JUST VENTING...by b. Malin

SO WHAT'S THE STORY?

Ok, so here we are TWO weeks later and still NO PERMIT. Bobbi Rant, a Wonderful Hubber, on Hub Pages made the comment that I had more patience than she'd have. Well Surprise, Bobbi, I have RUN out of PATIENCE!

The town of N. Palm Beach is GREEDY! There I've said it. I understand the why of a PERMIT, but not the logic of how long it should take to approve 4 Simple Ceiling Fans to be put up by a "Licensed Electrician", as well as ONE ceiling drywall... There should be an Express Line for this type of Permit. After all it's not like the INSPECTOR won't be back out to check it. He literally Hangs out in the area waiting to POUNCE on some unsuspecting Condo Owner. The other day he SHUT DOWN someone who was changing their Front Door... Yes, that's right, their FRONT DOOR! Can you believe it...Believe it, THEY NEEDED A PERMIT. The GREED of Town Government. I put in a call to Bill, the Electrician, and hope to hear from him soon. And so, this Day, of the "Condo with the View" begins...

Lover Man and I wake up to "Glenn Beck" talking on his Radio Program...Well Lover Man gets that look that says "I want your body"...and I'm thinking, "why not, it's dirty hair day, and I'll shower afterwards". And so we are making Love quite feverishly to this Radio talk show. Afterwards I say, "I think we're becoming deranged...Where's "Barry White" when you need him". Lover Man smiles contentedly as he replies, wouldn't Glenn Beck be surprised to know the effect he had on us". I'm thinking, I don't know what I'm thinking.

We are now Showered, dressed and eating when I say to Lover Man, we should go to the "Rehab Center" for our elderly Neighbor from back home who is also in Florida, has had a stroke. His wife called me the other day to tell me. The conversation went like this. (SHE) "Well, you NEVER call, why haven't I heard from you?" I try to reply that I had spoken to her last week. But she has "SELECTIVE HEARING"...Actually she refuses to wear her "Hearing Aids" and so the conversation becomes a Screaming Match for me. With her saying, "What did you say...I CAN'T HEAR YOU'! And me Repeating and Repeating. Today, however she has both ears in, and so we are able to talk. She tells me how "Greedy" these Rehab places are, and now they may move him to a Hospital. It's sad, and in the end she thanks me for calling and will let us know when we can see him.

Well we are Clean, so no Pool today...that's for tomorrow, and Dirty Hair Day...Don't Judge. So we decide to go to "Walmart's SUPER Store" OMG, you need a Road Map to navigate through it. Ah, the "Greed" of the shopper for a bargain. Suddenly Bells go off and an announcement is made to go to the RED LIGHT SIGN near Fruits and Vegetable, they are giving away a FREE KNIFE. Well we just happened to be over there when the CROWD appears. A Lady says to us, "Did I hear correctly, are they giving away FREE KNIVES"? "I think so I reply". Well of course it turns out to be a Demo for a Large Cutting Knife. Big enough to cut a Cow in half! Our Greed leaves us as we realize we have to stand through a 15 minute demo to get this tiny little Paring Knife. And so we head for the Checkout line...The Twenty Items or Less line. We quickly count our items, we have 22...we look at each other...and I say, "Are we being GREEDY"? and before Lover Man can answer, we hear that famous song, by "Barry White"... the one we should have heard this morning, instead of "Glenn Beck" and we just Smile!



Comments 59 comments

FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 4 years ago

It does one a lot of good to rant. I rant quite a bit to vent out my feelings. Do you feel better for having published this? I hope so.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

You have such a knack for taking the absurd to laugh out loud funny. I feel for you for the delay but admire your sense of humor.

Loved this but hope that permit is issued soon! It should have been a no-brainer, rubber stamp approval.

Voted up, funny and interesting.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Inspectors work from 8 to 5. Find a night electrician who drives an unmarked car. Smuggle the supplies in for Lowes.

And Glen Beck, really - GLEN BECK!


