Street Gangs in Iowa

I am sure that there are gangs in Iowa.  Somewhere.  Maybe even here.  But being an Iowan transplant, I have yet to see the evidence of gang violence, or even gangs, that I have seen elsewhere.

So it got me thinking - if there are gangs here, what are they like?  Well, it is Iowa.  

The Corns

The leading gang - the roughest, toughest, indestructible gang is the Corns.  You will know them by their ears.  They tend to have large ears here. 

Their colors  Yellow and white.  Whenever you see an Iowan in yellow and white, just know they are a Corn.  Sometimes looks can be deceiving, though, because if they are wearing silk of any color, they are still a Corn.

Weapon of Choice  Worms and Japanese Beetles.  Just look out, because those Corns will freak you out with their use of creepy insects!

Secret signs They will pepper their dialog with lots of "aw, shucks!" and will have butter on their giant ears.  They also may be pierced with corn-cob holders.

This is a dead giveaway as to which gang someone belongs to in Iowa.
This is a dead giveaway as to which gang someone belongs to in Iowa.

The Soybeans

The Soybeans are a pretty big gang here as well. They are very health-conscious, and will tell you how bad high-fructose corn syrup is for you (yes, they started that whole thing!)

Their colors Green and brown. Keep on the lookout for the Soybeans!

Weapon of Choice Tofu. They will under-cook it and make you eat it. And sometimes if they are retaliating against a Corn, they will use Caterpillars.

Secret Signs Usually a pale and bland bunch. They call the immature ones "Edamame" which is a dead giveaway.

Gang Turf

The oddest thing about our Iowan gangs is that they rotate turf annually. If you see a Corn on one street corner and a Soybean on another, chances are next year, they will have switched spots.

They mostly hang out in the rural areas, though you can still find them scattered in small numbers around the cities. You can also find them at HyVee and Fareway.

Corns and Soybeans alike are likely to drive John Deere tractors and use their heavy equipment. And yes, they will drive them on the highway, so if you are traveling through Iowa, do NOT blink your lights at them!  

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Comments 6 comments

mulberry1 profile image

mulberry1 5 years ago

Shew! I was hoping it was a joke. I live in Indiana, which bears a striking resemblance to Iowa, I'm sure. We have the corn and soybean gangs too. (I just lump them all together and call them succotash, but that's not something I would say to their face.)


cheapsk8chick profile image

cheapsk8chick 5 years ago Author

mulberry1, I think I'll call them "succotash" too!


wannabwestern profile image

wannabwestern 5 years ago from The Land of Tractors

Loooove it! You go girl!


cheapsk8chick profile image

cheapsk8chick 5 years ago Author

You inspired me on this one, wannab!


Iontach profile image

Iontach 5 years ago

Lol! I'm so gullible I thought you were being serious about these food related gangs. Better watch out for those corn ones, i say they rule the place. :P


cheapsk8chick profile image

cheapsk8chick 5 years ago Author

iontach, that surprises me! I really thought you would be a soybean with those healthy hubs you write!

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