Funny Jokes - Hilarious Jokes - Funny Videos New

Funny Jokes-Just For Giggles

Everyone wants to giggle some times including kids. I like humor and therefore I am always in search of funny stuff. In this hub I will share some videos and jokes with you. I hope you will like the funny stuff. Please be my guest & explore the whole hub & leave your precious thoughts. You are on your own now please watch your steps as far as you go. Your satisfaction is guaranteed or double your giggles back.

Happy browsing & have fun........

Not Happy
There was this man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms.

One day he could not stand it anymore. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a tall building to jump off.

He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man on the sidewalk below skipping along whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and noticed this man didn’t have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly, useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and he now knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could do it with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.

He asked "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said "I’m NOT happy; my ass itches."


10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"


A Policeman's Prank - JustForLaughs.TV

Make it ten months

“Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the doctor told his patient. “You only have six months to live.”

The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes.

“I can’t possibly pay you in that time.”

Okay,” the doctor said, “let’s make it ten months.”

School jokes

A mental hospital

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

Hidden camera - Hair Spray

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Hidden camera - Snake in Mall

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.


Hidden camera - Unhappy Customer

Lawyer jokes

A physician, an engineer, and an attorney were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented.

The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."

The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."

Then, the lawyer spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"

Comments 54 comments

Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America Author

Thanks for the comments IBarfClownsauce.


IBarfClownsauce profile image

IBarfClownsauce 6 years ago from Water and Gold Land.. >--->

Amazing Hub :O!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America Author

You are very welcome and thanks for the comments too.


G Miah profile image

G Miah 6 years ago from Muslim Nation

Excellent, very funny! Thanks for that Mr. Nice.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America Author

Thanks for liking my another hub prasetio30. Come back again.


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

I can't stop laugh by reading this hub. You have nice hub here.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America Author

Thanks again aefrancisco,

One good laugh a day instead of an apple a day can keep the people healthy and doctor out of business.....hahaha


aefrancisco profile image

aefrancisco 6 years ago from somewhere down the road

Some Times Everybody Has Bad Hairday!

LOVE that pix - one good laugh ...

same is true with Funny Jokes & Quotes that you've shared with all of us...

Happiness be with you :)


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 6 years ago from North America Author

Thanks daytripeer for reviewing my hub.


daytripeer 6 years ago

I really enjoyed this hub. I especially liked the joke about the cuckoo clock.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Wanderlust! Thanks & enjoy rest of your day.


Wanderlust profile image

Wanderlust 7 years ago from New York City

Very funny LOL You made my morning.....


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Lgali!

I guess you had lots of fun today. Enjoy rest of your day.


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

another fuuny hub LOL


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi raiderfan!

Thanks & I am glad you had fun.


raiderfan profile image

raiderfan 7 years ago from Arizona

dude that was funy as hell!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi AEvans!

Thanks for becoming my fan I really appreciate. Please come back & visit these funny hubs because I will update the jokes & quotes.

I believe he will like this one too.........hahaha.

I don’t like money, actually, but it quiets my nerves. — Joe Louis


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Mr.Nice: Thank you so much as I can't wait to use "Change is good but dollars ae better on my husband I can't wait to see is reaction...Lol :)


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi AEvans!

Welcome to my hub & thanks for your precious thoughts. Of course use them anyway you like.:)


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

These are funny!!! I must use a handful of these on my friends and family.:)


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Ni hao Linjingjing,

Welcome to my hub & thanks for the 3 comments you left. I guess you like the hub very much.Tachien


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hola Como estas Christine,

Welcome to my hub, I really appreciate for your comment & glad you giggled.

Hasta luego


linjingjing profile image

linjingjing 7 years ago

-_-!!!


linjingjing profile image

linjingjing 7 years ago

very good very good


linjingjing profile image

linjingjing 7 years ago

very good


christine almaraz profile image

christine almaraz 7 years ago from colorado springs

Very, very funny. Great hub. Thanks for the laugh.


mysticdave profile image

mysticdave 7 years ago from Salt Lake City, Utah

very cool:)


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Ladycat!

Thanks for the visit & nice comment. It's great that you like the hub too.


LadyCat profile image

LadyCat 7 years ago from Somewhere in the U.S.

Cute very cute! I love the pictures at the end! The way our energy situation is going we may all end up with the "new" Toyota!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Dobro sam Kako si Tatjana!

I am happy you feel that way. Britney made my day & I made your day. It's like paying it forward. Remember you are my first friend from hubpages. You are always good & kind to me & I try my best too. Here is a quote for you......

