LIFE VS. DEATH

I decided to write about this after an old friend told me that she had experienced death for the very first time and asked me to bring up the discussion on another media site. I really had to think about this for a few days since I am very close to this subject. Almost too close and most of the time I do not like to discuss this subject because of what I went through as a child. The fears that come along following the death of a person you love imprint themselves deep in your soul. They never go away nomatter how strong you are. Especially if the person died under tragic circumstances or your relationship was unsettled.

Death knocked at my door at the tender age of eight years old. All I can say about it is that it changed my life forever. I suddenly became older then my years and put on a very brave face. I found my love for comedy then really quickly while I desperately tried to escape the hurt and the pain. I was fantastic at making people feel better and healing their wounds. I still am. You can also say that I learned how to be “the master of chaos.” When death comes to play so suddenly, it is surprising to feel the emotions that overcome your whole entire being. Depending on what this particular person meant to you has nothing to do with it. They are there one day and then one day they are gone… like the time you watched a magician make the person disappear, but they do not come back this time.

When I was younger I often imagined the scenario of the person on stage with the magician. I thought to myself, this is where this person can choose “Life or Death.”
At any moment they can decide to break the spell and not come back. If they really wanted too they could disappear forever, for good or for an adventure that is more exciting. What an imagination I had as a child! I still do. I often imagine myself as a magician in life. I have always loved the idea of “magic.”

The main question I am bringing up here is this. What does “Death” feel like to you? Have you ever loved someone who died? How did it change you? This is really important. The reason I titled this article this way is that “Life and Death” go together at all times.

Everytime someone is born, someone dies in this world. It is the way things go. I lost my father ten days before my first son was born. It was devastating to have to think of both at the same time and also want to give my son a happy and fearless beginning. I often feel sad that my father never got to meet my children and it comes to me every once in a while when I’m smiling at them as they do silly things like I used to do before I had to grow up so fast.

When someone dies, you try to recapture their essence in some of the things you do.
I always talk about memories and funny things that happened. I try to convey some of this to my children. But then sometimes, I do not want to keep talking about the past or make them feel that they have to live my memories that were ingrained in me. I’m well assured they will have plenty of me alone! Especially like the other day that I walked into my pool in my silk pajamas to make them laugh! Yes, this is me for sure. The bottom line is that I also did it to cheer myself up because I was hurting. I thought about the way I do things and how it has all made me who I am. Laughter is the best medicine!!!

Death hits people in many different ways. I have seen how it has made others react to situations. I have seen the chaos firsthand. I have experienced all the emotions, the fears and the love and the loss. When someone close to you dies, you always worry about someone else going too. If you were really connected to the person who you experienced death through and suffered depression, it can be really hard. You can also sabotage relationships with this fear. Since I did not deal with a lot of the feelings as a child, I had to deal with an aftermath of sadness well into my thirties. There is a book that explains this and a lot of people who lose a parent as a child suffer from some sort of depression later on in life.

This is a good time for everyone to think about this subject. Since a lot of my friends and family are in their forties now and older. There are some friends I know for sure that have just experienced a big loss in their life and quite a few that know it is coming soon. A few things I did before my farther died was to verbally tell him how I felt. I also asked him questions, but looking back I wanted so many more answers. Life goes by so quickly, so remember to make peace with that person. At one point I expressed my fears to my father. I said "I really don't want to lose you" and then I cried in front of him. His answer was a classic moment and ingrained in me forever. He looked at me and said "Well what do you want me to do?"

It would be nice if you would share how you feel about this subject. I feel that this would be very helpful to quite a few people that are reading this.

