Just for Laughs - Paraprosdokian Style and Fun Quotes!

Just for Laughs

This particular hub marks my 80tharticle that I have written since joining HubPages a little over a year ago. I have written on many topics, including poetry, humour, animals, cooking and recipes and many articles that showcase my home – Canada.

I’m always the first to try to make light of a situation. The majority of the seats are filled for my meetings. I sell tickets in advance, and quite often sell out the minute before the meeting begins not because I am popular, but because they know that I present like no presenter they have ever had. A meeting is not a meeting – it’s more like Beth is entertaining you while you get paid and learn absolutely nothing.

The Birth of My Humour

When I was in the fourth grade, I had a teacher who was very particular about teaching us students how to spell words correctly.  We would practice the words by writing them in sentences in their correct context.  When it came to Friday morning, we were all quaking in our seats.  The spelling test would begin.  There have never been any tests as gut wrenching and scary as these – the Friday spelling test was done orally by spelling the word and providing a definition.  Plus, there would be 5 new words that we had never encountered that would be tossed into the test.

The first word came, then the second, then the third and each student spelled the word by shouting out the letters (she never let us spell quietly) with quavering voices.  I had been looked over for several months, and thought that I had finally succeeded in being overlooked.  Not this Friday morning.  No way.  Forget that notion.  She called my name, I stood up and she said the word:  para-fer-nay-lee-ah.  With a smirk, I spelled it out loud while looking into her eyes.  When I finished, she had the oddest looking expression ever.  I can’t quite remember my smart comment of a definition, but my love of words and humour was born as the class roared in laughter.

Are you laughing AT me?

For those who know me, on line and in real life, know that I have a bit of sense of humour at the best of times.  If you are not on the ball and cannot keep up, you will miss some of my funniest ones.  Quite often, I have to repeat it again....and again....and again....  Then, they turn and laugh at me.  Ha!

Oh yea, they laugh.  Occasionally, they laugh at me, but luckily, they laugh with me. 

So you must be asking yourself, what’s so funny in all of this?  Bear with me while I explain.

The Dry Stuff

I am a lover of paraprosdokian sentences.  Try saying that 3 times very quickly without laughing or being laughed it.  What is a paraprosdokian sentence?  This is a sentence that causes the listener or reader to go back and rethink what they had just read or heard because the last part of the sentence is not what they expected to hear based on the first part of the sentence.  The last part of the sentence can create a dramatic effect or even an anticlimax within the sentence.  At other times, one can take advantage of dual definitions of a word and change the meaning of the sentence by creating a syllepsis or semantic zeugma.  A what?!?  A syllepsis consists of applying the word in its first definition in the first part of the sentence while in the second part of the sentence, the same word is used but with a different definition. 

My New Job

I recently changed employers and had to fill out the HR forms.  There was a stack of these forms and each had to be hand written.  The majority of the information was repetitive and when I asked if I could just say “refer to blah blah blah” to save my hand and writing time, I was told no, it had to be filled out in its entirety, individually and by hand.  After 20 minutes of filling little boxes with letters and numbers, I came to the form that required detailed information.  I read the form, and realized that I had forgotten some documents that were required to complete it.  Embarrassed, I struggled to answer the last line.  Finally, I completed it and with elation, I turned it over to our HR manager.  She thought I was quite pleased with myself, which I was.  After all, the last line was the most difficult.  It read:  “If an emergency, please notify ....................” and I filled in “A doctor”. 

Taking the Concept and Applying It

My friend is very religious. She lives by the book and never strays from her beliefs. She has one son, who she taught that honesty was the best policy and never, never steal because God frowns upon thievery. One day, her son came home escorted by two police officers. Astonished, she led her son and the two officers into her living room. The officers proceeded to tell her that her son was caught stealing. They gave her further details and then left. She was left alone with her son and she did not know what to say. Her heart felt broken as she believed that her son had betrayed his very soul by doing what she taught him not to do. He looked into her eyes, pleading for her understanding. Finally, her son spoke up. He explained his actions. He had asked God for a new car, but he knew that God did not work that way. So, he decided to steal the car and ask God for forgiveness.

On the Job

I loved my work at my previous job.  I was paid to sit and dream all day long.  My desk was always piled up high with folders that were stuffed with paper.  One day, a colleague came into my office and sneered at me while firing off a comment about the size of my inbox.  I opened my eyes and without taking my feet of my desk (I was relaxed.  Remember, I was paid to dream all day long) decided that this bloke needed a refresher course on some word definitions.  He walked away, completely baffled.  I did not say much.   All I said was a bus station is where a bus stops; a train station is where a train stops; and on my desk, I have a work station.

Turn that alarm off!

