I STILL LOOK FOR YOU - PART 6

I STILL LOOK FOR YOU - PART 6

Bill had been in the house. “I can get in your house you fool, any time I want to. I was in the closet in your bedroom, close enough to take you both out if I wanted.” Those were the words she expected from him when she brought the kids for their next visit but he had given no hint of anything being wrong.

She hadn’t said anything to Bobby about what she’d found out the night before. He had found her up early, in the kitchen scrubbing the floor on her hands and knees.

“Fall cleaning there lovely?” he’d greeted her quietly and noticed she startled. “I have to go make my entrance. Do you want to go and wake the kids now so they’ll see me come by this fine morning?” They were always careful to try to keep their relationship private from all of the kids.

“Sure, yes, I’ll do that now and see you – give me at least ten minutes to get them down here.” Lynn had not gone back to sleep but sat in the dark, keeping watch, her mind racing as fast as her heart. She had checked every door, every window, except the ones in the basement. That light had stopped working a couple of days ago and no one had been around to fix it but she bolted the door to the basement and made a mental note to be sure this became a daily routine.

Three grumbling kids soon held her attention as she argued them out of their beds. On cue came a loud knock at the front door and a muffled, ”Someone let me in – it’s freezing out here!”

Her next week was kept busy with packing and buying drapes for their new apartment. They borrowed the van she had used to move their things to the house and now filled it with anything not absolutely necessary for survival for the last days at the house. The last day came and they pulled apart beds, loaded boxes of dishes and things from the cupboards and got everything into one van load. Surprisingly, the kids joined in and helped without being asked and without attitude. The mood was light and almost festive and by late afternoon they each had their own apartments looking like home for the most part and celebrated with a pizza at Bobby’s and Kurt’s. Their apartments were separated by some ten others but they could see the backs of each others places out the patio doors of the kitchens. This became comforting to Lynn as they settled in and life continued. It was wonderful to have Bobby so close and he took the kids to school in the morning leaving her time to get ready for work and relax while they were gone. It also gave them time every morning for coffee and conversation. Life was as good as Lynn could ever remember it being.

Aside from being hyper-vigilant about locking her doors, both to the apartment and her car, she had relaxed with time and without further problems with Bill. It almost seemed he might finally be accepting that she would not be coming back. She and the kids were getting along much better these days and it was due in part to hearing from Bobby what a good Mom she was. He didn’t miss a chance to point out her love for them or when she had done something extra special.

This morning was unseasonably warm and the sunshine poured through the patio door. She had dropped off the kids, still waiting for the other shoe to drop, but Bill said nothing out of the way and she tried to relax while she sat at the kitchen table writing out her list for the week’s groceries.

Knock – knock – door handle rattled. “Let me in! I have a surprise!” Bobby’s voice interrupted her. “Come and see this!” he pulled her out into the day, around the sidewalk of the apartments until they reached his. Parked in front was a 280Z, fine and shiny and just waiting to be driven. “Get in, let’s go!”

He pulled away from the curb flying down the hill and stopped an inch past the stop sign. “Sorry, it’s is just so powerful and so GREAT!” I’ll let you drive it. It’s my friend’s car and it’s ours for the afternoon."

“Well, that would be lovely,” Lynn laughed, catching his enthusiasm, “if I could drive a five speed, but I can’t."

“Of course you can. You just don’t know that you can. We’ll go to the park and you can practice.” Bobby never accepted her negative responses but channeled them into another opportunity to show her just how capable she was.

Push in the clutch, change gears, let up slowly while depressing the accelerator and – jerk, engine dies. Repeat, give it a little gas and hop hop hop jerk jerk, the engine dies. They were both laughing so hard they didn’t see the police car pull up behind them.

“Is there a problem here?” The cop was leaning down to inspect the car’s content and occupants.

Lynn was speechless but Bobby was quick to assure the officer that he was merely teaching his girlfriend how to drive a stick. His girlfriend? And come to think of it why wasn’t Renee there? It was Saturday.