Best, G


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Comments 32 comments

LilianEden profile image

LilianEden 6 years ago

Even though I 'talk to the other side' and have helped many people who have lost loved ones, I know that once you 'loose' someone to death, you can't really have a coffee with them or laugh or dance with them the same way. I always resort to the Buddhist way of looking at this very sensitive topic: That death and life are actually on the same side of the coin. As is pain and pleasure. With life there is always death. With death comes life. You've inspired me to write another hub G! With love, LXO


Mr. Prepared 6 years ago

Extremely timely subject- especially given the recent outbreak of deaths among many 40 something FACEBOOKERS- actually Parents, significant others, and a spate of Pet Deaths.. some quite untimely and unexpected... I myself am significantly more introspective, having spent the last 5 years on a remote property in the desert... lots of internet contact, some phone, and way too little human contact.. the upside is that i fully comprehend what sudden impact the loss of a valued family member,be it human or otherwise, can have on an individual, or even on a collective- the collective impact of Death is often under-reported and underestimated... entire social circles are often decimated by untimely deaths of key, integral members, but this seems to be an uncomfortable subject and is rarely broached... more on this later- consider this smattering of opinion to be just a taste of more to come- Mr. Prepared- Goodnight


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

Death is difficult........... within the family, losing my grandfather meant losing the sweetest, most loving and unselfish man I may ever know; my grandma, that was even harder............ but I know she still watches out for me the same way she did while alive, silently and watchfully. My Dad............ miss him every single day............. want a hug every single day, and would love nothing more than to see his face or hear his voice just one more time. That will never change............. the feelings I had while they wheeled him away have never left........... I doubt they ever will.

I talk about my loved ones often........... I think it's natural to just roll with the memories. My best friend lost her mother at a very young age like you did........... she talks about her all the time.......... she misses the mom she had for nine years in the same way I miss the father I had with me for 46, and like you, one of the things she used to talk about often was how she would have loved her to see her children, to have had the chance to be grandma.

Everyone's experience is different, and yet so many of our experiences hold similarities. Many of the strongest people I know have had the hardest time with the loss and the grief process that accompanies it............. many of the people I believed would fall a part proved themselves to be stronger than anyone would have imagined.

This is a great topic.......... and very well written! Kaie


HappyHer profile image

HappyHer 6 years ago from Cleveland, OH

This is a deep topic and so important to talk about. Many people try to hide their grief, to help others cope, or because they are afraid of being overwhelmed by the feelings. Sometimes they hit you out of the blue. I recently had a conversation with an old friend, his brother was a dear friend as well and it was mentioned that his death was 25 years ago. That brought up a lot of feelings for me.


viryabo profile image

viryabo 6 years ago

Very deep and moving G.

I have never experienced the death of a close one so i can only imagine the feeling. 3 of my grandparents were gone before i was born and i never met the 4th, my maternal grandfather, before he passed on (i was 5 and in a different country at the time).

But i have been close to some who lost dear people, including children, and i always felt their grief.

Death is so final, the thought is unsettling. And knowing that we shall all experience some form of loss, one time or another always calls for deep reflection.

Beautiful article my friend.

GodBless.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

LBIRD...thank you so much for your lovely words and spirit!!!.....You are the so amazing and I am so happy you are here with me on this hub. I'm so happy you are in my life.

Gx


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

Mr. Prepared. Glad to see you here.....Always love to hear your thoughts and love your comment. I really appreciate you coming here and sharing. Looking forward to more of your greatness in the future. Best, G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

kaie..I am so thankful for your comment. I had to read it again it is so amazing. I adored my grandmother too. She was such a light! I miss my fathers voice on my message machine...the way he used to say my name. He was the only one to know my nickname.....just all of the little things.......gone. I do feel that I am stronger from my experiences in death and loss. I do value the simple things in life because I know how quickly things or people can disappear......Anyway, so lovely to have you here. Thank you. G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

HH...thank you for being here and leaving your comment. I was sitting with a friend at a coffee shop a while ago and she said it is "the anniversary" today. I remember feeling it deeply as she spoke about her brother that disappeared a long time ago and was never found. I think about it once in a while..........when I am grieving. Not being able to have closure......I sometimes mention the day that my mother died to people close to me and it was over 35 years ago.....G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

viryabo....thank you for leaving your comment. The person I wrote this for has had similar experiences with death to you. Not much family, but friends who just recently died and they were fairly young. She wanted to find a better understanding of the emotions that come along with death. I'm glad you left your comment......thank you again......G


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States

Different people have such different thoughts about death that this isn't a particularly easy topic. I did not lose anyone when I was very young as you did, so I can only imagine how difficult that must have been. I lost my grandparents one at a time which was always sad, but the most difficult was losing my father and I wasn't that young.

