha! Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Just kidding. I don't feel scorned. I feel tired and sometimes frustrated.

Love ya, Cat.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

I know you don't, you have such a loving, patient heart... did I mention patient :D

I hope things are going swell!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Oh, honey, there's a BIG difference between being patient and having patience.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

Shan.

You deserve so much more; but it's not necessarily something one is given. If it is, that's just the icing. The real something is something one must first acknowledge in herself and then claim for herself - or himself as the case may be. In yours it's yourself.

By the way, it's not 'only me (you)'; it's 'all of me (you)'. And that's a LOT.

Love ya. Hugs. As for patience: if not now, when?


W1totalk profile image

W1totalk 3 years ago

Great poem. The power of will.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Nellieanna, maybe I am being a little dense but what are you Talking about? You me all what?? Got the first part. As for patience, it is the negative vibes that make it hard not to be defensive and to be patient when I otherwise would have plenty of It.it.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you so much for your visit and comment, W1totalk.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

Well Shan Marie you are a fighter and a survivor but also someone with a tender heart of mercy and I can always read the sensitivity in your writing. It's been a privilege and honor to meet you here my friend and to enjoy your writing and share our love of country music. I sincerely hope all good things come your way and for your family too.

My mum always used to say good things happen to good people so amen to that - just finished listening to The Dirty Dozen brass band raise the roof with some mighty fine and righteous gospel music and there's a lovely full moon over my lake and Cat is skinny dipping in it once again so I'd better go down there and hand her a towel.lol

Sending good karma and good thoughts to you from Mister C and his cat crew - 11:05pm


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

Passionate and oh so true. loved it and wish you a great day.

Eddy.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you, kind sir. If good things come to good people, you must surely be on the lookout for great things. I just saw a gigantic spider in the kitchen. Not sure i'd stomp him even if I wasn't barefoot. It is tarantula sized and moves too fast. Where's that gun you shot your booys off with?


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks, Eddy. Hope you're having a good Week.week.


MrsBrownsParlour profile image

MrsBrownsParlour 3 years ago from Chicagoland, Illinois

Reading your poetry makes me feel like I'm reading your journal! All the emotions just laid out there. But you leave enough details out to let your reader identify their own story with your feelings too. I hope real life brings you more positive feelings and events! :-)


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Thank you, Lurana. That is a wonderful compliment. I intentionally leave details out, especially if it is a personal piece. I wouldn't want others reading my diary.haha. Also,like you say, room for interpretation.


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 3 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

I will interpret my way ... Beautiful ..tender .. edgy..raw.. barbaric..

Love it !!!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Hi, cleaner3! Barbaric is definitely a new one for me. Haha. Thanks so much for the visit to my page.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

I was quoting you, your title, "I am only me" - but keeping the pronoun talking about you, as it does when you say it. Then I was saying the you are more than 'only you' because you are ALL you, and that is a lot, rather than just 'only'.

Yes, it is the negative stuff that test patience, but if it doesn't abide then, when does it? Patience is a tool for dealing with trying situations, one of the better ones. It's hardly patience if there is nothing challenging it, is it? Of course, one can be patient 'otherwise' - if everything is hunky-dory! But if one loses it in the negative situations, it's understandable, and everyone has lost it in some of those kinds of situations. But in those instances, patience just isn't serving its purpose and delivering its value if it's not there when most needed, and merely claiming it in better situations isn't really good proof of having it, even though that may say a lot about the particular negative situations when it's lost & how truly trying they were/are.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Ahhhh. I see. Regarding patience, that's why I said there is a difference between being patient and having patience. In any case, it usually takes a lot to make me lose mine and usually only those closest to me can accomplish that level of frustration and/or anger. Good mews it doesnt last when it happens.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Last long,that is.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Shan, 'member how I pick on my voice to you? Well, my ex there, when he'd get mad at me, he'd call me butch! lol... I can laugh now, but it used to really bother me... I think I'd settle for barbaric :D lol


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Oh, fiddle sticks, where did my comment go? You sound like a girl to me, dear Giggles.


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Ha ha! I'd say I sound like you, 'cept I don't believe I've ever said 'fiddle sticks'... lol! I'm adding it to the Cat dictionary :D


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

You sayin' I sound butch? Huh? That whatchu sayin'? :-p

I'm full of Shannonisms and 'tis better than a cuss word in front of the kiddos, or anyone else for that matter. :)


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

Oh my lanta Shan! lol... 'Course I'm not saying you sound butch! I'd never say that... lol... I just don't have words like Fiddle Sticks in my dictionary... lol.

Hey, I know a birdie that wants me to give you a hug... his name is Tweety... lol :D


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

I was only teasing and you know it. tell Tweety thanks. Hugs much needed right now. Plus, i am sick. Wanted to really read hp tonight but cant. Just downed some meds. Lol hope all is qell with you and tqeety.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

Good evening - just sending you warm peaceful thoughts and good wishes from Mister C, Tiffy and Gabriel on a windswept rainy night by the lake at 1:15am ....


