I Was Not The Life Of 'Any' Party

See this cool guy? I dreamed of being THIS guy from age eight through age eighteen.

THE SMILE. THE TEETH. THE AVIATOR SUNGLASSES. YEAH. THAT WAS MY DREAM. COOL. ACCEPTED. POPULAR.
THE SMILE. THE TEETH. THE AVIATOR SUNGLASSES. YEAH. THAT WAS MY DREAM. COOL. ACCEPTED. POPULAR.

More Examples, Some Bad, Of Being 'The Life Of The Party'

NO, I NEVER DREAMED OF BEING SELF-CENTERED AS JERRY SEINFELD, BUT I DID WANT TO BE 'THE LIFE OF THE PARTY,' ANY PARTY.
NO, I NEVER DREAMED OF BEING SELF-CENTERED AS JERRY SEINFELD, BUT I DID WANT TO BE 'THE LIFE OF THE PARTY,' ANY PARTY.
COOL GUYS STICK TOGETHER LIKE ICECUBES.
COOL GUYS STICK TOGETHER LIKE ICECUBES.
FAMOUS ACTOR, JUDE LAW, ACTING LIKE A FOOL FOR THE CAMERA.
FAMOUS ACTOR, JUDE LAW, ACTING LIKE A FOOL FOR THE CAMERA.
THIS GUY, PUSHING THE LITTLE GIRL'S FACE INTO HER CAKE, MAY RECEIVE SOME REBUKES, BUT AFTER THIS, HE WILL BE THOUGHT OF AS  COOL.
THIS GUY, PUSHING THE LITTLE GIRL'S FACE INTO HER CAKE, MAY RECEIVE SOME REBUKES, BUT AFTER THIS, HE WILL BE THOUGHT OF AS COOL.
THIS APPRATUS AND I WILL NEVER MEET AT THE AGE I AM TODAY.
THIS APPRATUS AND I WILL NEVER MEET AT THE AGE I AM TODAY.
NEED I EVEN WRITE A CAPTION FOR THIS GUY?
NEED I EVEN WRITE A CAPTION FOR THIS GUY?
THIS WAS "ME" FROM AGE EIGHT TO AGE EIGHTEEN, BUT NOT THE GLASSES. BUT THIS PHOTO DEPICTS HOW I ACTED IN THOSE DAYS TO JUST BE COOL.
THIS WAS "ME" FROM AGE EIGHT TO AGE EIGHTEEN, BUT NOT THE GLASSES. BUT THIS PHOTO DEPICTS HOW I ACTED IN THOSE DAYS TO JUST BE COOL.
TALK ABOUT A PARTY MACHINE. THIS GUY MUST HAVE BROKEN ALL RECORDS OF WILD, BUT POPULAR PARTY ACTS THE NIGHT BEFORE.
TALK ABOUT A PARTY MACHINE. THIS GUY MUST HAVE BROKEN ALL RECORDS OF WILD, BUT POPULAR PARTY ACTS THE NIGHT BEFORE.
CROWDS PULLING AT YOUR CLOTHES TO SAY THEY HAVE TOUCHED YOU. WHAT A GREAT LIFE.
CROWDS PULLING AT YOUR CLOTHES TO SAY THEY HAVE TOUCHED YOU. WHAT A GREAT LIFE.

WHEN YOU ARE NOT

THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

you do not feel good. You feel miserable, to be honest. You go home and sit in your room--planning your attack for the next day as to how you can make a break-through to the 'cool' people in your life.

Awards should be handed out for people such as myself and many more whom have tried. Tried very hard. But failed to 'make it,' so to speak. I don't know why 'making it' was that important to me. Maybe I was born with an entertainment gene that prompted me to act-up, show-out and do my homemade show business acts for family and what few friends I could threaten to stick around to watch me perform my backyard theater productions.

