I Can't Help But Hurt

How do I know I am not alone?

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Truth I tell as I lie

Here I stand corrected
I am bathing in this light
Stripped down to nothing
Only skin is showing in the beauty before the night


I can’t help but hurt
For I can not understand
What is the point of truth?
And being who I am


I can turn in circles
Pray for someone to come
But if no one ever shows up
How do I know I am not alone?


Truth as it may hurt
Truth I tell as I lie
Wake me up within my soul-
Wake me up to be alive


I have gotten lost in many moments
Waking up in shame and rain
I can not say I am sorry
I do not remember if I was to blame


That was all the past
I see tomorrow through dark smoke
Even if I can not focus
I tell myself there is still a glimpse of hope


Take me from this light
Bleeding fingertips
Cry from frustration
Cry while losing everything


Slam down to the ground
Scream out for things to change
If none of this is now my fault
Why am I still hurting this way?


I don’t have the answers
That yesterday I thought I knew
Why do you keep asking me?
To explain myself to you?


I don’t understand
I really just don’t know
If I knew how to make things right
I would find the strength to make it so


A promise I made to myself
When I was just a girl
I hold in my heart
And I remind myself of her hopes


I tell myself its okay
I push myself to dream
I feel the anger calming
I know that life is not always what it seems


Frustrated and Tired
A little more than used
I’m still here standing
Taking the worlds abuse


Use me for what you wish
I won’t let go of my soul
Because the little girl I use to be
Still gives me my strength and my hopes.




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Comments 34 comments

Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

Hey Holly, another excellent poem. It's always a pleasure to read you and I'm also always honored to hear your thoughts. I wish I could help with your pain, confusion, so you can be able to erase the hurt you feel. Please feel no regret for what has happened and look to the future with small foresight thoughts. Hopefully you plan for things and see the path you can take to find the peace you are looking for. Again, at anytime, if I can help, feel free to find me. I have faith in your inner strength to push forward and I know you love deeply too. Thumbs up! :) Thank you again for sharing. :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Cagsil,

Thanks- No worries about me, I am fine. I sometimes feel frustrated when I do not understand why people do the things they do or why bad things happen for no real reason. I love my family- and am able to lean on them when the confusion sets in... but the world involves more than just family, and there are people out there that really do not care, and when we put our selves in the line of fire-we make ourselves vulnerable to hurt.

Thanks for the comment, I appreciate your kindness and thoughts...I am alright- I am loved and the ones who I must deal with that are not favorable people...well, maybe I should pity them and try not to be confused by their behavior.


Cagsil profile image

Cagsil 5 years ago from USA or America

You're quite welcome my friend. I do care and love you dearly, and I can understand your frustration, because I used to be the same way. I guess the path I've walked is a little different than yours, but you've more family and friends than I do to learn on, so the confusion can be handled much more easily. I've come to the understanding that yes- everything in life happens for a reason, even if that reason isn't ever learned. Even with that said, I've also come to learn that you can find out the reason by using a simple process of elimination. Meaning, you can eliminate the reason for why you think those people took their actions to begin with. By doing so, it later gives you the foresight, so as to deal with those individuals on better footing. Sometimes, the answer eludes us, but always does surface. Then again, the answer could be so obvious that we overlook it, because it appears to be too insane to occur or it might be something you couldn't imagine that person would be capable of to begin with. That is the hardest part about dealing with people, outside of family.

To avoid putting yourself into the "line of fire", as you put it, would be to become a better judge of character within people. Which stems from paying close attention to the words they speak and the actions that take. Being able to see your actions and the consequences would be helpful, but not everyone has that ability, because they are either in a hurry or simply choose not to see.

I wouldn't suggest pity on anyone, because if you have pity someone, then you have to focus on them more than you should and it will bother you in the long run. Everyone gets confused about other people and it's absolutely normal for it to occur. In many cases it is just ignorance(lack of knowledge or knowing) what is right and what is wrong. This occurs from their own environment and the influences in their life. If you get confused, as I said above, try to think from their perspective, if you're unable, then simply realize that it does stem from not knowing any better. Remember, most of the time, if you are careful, then it isn't going to be you, but will be them. Be safe and above all remain positive. :) (((Hugs))) :) :D


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I liked this HUB very much.

"I know that life is not always what it seams" did you mean seems. (not meant to offend)Best bet is not to approve my comment.


