I STILL LOOK FOR YOU - PART 9

I STILL LOOK FOR YOU – PART 9

On the drive to Bill’s, Lynn tried to develop some sort of strategy to get herself and the kids away from him safely without having to spend the night and before things turned as ugly as she knew they could. She had left herself open for this attack by not realizing her lack of rights without court orders in place. She vowed silently to call her attorney as soon as the office re-opened after the Thanksgiving Holiday. She would find the money in the budget and go straight away for the divorce to be pushed through as soon as possible.

As promised, there had been a raise in her pay and it was a fairly substantial one. She pushed away the thought of the call she had received, at home, from one of the Housing and Urban Development directors. She had met him at one of the many seminars she was required to attend and he had told her if she ever wanted a transfer to give him a call. But he had called her, wanting and expecting her cooperation in an investigation of Mr. and Mrs. Spear’s. The annual audit was not adding up and HUD suspected embezzlement. Very soon she would have to give a first accounting of what she had discovered.

They arrived at the address Bill had given her and she made a mental note to tell her attorney about the bad neighborhood he was living in hoping that would go against him in the custody battle she knew he would wage. They followed the cement stairs down as he had instructed and found number five. He greeted them both with hugs and acted like this was a beautiful family gathering instead of a planned kidnapping. Tim was in front of the large tv she had left when she took only a modest amount of belongings from the house when she fled from Bill so many months ago. He looked and seemed fine and her tight shoulders relaxed a bit in relief. She hadn’t smelled any liquor on Bill’s breath when he’d hugged her. Maybe she could pull this off.

“A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving” is coming on now, Traci, sit by your brother and watch it. Your Mom and I will make popcorn”, Bill pointed to the other room, the kitchen, and nodded at her to follow him. “Sorry for the small place. It’s all I can afford right now and only temporary.” Lynn wondered at the “all he could afford” as she had not asked for a dime of child support and he worked for the City and made a generous salary. And, “temporary” – where was he going? Oh God, please let him tell me he was transferring to another city and that’s why he wanted to talk tonight and have the family time tomorrow. She managed a smile that quickly froze on her face as he went on. ‘Yeah, the bastards fired me! Said I was drinking on the job – you know I’d never do that,” he looked hard at her to gauge her reaction. “I took it before the council but you know they’re all asshole buddies and it was upheld. They fought my unemployment too and I have a hearing next week. Here - take this popcorn in and we’ll watch the movie with the kids.”

He instructed Traci to move to the chair so Mom and Dad could sit together on the sofa and told Tim to get his Mother a glass of soda – unless she would like some wine? No, well he’d thought maybe she had started drinking now since he saw her and her friend go into a bar a few weeks back. Bobby had asked her to stop at a neighborhood bar before picking up the kids from school on the day he got word he’d been hired by the department store. He had a glass of beer and she had a Coke. She hated alcohol, both the taste and the smell. They were there all of fifteen minutes, a celebration over the news of a better job. And Bill knew about it. Had he been following them? Her stomach tightened.

Her not reacting seemed to fuel something smoldering in him. “Come here, he commanded her, “I want to show you something.” He walked behind her to the bathroom, the only room with a door.

“So, uh I’ll bet you have a lot of good job prospects lined up?” He shut the door behind them and stood in front of it. She had fought the urge to bolt from this two room dungeon, knowing she couldn’t leave the children and knowing she couldn’t get them out in time.

“I’ve missed you,” his hand held her face in a tight grip as he forced her head upward giving him access to her mouth. His tongue, tasting of something vile, invaded her mouth and she tried to pull away. “What’s the matter, he pinned her arms with his other hand, “aren’t my kisses as sweet as your little lover’s?”

“Stop! We are leaving. Let go of me … I mean it – let go!” Lynn tried to kick him but her legs were pinned by his body. “For God’s sake Bill, the kids are going to hear us and …”

His mouth seemed to cover her face as she strained and twisted. He let go of her face and grabbed at the button of her pants ripping the zipper pull and breaking the zipper. As he stepped back, her eyes scanned the room and she lunged, arm extended and grabbed for the metal towel bar ripping it loose from the wall. She swung and swung finding her mark only twice but one blow hit him in the eye. Startled he paused just long enough for her to get the door open and run into the other room grabbing for both of the children.

“LOOK AT HER!” He was in the room as she was making her way toward the only door that would allow their escape. She could not let him get between them and this door. He was sweating and his breath was coming hard and fast, spit accenting his words. “LOOK AT WHAT THIS CRAZY WHORE DID TO ME!!!” Traci had found the door handle and was opening the door but he was advancing across the small room. Lynn shoved the children, causing Tim to trip and his face bumped into the half open door.

“RUN!” she shoved at them again this time out into the hallway. She started throwing things in his direction – anything, everything she could reach as she backed towards the door. He grabbed for her but was left holding only a chunk of her hair as she took the stairs two, three at a time and gathered Tim and Traci into her arms. “Run for the car – lock the doors – hurry!”

Bill had hesitated just long enough to wipe the sweat and blood from his face where she had ripped the skin with the edge of the towel bar. It was time enough for her to get into the car, feel under the seat and find the spare key she kept in case Bobby needed to use the car. She fired the engine and looked up to see him standing in front of the car. Lynn threw the car in reverse, backed over the curb and flattened the trash can of the neighboring house. Someone yelled out a window as she shifted into drive and mashed down on the accelerator, barely missing Bill as she sped away, leaving him screaming and cussing in the middle of the street.

