If I Lost Control Tonight

Source

I'm losing...



control...


...




If my imagination left tonight,

it all would be erased

I'd be lost in dying twilight,

of damaged dreams and waste



Control of thought has become

a challenging burden to endure

Thrown from the Devil’s kingdom,

suppressing fantasies of grandeur



Heaven possesses my heart’s desire,

but the abyss beneath is calling

Angels boasting demons' attire,

are to my left, constantly crawling



To plant a seed into a heart

is a task accomplished sweetly

An ancient form of craft, an art

A procedure done discreetly



If I lost control of mind tonight

the result would be a meltdown

I'll swiftly learn to swim, despite

my natural tendency to drown



© copyright Ben D.A 2011

Comments 29 comments

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas

An excellent write, Ben describing the tightrope we all walk between heaven and hell in this life. Even on our highest perch, we sometimes can still feel the heat of hell on the soles of our feet ever a reminder not to make to many mistakes, lest the tapes be erased. Up and beautiful...thanks much for sharing. WB


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 4 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Your support means more to me than you know. I see our similarities, and I know you can relate to what I feel.

I admire you, always have. Thank you


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

That's because you remind me a lot of myself when I was your age. I to was a dreamer and a thinker but surrounded myself with like minded artists. You must always believe in yourself first, don't worry what other people think. Follow your gut, follow your dream. You are an artist that I know for sure, no matter what you write Dark, Light or otherwise, keep writing. Keep pushing the envelope and the edge. You will find yourself and believe me my young poet, it is finding you right now in your scribes. If your feeling down, then surround yourself with other artists. Join a poet's club, hang out in cafe's where they are, don't for a minute listen to negative talk about your work. It's dreamers like us who are being heard and our legacy will be our Quill and how we make it bleed for us. Can you feel me patting you on the shoulder my friend, now surge ahead, stay positive. You are the CREATOR of your world no one else.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 4 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Vincent - This is a very old one, but I had to bring it back. I'm trying to clean up my hubs, delete some that I don't like, and get some that I miss read. Ya know?

You seem to show so much faith in me, despite how I can't stop crashing and burning. Every day I feel like I'll never be anything but a dreamer, never getting anything accomplished in life.

I'm glad you believe in me, regardless of if I believe in myself. Thanks as always, Sir


Vincent Moore 4 years ago

Ben my heavy Poetic voice from your youth, BTW like that Avatar pic of you. Writing from Vincent and not the Saddle I must say your a delight, yet through the fright of your travels through time you must not lose control.

As your mind is to sharp, so hang on tight and keep writing. Your future is ahead of you, let your youth catch up to your maturity as it is finding you with lightning speed and the window of this world is opening to you my talented genius of a Poet. Voted way UP and awesomely beautiful and always stimulating and interesting.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

thank you ebower :]


Ebower profile image

Ebower 5 years ago from Georgia

This is very deep; in a good way. I voted this up and awesome!


HattieMattieMae profile image

HattieMattieMae 5 years ago from Limburg, Netherlands

Wonderful Ben! Really loved it!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

cheyenne - thanks a lot :}

essi - thanks, cool broad :D haha


essiheart profile image

essiheart 5 years ago from Chicago, IL

"The Heavens possess my heart’s desire,

but the abyss beneath is calling

An angel boasting demons' attire,

to my left, is softly whispering"

Once again, an amazing piece of poetry.


thisismylife9123 profile image

thisismylife9123 5 years ago from Salt lake city, UT

if you lost control tonight, i would bring you to your senses and help you through the madness. very beautiful piece, monsieur.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Nighthag, thanks so much! The support is wonderful


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia

a wonderful artistic poem ben, you are going from strength to strength here, its wonderful to see how much support you have here. A true artist should always be recognised...


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

even good criticism is still criticism. as always your words amaze me. so there was nothing negative for me to say here.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

OH, that is a relief. I was really puzzled about that, it is such an outstanding piece.

I look forward to your Georgia one being back up. It really is outstanding.

One of my own favorites had bad marks from above because it quoted too much, even though the majority of the hub was what I wrote about the article. It wasn't removed but had a warning notice at the top. Finally I just decided to remove the offending quoted piece and simply posted its own link where I'd put the quote. Besides, I figured most of my more active followers had already read it by then. hehe. It is the one about learning to see. You might find it interesting, especially the linked article on down the page. It's not a poetry hub, by the way.

Normally I wouldn't post a link to my own thing, but it's kind of hard to locate. - in fact I just now had to scour through my hubs twice to find it! LOL. So - if you want to peek - it is at:

http://hubpages.com/education/Learning-To-SEE


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Nikki- nice to see some non-critical feedback on this haha. I really appreciate you telling me what you like about it, and that you really read it closely. Thanks :]


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

this is one of my fave. i noticed a few lines of alliteration (ex.damaged dreams, endeavor to endure.) and personification (ex. dying twilight). i loved the rhyme scheme, and the flow. and the overall meaning of it. i can very well relate. expecially the last stanza. there once was a time when i needed to learn how to swim. or rather fly. but always found myself drowning. sometimes, i wondered if i liked feeling that way. but I know i hated it most of all. and i love the picture. green is my fave color!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Randy - yeah I admit this one is a little different as far as rhyming goes. It is a bit complex, but when I read it aloud, it seems to flow for me. Depends on how you read it, and where you pause. Thank you :]

Nellie - The one about Georgia was taken down because I linked too many pictures to one source :[ It should be up shortly...I hope!

Sligo - Thank you sir

Seen - if you mean calling/whispering...it was because I didn't want to use an exact rhyme on such a simple word, as the obvious rhyme would be "falling" Thank you though :]

Mentalist - pretty much, right on. haha


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Clowns to the left me,Joker's to the right;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8StG4fFWHqg


SeenButNotHeard profile image

SeenButNotHeard 5 years ago from Michigan

The last two stanzas are the best part :) I like the rhymes a lot, although the third seems out of pattern. Even so, it's wonderful, Mr. Writings :) Great job


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Keep up the good work Ben. Enjoyed it.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

It is well written, for sure. But its depth seems to be a whirlpool. And I'm sad that your piece on Georgia has been taken down. Is there a problem, Ben?


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Well that was a fun one... kinda like walking a tight rope. The second stanza tripped my tongue a little but I agree with Elizabeth the 4th stanza made me grin.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

lol, yeah it is addictive.

But it's much better than the addictions of mine that it's replacing.


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

I agree with Elizabeth. Someone take my computer away please...

Oh well - I'm still here. Nice work Ben....


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

lol, certainly not me.

But the question is, what did you think of this poem? hahaha

Honestly though, I have been counting a bit, and it's pretty cool stuff


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge

My Heavens Ben you've hit 90 in 2, count them two, weeks! And have 68 followers ... but who's counting


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

haha...lol.

Watch that addictive tendency, Elizabeth. Thanks for reading. :]


Elizabeth99 profile image

Elizabeth99 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

I must say the second to last stanza is my favorite. It's a sweet little nugget in this poem. Very good.

On another note...I think I'm addicted to Hubpages, and someone needs to take my computer away... :\

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