I will never really know how it feels to be 'it,' popular, cool, and idolized. That's fine too. The older I get the harder it is to live with the 'what if's' which can add up swiftly. And cause me, or anyone sleepless nights mixed with depression.

Life, I wish it were fair.

IT'S NOT A WONDERFUL LIFE, CLARENCE

when you suddenly realize, early-on, that you are not meant for the entertainment business. Or worse, being "the life of the party." I have never been as serious as I am here. It's a sad tale told by an obscure writer, me. A faded tale forgotten by many. But to me, if I had another shot at my life, I would do things differently.

WHERE MY ILL-FATED, UNPOPULAR CAREER BEGAN

was on a shiny linoleum floor in the bedroom of my dad's parents, James and Ida Belle Avery when I was the unlearned age of eight. Man, did I look goofy. Clumsy. Stupid. I am just telling the truth here. I had been fortunate to see an ad for a pesticide on their black and white television and it stuck. I mean it stuck in mind like a bad memory. I went to my grandparents' bedroom where everything was in its place. Orderly. Neat. And began doing, from memory, the pesticide ad. To me, even being alone, it was big fun.

Suddenly, my dad, Austin Avery, Hamilton, and his parents, James and Ida Belle Avery, also of Hamilton, ran into the bedroom screaming, "was that you that hit the floor like a sack of potatoes?" I grinned. That was a yes to them. I stood convicted. But dad, a caring man, asked if I would do the ad again for his benefit. And after the speaking part of the ad, I had to play the part of the dead insect, so I collapsed on the shiny linoleum floor. Dad laughed. My grandparents simply stood, arms crossed, and frowned. Like I would really hurt something as tough as their linoleum floor.

From that embarrassing moment on, I seized every opportunity, both secret and public, to try out my newly-found entertainment abilities. At every Christmas gathering, I would take two plates and put them over my eyes and say, "hey, look. I'm a fly!" A few laughs would surface. Families are rough crowds. The late Rodney Dangerfield knew this. But when the few laughs wouldn't suffice, I would resort to talking-up my next act. "hey, want to see me drink this full glass of milk without breathing?" Sadly, no one wanted to see this amazing feat. And in retrospect, that was a good thing. I got my first taste of disappointment.

ENTER THE PRE-TEEN YEARS

and I was still determined to be "the life of the party." Actually I recall a minister saying those exact words at a funeral that my mom and dad attended with me along so they could make sure I wasn't causing any trouble. The minister, in his finest, humble-toned preacher voice, said, "this dear soul who lays here, was not perfect. No, not in any way. But some say that he was 'the life of the party,'" and that too, like the ad for the pesticide, stuck in my mind. A goal. A dream. 'The life of the party.' Not a bad choice. I could have made worse choices such as being a hoodlum, convict or even a thief. I was happy inside knowing that the stars in the sky were smiling on me. I was go grow up and entertain thousands of smiling, laughing, and happy fans.

IT'S ROUGH, WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON

who realizes that 'you' are the 'life of the party.' Not those around you. Here I was in my early teen's. Awkward. Hitting puberty. Voice squeaking. Clumsy. Still stupid. But I thought I could make my awkward, clumsy mannerisms work for me. They did. But not in a good way. I recall an early entertainment event that I did in my seventh grade home room. The teacher, a true southern gentlewoman, Mrs. Lena Rea Shotts, had to leave the room for an errand, but she made the mistake of leaving us on our honor to be good. Oh yeah. That was smart. Smart like a fox. Smart enough to win the Nobel Peace Prize alright. I took the time to introduce my stunt man talents that I had watched on a black and white western at my grandparents' house the previous Sunday evening.