A friend, Christoph Reilly, wrote this great hub about Wise Old Sayings That are Stupid. He discusses in length about the saying “the early bird gets the worm”. Supposedly, if you are the first up, then you get the best pick of everything. You should visit his hub, but for those who will not be visiting him, I'll paraphrase his statement: the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

♥ Home Sweet Home ♥

Don’t you just love renovations? You get to dream (like I do) and design the perfect addition, kitchen, bathroom or workshop that you have always wanted. I just finished building something this summer. It took me the whole summer, but I dug the post holes by hand, cut and trimmed the pickets, sanded and painted my fence all by hand. Oh yes, I even put it up. I stood back and took in the view of my new, freshly painted fence. I live along a busy pathway, and being the considerate person that I am, I hung a sign on the tree branch informing the passersby that the paint is wet. No sooner had I done that did that first person walking by come on up and touch the fence with his grimy and dirty fingers. Why is it that people believe you when you tell them there are 4 million stars in the sky, but cannot believe you when you tell them the paint is wet?!?

Light my fire!

Have you ever been camping?  Let me qualify that... I meant the type of camping where it is just you, your tent and the basic necessities to survive.  I’ve done that many times and when I finally get that fire going, I can’t help but to wonder why is it that a carelessly tossed match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

Jon - 2010
Jon - 2010 | Source

Jon always gets the last word.

My friend, Jon, happens to be an international model. When he is in town, he always gives me a call and we head out for some fun. One night, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing. You know that contagious type of laugh? Everyone around us was perturbed in the beginning, but then smiles came across their faces too. Finally, Jon stopped laughing long enough to explain to me what was so funny. Modelling is a competitive business that involves a small circle of elite models. Jon is quite hot, and a competitive female model was not happy that he was gaining on popularity in their circle. As a result, she tried to spread rumours about him. Jon found out about this and was not really that bothered. He believed that opportunity always knocks at the best moments in time when you need it the most. He was right. He saw her walking down the runway for a practice shoot wearing a T-shirt that had “Guess” written across her chest. He couldn’t resist answering and shouted “Implants!”

Copyright Beth100

© September 4, 2010

 

Jon - Guess Shoot (NYC)
Jon - Guess Shoot (NYC)

More by this Author


48 comments

Beth100 profile image

Beth100 5 years ago from Canada Author

King Larry 2.0 - Is that how you came about as #2?? I will see whether you as good as the #1 guy -- afterall, he's #1!!! :D


King Larry 2.0 5 years ago

Oh that. Well after I deleted my last account of King Larry because he was barely getting any traffic at all, I changed my mind again and tried to reopen a new account with the same name. The only thing is that Hubpages claimed the name was taken, so I had to go with King Larry 2.0. It works because i'm the new and improved King Larry now. lol. Anyway, thanks. You should check out my hubs on this account sometime. Although the humor that I plan on using is a bit more darker and twisted though, so I should warn you about that.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 5 years ago from Canada Author

King Larry 2.0 -- I won't tell anyone!!! (cause you just did!!!) Now, what is this about being "2.0"? Are you #2 in the lineup or you are just 2.0 out of 10?!? (don't forget -- you have a great sense of humor!!) :)


King Larry 2.0 5 years ago

Kind of tame for my tastes, but I like this hub anyway. Although I have a bit more of a darker and twisted sense of humor (evil laughs), but i have to admit this stuff is funny too. don't tell anyone i told you that either, as i wouldn't want the rest of hubpages to think i've gone soft or something.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 5 years ago from Canada Author

PegCole -- ha ha thank you for laughing out loud! That's all I wanted to do with this hub. :)


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas

Beth - Your humor reminds me of my hubby's. It's the kind that makes you groan when you hear it but later you retell the joke. hahaha. Work station. . . too funny.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 5 years ago from Canada Author

Tonrising -- I hope you also had a great laugh! :)


tonrising profile image

tonrising 5 years ago from India

I like your articles


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Steven -- I know you would. As I would for you. Thanks for another smile tonight. :) xoxo


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Fred Allen -- You got me on this one! I had to read that a couple of times and then BINGO! I got it!!! Very funny!!! Thanks for the laugh and smile! :)


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

Really? Well, if I had my way, I'd do anything to make sure a lovely angel like yourself was always happy. ;) xoxoxo


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Steven -- Awww, thanks. You brighten my day (or night, in this case). :) xox


fred allen profile image

fred allen 6 years ago from Myrtle Beach SC

The seven dwarves got up too early this morning so they started feeling grumpy. Grumpy got mad and walked out the door so they started feeling happy!


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

you always make me happy just by being you. :)


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Wooded -- I hope that they were belly laughs! Glad to be of service for those in need of a laugh! Thanks!


Wooded 6 years ago

This is great, loved it, need a laugh


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Nikki1 -- Oh, your laugh is contagious!!! I'm laughing too! Thanks for the great laugh! I'm glad that this had you laughing!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Shades -- ha ha Just watch her expression -- it's priceless! They never know what to say to that. Hey, the next time you go through a drive-thru, put in your order and tell them that it's to go. LOL It really confuses them!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Cheeky Girl -- Always a pleasure to see you! Glad that you learned a new word but try saying it 5 times really fast! It's def a challenge!


nikki1 profile image

nikki1 6 years ago

ha ha ha ha ha this is an awesome hub. Thanx :D ha ha ha

you r funny :D


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Maita -- Yea, and I'm selling tickets to enter my office!! I'm earning more than adsense! LOL Love ya too my friend! {{HUGS}}


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California

LOL @ "In case of an emergency, please notify a doctor." That's just g-damn funny. I am going to steal that from now on when I complete forms. What fun.

