Descent



The music in this video goes along with the words. Please play it before you read.



Something seems

 To be calling

  To me

   Subtly

    Sweetly


      A voice

       From beneath

        From the depths

       I believe

      I will make

    A descent

   Into black

 Into death

A mistake


I stand above

Concealing ground

  Looking down

    Into the pit

     I plan to drown

      In solace

        In darkness


         I take a step

         Into the cave

        Feel the demons’

       Excitement

      Drifting upwards

     In waves

    Sense their smiles

   Gleaming grins

  Licking lips

 Determined

Famished




 Claustrophobic

  Compression

   Walls on all sides

    Sunlight ebbing

     Sinking progression

      Hopes fading

     I should go back

    But now

   It’s too late

  They’re clawing

 Desperate

At my back




At their mercy

 I fall

  In clutches

   Descending

    Further

     Amidst

      This world




         Imagine

        My horror

       Bearing

      Witness

    To sickness

   The likes

  Of which

 No eye

Hath seen

Or ear

Ever heard




My eyes open

   My vision flooded

     By their aura

       Their presence

         A city rising

        From the core

      From blood

     From lava

    Stretching vast

   Beyond my sight




  I should be afraid

 But I’m unscathed

This feels familiar

It’s so peculiar

Am I dreaming?

 Sleeping?

   I can feel it

    Realizations

     Imposing their will




       Somehow I know

         I’ve wandered

          The haze

          Of this labyrinth

        This maze

       Once before

     Or twice

    Or more

   Why does my

  Memory

Always

Fail me?

Deceive me?

  I need someone

    To wake me,

      To relieve me!




         Suddenly

         It all becomes

       Terribly clear

      This journey

      Is not far

    But all too near

   The depths

  I’m exploring

 Are within me

Now…

I begin to fear…



© copyright Ben D.A 2011






Comments 25 comments

QudsiaP1 profile image

QudsiaP1 5 years ago

I had goose bumps and an eerie feeling by the time I was done, well done Ben! :)


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

thank you attempted :]

No I have never studied poetry haha


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Yes, a spiral staircase into the abyss. Beautifully crafted Ben. Did you study poetry at school/college?


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

HAHA, I'll go check out yours

I listen to a wide variety of good deathcore/metal

thy art is murder probably being the most deathcorish band I like


Midianite profile image

Midianite 5 years ago from Australia

To be honest, I'm a total death metal head. + A bit of deathcore - it's fairly easy to pick up after reading my lyrics. *hint hint* :P

Dude, if the song Descent - Oceano Had lyrics - yours would be them. So good.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

midianite - hahah thats awesome that you like oceano. thanks a lot for the "fucking yes" :D


Midianite profile image

Midianite 5 years ago from Australia

YES, FUCKING YES!

OCEANO IS SICK.

- As is your style of writing, I really liked the way you set this piece out. The descriptiveness was great and your use of vocab was pretty neat too. This piece has amazing flow and as a result, Voted up!


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Doug - that's one of the best comments you've left me

The thing that I strive for most is uniqueness, and I love hearing that.

This contained some reality, especially in my not so distant past. The feelings are real and have been a part of me, but that's no longer the case. I use the darkness I once held so dear as a means to express myself, and release it.

Thanks very much for that comment


Doug Turner Jr. 5 years ago

This concept is raw. Never read anything quite like this with the music and the twisting downward. You convey these feelings so believably that it's frightening -- and somewhat of a relief to see you bowing politely to the crowd afterwords, instead of huddled in the corner clutching a knife. Thank the heavens for artistic outlets to channel our dark sides. Peace Ben.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Saddle, this did have some reality to it, but my intentions for this one were to set a genuinely unsettling tone, that would leave the reader feeling like they just woke from a nightmare.

When I read it, especially paired with the music, I find it to be really eerie and powerful.

Thank you for all your great comments tonight, they are treasured.


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

I felt the spiral downwards to the abysss, the clawing, the fast heart beating in fear, the monsters pulling you down, the hopelessness of it all. The video you chose fit the verses very well.

I hope you put this nightmare behind you young Ben. Depression sets in sometimes without even knowing it until you FEEL it and I felt a tinge of it with this write, I hope I am wrong. peace


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

erth - that's great :] I am very happy that it got that message across. Thank you!


erthfrend profile image

erthfrend 5 years ago from Florida

I played the music while reading the poem...simply incredible. I got the chills from this amazing combination of music and such powerful eerie words. Its almost like you want to take a deep breath after you finish reading..I really enjoyed this.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

rafini - I did hope to instill a sense of dread and fear, so thank for very much for that

acaetnna - that means a lot, thanks. The way I shaped it was an attempt at feeling like you were in an enclosed space, descending. I liked it.

Randy - I agree, and I'm very glad you liked it, as usual :]

MO - In my opinion, a good poem will have multiple parts that jump out at different people. Different meanings, and things that impact the reader. I have gotten a lot of feedback on people's favorite parts and they've all been different, which is great to hear. thanks man!

Ian - I really did feel like this one was genuinely creepy and unsettling. The music at the top of the page REALLY adds to it, as well. Thanks a lot :]


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

'Alice in Wonderland' (and I mean the book, not the Brilliant Tim Burton movie). without any of the fun!

This verse made my skin crawl with something like fear:

I take a step

Into the cave

Feel the demons’

Excitement

Drifting upwards

In waves

Sense their smiles

Gleaming grins

Licking lips

Determined

Famished

Thanks for upsetting my day... (Of course, it worked. That's what good poetry's all about.)


MOlmstead 5 years ago

Amazing..your prose never ceases to inspire me to get writing myself.

Why does my

Memory

Always

Fail me?

Deceive me?

I need someone

To wake me,

To relieve me!

That part really stood out to me for some reason. Great job!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

I don't usually pay too much attention to the shape of the stanzas but this was PERFECT. I was going right down the drain with you.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 5 years ago from Guildford

Great poetry and I loved the way the words within the verses shaped to add to the atmosphere of the descent. I would love to work out how to do that for some of my poems.


Rafini profile image

Rafini 5 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

This is cool ~ Don't really know what else to say, but I felt like I was going 'down into the depths' too. Nope, don't like fear! Gotta get back up and run! lol


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

Thanks Nikki, I'm very happy it had that effect on you. That's what I wanted :D

Yes I saw that movie, very creepy


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 5 years ago from Louisiana

you have made the descent into your own self being, also reminds me of the movie...Descent. with creepy cave monsters, that became that way from being stuck in a cave for years. i imagined you dealing with them face to face as yu made ur descent deeper into a dark cave. i got claustrophobic.


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

thanks Ellie, please feel free to use it like you mentioned.

Long as I get half the $$$ from your book. haha

:]


BenWritings profile image

BenWritings 5 years ago from Save me from, Tennessee Author

thanks for being first comment, Lizzybeth :D

I think this one could have a lot of different parts that jump out.

For me, the whole thing has meaning


SeenButNotHeard profile image

SeenButNotHeard 5 years ago from Michigan

This is so awesome and totally reminds me of a character I'm writing xD Amazing!


Elizabeth99 profile image

Elizabeth99 5 years ago from Milwaukee, WI

I love the music, the top really goes well good job!! I love the image this creates. My favorite part was the bit about the labyrinth and the familiar feeling. :)

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