Here's how it went. "Hey, people! Would you believe that I can leap from this desk to that desk without being injured?" I announced to my stunned classmates. I recall a jester, Alan Cantrell, slyly saying, "Yeah, Kenny. That sounds great." I smiled with self-gratification. I took a deep breath. Then with the grace of a limp antelope, I sailed from my desk top to nearly the desk top I was aiming for, but only ended up on the hard cement floor. All wasn't lost. My classmates did clap. Yell. And laugh. Some asked for me to do it again, but I had to get to the boys' restroom to stop the bleeding on my head. What a close call. Mrs. Shotts never noticed the bruise on my chin and the scrape on my forehead. No one ever said being 'the life of the party' would be easy.

I GUESS YOU THINK THAT I MADE IT

to being 'the life of the party.' No. Not by a long shot, but it wasn't for a lack of trying. I had all the gimmicks and stunts down to a science. On cue, I would fall down in the hallway of our school, Hamilton High School, and 'act' hurt to scare the girls. That bit soon wore-thin. Talk about wise girls. I did the falling-down routine so much that the girls only stepped over me and went about their day while Alan Cantrell, Billy Owen, and other jesters, stood by and laughed. Not with, but at me. And these guys were good enough to act as my promoters. They would spread the word about when and where my next event would take place. Nice guys. Did all this work for me for no pay.

EUREKA! I KNEW WHAT WAS MISSING

and it was jokes. One-liners. Funny stories. Yeah. The icing on the cake. The final step in my goal to be 'the life of the party,' to be invited to class picnics, private parties with girls and dancing at the homes of classmates, a name that meant cool. A person, who just be looking at me, people would stop and say, "Look. It's Kenneth Avery, 'the life of the party,'" I would wink. And go on down the hallway to my next class. This, friends, never materialized. I did though hear, "Hey, Kenneth! When are you going to jump off the roof of the high school?" and the good-natured classmates who said things like this would laugh and walk away. Funny. No matter where I was and no matter the classmates who were actually setting me up to laugh at me were, there was my buddy, Alan Cantrell. I guess he wanted to support me all of the time.

THE JOKES I STOLE WERE GREAT

pieces of comedy by the 'greats,' such as Jackie Gleason, Milton Berle, George Jessell, and the all-time 'master of the one-liners,' Henny Youngman. I loved these guys. They knew just how to turn a phrase. Tell the right joke. Look a certain way. Fans loved these guys and my classmates, I thought, would soon love me, for I had a new tool. A new wrinkle in my act. A way to be 'the life of the party,' and spread good cheer at the same time.

I remember walking up to a group of my classmates in our gymnasium one Tuesday afternoon. I was dressed 'fit to kill,' in my black Hagar slacks, black pointed-toe slippers, and red sweater vest. I looked fine. As soon as I neared my friends, they all, for some reason, stopped talking. I did overhear them say something about a party later on at Chip Woods' house. Woods was a friend of ours. But not as cool as I was. I went right 'for the jugular,' and asked, "would you all like to hear a few jokes?" Some nodded. Some looked off. In fewest words, my first attempt at stand-up to be labelled 'the life of the party,' was a train wreck. A disaster. The Hindenburg blimp crash paled in comparison. I guess I got my comedians mixed up. My funny joke went like this: "Hey, take my jackass, please!" "No, I got it wrong. Ohhh, how sweet I am," by then, it was over. Oh, the classmates laughed. And laughed. They thought I did the screw-ups on purpose. And my forehead covered in sweat was only a comedy gag. I walked away defeated. Dejected. Sweaty. And still didn't get an invite to Chip's party.

FROM THE CRUEL YEARS OF 1971 THROUGH 1999

I tried hard. At every job I had. I had not given up on being an adult 'life of the party' since my teenage attempts had failed miserably. Same thing. Different setting. Some coworkers would chuckle. Some would produce a respectful 'fake' laugh at my one-liners, that some thought I was making sound stupid on purpose. I wasn't. The only party I got invited to were those dull company Christmas parties where the boss is always 'the life of the party.' Figures. Why waste talent on the likes of me?