Fun read. :)


Cheeky Girl profile image

Cheeky Girl 6 years ago from UK and Nerujenia

This is interesting. I love good and unusual quotations! And now I learned a new word today! Cheers! :)


prettydarkhorse profile image

prettydarkhorse 6 years ago from US

You're just funny Beth thanks for making me smile this morning, Love yah! Guess you're at work with that loads of work -- work station, hehehe,

Maita


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

logic -- Better to be a smart ass than a dumb one -- who wants to pull a cart for the rest of their life???!!!?? I'm glad you liked this and thank you for the compliment. :)


logic,commonsense 6 years ago

Great hub, really! It is no wonder we connect so well, I'm a smart ass too! I enjoyed the stories, you do have a great talent for it!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Mythbuster -- You're too kind! Thank you for recommending it. I'll come see you soon!


mythbuster profile image

mythbuster 6 years ago from Utopia, Oz, You Decide

Totally awesome hub, Beth100! I recommended it in the forum. This one is funny - but also required me to put on my thinking cap! Thanks for sharing.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

MPM -- Ah, my good friend, it's so wonderful to see you! I see that you've been busy out on your tractor. I understand. Which makes your visit that much more special (just like you). I think the next time, I'll hang a bucket of paint and leave paint brushes out. That way, the fence will get painted without the finger prints. Thank you for ploughing my way and for rating me up. xox


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Steven -- That's my mission in life: get one person to smile, one person to laugh and one person to feel happy each and every day of my life. I'm happy that this helped you this morning. :)


manlypoetryman profile image

manlypoetryman 6 years ago from (Texas !) Boldly Writing Poems Where No Man Has Gone Before...

You are such a "word" crafter...and too hilarious. So many parts to this that are witty...it is hard to refer to any one part of this great and entertaining hub! Why is it that you can tell people that there are 4 million stars out there...and they believe you, but leave a sign" Wet Paint"...and they just have to see for themselves? Life's mysteries? Go Figure? Thanks for the laughs and smile from reading your stuff, Beth...Rated Way Up !


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

TattoGuy -- LOL You're sooo funny -- I'll fill it in like that next time ('tis has to be a man, not a woman who receives the form) Aye, it would be wonderful to meet -- we would hit off like fireworks. I know that. :) Love you too! xoxo ?


TattoGuy 6 years ago

I really wud love to meet you in real life as you are so like me, my fav filling in forms is the name, age, sex, I do it every time and I know tis childish but when it gets to sex I always write "Yes Please"...Loves ya ; )xox


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

lol. Wow, now I know where you got that sense of humor of yours. lol. Thanks Beth, I really did need a good laugh today, as I was kind of down earlier. However, it seems like always, you seem to make that part go away. anyway, thanks for the great read, as I enjoyed reading this. :)


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

DjBryle -- I love how you laugh!! It's contagious!! Thanks for getting me to laugh too! :)


DjBryle profile image

DjBryle 6 years ago from Somewhere in the LINES of your MIND, and HOPEFULLY at the RIPPLES of your HEART. =)

I am laughing right now! Thanks for the fun... you made my day! =)


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Chris -- That's because we've been busy trading paraprosdokians! I see you here, I see me there....where shall we meet to tickle our feet?


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

CC -- I'm only as much fun as you are!! I love you too! xoxo


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Chris -- Pushed?!? Nah, I think you voluntarily jumped just because you don't like turnips. Now you have my full attention -- I want to hear this joke! Thanks for jumping into the pumpkin patch!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Minnetonka Twin -- Thank you for letting me know that this brought the end of your day with a smile. That brings a smile to my heart. :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Oh, I've been okay. It's nice to see you. Seems like ions since we've traded witticisms.


ralwus 6 years ago

You are funn and I loved this girl, especially your work station response.


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Timorous -- Yea, I think you and I have the same sense of humor. I've been called a smart ass too many time, but then I look at them and tell them at least I don't look like one. :) Laugh and the world laughs with you!


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 6 years ago from Canada Author

Hmrjmr - Hey Buddy!!! It's been a long spell since I've seen you! It's great to see you! How have ya been? I'm glad I can make ya laugh!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Ha, ha! You are so funny! You would think I knew what paraprosdokian meant, after all, I didn't just fall off the turnip truck...I was pushed.

Your stories are most charming. Actually, the way you described the oral spelling test reminded me of a very funny joke, but alas, I can not repeat it here. Remind me to tell it to you.

Very entertaining!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

I do love your sense of humor and loved your stories. I really like what your friend said to to the model wearing the guess shirt. Too funny. Thank you for a fun and uplifting end of my day.


timorous profile image

timorous 6 years ago from Me to You

Hi Beth. Thanks for the laffs. I can see we have a similar sense of humour..I think. Some people consider me a bit of a smartass, as evidenced by some of my Hubpages comments. Heheh...rightly so, I suppose. :)

Well after all, life's too short to take things too seriously..doncha think?


Hmrjmr1 profile image

Hmrjmr1 6 years ago from Georgia, USA

Beth you are a hoot! I love the work station analogy! BTDT!

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working