In Dying Days Long Passed

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In dying days 

                     Days long passed


the sun would rise 

     while the moon set, 

and the stars 

     appeared before men.



   Breath entered the lungs, 

while salt 

   entered the wounds, 

feeding the fire 

   Silent screams 

were heard amongst men.


The earth, barren 

      The wolves, starved, 

stalking prey 

      in all forms 

Finding feasts, 

      in the flesh of men


   The heavens, 

a canvas, 

   painted varying strokes, 

as the sands 

   of the hourglass  

fell steadily, 

   robbing years 

from the grasp of men


Fluid motion 

    of fluid ocean, 

casting waves 

    upon beaches, 

as tides changed, 

    and spirits soared 

in the hearts of men.


      Rising heat and 

burning desires 

      swallowed intentions, 

awakened hatred, 

      darkening sights 

of the eyes of men 


staining their hands 

     with the blood of men 

Disrupting unity

     between them.


In dying days.

                      Days long passed.



© copyright Ben D.A 2011

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Comments 22 comments

ii3rittles profile image

ii3rittles 5 years ago

That was dark yet beautiful : )


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Sligo - thank you good sir :]

Nellie - back atcha ;]


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Thumbs up!!


sligobay profile image

sligobay 5 years ago from east of the equator

Great poem Right on and write on.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Nellie - you're absolutely right

thank you very very much :D

I personally have read it 10-15 times haha

I practically memorize my work


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Let it be. Even when I see changes for my own poems and make them, I view it as another poem - not the originally written one. If others have better ideas for one of mine, I just think -great - write yours that way! ;-> Of course, if you are in a creative writing class, and the prof says something would be better if. . . - you may be obligated to try it that way. But you are the writer here and now. If you thought it was right as you wrote it, abide by it. If you decide a change is needed, ok- but guided by the muse as you are, you might think of it as another, different one. Anyway - I wouldn't change a thing about this. It is magnificent. But even if I might think "this or that" - it would be a different poem, plus it wouldn't be yours. It stands alone and is one, I think, which bears re-reading and pondering, which is what I'm going to do.

Bravo! Another triumph.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Randy - thanks :] and you do like men, don't you ;] jk

Bbnix - lol you love the women! Sculpt or illustrate away, buddy. Thanks for the read and comment man


bbnix profile image

bbnix 5 years ago from Southern California

Nice job Ben.

It's like the epic battle - A lone warrior (female in my mind as I like women especially) backdropped by a glorious night of a foreshadowing moon, millions of stars and brilliant dying galaxies, while foregrounded by a rhythmic sea upon an isolated beach while an impending battle for survival plays itself out in horror and chaos - an epic poem indeed!!

Selfishly, I would like to turn it into an illustration or perhaps into an amazing sculpture...

Great fun my friend...


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

I like the men, men, men and then the switch at the end. I also enjoye the marching rhythm of it.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Thank you again, Nighthag. The thing that makes my writing so worth it, is the reactions to it. :D


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia

your imagery was again fantastic as your words painted a start picture. inspiring work that draws the reader in with the very first line


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Twilight - thanks very much for that!!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Fabulous images. I also think,

"as the sands

of the hourglass

fell steadily,

robbing years

from the grasp of men"

was arresting. Don't, Ben, don't be told by admirers or detractors (are there any of these?) what you should have done. There is little worse than someone telling you that you should have done this; you should have done that.

Let your own work stand on its merits.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Wow THANK YOU :]

You are such a great supporter :]


SeenButNotHeard profile image

SeenButNotHeard 5 years ago from Michigan

I love this. I love the end, I love the beginning, and even the middle. I easily pictured a sunrise over a forest after a fire, scavengers finding nothing, The pain, the sand, the ocean, the blood. All of it. You make me feel very inadequate lol This is amazing, Mr. Writings :)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Screw the grain ;]

Thanks again Nikki


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

haha yes it was a bit expected. i just think the flow would have been better, constant, but you surprise us and go against the grain, good job. awww and glad i could inspire you a little :)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Nikki - I kind of did that on purpose ;]

You were expecting it, so I didn't do it lol

I put "men" in the middle instead of the end that time.

Though, I do see your point.

Thank you for reading/liking it. And I like the hourglass line as well, that particular part was partially credited to you


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

i liked this but i would have kept the last stanza ending in men like the rest. i would have written it as staining their hands

with the blood of their sin.

Disrupting the unity

between the lives of men.

but thats me. its still good. i like how you put in a part with the hour glass ;) "as the sands of the hourglass fell steadily robbing years from the grasp of men." good line!


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Men pass on knowledge with the bloody ink of their prey.;)Day not so long past,but easily forgotten.;)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Epi - Thank you, I love the title, and LANDMARK work from a poetic VISIONARY? WHOA! haha. Thank you very much Epi. :]


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...wish I had thought of this title - it's brilliant - and of course ...another landmark work from a poetic visionary who writes way way way beyond his years with this kind of wisdom and insight. (and that was three 'ways' - by the way!)

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