HERE ARE SOME HONEST, PERSONAL REASONS WHY

I WANTED TO BE 'THE LIFE OF THE PARTY':

  1. honestly, to get dates with pretty girls.
  2. to be patted on the back by people.
  3. loved by many.
  4. remembered for years to come.
  5. to have my name associated with words like hilarious; amazingly-funny and witty.
  6. to make a living out of being 'the life of the party,' Jerry Lewis did. Why not me?
  7. to have a shot on television.
  8. to be on my local radio station with my own comedy show. And yes, music of course.

DON'T WORRY, FRIENDS. ALL IS NOT LOST

I am not depressed any longer. Fact is, I feel pretty good these days. I may not be 'the life of the party,' but I have the perfect audience who laughs at every joke I tell, and at every one-liner that flies off my lips. I love 'this' new audience who adores me for who I am. Not what I could been.

My bathroom mirror.




MAYBE IF I HAD TRIED THIS . . .I WOULD HAVE BEEN 'THE LIFE OF THE PARTY'

THIS IS AN ALWAYS-FUNNY GAG AT PARTIES. ALL 'LIVES OF THE PARTY' DO THIS WITH LAMPSHADES.
THIS IS AN ALWAYS-FUNNY GAG AT PARTIES. ALL 'LIVES OF THE PARTY' DO THIS WITH LAMPSHADES.

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Comments 53 comments

ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Kenneth...

AH...my friend...you are INDEED the life of our Hubsville party and I (for one) would ALWAYS be honored to watch you fling yourself off buildings for the entertainment of others!

I must admit...I also suffered from the same affliction...alas...my Black/white television muse was the old Dick Van Dyke Show. It occurred to me...how can tripping over an ottoman every night...NOT be funny??

Turns out...the pretty girls that I was trying to impress had a disturbingly long list of reasons for why that wasn't funny. Girls...they are pretty little enigmas sometimes...

Great Job Kenneth! (I am voting accordingly!)

Thomas

PS...I heard Chip's party sucked. Their loss...


prashantpujan profile image

prashantpujan 5 years ago from Mumbai, India

Interesting, beautiful and awesome. I could not resist clicking at...I'm still the picture of your age eight to age eighteen..Lolzz...and I'm enjoying every bit of it!! Great hub.

thanks,

prashant


wonderful1 profile image

wonderful1 5 years ago from Southern California

That is a sweet and endearing story. I bet you are more loved and remembered than you give yourself credit for. Please don't hurt yourself anymore-- I'm queezy just reading about "blood."

Here's a joke for you, so you can "try" to retell it:

Man: "God, why do you make women so beautiful?"

God: "So you will like them."

Man: "But God, why do you make the beautiful women so dumb?"

God: "So they will like you."

Or something like that. I thought it was funny. I can appreciate a guy with a sense of humor, and you definitely have one. Your jokes might bomb (like mine usually do), but your heart is in the right place. Thanks for entertaining us on HubPages!


femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

I heard on the Hub the Life of the Part could be found on this page, and so glad I showed up because awwww ... it's our very own Kenneth!!!

My friend, I believe you're quite blessed with attributes you're somehow overlooking. :)

You're kind. You're funny. You're encouraging. You're articulate. You speak blonde! (You get double points for that one ... ) You're sincere. (At least that's the feeling I get from you floating off the screen at me, and it's usually how I manage to size folks up.)

You're an asset to our Hub community and I sincerely hope you never doubt it!

As for those who lacked in appreciation in your past ... water off a duck's back. They didn't know what they were missing. :)

By the way, beneath the comedy ... it took courage to write this.