? Should I smile, Cuz ur my friend, Or cry. Cuz that's all we'll ever be! ?

Lots of Love & hugs.........


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Britney, Wow you are awesome like your thoughts. Your expression & feelings are amazing; you really made my day today. I really appreciate for your sweet thoughts & I am thankful for that too. Of course just keep them beside my photo in your purse……..hahaha just kidding. I like the first quote too what you think! Enjoy rest of your day…………


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Thanks, Tony. This morning is now much more nicer.You are so good and kind friend!!! Love,hugs, Light and Joy...


britneydavidson profile image

britneydavidson 7 years ago from united kingdom

wow....great job done mr. nice....amazing....when ever you do something its awesome.some of the quates are very touchy....like....

-->When I first saw you I was afarid to talk to you*When i first talked to you I was afraid to like you*When i first liked you i was afarid to love you*Now that I love you I m afraid to lose you.-->Everyone says you only fall in love once but that’s not true, every time I hear your voice I fall in love all over again.-->If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.

if you don't mind can i keep these quates in my diary?

great job done...keep it up...


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Kako si Tatjana;

Your wish was granted, I added two

Videos of "George Clooney".

First photo is on market demand, you got that right.

I am glad you really liked this hub & did giggle. Thanks for the thumbs up.

Lots of Love & hugs.........


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

BTW, you got a lot of publicity also, BECAUSE of your first photo. You have learned first rule of marketing,,,,he, he, he....Your Hub deserve good marketing.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,.....I like this Hub. Well done, Tony! Now you really rock. Thumbs up.

First photo,,,,OK, you are man and you get inspired with such photos, can you please put some nice photo of George Clooney for us girls to enjoy?

Many hugs and a lot of love and support.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Andromeda10,

Welcome to my hub & thanx for your precious thoughts. You are right I was thinking of removing that too. I will replace it with good one, like the first one. Come back & have a look in few minutes again.


Andromeda10 profile image

Andromeda10 7 years ago from Chicago

Eww! That last picture is gross! I loved the first picture of "apple tush".


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Unclesam,

Sorry I don't know about Indian actresses except "Aishwaria" because she once miss world too. I guess you haven't read the first joke, which I added after your first comment.


unclesam profile image

unclesam 7 years ago from India

Mr nice..Don't you know ?the one in the pic is a famous indian actress...

By the by i'm not a between..so you got me,rite?

now let me see your next joke...!!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Unclesam,

Welcome to my hub. Are you a male, female or in between???? In the pic you look like a female but can be a she male too or girly looking male many possibilities these days. Visit the link to find out your gender because everybody needs an identity. Please read the hub I added one joke.......

http://custurd.b3ta.com/femaleorshemale/


unclesam profile image

unclesam 7 years ago from India

The apple pic was awesome ...Fried my dick(kidding)!!

hehe......

good going bro...

expecting more from you!!!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hola Elena,

Welcome to my hub, I am glad you think it is hilarious.


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

This is positively hilarious!!! I can't decide on what quote did it best for me! Laugh! Vedddddy veddddy goooood!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

dingdong, welcome to my hub and thanx for the comment.


dingdong profile image

dingdong 7 years ago from South India

Nice ones lol


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi BkCreative, How are you today? I like the baby pic's & Pandas. I know Jay Leno when he use to work for Fox-5 I believe 1990. I saw him many times outside 34th Street subway interviewing people. He is always very funny.


BkCreative profile image

BkCreative 7 years ago from Brooklyn, New York City

Love the Pandas - and Jay Leno says some very funny things in his monologues - that are often too true! Thanks for the humor and the food for thought!


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Thanx for the comments & liking this hub.


G P Tripathi profile image

G P Tripathi 7 years ago from India

good one,

keep it up


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Denny, this one is also my favorite too, at first I put this one as the first but then I see it didn't go with other love quotes. Therefore I moved it down. I am glad you liked all of them.


Denny Lyon profile image

Denny Lyon 7 years ago from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, USA

Where do I start? What a scream of laughs! Thank you! Among the many favorites, here's one for some of the ancestors that would make them laugh: "1492 Native Americans discovered Columbus lost at sea." Great hub, so glad I found it.


Mr Nice profile image

Mr Nice 7 years ago from North America Author

Hi Proud Mom. I am same because I cannot change. Well I am trying to fulfill my promise. I don't know if I am successful but I am trying hard. Happy browsing thanks.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

"You laugh because im different i laugh because you're all the same."

The best one up there.... You continue to baffle me with this stuff!!!

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