I Look for You

Source

Addiction

I look for you in the air I breath. I look for you in the day and in the night. I look to my phone and look for your words. I look for you in cyber space. I go to the places that remind me of you in hopes that seeing you in my minds eye is enough. You are stuck inside my mind. You are in my thoughts and in my heart. It fuels a desire to search for something that I am not destined to find. It inspires thoughts of a future that only exists in my mind and heart. Frustration influences my actions. Still I insist. My desire has evolved into a need. Need breeds disappointment. Your ability to make me feel whole and at peace has made me feel more alone with out you. Sometimes I feel trapped in this life. Empty. Lost. Scatterbrained. Unfocused. You are the medicine that I have come to need. The addiction that I am desperate to feed. I am stuck in this rehab state that feels permanent, wanting and willing to fall off the wagon but my drug of choice is not available to me. You are not able to live for me.

Does this mean that I regret? Would I change my choices if it meant that I didn't have to feel this? The answer is NO. The human mind back slides and plays games. I remain the same. I do not regret the best or the worst because I believe that they are both linked. If you remove the worst than the path that brought you the best would also be removed. I wish that I could find you and keep you. I wish that I could...

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Comments 44 comments

vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn.

Written with passion and truth! Thank you.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

To be thanked for my passion and my truth is amazing. Thank You vocalcoach.


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 4 years ago from Shelton

there is indeed a great deal of conviction yet no regrets.. the want lingers in your words.. but the calm is still there somewhere my precious little YW... bless you baby-cakes!!!! this reminded me of an old Mexican song I forget how it went hmm Una Palabra no decide nada, y al mismo tiembo se conde todo.. como el biento, les conde la aqua y como las flores, se conde el lobo... I hope I got it right


Aisha Jilani profile image

Aisha Jilani 4 years ago from Lahore

amazing words


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

I love to read my Frank and his comments :D

I don't know the song but I like the words you wrote so you could not really get it wrong. I can relate since for every honest word a write there are levels that are hidden. There are truths that hide themselves in plain sight. It seems I am an open book but these are just what is by the beach. I am an entire ocean.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you so much Aisha. I appreciate the compliment and welcome you. I hope to see more of you.


Jlava73 profile image

Jlava73 4 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

Sweet words of longing. Incredibly touching!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for reading and commenting Jlava73.


LaThing profile image

LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

This is beautiful..... I feel like my heart is talking! Thanks for the reminder in the end, so true..... Voting up!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hi LaThing. Your name is very 80's rock band-ish to me. I love it.

What freedom we would feel if we just let our hearts and mind talk without holding back for fear of judgement. To Dream. What we think and feel may be temporary but it is always true for that moment.

Thank you for reading, commenting, and voting. I really appreciate it.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

Hi MS,

What a Beautiful, Poignant and Heartfelt Poem...Taken from your life and sadly the death of your Husband. I am truly sorry for your loss. You sound like a strong woman with a lot still to live for.

I look forward to Following your Hubs.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hello little b.

Today was a really rough day. Your comment gave me a much needed smile. I really needed it. Thank you...


dessert bunny 4 years ago

Wow............ you realy have the gift to put your feelings into words - one can actually feel the emotions in your words and they also reflect what we all feel but cannot say as we do not have this gift ........ you are surely blessed.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

So well written and thank you so much for sharing. Here's to so many more for us both to share on here.

Eddy.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 4 years ago from Morocco

Sigh,It really touches me.You really dredged up old memories and rekindle extinguished flames.I wish if I could go back in time and swerve my life to an other direction.I was on the verge of committing a suicide when that supposed special one picked up her things and slammed the door behind forever without even leaving a small note.Is that what we call love?


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Eiddwen - Thank you so much for the comment. I am glad you enjoyed it. Look forward to seeing more of you.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hello again James. I am glad that you were only on the verge and were never successful. I am pretty sure that was not love. The only way you can see it clearly is when you have a more appreciative partner.

Thanks for reading.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 4 years ago from Morocco

Thanks,you r right.That wasnt love.If it was,it would last and never end dramatically.It's not that I believe everything happens for a reason. It's just that . . . I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life is.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

I believe that there is a reason for everything. I think where we go wrong is our insistence that it has to be a reason for us. Some of our encounters have a purpose that do not involve us at all and we never get to know them. Perfect example... the person you accidently cut off in traffic that curses you out. Maybe you had to scare them and make them more alert to avoid something worse.

In relationships, we learn about ourselves. We learn what we want and what we should not accept. We have to have some failures in order to learn about what makes us happy.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 4 years ago from Morocco

I definitely learned a lesson from that. I know that I can be broken. I am not as tough as I thought. I see it now. At this point, it's the only thing good that came out of all of this. I know myself better now and know what I have to do:)


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

James - getting to know yourself is probably the best thing that can happen.


James-wolve profile image

James-wolve 4 years ago from Morocco

Exactly, that s what I discovered.My weak and strong points.


