By: Wayne Brown

News Flash! All hell just broke loose somewhere on the planet and guess what? One of the Kardashians was present. These folks are like cockroaches…they are everywhere. If you see one of them, you can bet there are many more somewhere out of site. These folks get around faster than Superman when he’s wearing a clean cape. I, for one, have had a belly full of it and can no longer gaze upon the magazine rack at the local Kroger for fear of spotting one of them on the cover. At first glance, it looks like a photo of a fat Italian broad, but wait, I’m wrong for it is truly one of those beautiful Kardashians.

Doesn’t it just grind on you when someone cannot get enough of a certain letter of the alphabet…like in this case, “the K”? Oh, let’s spell all our names with a “K”….first and last. How special! It is exactly what some immature bunch of giggling high-school girls in full braces would call “so cute”. Well, I for one am sick of cute and want some kind of government reform to be exercised over it. They say anything to excess runs the risk of giving one Cancer. I am dangerously close to such over-exposure with the Kardashians leaving me to have to close my eyes quickly when I spot a magazine stand nearby.

I am totally amazed by the level of exposure these people have in the media. If they have any talent, I have yet to see it performed in the public arena. What is their skill…is it their uncanny ability to be anything but what they are? Some people struggle their entire lives for fame and fortune and end up dead without it even though they had an immense depth of talent. But these women, these escapees from a dyed blonde hair institution just seem to come by it all naturally. I am surprised that their mother is not trying to have another one which she can pin a cute little “K” type name upon. The name most fitting the occasion would need to be some variation of “Late”….say like drop the “L” and hang the “K” and call her Kate. Here she is world, Miss Kate Kardashian, totally devoid of talent but ever so popular with you and I for some reason totally unknown to us.

As I studied this Kardashian species for a pedigree, I learned more than I really ever wanted to know of them and the origin of the letter “K”. It all starts with mother, Kris, who met attorney Robert Kardashian back in 1978 or before…who the hell knows. They were married from 1978 until 1990. You might remember Mr. Kardashian as an attorney for O.J. Simpson. Robert died of cancer in 1990, but in the 22 years between his marriage to Kris in 1978 and his death in 1990, these two bred like wild rabbits and everything that was of the female genre came away with a “K” name, cute like mama’s.

The first born was a girl and took on the moniker, “Kourtney”. Her middle name is “Mary” but they could not find a way to spell it with a “K”. She was born April 18, 1979 and the rabbits immediately went back to work. On October 21, 1980, Kimberly Noel made her appearance suffering the same problem with the spelling of her middle name. Then came another little lady, “Khloe” (Khloe Alexandra) born 27 June 1984. Khloe was followed by a brother on March 17, 1987. His name was Robert George…without the “K”. I am told that their mother did not breast-feed any of them but instead elected to raise them on a diet of “Special K” cereal. Perhaps that is a clue to this mystery.

After the daddy-rabbit, Robert Kardashian passed on in 1990, Mama Kris then married famed Olympic athlete, Bruce Jenner and immediately began pressuring him to take on a first name starting with “K”. So far, Bruce has withstood the pressure but could go off the deep end at any time considering he is the only one without a “K” in his name in the entire household.

When I began to look around for some talent or skill in this bunch, I came up empty for my efforts. It seems that the ball began rolling in the public eye when oldest daughter, Kourtney, decided to film her sexual escapades with then boyfriend, hip-hop singer, “Ray-J”. Though it was considered a “private video”, it somehow got sold on the open market, possibly due to a shortage of funds on the part of Ray-J. You know, it does not take a detective to figure it out…when only two people know the tape is running and one, Kourtney, says she didn’t sell it…what does that leave ya? Come on, Ray-J, fess up!

So there you are. Fame came in the form of a “boodie-call”. Once that tape was on the streets, the public was willing and ready to see a lot more of Ms. Kourtney. Apparently that “Special K” had worked its magic in all the right places. Naturally, it was easy then to conclude that if the public reveled in seeing one Kardashian naked, the whole bunch would be an added treat. With that thought in mind, they then began filming “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” in 2007 featuring Kris, Kourtney, Kimberly, Khloe and sometimes brother, Robert. Then in small letter at the bottom of the cast list is added “with bruce jenner” in small font. Poor ol’ Bruce…maybe he needs a facelift to cheer him up!

And there you are folks, just the way it all happened and the whole basis for why every time you turn a korner, there’s a picture of a Kardashian. And no, I did not spell “korner” wrong…I used the “cute way”. It kind of reminds me of the opening line from the television series, “Sky King” which goes something like “And out of the blue of the western sky comes….” The Kardashians, of course…with bruce jenner.