Crying and sobbing her son screamed at her that she WAS crazy.  Traci didn’t have her jacket, none of them had jackets.  Lynn didn’t have her purse.  She didn’t have any money, she didn’t even have the master keys to the apartments.

Comments 18 comments

SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...good writing...but a bad, bad memory for you....i don't know what else to say....except i'm listening to your story....


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...the lite bulb went on...at first i thought you still looked for Bobby because of how he helped you out...but now i get it....it's him you still look for....no wonder....

....big, big, big, big hug from me....


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

You have such a kind soul SOH. It's nothing but puzzle pieces now and the years I did not survive completely are over now thanks to God first, medication second and a good therapist. No, somewhere after God but before even medication was the love of this man, right now sitting in front of the tv in our living room who has now slipped into his own pain, but at one time told me, "YOU have to survive this too" when I was drowning in my children's pain. We're fine, it's all good. It's just a story - mine - but still one that repeats itself over and tragically over again for others. I, am blessed.

But, yes, tell of how I look for him and why. Fill in some of this puzzle for me - you are so close.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

Hey Poohgranma...i figure because of all the abuse and damage....it would be very difficult for that window of reality to not crack open sometimes...and the 'rush' of the memory of him and his anger and control being there suddenly - flashes of it....and i'm sure for years you probably looked for him to show up somewhere with his anger...your fear of him basically...and maybe see him out of the corner of your eye, but you'd realize it wasn't him...the memory would peak out when you least expected it....like a 'rush'...hair stands on end...like a ghost crossing your path...and then it's gone...and then you have to clear your head and go back to where your life is at that moment prior to the rush.

does that make sense?


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

hmmm, insightful. Possibly, because my son took my granddauther to visit him and I came unglued. And maybe - self searching here, it could be the root of my Social Anxiety Disorder and why I'm in this self imposed prison most of the time venturing out now only for groceries and doctor appointments. Not him per se, of course, but the danger, the possibility of it all. I'll have to mull this over.

I had thought you meant I look for him, Bobby, not literally but the feelings of the good times of that relationship, that teen-aged dream state that I never lived in my own life from becoming a wife and mother for the first time, so young.

Maybe I do just need to thank him and then let it go.

Thank-you, SOH


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 6 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

...and darn for some reason, i was thinking "bill" was waaay out of the picture...(i guess i was hoping that) maybe even a ghost by now...ha ha!...you know, early demise for being so awful!

On a serious note.... if the title is more in reference to Bobby...looking back and wanting to recapture some of those pleasant times when you were younger (not necesssarily him...just the feelings)...then that also makes sense and that's what i originally thought...until this hub no. 9....however i don't know the rest of the story do i? :) hugs! gnite!


ralwus 6 years ago

I love how you two are conversing here and working it all out. Shyt. I can't wait to see how you get out of this mess. Good writing again.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

LOL @CC - you always make me laugh or smile when you aren't making me sigh or cry. I luv ya man. Well, I can't call you old son ...


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 6 years ago from Missouri

Fear is a powerful weapon. I know this story too well, Pooh. Lived through it as a child, followed by it into adulthood. From the child's point of view... the damage, no matter how hard a mother tries, cannot be washed away. It simply has to be forgiven.

You are a warrior. You fought long and hard for your children. I do hope you find the strength within to fight for your right to live in peace... both in body and in spirit!

Will read till the end, though this tale still continues, it seems, within you.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 6 years ago from On the edge Author

The only path to forgiveness of myself has been through God. He is the only path to many destinations and the only one, I've discovered, I really need. I wish I'd known Him back then the way He knew me.


LaurieDawn profile image

LaurieDawn 6 years ago

Dearest Lady,

You know him now, and he has carried you through some of the darkest times in your life. I am amazed at your courage, at your strength, and even tho the abuser leaves, that does not mean our scars do. But wear them with honor because I have to agree, you are a Warrior!

I look forward to reading each of your chapters of your life, and I have a wish for you Dear Lady, I wish for your peace and to know that there are others out here who think very highly of you, and having the bravado to leave and fight!

Blessings and hugs!

Laurie


QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 6 years ago

It must have been difficult... Specially because the kids did not understand... Specially because they were willing to stay with this monster that only you knew.

I am glad that you are in a happy place now but that time must have been more than difficult.

I agree with SomeWayOuttaHere, the title initially, before I began to read the series, gave me the impression of a love story or of lost love.

Now I understand, how it means that you still look for your tormentor.

Poohgranma, the best way for you to link your hubs is, go to "My accounts" there click on "Groups", there you can add a group name and then add all these parts.

It will link each hub together very professionally.


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

What a terrible situation for Lynn. God Bless You.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Thanks for reading and commenting, stars. I hope today finds you feeling much better!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota

Hey sweetie, wow, what a ride this has been, reading your memoirs. I can't imagine how bittersweet this has been for you to write these memories down. You are so strong and that shows in the fact that you not only went through this but are now writing about it. You are helping many people with your courage.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Thank you MT, some parts of it was harder to write than others, of course. And even though I have forgiven him for the abuse to me, because God says that is what we must do, and I could only do through God, there are times when I read what I've written and am surprised at the anger it brings up in me ... on many levels.


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

I can't stand that he hurt you. Good job trying to keep the kids safe. I hate that your son called you crazy, but I get it. They hear the verbal abuse and want so badly to stay loyal to both parents. So sad for children.


rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 5 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

I'm wanting to know what Lynn will do next, where does she head to escape this maniac. A very tough time for Lynn but I guess somewhere out there she has made up her mind. About what,the next chapters will tell me if my premonition is correct or not.

Amazing recollection of events after all these years shows how deep the wounds were, Poohgranna

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