Hub hugs for that. We love brave men around here!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/7

Hello, ThoughtSandwiches....where do I begin? Okay. With a Sincere THANK YOU for the sensitive comment about "me" being the Hubville Life of The Party. I should do my Jim Mora, Sr., once the coach of the Indianapolis Colts..."Play offs?" "Did you say play offs?" "Are you kiddin' me?" "Play offs?" But I could say, "Me?" "Life of the party?" "Me?" Whew, thats enough typing. Thanks so much for your consistent and constant support via strong and powerful words. I wish for you and All Hubbers, a Very Merry Christmas. Hey, we could join together and make history--a first-ever Hubpages Christmas Play/Hub...I can play The Ghost of Christmas Past...what to you say??? Might be fun. Thanks again. Im suddenly wanting a nap now. KENNETH


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, prashantpujan, thank you, friend for the nice comments and remarks. That means a lot to me. And I wish YOU the best on Hubs as well. I am surrounded by talented hubwriters. On every side. That, my friends, is the truth. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, Wonderful1....LOL, great joke. I may retell it soon. And send you the check for the royalty. Thanks for the sweet comments you left here. YOU can visit anytime. I can see why you have that name, 'wonderful1,' for that is very true and do not fret...I am way too old to hurt myself anymore...well except when I meet with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Even that doesn't hurt me anymore. Thanks and bless you, wonderful.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

My Dear femmeflashpoint,

Wow, what a string of nice things you've left for me. Thanks, from the heart for all that you said. And YOU and the ones on THIS HUB are assets for sure to HubPages as ALL of my Followers. What would I do without you and all of my friends? Be miserable. Bored. Depressed. That's what. And I wish for YOU a Merry Christmas and to all on this hub as well. Visit soon and be good.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

@ ThoughtSandwiches....yeah, I heard too that Chip can be a real putz when he wants to. Doing his flimsy impresssions of an inner-tube inflated on top of the water in the Civic Center pool. What a glory hog.


ThoughtSandwiches profile image

ThoughtSandwiches 5 years ago from Reno, Nevada

Kenneth...

Chip is a putz and I have taken to writing that on bathroom walls in my local community. I am getting the word out! You rock my friend and I don't give a crap if Chip knows I said it! (laughing)

Now...I'm not sure of the etiquette involved but I wrote a story in which you (my friend) figure prominently...I don't wish to provide a link, however, for fear that it would be gauche to do so. That said...when you get a chance take a look at "The Ghost of William Hurt" ...I hope you like it and have a great holiday season my friend!

Thomas


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, kenneth, I think you may believe that you were the failure, but I think secretly other boys wish they had been like you, you got noticed! lol! even flinging yourself around people noticed you, and a lot of boys didn't even have the nerve to do that! we love your humour, so you must be doing something right! lol! take care, cheers neell


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

ThoughtSandwiches, Vandalism TIP: be sure to use permanent black marker such as Magic Marker to write Chips's name in desired locations. One should be proud of their work. And Yes, I WILL check that out now...Ghost of William Hurt. Say, did he ever get a real career? Besides Big Chill and Too Big To Fail? Just kidding. Take it EZ and catch ya soon////KENNETH, (not afilliated with Bic, Super Marx, or any permanent marker company).


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Nell, you are a very sweet lady to say this nice comment to me. I am very appreciative of you and your following of me. Actually, I feel very small for not reading more of you hubs. I will fix that. Thanks again and have a safe night. Kenneth


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 5 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Well I think you are the life of the party here on the HUB...very funny... I wish I could have met you in our teen years. I am sure you would have kept me laughing.. I voted up and funny.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, Deborah! Very sweet comment. Thank you a lot. I share the same idea. And yes, when I wasn't in the floor with a "hurt" knee, I would keep you in stitches. And with pleasure. Thanks for your support and votes. Kenneth


mary615 profile image

mary615 5 years ago from Florida

Hey, you are STILL the life of the party. I love your humor! You are the greatest, I'm told you that before. You crack me up! I voted you UP, funny, etc.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

I think you are still very funny and entertaining. I wonder if you didn't leave more funny memories than you realize as maybe you have remembered the ones that didn't turn out as you wanted. You seem to be a very caring person and that counts for a lot.


