It's a Holly Jolly Christmas

Hey kids, wanna come sit on my lap?
Hey kids, wanna come sit on my lap?

Jingling bells, chestnuts roasting and fat men coming down the chimney.

It's the most wonderful time of the year. A time of giving, a time of love, a time of sharing. Or at least the songs tell us that all the white snow is something to dream about even though grandma got run over by a reindeer on her way over to our house.

Christmas, or now to be politically correct, "the holidays" is here, and it is time for us to shop midnight sales, shove each other out of the way, ignore the bell ringers from the salvation army and find our kids the biggest and hottest piece of junk out this year that they will lose interest in within a week. Ahhh, are you feeling the same stress that Christmas brings to most of us every year?

Time to get the kids to the mall where you can shove them on some strange guys lap where, if they tell him everything they want for Christmas he will give them a piece of hard, peppermint candy and tell them to behave. Don't forget the scary Elf on the Shelf, one of Santa's spies that you place all around the house, getting your children to believe he will tell on you every time you do something bad.

I'm guessing that some of the thoughts of my three year old might be this during the Christmas season: "I want that". "Who's this fat guy?" "mmmm...Cookies" I mean, really, might as well start confusing her early.

The Perfect Gift

Moose Poop Earrings
Moose Poop Earrings

Finding Just the Right Gift

One of the hardest things to do during the holidays is to find the perfect gift for our loved ones. It is hard, almost impossible to really know what someone will love and really, I'd prefer a stack of Amazon gift cards myself so that I can whatever I want.

I was searching Ebay the other day and I think I found the perfect gift for my mother, Moose Doo earrings. I mean, what mom wouldn't want a pair of earrings made out of solidified animal shit? Forget gold, mom will love these moose poop earrings.

Decorations

A redneck sleigh
A redneck sleigh

Holiday decorations

I can appreciate a good sense of humor when decorating for the holidays. Here's a great picture I found that I will lovingly title "redneck santa on his sleigh". Kind of gross, but kind of creative. I mean, who thinks of these things?

Looks like these reindeer might not be able to fly though, they don't have any legs and we all know that reindeer need their legs to fly.

Honey, Here You Go.

Honey, I bought you a pair of kangaroo balls, can you take mine out of your purse now and give them back?
Honey, I bought you a pair of kangaroo balls, can you take mine out of your purse now and give them back?

Soft and Cuddly

I found this for sale on Ebay. Genuine kangaroo balls, oh so soft and cuddly. Made into a keychain so you will always have your balls handy. Honey, I love you, here's your own set of balls.

They are only $39. Thirty nine bucks for your own set of stuffed balls. Kangaroo. G'day mate.

A Little Holiday Fun

Do you love the holidays?

  • Yes.
  • No.
  • I'm dreaming of a tropical Christmas with hard liquor.
See results without voting

Ugly Santas Stuff

Really?

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