“I said show me your driver’s license?” Bobby stood beside the officer beaming and winked at her as she recovered the license, handing it over.

“You look so beautiful in this car. It just suits you, so sleek and ….” The officer returned from running her license and left them with a warning to Bobby to take her to a place with less traffic for her driving lesson. “Ok, let’s try this again”, he brushed off the incident and refused to let anything spoil this day. “That’s right, you’ve got it, yes! Now turn on your left blinker, push in the clutch and turn left at this next corner.” His laugh came from deep inside, “Wonderful, but next time, actually turn the wheel to go around the corner.”

Somehow they hopped, jerked and drove to the airport and she managed to sort of park the car, if the engine dying at a crooked angle counted. He smiled and asked if she wanted him to drive for a while. They exchanged seats, the engine fired and they were off, radio playing and Bobby singing at the top of his lungs. When she inquired about getting back before Renee arrived he simply replied that he’d told her he was busy that day. Lynn wanted, with every fragment of her heart, to let go and just enjoy this day without trying to pick it apart, wondering what Bobby meant by this action or something he said. There were no rules in this relationship, no guidelines and they had both just been playing out the time as it came. Not accustomed to thinking beyond the next moment had been her practice for so long it seemed natural enough to just take things as they came but now that she was free from her bondage, this Renee issue was causing Lynn deep concern. She was, technically now, the “other woman”. Well, they actually were more friends than lovers but the line was crossed back and forth so many times it wove a confusing web, one that was holding her heart but did it hold his as well? Even if he had fallen in love with her as she felt she was doing with him, what about the age difference? Now it was not so obvious but as time passed it certainly would begin to show. He just laughed at her if she tried to bring up the subject. None of his friends she had met had a clue how old she was despite years of hardship that could have left a woman looking haggard. And just what did she want from him, marriage? No, that wasn’t even a consideration, living together? No probably not that either because of all of the kids and how they would feel about it. But to be each others exclusively? Yes. Yes, that was important to her. She was cheating – not on Bill – she was saving for a divorce and was having her attorney draw up legal separation papers. But cheating Renee and Bobby was cheating on Renee. She didn’t like that thought at all and it didn’t seem to fit the person she had come to know. Maybe he was planning to break up with her. Yes, thinking back over the past couple of weeks and the way he had been acting, that must be what was about to happen. She scolded her self silently for always looking for the negative and brought her attention back fully to the beautiful day, the warm feel of him so close to her and the power of the car heading fast in no particular direction.

She woke the next morning, stretched and smiled thinking about the day before. The kids were already awake so she pulled on her robe and headed downstairs to make breakfast. Kurt was slumped on her couch, punching digits on the remote control, anger not concealed. “Well, hello. You want to join us for breakfast? You could go and ask Bo…”

“Bobby”, Kurt spit out with a glare at her, “is busy with Renee. She spent the night and he told me to get lost for awhile.”

Comments 19 comments

Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

oh this is a bit painful poohgranma...


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 6 years ago from Philippines

Oh no part 7 yet, you owe one hahahahha


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 6 years ago from Missouri

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...that darn Bobby...surprised?....no....hmmmmm...but where's Bill...doubt he let you go that easily....


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 6 years ago from Sunny Spain

It is like an emotional roller coaster I don't know how you survived the stress. I keep waiting for Bill to turn up in every situation but I wasn't ready at all for Renee to turn up for an overnight stop at Bobbie's.

I look forward to the next installment with trepidation.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

Maria, yes it was indeed painful, necessary looking back on it but horridly painful and confusing!

Scarlett - I was in that perpetual state for years, you know? Takes a tole on one's brain cells after awhile, truly.

SOH - so you saw this coming? I suppose it was all normal or at least as normal as any part of the situation but I have to admit she nearly hit bottom again over this one.

maggs - Actually, I didn't survive the stress. I don't know how I am going to be able to go on with this telling of my life without having the hub pulled for another infraction of the rules.