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

You have the knack of turning the most mundane matters into a humorous tale.

I hope the permist are sorted out for you so soon.

As for Glen Beck well whatever turns you on, everyone to his own :)

Did you em... act on Barry White when you heard it.... I hope not:)


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Hi, I love the way you turn annoying and mundane things into something so funny! lol! it sounds like you let it go over your head most of the time, and I said most! haha! otherwise it can drive you mad! good luck, and keep breathing calmly!


Cheryl Kapelner-Champ 4 years ago

Cute ranting, nice edge, & w/ romance too! Keep on keeping on w/ your town's government, u* could possibly be N. Palm Beach's next Mayor!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

....well you can rant with the best of them and should turn your creative fury into a daily column - lol - hope you are having a good winter just the same and I am also here to extend an invitation to you , one of my loyal followers and esteemed colleagues here at the Hub to join me in my new group at Facebook called LET'S JUST TALK MUSIC OR CINEMA - I am Colin Stewart on FB with the same profile photo and on my homepage is the group title for you to click if you decide to join us - hope you do - it would be a thrill to have you there - lake erie time 9:51pm


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Wow, I can't believe it's taking that long. But at least you were able to turn the experience into a hub. Is there no troubleshooter in your local paper you can contact about this problem? Voting this Up and Interesting.


Enlydia Listener profile image

Enlydia Listener 4 years ago from trailer in the country

I like the title that you give to "Lover Man"...this was so romantic and real.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Glenn Beck? Oh well, what the hell, I'll give it a try! As for permits, that process is maddening no matter you live!


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 4 years ago from West Virginia

Up, funny, and awesome b Malin. Always great to come by feeling "so-so" and leave with a big smile:) I honestly appreciate all the smiles you have given to me. Great stuff. Best wishes to your continued happiness, both of you.


WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

I can explain your problem, but you might not like it. There are too many Yankees in Florida.

I loved the story, but the Glen Beck thing is a little too weird for me.

Take bck the country . . . boycott WalMart!


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

Wow such awesome work as always. You always make me smile!! Thank you.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You know Flora I do feel better. And, I have since found out that our Contractor NEVER got the Permit, so two weeks are lost...Yes, we found a new Electrician, so here's hoping. Thanks for your Thoughts!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

So True, Gail, so True, but as I told Flora, they NEVER got the Permit...So we're starting all over again...Let the Games Begin, and maybe another Hub! Thanks for Enjoying, you just gotta have a Sense of Humor...or we'd got Nuts!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You totally Cracked me up Mckbirdbks! And you are So Right...BUT in the Real World, we have to play by their Rules...But Thanks for a GOOD LAUGH!

I know, I know, Glen Beck of all People...We don't Even Like Glen Beck, but I gotta tell you, it was GREAT!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Rosemay, We're getting there, not at the Speed we intended. As for Glen Beck, we were saying, WE ARE SO SICK...GLEN BECK...OMG...But it was Great!

As for the Late, Great, Barry White music playing in "Walmart's" it was Tempting, but it was Walmart's girlfriend, so Lover Man just gave me a Meaningful Kiss!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Nell, Most times we say...ok, but after awhile I do let for Steam...and I guess it makes for a Funny read...Thanks for your Fun Comments...and I will Breathe S-l-o-w-l-y.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

So many Phone calls back and forth, THEY are not my problem as much as these guys Faking they got a Permit...Thanks Cheryl, and Mmm, you never know, Mayor? Mmmm.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Great Winter here Colin, and of course a visit from you, always makes my day Complete. I will check into your Group. I know Sharon Slant also has a group too with Fellow Hubbers, and I'd love to be Involved, but things are so Hectic, that's why I haven't been able to Hub the way I used to. But I know it will get back to NORMAL soon. Thank you, my Friend.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Alocsin, Actually we were to find out it was the Contractor who didn't apply for the Permit...such a waste of our time. Believe me, I'm my own trouble shooter. But thanks for your suggestion, and of course your Vote.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Enlydia Listener, yes, I'm a Title person, and to give hubby a little privacy (ha, ha,) he's "Lover Man", thanks for you fun Comments. I'll have to check your Hubs out as well.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

