I breathed your last breath with you .......

Watching the mysteries of the intensive care unit , Yet the simple and pure beauty of your breath, my brother, echoes even know , no matter how artificial ! We all watched as one beautiful mans chest rose and fell in artificial rhythm . For one pump of air , then one movement of your lungs . The nurse came in every few minutes to check a pulse , a machine , a mystery . Long tubes of blood red fluid moved from arm to a machine and back to your flesh . All of this happening as your memories fell through holes in the floors of time , back , back to childhood , to the days of summer and of long autumns .

The humble and smaller body of the simple yet hard working man of god lieing before me begged to let go , I could tell that ...... Three a.m...... and the benches of the waiting rooms offered no relief from fatigue , the kind of fatigue that leaves you numb but refuses to let go of you . Waiting..... waiting for the schedules of loved ones to finally connect , waiting to hope the machines will keep you alive . Perhaps even those further from your heart took the longest to arrive ? No I mustn't think that .

The doctors consultation arrived and the young ,baby faced intern explained the procedure to " disconnect ", a cold and heartless term no ? . and as he explained the process , I looked around the room to the already electronically attached widow , denial , defeat , yet dealing ..........and your brothers , just as I , tears , wringing hands and quick glances at the L.E.D. numbers flashing , the warning beepers...... beeping . And my wondering of the digital numbers meaning , the clearing of the room for long moments as the breathing tube is pulled and then a group of loved ones to watch your last breath , the intensity of the power and desperation of a breath is as awesome as the high lonesome wind itself .

No ..... not again ,not now ....... I have often thought and forever feared that the one greatest curse of a big family is in being the last to live perhaps , and then....... in just a few short moments .......your chest rose one last time and your exhale was almost anti-climatic .......the last one . No bells , no whistles , just the soft smooth blanket of deathly silence . And then you were gone . Your pastor read from his notes and the bible and gave you to God , the sniffles and tears , the moans ...........spread life a wildfire . .........Yet unseen by most a hand reached forth and took your soft yet muscular shoulder in his hand ...........and as the dawn began to stir in the far , far east , in the place where long gone relatives and old friends waited to greet you . A very dim light began to climb the mountains that you called home . Good bye my brother , good bye ..............until tomorrow .



Comments 19 comments

Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 3 years ago from San Francisco

Beautiful piece. I know a fellow who never cane home from the hospital. Thank you


Ghaelach 3 years ago

A loving memory of your brother. I'm sure he read your loving thoughts as he took his last breath.

Ghaelach


Magdelene profile image

Magdelene 3 years ago from Okotoks

goodbye... until tomorrow.

It is never easy. Beautiful. I long to say something profound to make it all better, but I realize that the words escape me. I understand.


moonfairy profile image

moonfairy 3 years ago

oh my....just beautiful.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota

This is a beautifully written, sad account of your late brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I too have lost a brother and the grief never ends but it does get a little easier.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota

This is a beautifully written, sad account of your late brother. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I too have lost a brother and the grief never ends but it does get a little easier.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 years ago from Southern Illinois

Beautiful Ed, I have watched this unfold as a nurse. It is never easy to 'unplug ' but it is a blessing when there is no hope for recovery. Bless you. I could feel your pain...


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 3 years ago from United States

Sorry for your loss.

I am sure he is in a better place.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 3 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. A loving and wonderful tribute to your brother. You know he is with you and will be by you and your family all the holidays long. You mentioned him being connected to a system. My thoughts have always been that once someone has come so far that they are dependent on artificial means and there is no hope even if it is a comfort to us that they are still on this earth I think it is much better to release their souls and let them go to God. God bless and I hope your holidays are the best.


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 3 years ago

jesus, cowboy - my aching heart! i can't bear your suffering...you have an innate understanding of the workings of the world - the pain and the pleasure both..and while you 'accept' reality, it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt..

i know how much you miss your loved ones that are no longer with you in body yet - remain with you always..


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Mhatter ,yes the saddest memories always seem to smell like antiseptic !..........Thanks and merry Chistmas !


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Ghaelach , Merrry CWissmas my friend !.......Thank you !


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Magdelene , Thank and you know thats enough ! Merry Christmas .......:-}


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Moonfairy , Thank you my dear ! Happy holidays to U!


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Miinnetonka ! Yes my friend Thats true !. Merry Christmas


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Thank you Always !


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Ruchura , He is ,he is my friend !......:-}


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

Gypsy my girl ! Thank you and merry merry as to you too !


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 3 years ago Author

IMKarn , There seems no end to life at times and no end to loss ! Thank you Leslie , Your e the best !

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