Kimberly Turner profile image

Kimberly Turner 5 years ago from New Jersey

I love your last line! That is the essence of you because no matter what you faced— rejection, getting laughed at instead of laughed with— you continued with your dream of being the life of the party! Some people may say you tried to hard or your corny funny but those can be great things! Love your article and the way you set it up too it really held my interest! Thanks for sharing. Voted up.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 5 years ago from North Carolina

Would you believe that not all the girls were impressed with guys who were the life of the party? Yeah, some thought they were pretty obnoxious-always trying to do things for a laugh to impress people.

Being yourself is the best gift you could share-and you do it so wonderfully. Funny is great, but sincerity and kindness...heck, they go a very long way.

Thanks for your honosty on the subject. Hugs and blessings to you.


beccas90 profile image

beccas90 5 years ago from New York

Love this hub Ken - the photo with the guy sleeping carrots and all - cracked me up.

Becca


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Mary, honestly, I THANK YOU for always being here for me. I can always count on you for uplifting words and encouraging thoughts. God bless you, my dear friend and talented HubWriter. This hub was the hardest to write of all the recent hubs. And I dont know why. Oh well, "hubs and tides wait for no man," and a safe night to you, my friend. Merriest of Christmas Days to you.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Pamela99, YOU are the warm and caring person. I have to be honest. I fail on every point of humanity. I dont love enough. Sacrifice enough. Give enough. In short, I am not perfect. It is work being me. And keeping my own business in order, but this I DO KNOW. It bears repeating, "I have THE BEST Followers on the Entire HubPages website!" I mean that with all sincerity. And Pamela, that DOES include YOU my friend. Thanks for being such a good friend. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

And now, a warm hello to, Kimberly! Nice to read your warm comments. You are a talented writer also. I love your hubs for they are fresh, sharp and written from a no-nonsense viewpoint. I think ALL Of my Followers, you included, Kim, need to write books, plays, screen productions, poetry and just let me live in your famous shadows. That would be the utopic life for me. Thanks, Kimberly, for your warm comment. I appreciate YOU and your thoughts. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Dear Denise, most of the girls I knew back in the day, mostly loved the smart alec guys. The jocks, upper class, elite in society and wallets full of dough. Plus those guys who never worked in their studies, but for some mysterious reason....passed each class with flying colors. When I would try to approach one of these girls, who were really nice looking, they and their smart alec guy friends would act like I was a disease. This is why I resorted to slapstick comedy. It may not have worked to get girls, or let me be the life of the party, but it sure was a safe haven for me to hide from being looked down upon by people who will face the same all-knowing judge of judges one day. Denise, I appreciate YOUR comments and hugs back to you my enduring friend. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Well, hello, Beccas90! Nice, no, very nice to meet you. And thanks a million for the very-nice commment. The artswork for this site was hard to get. And when I "caught a net full" of graphics like this guy, I saved it to my artwork cave. May use more of this type of art, but NOT the same guy in the future. Thanks, Becca, for being so nice. And I wish YOU and YOURS a very Merry Christmas. Kenneth


fastfreta profile image

fastfreta 5 years ago from Southern California

Hi Kenneth, you told your story so eloquently, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Some parts were so funny I don't know why no one laughed sincerely, I would have been on the floor with laughter. I loved this hub so well that I can't wait to get to more of them. I'll be seeing you on future hubs. Voted up, funny, awesome, and interesting.


V Qisya 5 years ago

Very funny! I love it, Kenneth. You make me smile ;D


romari profile image

romari 5 years ago from Heaven

Thanks for your hub!it's so funny...haha


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Good morning on Dec. 8, fastfreta, thank you MUCH, dear lady for your sweet comments and votes. I just thank God that He allowed me to put my life into words so my friends could receive a positive laugh. There is not enough laughter in 2011. And a serious shortage of professional clowns. Did you know that? I can do without food, but I need my laughs. Take care! Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

"Helll-oooo, "V,"