I know Breakfastpops, there's no accounting for what TURNS US ON...SICK, so SICK, but Yeah, give it a try, let me know what you think! As for the Permit, let's just hope our next guy will actually apply, and get the work done!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Lyric, I'm so glad you left with a Big Smile, Thank You, now you've got me Smiling too! And I will be so Happy when things start to get done...I know, it will happen. Thanks for the warm wishes, and ours to you as well my friend.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

I don't know WD Curry, because our Painter is a "Yankee" from Conn. and he's quite the worker.

Now, Now, if you haven't tried GLEN BECK in the AM...don't knock it! Yes, it was Strange, but hey, we were in a NUTTY mood.

How we wound up in Walmart's is another Hub in its self!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Why Thank You Acaetnna, Your Comments just made me Smile, and realize how Funny our Lives really are...Of course right now I could do with a little less Fun.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

This is another entertaining hub for your readers, but some events in your story can't have been so entertaining for you, b. Malin! Good luck with the permit.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Thanks Alicia, as long as I can Entertain with my writings I'm Happy...so in a way it's ok. But of course I'm looking forward to a Happy Ending with the Permit.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

b. Malin - The first mistake you made was even thinking about getting a permit to install a ceiling fan. What were ya thinking Woman?

The Frog


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Froggy, I didn't go for the Permit...The Electrician did. The Inspectors sit in the Parking Lots of the different Condos, and when they see the guy's truck pull up, they watch to see which Condo they go in...and then up they come to see if they have a Permit. No Permit? The Inspector shuts down the job. So...Froggy give me more Credit...Mmmm.


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Oh that's so frustrating about the permit and Barry White....

It's good you can see the humourous side and you certainly made me laugh:-)

I hope you get the permit soon, best wishes Lesley


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 4 years ago

Inspectors have their own time schedule.I think they wear a watch that goes backwards.You better not be in a rush.Now that you got the ball rolling with the right person I would spend your extra time following the inspector around until you drive him crazy.He will come out just to get rid of you.Job done and then you can get back to more fun with lover man with the ceiling fans on.Funny hub that gets you through the most aggrivating times.


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Hi, b. I can identify with your sad Permit story. I had similar problems when having wood flooring installed. So Barry White, metaphorically speaking, works for you and Lover Man? For me, it was Sinatra. To each his own!

Thanks for the fond recollections.


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

This one made me laugh, B. You are too funny. I was just thinking about Barry White this morning. Isn't that strange? Hope you get your ceiling fans in soon.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You know "Dream On" I found it is what it is... However not a BAD idea you have...Us Creative Minds must think alike! Now without the Permit... we are 2 Weeks behind!

That sounds like Fun with the Fans on, that is IF we ever get the work done, so we CAN turn them on, as well as OURSELVES! So glad you Enjoyed.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Drbj Honey, it's always Sinatra! But the Humor of it all had to go to Barry White, because of the Mood we woke up in over all this S--t. You know! Oh, and Glad you remembered your Fond Memories too!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Tell me PegCole, tell all of US... Were you Alone when you were Thinking of Barry White? Seriously, thanks for you well wishes! So Glad you got a Laugh!


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

HaHaHeeHee..Making love while listening to Glen Beck is the funniest thing. LOL... You are so witty. I really enjoyed your rant and i bet Bobbi will too...Cheers


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi "Always Exploring" aren't We Silly...but it was Fun...It took the Edge off the day we were about to Face. So Glad you liked my Wit!


BobbiRant profile image

BobbiRant 4 years ago from New York

LOL Great rant! OK So we all do have our limits, I suspect your limit is higher than my threshold is, but, hey, you have every right to vent. Lovin it!


