I Just Give Up

Preface

I would like to preface the following poem with a to-the-point explanation of where I was in life when I wrote it years ago. After my divorce, I stepped away from Christian fellowship, and retreated into friendships with old high school girlfriends. This led to no GoOD. This led to evil communications corrutping GoOD manners. Still in my early mid-twenties, and feeling as if I had to make up for missing out on my "freedom years", I accepted invitations to join them for "girls'/moms' nights out". This led me to behaviour that I didn't know I was capable of, and a self-preception that was being torn apart.

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I Just Give Up

In the mirror, Who is this I see, Staring there, Right back at me?

Not the girl I know, Who have I become? My life is so different, It seems all undone.

I hate this place, I hate this life, I hate this world, And all of it's strife.

Don't know what to do, Don't really care, I'm not really living, I'm just there.

Just clubbin' and parties, "Nothin' but fun", But I'm sad and alone, When the night is done.

I hide it well, No one else can see, Through my convincing charade, That this isn't really me.

When I stop and think, It all seems so wrong, Everything goin' on around me, I just don't belong.

So I push it outta my head, I just don't think, Go with the flow, And have another drink.

I'll just let life go by, Not knowing which way to run, After all... who cares, What else can be done?

What's Your Opinion:

Do you wait too long, keeping your emotions, confusions, and pains inside of you as it pulls you down?

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Follow Up

I'm so amazed the Lord stuck by me, and pulled me out of my days of wondering without Him as I tried to find my own path. I'm so thankful my wonderful God never stopped protecting me as I went out and had to learn my lessons my own way. I so glad my loving Daddy took me by the hand, and led me back to His path of peace, joy, and happiness that He had in store for me. I'm so happy my gracious Savior saved me from how I used to feel about myself and this life. Thank the Lord. Praise the Lord. All and the glory and honor is to the Lord Jesus!

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12 comments

mdscoggins profile image

mdscoggins 2 years ago from Fresno, CA

Hi Michelle thank you for the courage to share a part of your story. Glad you were able to find your path and your way back to the one and only savior. He will never leave or forsake you and this is living proof.


Michelle Ascani profile image

Michelle Ascani 2 years ago from Deep in the Heart of Texas Author

Our testimony is the best way to show God's awesomeness! Thank you for the encouragement.


Makeece 2 years ago

I can relate. Great poem!


Michelle Ascani profile image

Michelle Ascani 2 years ago from Deep in the Heart of Texas Author

It's always good to know that once we climb that steep mountian of pain and hopelessness... there's an amazing view just waiting for us to soak in and be refreshed by!


Michelle Ascani profile image

Michelle Ascani 2 years ago from Deep in the Heart of Texas Author

The best way I could handle my pain was with a pen and a lot of talking to God at the lake front. May sound silly, but it was very therapeutic for me. God always seems to know how to move my pen to teach me with my own words... or are they His words? Hmmm....


word55 profile image

word55 2 years ago from Chicago

Thank you Michelle for sharing your experience. You're back into the wholesomeness of the living God now. You've been thru the storm. Praise the Lord!


kljones86 profile image

kljones86 2 years ago from colorado

I feel your words....thank you.


jeremycolombo profile image

jeremycolombo 2 years ago

It is nice to look back at what we have been through and see how God brought us to where we are now. We may see things that we should have or could have done differently. We need to use those as lessons learned as long as we did learn from them. We also need to look for opportunities to advise others so they do not make the same mistakes. Thank you for sharing.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

I've been there myself. Praise the Lord for taking back us wandering souls.


Michelle Ascani profile image

Michelle Ascani 2 years ago from Deep in the Heart of Texas Author

He is just GoOD like that!


Efficient Admin profile image

Efficient Admin 2 years ago from Charlotte, NC

Love this testimony. Thank you for sharing, been there myself and if it wasn't for Jesus I don't know where I would be now (probably not in a good place).


Patty 2 years ago

(deep exhale...) This explains the depths of sadness so well. There is always hope. In the words of Scarlet (Gone with the Wind) "...after all, tomorrow is another day."

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