I truly am not trying to be difficult but it is impossible for me to find words that convey the whole truth of it. I am getting frustrated, knowing there is so much worse to come than what I was warned on and I fear it will water down what I need to say so much that my writing will be useless. I have to go now and read the rules of the board and the rules of all of it's advertising affiliates so I can try to communicate without getting myself in more trouble. I really don't want to lose my permission to publish here and I so do not want to be so confined that I find myself checking every word, every nuance. Oh BOTHER, says Pooh!


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago

Oo Dear Lady! Your words do convey the horrors you survived, and there are twists and turns around every corner! I can picture the situation in my head. I think you are doing an excellent job, even if they are trying to make you tone down your words!

Blessings and hugs,

Laurie


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

Hey Poohgranma....you have to edit?...hmmm....too bad...i haven't read anything you've written that i figure would require an edit....oh well....


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

Yes, the first paragraph was too violent. The affiliates do not want their ads run next to a bunch of graphic violence. However, after contacting the wonderful HubPages Team, they have suggested writing it up in a draft and they will decide if it can make the cut or not. So I will be giving it a try as soon as I'm ready.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...well...why not write hubs with no ads attached....turn it off....unless you're planning to make money...that's what i do...i don't have any ads...just a thought....


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

I tried that but it didn't work. I'm not signed up under all of these ads you see on my pages - I assumed the HubPages site embeds some links. All I know is I tried three times to mark it no ads and the warning I got was concerning violence. Here:

You can publish a borderline hub with ad levels set to "none." The content may be considered a violation of our standards, though. It is hard to say without reading the content.

So HubPages has their own standard of what is and is not allowed - I crossed over that line in the violence area.


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 6 years ago from Missouri

Pooh, I was just thinking about this very topic while reading, Charlie's "Vicarious Kitty". I wondered how he and others confine themselves, as I find that I do occasionally depending on my audience.

There is much I'd love to write here, but have not because I would not be willing to curb the emotion behind the writing. I guess that's where my BLOG might come in handy.

And, I agree with LaurieDawn ~ whatever you're doing is working just fine!


Just Life 5 years ago

I just heard the breaking of a heart, and it makes me so sad....

We caution ourselves to be furgal with our emotions. We plan so carefully to gaurd our hearts. But thinking and feeling are such different aspects of being human. So we can use logic to face what is happening to us, while we slowly dissolve inside.

This is such a compelling biography!

I hate violence, but I would have liked to have read the whole story. I am so sorry that this outlet has stiffeled the full impact of this women's life. Because as I read it, it runs through my mind like a movie. And I want to "see" it all. To be there with her. To lend my support in thought, since I know it's true history.

I want to tell her, "Don't look down. Rise above this! You are worthy!!!"


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

I know how you felt when you heard Bobby was out with Renee. I think we have all had our hearts broken. I like Bobby and I hope he doesn't make me dislike him but the again, it is what it is. Wow, you are a great writer my friend:)


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

@ Minnetonka Tiwn - Your reading of this and comments has brought it back to life for me. I appreciate that so much. It has been many months since I started writing it and sometimes, when a hub sits without many readers you start doubting yourself. You've given me back my confidence. Thank you so very much!


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

@ Just Life - I'm sorry not to have responded to your comment. I don't remember seeing it before. Your comment is so moving. You heard the sound of a heart breaking and it did, and it was already shattered to begin with so that is probably why she became so close to Bobby so quickly. Then again, they did share a bond that may very well have existed outside of any of the rest of this mess ... it's hard to know. I do know everything happens for a reason.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

How hard this must have been for you. I feel so bad. He is the one light in this darkness. Can't wait to read more.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

It stung, yes, and the day before was so perfect and so much fun. We had so many fun times just doing the basic things, never needed entertainment or much money to have a wonderful time. I really did enjoy just spending time with him.


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

It must have been so painful knowing that Renee had been at the house all night. This, inspite of the fact that Lynn didn't like cheating on Renee. I can imagine your feelings at this time.

Engrossing.

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