If They Asked Me I Could Write A Book
As I sit here typing away (often every day of my life) for not only my own amusement but for those of you who are reading my blog posts I have oft thought that I should compile my fave posts and create a book of them to be published. In fact, I did just that and even sent it to not only gay, gay, gayer than gay publishers but publishers in general, all to be told, “Thanks but no thanks” but now that I’ve read that Mike “The Situation” from Jersey Shore is coming out with a book my anger is once again brought to the surface and I find myself singing the lyrics from that classic Rogers and Hart musical, Pal Joey, “If they asked me I could write a book” – Don’t Get Me Started!
I know that they say that everyone has “one book in them” but as far as I’m concerned, as I look over the past four years of writing close to 850 blog posts and essays I find that once again while you may have it in you and even get it out of you onto a save file on your computer, you’re not good enough unless you’ve been on a reality show or shtupped Tiger Woods. Since I have no chance of having a child with Mel Gibson and then having him berate me on a recorded phone conversation anytime soon and never having been to Alaska to comment on the Bristol and Levi relationship as someone who knew them from high school, my chances of getting a book deal lie roughly between those old two friends of mine, gay thin to none (for you straightees the translation is: slim to none).
What gets me is with all of the new e-books, Kindles and iPads to read books on can someone explain to me why there is less and less that I want to read? I love a good biography or to tell the truth an autobiography but I never even watched The Hills so why would I want to read about those people and does anyone think that they actually wrote the book themselves? There was a time a “ghost writer” was someone who literally no one ever saw or heard, they were the Marni Nixons of the literary world but now everyone knows that no one writes their own book alone and usually don’t even know what’s in it until it published and they see what the real writer of the book wrote! Still we all know that sex sells and I suppose if you’ve ever been a Playboy bunny you have a better chance of getting a book deal than some forty-something gay who claims to be the gay Erma Bombeck for his generation.
I’ve always had these visions of doing “readings” in a Borders or in a lecture hall. Maybe it was all those years of watching Sex In The City that made it seem plausible for it to happen. I tried getting the local and not so local gay papers to pick me up as a feature in their periodicals but again, no dice. So what’s a gay to do?
I’m hardly one to think that like Little Richard I invented everything but I had to laugh when a recent visit to a gay site included the word, “straightee” in one of its headlines. I can’t sue or really lay claim to it I suppose but I’m pretty sure that I came up with this term years ago and its appeared in my writing so much that I even had someone write to me and ask me to stop using it as it annoyed her as a straight woman. So someone must be reading my stuff, right? And I suppose I should be flattered that someone liked it enough to steal it but I usually reserve handing material over for free to friends who live in other states. Hell, I have one friend who is still using my lines from the 80’s to entertain his friends and cocktail acquaintances. Still I guess I need to give them the benefit of the doubt and perhaps they came up with it all on their own. Yeah, right.
Look, maybe the publishers of books and magazines are right to send me letters turning down my efforts but still I have hope that perhaps I’ll fall down a well or have to cut my own arm off so that I’ll become interesting enough to write and have it published. Until then I guess I’ll leave the published works to the likes of those apparently far more saleable than myself, like Mike “The Situation.” If they asked me I could write a book – Don’t Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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