Thank you, my sweet friend. I mean it. And did you know that YOU make ME smile when I see your nice photo on my hubs? I do. And I value YOU as a good friend and follower. I will visit you soon and check your hubs. Okay? But you have a Very Merry Christmas, "V" and do not forget me. Kenneth


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, romari, the time is 10:19 a.m.,cst, that's Progressive Insurance time, and now talking to romari, a good friend whose comment has made me and my entire staff smile. I say THANKS romari for being a great hubber and friend. I will see to it that I get to your place soon and read some of your hubs that Im sure are much better than mine. And Merry Christmas to you.////Kenneth...now back to our regular programming....you have WKAA, all-Hub Radio.


wordscribe43 profile image

wordscribe43 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest, USA

Heck, this is entertaining as Hell! I'd say you succeeded at becoming the life of the party on this one. I really enjoyed your writing style, by the way. It's quite unique, a very refreshing read first thing in the morning. Off to follow you.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 5 years ago from Taos, NM

This is hilarious! I think you are a talented writer. I enjoy your sentences, some short, some long, some just one word. Very effective to the humor and getting your point across. You have a nice easy style of writing and it flows well and makes it easy for the reader to read. I like your unusual similes, for example, "jumping from desk to desk like a 'limp antelope.' That is creative and unusual, and funny - I'm trying to visualize a 'limp antelope' and it makes me laugh.

I don't know why you think I need to critique your work. I think you are a much better writer than you give yourself credit for. (See, I ended with a preposition which you are never suppose to do.) None of us are perfect writers! Keep writing! I'm enjoying your hubs!

And, I like you just as you are - you don't need to be the life of the party - just be yourself.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Wow, wordscribe43, that is so nice of you to say to a person who barely survived high school. Thank YOU. All of your kindness WILL be remembered. I think I will return the favor and follow you. You sound like my type of writer. Thanks again. Kenneth....do not ask what grade average I had. What a hub that would make.


pearlmacb profile image

pearlmacb 5 years ago from Switzerland

Thanks for the laugh this evening!...you diffently seem to be the life of the party here! this is the writing style I love, refreshing, honest, entertaining- Voteup!!!XD


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Humbly, and Sincerely, THANK YOU, SUZETTE. That means so MUCH coming from you. I will think of what you said here today as time goes by. I do appreciate you taking time to do this for me and follow me too. YOU are a truly-talented girl. Merry Christmas. Again.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

. . .YOUR comment is VERY SWEET, Pearlmcb! Thank YOU! Appreciate you visiting this hub, a small section of my surrealistic world. A place I love to call home. Merry Christmast to you, DEAR FRIEND. I will not forget you. Kenneth


SusieQ42 5 years ago

No "life of the party" here, Ken. I never opened my mouth, I was so shy! God bless. Hope you find yourself soon.


V Qisya 5 years ago

Thank you, my dear Kenneth! You make me smile always ;D

Merry Christmas to you too! Yep, I will always remember you, SWEET KEN ;D


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hi, SusieQ42, If it were to do over, would you venture out to be the life of the party? I think I would use a far-better strategy than hurting myself and doing carnival acts in the classroom. Hey, SusieQ, thank you sincerely, for your nice comment. Have a Merry Christmas. Kenneth. PS visit anytime you like.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

Hello, My DEAREST "V"...how can I thank you for this lovely comment? I cant. Im sorry. Forgive me. But, I will now start looking for unusual ways to say thanks to YOU, a very-colorful and interesting friend and hubwriter. And ditto to me not forgetting YOU.


CMerritt profile image

CMerritt 5 years ago from Pendleton, Indiana

Kenneth, I can relate to this one, spot on! I think there were many of us who had to fight for attention...through comedy or laughter. We would do things WAY out there, just for a laugh....

The think I admired about you and your story is your persistence! You just keep on going....and THAT is great!...there is a strong degree of honesty about you that is adorable....just to be able to tell this story in the fashion you did, is extremely entertaining...I read every word and was captivated by the entire hub....you have a REAL talent in story telling.

