I Win



From the time I could question myself, I did, and often. Why do I think the things I do? Why do I do the things I do? Where will they take me? Will those places be worth the journey? Do I have a choice? Is my star-path already aligned or can I guide myself using the discrepancy I've cultivated through all of the thinking of these things?

And does it matter at all that I wonder?

Through my years of torment and my equal time in places of content, these questions have haunted me. An answer to the last, at least, has made itself clear. Does it matter at all that I wonder? Yes, it most certainly does, to me. And as we are all merely specks of dust caught up the related web of something grander, held weightless by our desire to be held amongst the familiar, what is important to me must touch another, at some point in some time.

What a Difference a Day Makes

Days go by that are countless. Unhinged from the one before and strangers to the next, but once in a while, if I pay attention, a world comes and goes within 24 hours. At times today is nothing but a simile of days and days gone by, but one moment happens and a new dawn breaks, even at dusk. The marching in of a merging of beings within me takes place and the battle that is always on, is won, by both of me.

The Battle of the Real and the Whimsical

The real me is the me that walks outside my door each day, on full alert for the evil transpiring on every corner. As that me, my spidy senses tingle as I pass you on the street. Whatever horrible twist of fate from the car that could be running me down to the creep who watches me will be one step behind me, for I am ever anticipating the doom. It's the way to survival and the way to squeezing out every last ounce of life available to me.

The real me teaches my children to adapt to their surroundings. To not be afraid of the unknown until it depicts a clear and present danger to their well being. To welcome science as a lesson in their unending search for the facts. To use all that is accessible to them and not to overuse it. The real me studies the statistics and obtains from them the tools required to live life to its utmost potential.

And the whimsical me still believes in fairytales. It still sees the good in everyone. It is the me that promises, when I'm not sure I can deliver. It's the me that runs up behind you and gives you back the 20 dollar bill you dropped. The whimsical me will offer you my seat, open the door for you, engage you in conversation just because I can see you need to talk.

The whimsical me teaches my kids to do the right thing, even when it's hard to do. Especially when it's hard to do. The whimsical me wishes on falling stars, wishing that all of my children's wishes will come true. It buys them treats at the store when I'm counting pennies to stay within budget. It watches movies and convinces me that I am the heroin of the story. It bakes stiff, horrible cherry pies that my family eats so as not to hurt me. And it counts for something every day. Indeed, it counteracts the cynical me.

The pessimistic me is tamed by the purely cheerful me, albeit willingly.

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Comments 17 comments

Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 6 years ago from trailer in the country

I walk with both the practical and the whimsical in me also...I enjoyed reading and am rating up.

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

Enlydia Listener - Thank you for reading and commenting. It's nice to know there are more of us out there :)

Rob 6 years ago

Bullseye! Your spirit wants to fly while your ego keeps you grounded. We speak of being grounded, usually, as a positive trait but it isn't always that way as you've deftly pointed out. Thanks

Druid Dude 6 years ago

A little inner struggle here. The whimsical no longer means to me what it used to. I have discovered that: Truth is way stranger than fiction ever thought of being, in fact, fiction is a shadow of the truth. Visualization works, but there is strength in numbers. The darkness that I so constantly obsess about, and which you address here, I know it well, having raised three little ones of my own, but I also understand that free will is anarchic, chaotic. There are a few truly precious things in this world, and everyone trying to grab what they can, as fast as they can should tell us all that someone will get hurt. The anarchists are on the rise. In crossing from "A" to the far shore of "B", Logic dictates that I follow the one who knows where the stones are. That is my boss, he makes the rules, I merely follow them. I like this hub. It is different from what I've read from you before. I can tell, it is going to be an "interesting" year. Good work. Peace

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

Rob - You're welcome :) Thanks for the comment.

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

Druid Dude - Interesting I hope it proves to be :) Thanks as always for stopping by.

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Website Examiner 6 years ago

Very interesting, glad that I read this. It is both honest and sophisticated. I noticed with admiration the perfect punctuation, which adds refinements to your points of view. Either side of you sounds intriguing enough. W.E.

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

Website Examiner - Why, thank you for the compliments! I appreciate you stopping in :)

sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 6 years ago from Indiana

This was beautiful. I love how you so accurately described the struggle that, I believe, goes on inside most of us. We reach out with our energy to things that we cannot touch or see, but are as real as those we can. Sensing the feelings of those around us, and their energies is important, but we also have to turn that off to live life and not be in a padded cell with a funny jacket.

This was very beautiful. Thank you for coming to my hubs, I might not have found yours otherwise. :)

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

sueroy333 - Thank you for visiting, and for commenting so positively charmingly! I look forward to reading your next :)

arthurchappell profile image

arthurchappell 6 years ago from Manchester, England

life's a struggle between realism and escapism - we either embrace situations or take flight from them - you capture that struggle neatly here

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

arthurchappell - Thank you :) That's what I hoped to convey while writing this. And I think once in a while, situations arise at times when we are feeling especially strong of mind, and it's beautiful to be able to embrace them AS we take flight from them, carrying them to the next of life's endeavours. I think those are times in which we really grow into who we are. Thanks for reading!

arthurchappell profile image

arthurchappell 6 years ago from Manchester, England

Absolutely - it's when we are at our most grown up

Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Fiona I'm so impressed. You made the word simile into a metaphor.

As to the "real me #1" it reminds me of the time I stopped thinking Murphy's Law was funny--I thought how pessimistic such thinking made us and I determined to create and apply my own rule from then on: "What can go wrong can go right." I think I'm happier for it. I really enjoyed this. Cheers. =:)

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

Winsome - Great motto! I'm going to start telling myself that right away :)

Druid Dude profile image

Druid Dude 6 years ago from West Coast

Well done fifi. Kudos.

fi fi profile image

fi fi 6 years ago from Niagara, Canada Author

Druid Dude - Well, thank you again! :)

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