So, mom and dad, if you have a little one playing on the floor there in front of you and his or her actions make you feel that they will never play the piano or rock guitar; never win a downhill ski competition in the Olympics, or run for a touchdown in the NFL, do not despair. There are things that you can do. First, get working on another one as quickly as you can. If this is to be successful, you have multiply like rabbits. Secondly, begin picking out cute names all spelled with the same first letter. Then, make a sex tape using the best looking one getting it on with a rap singer and let it accidently get sold on the streets. You’re in the money, baby!

Why just think of all the ways that are still out there to employ the brand value of the Kardashian name in the USA today. Why not sell a new doughnut line called the “Kardashian Krispy-Kreme? How about a “Kardashian Kredit-Kard” or, maybe you would like a race track where one can rent a “Kardashian Kart” to race around the turns. One could also find success in creating an elite housing development called the “Kardashian Kibbutz” complete with small vegetable gardens in the backyard. Then there is a line of neck bling for dogs lovingly referred to as a “Kardashian Kollar”. At the airport, you could get your boarding pass from a glitzy “Kardashian Kiosk”. Then for dessert while dining at your favorite restaurant, how about a great big slice of “Kardashian Karrot Kake” to top off your meal? The possibilities are endless and no skill is required.

My research has also helped me to understand another area of my thinking in which I was wrong…the Kardashians are not chubby Italian women at all, absolutely not…they are Armenian. Now I no longer have to stare at the cover of “People” magazine in the line at Kroger and wonder why they would have an over-weight Italian woman on the cover. Now I know, it’s just Khloe and she’s put on a few pounds. Who says you can’t find work in America unless you have a skill…take it from the Kardashians…none needed.

©Copyright WBrown2012. All Rights Reserved. 22 July 2012

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Comments 28 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

The power of modern media and money. They can create a media sensation from practically nothing. I'm with you...these people really do disgust me....their shallowness is the stuff of legends. I want to know what in the world Bruce Jenner is doing in that family...I always kind of liked that guy! Oh well, great hub my friend!

Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 4 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Oh may. Give it to Mr. Brown to complain. Lol.

I know not about this family but their pictures which suddenly appears everywhere, mostly Kim. I heard public called her socialita and Peta threw something on her for wearing animal fur. But that's it. So, no talent eh? Hmmm... They are look cute though and unless not one of them in anorexic campaign. That's one good thing. :)

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@billybuc...I'm with ya on ol' Bruce...he deserves better! LOL! I think American Idol has done more to prove the fact that exposure is a large factor in terms of fame and success. Garth Brooks always said that there were others far more talented than he was so talent alone was not the answer. It is really funny how once these balls get rolling, they seem to take on a momentum of their own. Thanks, Bill. WB

@Freya Cesare...Oh my, Freya, you really hit my funny bone with your comments...I forgot about the animal fur fiasco! You always find the bright spot...no anorexia....YET! And then of course...only for the ratings. I predict that Bruce could be the victim there and I would understand! LOL! WB

SilverGenes 4 years ago

Mr. Brown, it's been awhile since I've been on hubs so this is a special treat! I had no idea who these people are and was also confused about why anyone should care. But there they are, mentioned on such fabulous shows as The X Factor (tongue firmly against cheek) and peering at me from the grocery checkout counter. At one point, I thought they were the family of a deceased mob boss but now I find out he was a lawyer. No further comment LOL. Thank you for clearing up the mystery. Enjoyed this immensely!!! :)

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@SilverGenes...Great to hear from you, Audrea...success has taken you away from us I assume???? You are correct. I could no longer go on without solving this mystery. I caught one espisode of one of their shows and spotted Bruce Jenner and that finished it for me...I had to know! LOL! Thanks much. WB

Angela Blair profile image

Angela Blair 4 years ago from Central Texas

Great Hub, Wayne. You expressed my sentiments exactly -- one has to wonder at the intellect of some of us if these people are considered interesting enough to be famous? They obviously have no talent of any kind -- as you said -- but I can't even find one thread among them that is of interest to me. Oh, well -- enjoyed the read (best thing I've ever found concerning the K's!) Best/Sis

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Angela Blair...It goes right in there with the mystery of what keeps Obama afloat...maybe the same people? LOL! At least it convinces me that I am still a candidate for fame...with no talent! LOL! WB

Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 4 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Er, eh, sorry Wayne, but I must disagree with you about you as candidate of fame in this area. You need 'hot curve', if you know what I mean. :p

drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Hi, Wayne. The great Barnum, of circus fame, had it right when he said, "There's a sucker born every minute." In this case, it's the public who love to fulfill their 'T and A' quotient, if you know what I mean.

JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

I, too, am thoroughly sick of the Kardashians, and the sight of any of them (particularly Kim, with her plastic face) makes me nauseated. There's no escape from their photos in the media except to turn one's head and not look! No talent in the bunch, and, from what I read, Bruce Jenner is now the most hen-pecked husband and stepfather in history.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@drbj...No doubt about it, Doc...they know what they are selling...the leading edge of the oldest business in the world. WB

@JayeWisdom...Yeah, we need to have an intervention and save ol' Bruce before they get him another facelift! LOL! Thanks much! WB

HLKeeley profile image

HLKeeley 4 years ago from Charlotte, NC

It was Kim, not Kourtney. This family is on TV for the same reason the Real Housewives are for the drama. Admit it or not, but they use this popularity with perfumes, a clothing store, and activism. It is their life and they can choose how they want to live it whether it is on TV or the magazines. Either way, they will remain famous because that is what they want. Not many actors can say that. This family has a knack to staying in the public eye.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@HLKeeeley...No doubt but so does Pamela Anderson and we all know that she has talent! LOL! Thanks much! WB

Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

I couldn't agree with you more. I now know more about them than I ever hoped to! LOL I have never watched a show with one of them in it and will continue to avoid them. Really, I have no idea why they are on magazine or enjoy fame at all. Talent? I don't think so. Great honest hub.

Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

... any Yet they made this great report of yours... :))

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Pamela99...And here I was thinking that it was just me...LOL! Still, I am blown away that people without any appreciable talent can stay in the limelight. Thanks, Pam. WB

@Mhatter99...Touche' my friend...the double-edged irony of the whole thing! LOL! WB

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 4 years ago

I only caught one of them when they were getting a divorce, sorry I don't keep up with them and can't tell you who, but you probably know which one I'm talking about. They do have all the looks but lack skill in talent and character. What you can do these days if the media is willing to promote, is amazing!

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@teaches12345...When you are getting rich, why worry about talent, skill, and character...just minor things! LOL! Yes...the media can make you a star. One of Hollywood's finest was quoted as saying "there is no bad publicity." Thanks much! WB

Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

That's the beauty of living on this side of the world - no Kardashian's. If they are on any magazines I don't even notice. I noticed that in that photo Bruce Jenner looks worn not the athletic type he once was. Must be the influence of living with all those K women. lol Anyway thanks for sharing was interesting.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Gypsy Rose Lee....Yes, I would say that Bruce has already had too much "Special K"....something that made him an athlete at one time! LOL! Thanks much. WB

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

I have to admit I know absolutely nothing about these people and that's how I want to keep it!

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@breakfastpop....Poppy, I'm telling you these are the most dangerous people since the advent of "The Partridge Family", "The Cowsills", and "The Osmonds"....take cover and never look directly into a magazine stand. LOL! WB

Chris Dane profile image

Chris Dane 4 years ago from Maryland, USA

Reading this gave me Kancer. Thankfully, I'm covered by ObamaCare. And thanks, WB, for turning the flamethrower on the kockroaches.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@Chris Dane....Ha! Ha! I see you been eatin' that "Special K" too, Chris! Glad you enjoyed it! Now go on down and get some ObamaKare! WB

breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Thank you Wayne. I feel better now.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

@breakfastpop....Maybe they should have used a "K" in ObamaCare...so it could better relate to the Kardashians. Everytime I say that name of think fine Corinthian leather that Chrysler use to put into their cars! LOL! WB

Vincent Moore 4 years ago

I'm Krackin up here Wayne. Krikey and to think I share the first letter of my name Ken with the Kardashians. It's disgusting but heck Wayne it's all about money and fame. If you are a somebody and have the right connections in Hollywood and you happen to be Kwik and Kwarky like their lawyer father was then anything is possible. Your children can be made to be court jesters and the KIDS soak it up. I'm surprised about Bruce Jenner though joining the K family. With another face-tuck, Bruce will be right at home with all the K's, after all many ladies think he's still Kute. he he he.

Wayne Brown profile image

Wayne Brown 4 years ago from Texas Author

You're makin' me giggle like a young girl on her first date, Ken! LOL! Hey, I am not above playing the part of a jester if I am making millions in the process. In fact, I would bet that you would joing me! LOL! I wrote this in a sense of comedy although I must say I am a bit overwhelmed and tired of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians". Thanks much, my friend! WB

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