In Contempt of Contempt

I disdain to see...

what reminds me of me...

a distorted visage that bids me change...

I am disgusted with the way I can't escape...

seeing you dress like me...

I mean an ape...

I hold it in my narrow mind...

to think very poorly of your state of mind...

never mind that your mind is narrow...

like me...

if you really thought right...

we would agree...

I am really not a fan of this...

a place where I seem to be amiss...

the problem must be the other ones...

the ones that show that I stick out...

and thumb sore they point theirs down...

I can't just sit here and frown...

I must speak out...

risk abuse...

never mind that I'm out of line...

this place is of no use...

It may serve very well for others you see...

it is, however, not adequate to judge me...

and so I as a contemptible man...

am honestly in contempt of you...

who says I cant be honest...

and see what I see...

even shout it at your face...

this world is free...

who cares that I have no real friends...

those I know are contemptible men...

or women...

ok I am single again...

it was her fault....

she knew what I was...

how dare she change me...

you see I am honestly in loathing...

of the way that I am....

Don't ask me to say it though...

I'm not sure that I can.

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Comments 12 comments

kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

It's a beautiful poem!


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago Author

Beautiful? hmm I never meant it to be beautiful... *grumble* lol I guess to each their own. I am glad you liked it though.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Poetry is beautiful to me because I see it as melody of words and words I am always fascinated with. It was not an answer to my question, of course, but it was something I did not expect to see and I love the unexpected. I think your poem is beautiful because it flows line from line with complete unpredictability what comes next. It felt like being caught by something and being led somewhere, instead of leading, instead of being in control... That is my impression, maybe others will have completely different views, in fact they will. The expected bores me to death... Here goes my contempt - not the real one - people see me rolling my eyes - it's so bad, but I am unaware of my eye-rolling. That was the reason for the conversation. "Disdain" - the first time I mentioned the word "disdain" at my current work, my manager said "Wow! Your vocabulary! It's not a common word." It is for me.

I don't look down on people, but there are times when they see it this way and it is upsetting. Precisely as you said "I never meant it to be..." I never meant to be in contempt, yet I have to work on my self-expressions. "In contempt of contempt" is a beautiful title, too.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Why do we say...I accept you...I love you the way you are...and then after the "I do's...we don't! Well said and expressed...lots of raw emotion.


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago Author

I honestly don't think that one can be highly intelligent and not go through a stage of contempt one way or another.

For sweet spirits such as yourself, it is your body language that gives you away even when in your rational mind you refuse to acknowledge any such feeling because it doesn't feel right.


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago Author

I imagine dear Malin that it has something to do with the selfish nature of people in general. It is one thing to say it when the fun is in the maximum benefits with minimal expected output on either side. When the balances come closer to equal the relationship seems to cool unless one can find love and express love through the output of your partner and yourself respectively.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I think when we (a generalization), people say "I do", "I accept", "I love you the way you are", they mean it. Most of the time. But we (people) don't really know others "the way they are". We hardly know ourselves, let alone others. We confuse words with feelings, feelings with thoughts, thoughts with socially accepted standards and brainwashing. We don't question enough. Besides, in "I do " situation, we are not talking about romantic love. You confuse love and commitment. It is not the same. There is a triangle of love: Romantic Love - Sex - Commitment. You get one, or two at the most, but rarely three. This question has been answered long ago. That is why they say for a happy marriage - love is not enough.

But contempt certainly is a deal-breaker. I never promised my ex forever. It was actually how we started our dating. I said "One day I might leave you." I left sixteen years later. Now I say the same thing. I cannot promise forever, nobody can. But contempt... I could not handle my marriage and all I was doing was rolling my eyes all the time. He could have acted differently. I could have acted differently. Contempt is not something to enjoy.


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago Author

Then perhaps I should count my blessings much higher then I have. I never dreamed having all three points of a marriage to be so rare. Sometimes my wife and I joke that our marriage has some aspects of a fourth possibility and that is addiction. It also changes things that in my culture, the only sealings (because that is what we call it) are eternal sealings. Often times in my culture, that leaves some in contempt of those who offer less and or give less. I am very much aware of the fact that such marriages do exist and have witnessed more then my share. I couldn't exist with such uncertainty though in my house and I work very hard in my marriage to maintain the three aspects that you named in my marriage. I also know that I am human enough to be a contemptible sort of person at times. I therefore, decide to be amused in my observations of human nature when I see contemptible behavior go on when there is nothing I can do to change matters in the here and now. I do however recognize that after I have had my laugh at the absurdity of the event that it becomes me to do what I can to end such things and bring about change where I can.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Count all your blessings, by all means! In my culture... I don't know your culture, of course, I don't want to assume. But in long-time relationships, it is love that is missing, or sex, or both. But not commitment, that is why they are called long-term. You may NOT know about other marriages, people do NOT advertise what happens deep inside their souls and behind closed doors. Love stories are so heart-breaking, especially when one party is married and there is no way to be with the loved one. Songs, movies, books...

The last gentleman I met was from India. I mentioned the idea of arranged marriages because I had an impression that this tradition works better than marrying for love. He laughed and laughed and laughed. He said modern India is worse than Latin countries, the numbers of affairs is higher than the number of marriages!

But, by all means, count your blessings. Those cases are rare.

I find it funny that I started talking about contempt and we get back talking about love. Maybe I look down on people, after all. Maybe I need to rethink my position. Certainly I must avoid showing it at all costs. Contempt is a tricky business. My father was rolling his eyes all his life and since we tend to imitate, eye-rolling stayed with me. The other quite annoyed gestures of disapproval are his and his only. I am not proud to show contempt. I don't want it and I don't need it.

Thank you for insights, all the best,


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago Author

It has been a pleasure spending some time with you as well. All the best.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 5 years ago

Another great write! Yep - beautiful!


Jaggedfrost profile image

Jaggedfrost 5 years ago Author

lol You always say that but then I always appreciate you saying that too.

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