We go through the stages of grief that Elizabeth Kublar Ross wrote about but I think we'll always have some sad moments. Kublar Ross's research is very well known and she can be found on the internet. She explains the 5 stages of grief very well.

I worked as an RN in critical care for many years. I have seen people die terrified, some too sick to fight anymore and some that were totally at peace as they knew they were going to a better place and the families were at peace also. I think your personal beliefs about the afterlife have a lot to do with your feelings of losing someone you love. One of my good friends died of breast cancer last year and I still miss her even though I believe she is in a better place.

Another thing I have noticed is that when people know they are dying and feel like they have lived a good life they are more at peace than those who haven't had a happy life. I have no idea why some die young and some live a century, but I think we need to try and live each day to the fullest and try not to have regrets.


lemmyisgod 6 years ago

G my life has been marked by death in so many ways people I loved, people I was trying to protect, friends, family. People have saved my life as I was trying to take the life of others. I know death very well. I have learned as Lilian says above that death is part of life. To fear death is to fear life. Always for me something good came from my grief as I grew as a person. I could say many things here but one thing above all else is that life is a gift - the best ride in the fairground and I wouldnt ever want to get off it.

Like you I have had those conversations with my father his reaction has always been "M...I have to die and I dont want that to get in the way of you living be happy for me, I have had a good life really when I look back, don't let my death ruin yours". He understands the inevitability and he will still love me even in death. He and I have made our peace and I will carry his love with me forever. It all comes back to that - feeling loved and I know that you feel that.

Lemmy


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

Lemmy. This is beautiful what you wrote. I think losing a parent at such a young age has planted fear at the deepest levels. Sometimes I just don't know it is there. Writing about it has been very healing. Hearing from people I care about on this subject has made me feel really good. You have added to that too. I never fear my death as much as losing others that I love. I hold on too tight sometimes...worry about my children a bit more then others would. It is overwhelming sometimes, like anxiety over takes me from out of the blue. But I am learning to trust more and fear less. I do feel loved. In such a big way. My children fill my heart every single day along with the words and love of my magician. I am blessed.

G


cheaptrick profile image

cheaptrick 6 years ago from the bridge of sighs

"Have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moon light"Jack Nicholson...I have...I have the scars on my soul to prove it...

It burns me when I here people talk about how beautiful death can be...G...you know me better than most of the people in my real life.I won't expound on what death is really like.I'd like to end this comment with two quotes at opposite ends of the spectrum.

"Death smiles at us all...all we can do is smile back"

"Do not go gently into that good night...But Rage...Rage...at the dying of the light"

Dean


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

Dear my friend, GPAGE.

We have to grateful that we still live until now. We surely die, but we don't really know when it happen. Only God know about this. Good to prepare with doing goodness as long as we still breathing and we can give something useful to others. This is like an investment when we die someday. I think we don't bring anything we have in this world. Like: luxurious car, big house, million dollars in cash, credit card and many more. But we bring our charity during we live in this world. I think you will agree with my statement. LIFE VS DEATH is like two different side. Lets face the future, give the best we can, stay think positively and don't forget to pray. Good topic selection and I believe it will increase our spiritual life. As usual I vote this up...always and always. Thank you very much. Have a good day!

Prasetio


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

pamela...thank you for your insight, experiences and for mentioning other people on the web that can help with the grief process. This is really important. A friend of mine once sent me a book that changed my life, so I am always open to learn about new ways to deal with it all. All the best, G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

Dean...I love your comment. I love everything about it. I love that you are always "you."

