I Have The Universe Waiting For Me

Brahms's statue

Writing doesn’t make me a better person, it makes me the most important person for the particular universe waiting on me to be re-started once more.

Often I stay up late, to live another life. In this second life, nothing needs to be perfect, or even right. The second life exists for the words and ideas in me, rather than the rest of the world. As soon as I think of a word, a phrase or a broken line. I’d jot it down on paper or type it into my computer. Most of these, of course, will be stillbirths. But years later, a few of these little ideas will court each other, flirt and when fate permits, copulate and give birth to a prose, or a poem, or just an article that won’t sell. Selling doesn’t really matter. As long as I sell something of value in my first life, there will be bread on the table and electricity to keep the house lighted. Ah, what’s more important, there will also be the broadband that opens the far corners of the world to my imagination. It is the new birth that matters. How else can you give birth to your off-springs without the obligation to pay the obstetrician, or the private hospital.

I can hear my wife turning in bed. Without looking, I know whether she is on her back, or her side, just by listening to her breathing. Sometimes, my dog somehow knows that I am still up and gently bangs my bedroom door with her paw. These short intermissions bring me back and forth between my two lives. That reminds me of Chuang Tzu (an ancient Chinese philosopher) who dreams that he is a butterfly. On waking, he ponders that whether his human life is nothing other than a butterfly’s dream. I also think about Brahma, the Hindu god who sleeps and dreams of all sorts of happenings in time and space. These happenings all come to pass when Brahma startles and wakes up. This particular Hindu religion postulates that the many universes and histories are merely strings of dreams that Brahma has when he is sound asleep. Before long, he wakes, startles, falls asleep again, dreams again, and a new universe and a new history start all over again.

Writing is a similar metaphysical experience. On certain days, when I am really into a certain time and space in the world of writing, my real life becomes obsolete. The price of crude oil could have gone up by 6 per cent or the price of gold down by 5 per cent, these would be immaterial to what happens next to the central character of my short story. He is counting on me, nothing happens to him before I make up my mind. How can I let him down? He might even vaporize between time, space and boundaries between reality and fiction, if I suddenly can’t think of anything else to write, or forget to save the document. Like the universe disappearing on Brahma’s waking, his world vanishes as I wander back to my first life.

Writing doesn’t make me a better person, it makes me the most important person for the particular universe waiting on me to be re-started once more. How can I not get back to my dreams again? Everyone else and everything else is ready.

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Comments 9 comments

spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

I understand what you have felt when writing...and I envy you that solitude to write while your spouse is sleeping. LOL! I don't think my husband realizes that drawing my attention every five minutes can be rather dizzying and painful at times. :) And he wonders why I get so cranky!


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 8 years ago from UK

I also sit up late to write. My words come more readily once the children are in bed. I didn't write or paint for years when they were small, they took up all of my attention and energy, but now there is a little space in the day for me, and I'm loving it! My children are my greatest joy, but there is so much pleasure in being able to read and be read by someone in Hong Kong, America or Australia. The miracle of the internet!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

I admire the expression of your creative worlds. You have triggered something for me. I have many thoughts, many ideas yet don't act upon them. Often it's about writing a story. And like you say, I close the door on a world that wants to be created and I miss the opportunity of being the special conductor of the presences in that story if I fall asleep on them. I walk back into my own world and miss wonderful experiences of creating.

Thanks for your words.


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong Author

Dear Jewels,

thanks for dropping by and commenting. Wish you more time and inspiration for your writing in the New Year.


Jerilee Wei profile image

Jerilee Wei 7 years ago from United States

Wow! Very profound. Very often I slip out of bed in the middle of the night to write whilst the dog and my husband snore. Not an easy task, but words that need to be put somewhere besides inside my mind and heart can't wait till dawn, when they are apt to be forgotten.


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong Author

Jerilee Wei,

thanks for sharing your experience. The snoring dog phenomenon also happens to me.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Great insight to your mind. I feel the same. I write in solitude mostly, and i hardly ever forget what I want to say. My library is my solace with only me and Jado present as the bedroom is on the second floor. Oh, once in awhile a pup will come to me and want attention or a need to go pee. But my mind is always in that state of mind where I need to be, my universe. As I sleep I get inspiration, I see it when I'm out of doors in nature, the people I meet. A billion stories and so little time.

I thank you for this this wonderful way of words that you have, very persuasive you are. Gentle Dr.


Benson Yeung profile image

Benson Yeung 7 years ago from Hong Kong Author

Dear CC.,

thanks for commenting. It's really touching to have a fan who goes down your hubs one my one. A practicing fan is hard to come by, harder than a practicing Christian, or Catholic, or Budhist.

thanks again.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Well, i take great interest in you now. I must play catch up you know. I'm still a newbie here. Lots to read. You're a good read. see ya doc.

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