Brown-eyed-girl profile image

Brown-eyed-girl 5 years ago

A very beautiful poem.


Nan 5 years ago

Beautiful expression of your hurt and pain. I'm sure that this will be a better year for you!


abbykorinnelee profile image

abbykorinnelee 5 years ago from Ripon Wisconsin

It made me cry; spoken as if your in my mind right now. Thank you its a beauty beyond what words may have said.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Thanks Cagsil- once again. Your words are very kind, and I appreciate you always taking the time to comment with such meaning.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

mckbirdbks- deny the comment...never :) Thanks for catching the mistake- I have changed it... (hey-we cant always be perfect, mistakes do happen, specially when we dont proof read) I am glad you enjoyed the poem though :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Brown-eyed-girl Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and to comment :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Nan Thanks for another comment on my work... I am sure you are right- and I am ready for a positive future in 2011!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

abbykorinnelee

How very sweet of you to say, and I am honored that you liked it so much. Thank you for reading and for leaving such a beautiful, and heartfelt comment


mtsi1098 5 years ago

this is a great piece and I hope all is well with you :)


carrie450 profile image

carrie450 5 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

Such a beautiful heartfelt poem H.C Porter. Voted Up.


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 5 years ago from Texas

An aching lament to pain caused by others. Very direct and well done. Thank you for sharing.


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 5 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Your words always give me pause, Holly. You convey your confusion with powerful imagery, and I love reading of your heart.

Thanks.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

mtsi1098

thank you for your comment- I really appreciate the encouragement, and yes- I am alright :)


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

carrie450 - Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed the read- I need to stop by your hubs in the near future... I have fallen behind on so much reading because of work...


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

A.A. Zavala

Thank you for the compliment and for stopping by to read the poem. I am happy you enjoyed what you read.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

A beautiful poem and thanks for sharing

take care

Eiddwen


Mike Lickteig profile image

Mike Lickteig 5 years ago from Lawrence KS USA

Your poem was especially beautiful. I particularly appreciated reading the last lines-- "the little girl I used to be still gives me my strength and my hopes." I hope to never lose the child within me. When I was young, I saw the world with less cynicism and bias. I could hope and dream and be empowered by my thoughts. Sometimes I think my courage still comes from the innocence of my youth.

Your words have touched an emotional chord with me, as they do so often. Very nice work and, as always, thanks for sharing from your heart.

Mike


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Eiddwen

Thank you for reading and for the comment- I am glad you like the poem


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 5 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Mike

Thanks so much- I am glad the poem touched your heart. I love that, that particular line spoke to you the way that it did... That was amongst the first of all the lines I wrote for this poem and one which I based the rest around. Thank you for the comment :)


LadyLyell profile image

LadyLyell 4 years ago from George, South Africa

Enjoyed reading your poem!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

LadyLyell- Thank you, I enjoyed seeing that you left another comment :)


LadyLyell profile image

LadyLyell 4 years ago from George, South Africa

Always a pleasure and I look forward to reading more of your articles.

Happy new year!


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Ladylyell, thank you, and I too look forward to reading more from you.


Capedium profile image

Capedium 4 years ago from Texas.

Beautiful and touching... You must have a very strong and shinning heart that always glows..


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

capedium- :) Thank you, I appreciate the comment. I would like to think so, although I have been told otherwise by some. but i know that i am a decent person that truly cares about the ones around me, regardless of who they are or where they are in life- and as long as i can say that i do the things i do, because i feel as if i am doing what is right- then i am doing okay- and because of that i am okay with who i am and life as it is....


Capedium profile image

Capedium 4 years ago from Texas.

That's all that matters.. As long in our heart we truly care.


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

Completely agree with that!


kelleyward 4 years ago

Excellent poem. Just came across your work thanks to Billybuc. Take care, Kelley


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

Holly, we are there for you! your poem shines from your soul! Through thick and thin, your positivity outshines everything else...like when you said "Use me for what you wish I won’t let go of my soul/Because the little girl I use to be/Still gives me my strength and my hopes."


H.C Porter profile image

H.C Porter 4 years ago from Lone Star State Author

iamaudraleigh - thank you for the comment, I appreciate the boost up and reminder that things are as they should be. I am okay with who I am and I know where I came from, I am glad I still have a grip on where my dreams come from.

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