Best, G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

prasetio...so beautifully written. Thank you for the positive comment. Let's face the future and believe in everything that is good. Let's look forward to beautiful things.....share with the people we love......Blessings to you my friend. G


rose56 profile image

rose56 6 years ago

I enjoyed your hub. I two have lost my grandson he was only one. We will never get over this, we just have to learn to go on and deal with it the best way we know how.A person comes into this life and we also go out the same. we are born and we all die no one can escape it.


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

..makes me think - and as you know ...when I start thinking - lol lol lol

....I believe that we 'live' and 'die' many times over in a lifetime - whether it's fate of choice or chance - and we all encounter 'heaven' or 'hell' in our minds - whether it's chance or choice - and it's no chance that I choose to come here and become immersed in the 'spas' of your hubs....


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

rose56...I am so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine something so painful.

Thank you for coming here and sharing. You are right. Everyone is born and everyone eventually dies. G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

E! thank you so much for your comment. I welcome your wonderful words and presence here. Thank you for making me feel appreciated. It means a lot. G


James McV Sailor profile image

James McV Sailor 6 years ago from Northern California

I'm still young, I think, and yet in my fifties I've seen life stripped away from so many of my friends and contemporaries in recent years before their time, or I am sure before they were ready at least, that it makes me wonder when I do what the possible purpose of life might be. With so many lives ended before their purpose was fulfilled, was their only purpose perhaps to give purpose to others? I've been away from the Pages for awhile dealing with some of that life and your questions made me think and smile again..... life is a journey, not a destination.... perhaps death is just a corner in the road. JM


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

James! I am so happy to see you here! You are right about what you said. Life is infact a journey......We need to live it as best as we can. We need to love and help others while we find our way. I feel that if you give your heart in everything you do, there is no fear. Death will just come easily when it is supposed to happen. I live every day sharing love with my children or trying to inspire others. This has given me great peace. So happy to see you here again! I hope things are going well for you! G


Wrath Warbone profile image

Wrath Warbone 6 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

I was never close enough to any body to feel much when they died. I tend to think they went to a better place or a place with opportunity to grow just like we have here. I don't think the Bible says when you die your eternal fate is sealed. My mother is eighty, and though I am not clost to her I spend time addressing old issues between us and being clear about what I like and don't like about the way she treats and thinks about me. Turns out she is not as bad as all that. We get along much better now and she has stopped doing and saying many of things I asked her to stop. I will miss her but I am sure she will be in good hands when she goes.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

Wrath..thank you for sharing your comment. I really appreciate you being here.

Best, GPAGE


TattoGuy 6 years ago

My Dad died of a heart attack when I was 21 and that brought death to my door for the first time. Having a heart attack 2 years ago made me realise I can leave work on a Friday and not take for granted returning on the Monday.

We take life for granted but Death comes a calling and he cares not about yer age or colour, live for the day, great hub, loves ya xox


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

Art...I am so happy that you are taking care of yourself. A lot of people never get a second chance. I am so happy you are here! GX


Jai Warren profile image

Jai Warren 6 years ago from Dallas, Deep Ellum, Texas

"what do you want me to do?" It's heart-wrenching to lose someone you love dearly...but, it's eventual. It's understanding that they're there spiritually for the rest of your life. Memories... that's who we are. Use those resources to build the future. All the best, Ciao!


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 6 years ago from California Author

Jai...I like your positive flow....man! do I have memories..I write about a lot of them here including the loved one's I have lost. Life goes on I know, but lovely to think about them and write about it....makes my heart full......Best, GPAGE


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 5 years ago from Wales

A great hub and thank you for sharing.

Take care and I also look forward to reading many of your hubs also.

Eiddwen.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Thank you Eiddwen for dropping in! I appreciate you being here and leaving such a lovely comment....Best, GPAGE

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