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks, much appreciated and right back at, ya. You and your kitties stay dry. ;)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 3 years ago from TEXAS

'Fiddle-de-dee' works well for expressing exasperation around the kiddos, too. You could end up sounding like a southern lass, Cat, if you keep hanging around with Shan and me. :-)


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Fiddle-de-dum, yep, yep. . . Cat's fixin' to sound like a Texan. ;) I even had a friend from IL tell me, "Why, Shan, I do believe you've acquired a Southern accent," though I don't think that I have - not much of one anyway. Someone once made me spell out the word 'block' when I first moved here because she couldn't understand my accent. haha Of all words. . .ah. . .dialects and phonetics. . .

P.S. I know someone that says 'holy cow-cats' when she's shocked about something, but she's a northerner. hehe


Cantuhearmescream profile image

Cantuhearmescream 3 years ago from New York

First, sorry shan... you poor thing; you were sick and I didn't even know you were here! I should've rubbed your belly for you... even though your throat hurts... lol.

Second... ha ha... Cat a Texan, oh... that'd be the day! Don't get me wrong, I spent a couple of weeks in Austin and I loved it down there. Matter of fact, I just was whining this weekend about some issues here in New York and I asked my parents if they wanted to relocate to Texas with me... lol. Imagine, Cat with Nellieanna and Shan for neighbors! :D

I already speak in accents to my kids... lol, sometimes when I'm being funny and sometimes when they're in trouble... then I get out the German or Russian accents... lol. Just last night I was playing Monopoly with the kids and I had my daughter talking like a brit! lol... Until her older brother asked me to tell her to stop! lol.

I bet you have picked yourself up something of a little southern accent and how cute that must be. That works well for singing those country songs you so love and adore :D

Holy cow-cats? lol.... what the heck is that?


dreamseeker2 3 years ago

I've missed your writings, shame on me! Just be true to yourself, shanmarie. That's all anyone can expect of ourselves. You are unique and special, no matter what others might want to claim. Don't get discouraged by what unkind words may be spoken to bring you down. Voted your poem up for expression and great writing! : ) As you can see, you have many friends here!!


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Cat, no belly rubs. That would tickle too much.haha yeah, my throat hurt, among other symptoms. Mostly gone now, though, except for the nerve pain from a bad tooth that nearly had me in tears. I hope it stays that way. The gone part,that is.

I guess a cow cat moo-ows. ;-)

You can come be my neighbor anytime.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

That's so nice of you, dreamseeker. I've been missing yours. I don't have regular access to the internet right now. Hope to read more of yours soon, though!


Conway Twittybird 3 years ago

Hello and good evening it's Conway Twittybird and thank you for caring and asking about me last night - it really did my heart good to hear from you my friend and I sincerely hope and wish everything is alright with you these days. Actually I was just over at your country music website and it is world class all of the way - what a wonderful job you have done there. I have fallen on hard times financially and may lose my cottage .

My car has also broken down and I need a new one and I am waiting for a loan from the bank .

Naturally I have missed you and also our mutual buddy Cat. I am worried about her and her family - it's not like Cat to disappear like this but I am sure she has good reason for her privacy and peace which I respect. Keep in touch with me and I will do the same. I tried to write to you privately through a hub e-mail but noticed you didn't have one -- is that right?


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago

Hi Shannie , hey this is great! , I believe a woman deserves far, far more respect than she receives ! Bigg hubber hug to ya !......Ed hey where Has Cat gone off to ?.......Nothing wrong I hope .....:-}


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Hmmm, Ed....my reply seems to have gone off in cyberspace somewhere. I said hubber hug back at ya. I am about to tell Mr. Twittybird I seem to recall her mentioning going away somewhete for a couple weeks....


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Good evening to you, Conway Twittybird. Loretta Lynnfinch here to encourage you to stay strong and hold on. Keep your faith and hope in yourself, your future, people, and God. I know what it is like to have hard times financially and also to lose a home and vehicle. Just know others do care and pray for you. It's hard, but take heart anyway if you can. You are truly kindhearted and good things will come your way.

By the way, your visits to my website are always appreciated. Supposed to get more artist interviews lined up as soon as I can get a bit of stability going on. I keep putting off the requests so that I can do them justice when I do interview.

So.....why now is the "Cheers" theme song in my head?


epigramman profile image

epigramman 3 years ago

...well you're doing an awesome job there Shan Marie and I was so impressed - of course I do love my country music too.

You hang in there too my friend and I also think daily of our mutual friend Cat and I hope for the best for her ....... and you.


shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 3 years ago from Texas Author

Thanks!

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