WD Curry 111 profile image

WD Curry 111 4 years ago from Space Coast

I'm not talking workers. Sure a Yankee painter is a good one, but we used to get good srevice in the days bfore they all retired, came down here, missed how they did it back home, got bored and successfully ran for county government.

Don't get me wrong. I love Yankees . . . when the have fun, spend money and go back home!


Scribenet profile image

Scribenet 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

If only we could all vent like you do! This was so entertaining with my first cuppa coffee this morning! A little bit of everything ;)

Way to go...hope you get your permit, like immediately! Good call about the Walmart btw...LOL


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Bobbi, so glad you stopped to Comment...You were my Inspiration for the Rant...We both RANT so Well...Thanks for Lovin it!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Got it, WD Curry! Thanks for coming back to Explain, always appreciated.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Well Scribenet, now that we are on a NEW CONTRACTOR & PAINTER, which could be my new Hub...the First Contractor is now taking the Painter to Court...hey, you'll read about it, in my NEXT HUB...More Laughts! You couldn't make this stuff up!


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 4 years ago

Hi B , You guys should have stayed in bed ! Wallmart , what a way to ruin a day!.......sing on barry!...:-}


nighthag profile image

nighthag 4 years ago from Australia

How frustating!, we are just starting to renovate our home, and the hoops we have to jump through for even the simpliest of things is amazing!

I throughly enjoyed your rant, but agree with ahorseback... sounds like the perfect day to stay in bed :)


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Noting like a little Barry White! But Glenn Beck? Myyyyy...

A very funny Hub and a deserved Rant too. I am glad things a bit more loose in Oregon about permits. Better be on alert down there, they may start demanding permits for those morning activities too!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You are too Funny Ahorseback...Walmart was kinda of Fun, don't be a Snob now. As for Barry, it made our Day!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

It was time to get up and get ourselves Going Nighthag...See how too much Government in our lives can Drive us Crazy...We Should NOT have needed a Permit to put up Ceiling Fans, but in N. Palm Beach YOU do! So glad you stopped by.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Part of me wishes they were Not so crazy with Permits here...You don't mind paying, but you need your workers to actually take care of the matter properly, and Honestly!

Glenn Beck must have stood for something in our Deranged Minds...with all that was going on in our Lives...But I'll tell you, Xstatic, don't Knock it until you've done something this Unconventional my Friend...you just never know...Mmmm. So Glad you Enjoyed my Ranting Hub.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

That was wonderfully funny. Glenn Beck? I'll reserve judgment on that until I actually try it. :) Thanks for the laugh on this Sunday afternoon in Washington. Great hub and I look forward to more.


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Are you installing all new electrical for the fans or are you replacing old fans?

Just curious why you need a permit.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You are the first to say that Billybuc, you are a HOOT too! I'm so Glad you stopped by to leave some Fun Comments, and Compliment!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi WillStarr, Well the old Fans were just hooked up to the ceiling and were plugged into the wall socket a chain ran across the ceiling and down, to the wall a sight to see! The Electrician was going to put up the new Fan and use wire mold across the ceiling. The wiring would run down into the wall (it would be hidden). In N. Palm Beach, a Permit is needed for almost EVERYTHING! That is why we needed a Permit, not needed if you LIKE the CHAIN look. Oh, and to add insult to injury, someone had cut all the plugs, so you couldn't (if you wanted to) plug in the old Fans!


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

Making feverish love to talk radio? You are dirty. (HAHAHAHAHA!) I'm sorry about the permit. Glen Beck?


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Oh A.A. it was just one of those Days...and Don't knock it, till you've tried it...It could be a whole NEW Experience.


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

B. ~ you sure know how to make me laugh. I hope by now things are a little better. And after just a little while, I hardly think you even heard Glen's voice, ha.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Sharyn, missed You! Things are going Pretty Good Right now...We will stop by the Condo with the View Tomorrow and see the Progress(I hope) in the Kitchen.

Now, now, Girlfriend, Glenn Beck's was quite the (sick, I know) turn on... You are right, after a while he was NOT heard... as things HEATED UP!

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