I lost A Nickel...... Worth Millions.

It started quite

unexpectedly

last Friday night.

Just another normal

weekend evening

looking forward to

some time off.

I went to take

my two dogs out

for their necessary

visits to the pen,

and noticed

that Nutty Buddy

rushed to the door as usual,

but my dog Nickel

was having trouble

finding his way

out of the den.

He was weak, confused

and walking into things.

He followed the

sound of my voice,

and got outside O.K.

and did his business

as usual but I was concerned.

Sadly it was about

1 A.M. and the vet

would not be in

till ten o'clock the next day.

It appeared as if he was blind,

at seven years of age.

My heart was crushed

for his loss of sight

and I went to bed worried

about the morn, the mourn.

The next day dawned

much worse as upon arising

Nickel was found to be

even more confused.

Most alarming, his eyes

were like scarlet

marbles in the white areas

and he had to be assisted

to even go outside.

The vet was called

and a visit scheduled right away,

but there was not

much they could do.

Nickels prognosis was poor

his red blood cells were dying,

his platelets were extremely low,

and his white blood cells were

a raging massive number.

They put him on

prednisone and antibiotics

and sent him home with us

which I now know was

an act of mercy.

It would allow us

a few more days with him

where he would

be more comfortable

then in a kennel at the vets.

He was so very sick,

sleeping most of

the day and night,

both eyes glazed,

and the right eye

leaking blood.

I would carry him outside

and set him in the grass

so that he could

go to the bathroom

and he would stand up weakly

and still please his master.

But there was

blood in his urine.

We gave him so much love

a lifetime's worth in

those four days he was with us

separating him

from our other dog

in case it was contagious.

Ever hoping he would

regain his strength

and overcome this

terrible affliction.

He was the happiest

dog I have ever known

a tiny bundle of black

and white and brindled brown fur,

his big fluffy tail always waving.

His vigor for life so apparent

whenever it was time

to eat or go outside.

He used to cock his

head to one side

so adoringly when

you talked to him.

But now he was a

rag dog of fur and flesh

who still wagged his tail

when we said...

"I love you Nickel..

your such a good boy.!"

Tuesday came

with more horror,

he looked like a prizefighter

who had gone

the full 12 rounds

of ghastly punishment.

His eyes bleeding,

his tummy marred

by splotches of

blood under the skin,

and even his gums

and tongue pale

and full of pale

brown splotches.

He was essentially

bleeding out from the inside.

He had been eating

up until Tuesday

and then I couldn't

get him to eat a thing.

I begged him to try

and hand fed

him white chicken meat

and Imes pellets to no avail.

Then death grinned insidiously

in my living room where he

lay on a soft pillow.

He began to vomit

over and over,

and it was blood filled

some dark and grainy

other times bright

red and clotted.

We rushed him to

a pet hospitals ER

hoping there was

something they could do

to stop the vomiting.

Some I.V. fluids,

anti-nausea drugs,

and perhaps a

stronger anti-biotic.

But in our hearts we knew

that this brave little

7 year old pup

who had struggled

for four days to get better

had lost the battle.

The vet at the hospital told us

he was in grave condition

I always hated that word...grave.

She could give him

red blood cell transfusions

but most likely his blood disorder

would simply devour those as well,

and he would need many transfusions

and days of anti-biotics

at $1,200.00 a transfusion,

and there would be no guarantee

that even then he would make it.

She also said that even if

they got him into remission

five to six thousand dollars later

he could have a relapse at any time

and have to go through all

of the same suffering again.

We were given a choice of

that or putting him to sleep

right then and there.

He was still

wagging his tail

at us when they brought him

back into the room.

Such a trusting dog

so full of love

facing the betrayal

of his owners and death.

I had to sign the orders

to put him to sleep.

my hand trembling

and cursing the very act

of writing my name.

But he had no options

that were promising,

and he looked so miserable.

So we petted him

and told him

how much we loved him

and what a good boy he was,

but we never said

the word goodbye.

Then three needles

were brought in,

as we huddled around him

stroking his ears and neck

and bathing him

with kind words.

until each meedle

had emptied it's toxins

into his frail body.

I was looking

right into his eyes.

whispering.......

"Go to sleep Nickel, I love you,

you were the best puppy ever."

and then he was no more.

The light that was

always so happy

faded from his big blues

and without any fuss at all

as if he was trying to be polite

even at the end.

He left us peacefully for that

big yummy in the sky.

But how do you

leave you dog

in the wee hours

of the night

on a death table,

facing cremation?

How do you go

back to his brother

who was so close to him

and explain to a dog

that he is now alone?

But Nickel was growing cold,

and the doctor was busy,

and so we left him there

and went home emptied of hope.

Sadly the vision has stayed

a vision that won't be

shaken for a long time.

The empty pen where

he slept with Nutty Buddy,

The empty bowl he so

loved to eat out of

and so many more

haunting reminders.

I was able to get

a rug doctor machine

and clean up all of his

sprewed life from my carpet

but i was unable to get a

doctor who could save him.

It was a genetic

blood disorder that can happen

to any dog, and there is

little hope when it hits.

We worry that his

brother might take the same path

but there are no tests

that could show this disorder

until it hits full force.

I wil drive to the

hospital in a few days

and pick up Nickels cremains

and bury them under

his favorite tree.

I am so not looking

forward to that.

because my home is

so much more empty

and his ashes cannot

fill that ache.

My heart and soul

are a desert,

without his silly

little prances,

his exuberance at life,

and his loving companionship.

He lies somewhere

in a refridgerated drawer,

but his soul is at peace in some

warm meadow far from here.

I lost a nickel..... worth millions

there is nothing to

replace that bankruptcy.

I am and will be

broke for a while

till the memories kick in

and overpower the grief.

Treasure your pets,

watch for strange signs

of confusion or blindness.

sometimes if this is caught

really early it can be cured.

Alas, that was not

the case for Nickel.

and we are lesson ed,

lessen-ed by his loss.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~MFB III