Winsome profile image

Winsome 4 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hi L,

I'm listening to Anna Nalick's "Breathe" while reading this, sort of appropriate. Isn't it great that HP lets us get our emotions out and even thanks us for the experience. I think you might enjoy my "Anabasis"

Thank you for a beautiful expression of honest love and loss. =: )


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

I like that song. I can especially relate to the last part... 'If I get it all down on paper its no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to and I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to'.

Thank you for the comment and compliment. I will have to check out your Anabasis soon.


grubey 4 years ago

This is a beautiful piece. You really wear your heart on your sleeve and convey your sense of loss, longing and philosophical acceptance of the path life has taken you on. I'm very sorry that you've had to experience such a loss


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Thank you for commenting Grubey. I don't recommend loss to everyone but to regret is just as useless as it is to worry. They are traps and tho it is extremely hard, I don't allow myself to get trapped.

The heart on the sleeve thing is an acquired taste. There are so many people who judge that there is a huge risk in putting yourself out there. I never did care for judges. Hope to see more of you soon.


grubey 4 years ago

It is a shame that people need to judge and criticise, sometimes it's the emptiness in their own life that causes them to do so.

But I for one think it's a great thing as it can reach out to people that feel alone with their thoughts and feelings. So thank you :)


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Grubey,

That you feel I should be thanked is an enormous compliment that I embrace with much appreciation. As far as people go, all I can say is that most of them are only human and come with many weaknesses.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...well Lissette after finding you and knowing that you are a special lady with a true gift for writing and expressing herself - I will always 'look for you' .......

Sending you warm wishes and good energy from lake erie time ontario canada 9:49am with first cup of coffee and some nice classical piano music - both cats are outside on their deck and the sun is shining once again with no wind and the sky is clear - but yet we are on the doorstep of Canadian winter - where the heck is it? lol


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Awe thank you Epi. You think I am special. That and your wishes warm my heart but I am still cold here in florida... lol.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

.....then don't think about coming up here - and you'll really know what 'cold' can be .....lol lol .....although that said these past two weeks have been unseasonably mild for this time of year - and November being the gateway month to winter that still means anything can happen - have you ever driven in a blizzard of snow at night? Yikes I work night shift with a two hour round trip commute and I am not exactly Indiana Jones but somehow I have always managed to get home safely - lately in the last two winters if I think it's going to be bad coming home then I will just phone into work and cancel the whole night - better to be safe than sorry - and I hope you are having a good day - see you tomorrow again - in early tonight for work. lake erie time 2:46pm


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Oh Epi... I turned the fireplace on. What am I going to do? My daughter wants to see snow next year... I'm gonna die!

I actually lived in NY for the blizzard of '96. Do you remember that? I believed it took out everything north of us too. I didn't drive then. It's good to channel your inner Indie! My day was good - lazy but good.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

.....do you remember the blizzard of 1977 - maybe you're too young - go to You Tube and type in Blizzard of '77.

Just arrived home from night shift after a hour's drive at 6:27am with a new post and some Sun Ra (free jazz) and two well fed pussycats. And a well earned glass of beer.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 4 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hahaha... I just missed it.


LChristiane profile image

LChristiane 3 years ago from Florida

I don't know why, but this one brought tears to my eyes. Loved it.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

LChrstiane perhaps you know the feeling... Thanks for the visit and the comment.


LChristiane profile image

LChristiane 3 years ago from Florida

"I look for you in the air I breathe" you had me right there. Yes I know the feeling:-) you're welcome. Thank YOU


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

You are very welcome. I love that you can feel my work. :)


PHILLYDREAMER profile image

PHILLYDREAMER 3 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

I think this is the first time I've seen you express a desire. It makes me sad when people can't have what they want. It makes me sad when I can't have what I want, but like you said you have to take the good with the bad because that's life.


Theater girl profile image

Theater girl 3 years ago from New Jersey

I was drawn to the title and to the first lines....and I was not disappointed! This poem resonated with me in a special way. Let's say I was meant to read it. You described feelings that I have tried to describe in a few of my scribbles....but so much better! Specifically, that you would not remove the pain because that means you would not have the joy! Wonderful job! If you have a care to...Please read Musings of a Frustrated Poet on my page....I think you might like it. Blessings to you on your journey!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

Hello Philly. Long time. There are many filled with passion. I am sure you will see them soon. Desire is fleeting. It comes and it goes. I don't see enough of anything real to draw inspiration from. People... well lets just say they are fickle when it comes to true passion.


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

So nice to meet you Theater Girl. I am happy that it spoke to you. I love recommendations. Thank you for suggesting your work to me. I will be reading it soon, now that I am back. I appreciate the blessings as well. I am sure we will talk more soon.


Theater girl profile image

Theater girl 3 years ago from New Jersey

I finally got to your comment on my page! I have not been to the site in a while.....I love the pictures on your page. I will be reading more of your work soon!


Moms-Secret profile image

Moms-Secret 3 years ago from Central Florida Author

You just hit my soft spot. I love looking for and pairing the art. Thanks for the Kool-aid smile. I will be visiting you soon as well...

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