UP, awesome and funny!

Chris


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/9

Dear Chris, thank you, my good friend, but give God the thanks and praise. He was the one who saw me through all of these dark years. And allows me to share them with good people like YOU and ALL ON MY FOLLOWERS LIST. Not all of my tales are funny, but even the painful episodes, I try to take the painful edge off with a polishing of humor. I hate being negative. Or hearing negative words. Thanks, Chris. You are a blessing.


Amber Allen profile image

Amber Allen 5 years ago

Hi Kenneth

Your openness and frankness is truly refreshing and you had me captivated all the way through. You've now found your way to be the life and soul of the party without having to play the fool.

God bless.

Amber:)


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

. . .VERY sweet, Amber. You're a very kind girl. That humbles me to read your comment. May GOD bless you for your unselfish ways. And do have a Merry Christmas. And Safe New Year.

Kenneth


carolyn a. ridge profile image

carolyn a. ridge 5 years ago

Another "funny"! You silly rabbit; tricks are for kids! The ability to be "the life of the party" comes from within, not from outside antics, etc. It's a natural, inherent talent. But fear not, I have a proclamation for you. I hearby appoint you as the "King of Hub". Michael Jackson was the "King of Pop", James Brown was the "King of Soul", Elvis Presley was the "King of Rock and Roll (?)" ... and now, you are the "King of Hub". Forget about the "Life of the Party"; you now have another avenue for being in the Hall of Fame. Congrats, King!! Wear your crown with dignity and keep us entertained !!


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 5 years ago

Hey, we have one thing in common` I have never been the 'life of the party' either. I'm just the quiet one watching from the wings. I like it there........... so I'll keep it that way! God bless............ Kaie


Sueswan 5 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

"Hey, take my jackass, please!" "No, I got it wrong. Ohhh, how sweet I am,"

I am in tears of laughter. You, my friend are amazingly witty, funny and talented.

Voted up up and away!

Take Care


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/12 late at night

Dear carolyn, you are so funny in your hubs and comments. Me? King of HubPages? Well, what about ThoughtSandwiches? What will he say about this? IF I do accept this title, you will be to take on the roll of "Queen of HubPages," and make sure that your handmaidens are so sharp in looks and mind that they do NOT fall for Yes Men, Men who Go Overboard, and Say dumb things when they call on them at OUR castle. Deal? And I WILL send away to England's most-Promiment all-girls' schools for THE BEST handmaidens that hubs can buy. And only the BEST for you. Thanks for your comment. At this point tonight, just logged on, and now glad I did, I appreciate it so much, "Queen" Carolyn!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/12, still late at night

Hi, Kaie...what a coincidence. Us. Liking NOT being the life of the party. I once taped a GE lightbulb to my head and went as the 'light of the party,' but didnt succeed....doggone it. Wish I had thought to include that one. People laughed AT me so hard that I didnt even sit down...just found the back door and cut a trail home. That was IT for trying to liven up the joint with people who outwardly ACTED like friends, but were like Jesus said on the inside, were like "a pack of ravenous wolves," boy was He right. And I HATE snakes by the way. And I thank YOU, Kaie, for your nice remark.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/12...after this comment, going to bed

DEAREST Susan...YOUR comment alone was well-worth the work that went into this hub. I am NOT boasting. Just paying due homage to YOU, for the 'tears' of laughter. Oh, my pet jackass does have a name, "Cornbread," because he cooks the best, naaah, Im kidding. He just told me to say that. He is no cook. Thanks, DEAR Susan, for this comment that made me smile. HUGE! Good night and I will catch up to you later. KENNETH and "Cornbread"


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 4 years ago from Taos, NM

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you!


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 4 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama Author

12/14/2011

Dear suzette...Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, a fine writer, friend and follower. I appreciate all the nice comments you have given me, and others, in 2011. You are a classy lady. By anyone's standards. Kenneth

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