LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP...by b. Malin

"Ralph" photo by Stephan
"Ralph" photo by Stephan

RALPH

I'm a stairs person, so at the Condo we are renting, not to be confused with the "Condo with the View", I always take the stairs, except on "Shopping Day". The other day, I'm running, (scratch that) I'm Walking, Briskly up the stairs to our 3rd floor unit, when I hear ever so faintly, "Help, Help". As I reach the top stairs I look down to see a little creature, called a "Newt" staring up at me. Now before I begin his tale (pardon, the pun). I shall describe what this "Newt" looked like. Or better yet, study his picture for a moment...this particular Newt was about 5 inches long, and is capable of turning from green to brown to blend in with the surroundings for protection...And so this story begins.

"OMG, I almost stepped on you" I say aloud. "Yes, yes, you almost did"! came the reply back. "You can Talk"? I say, sounding more surprised then I had intended to. "Yes, he sighs, I can". Then we are both silent, as we Eye one another. I clear my throat and ask, "Was that you calling for help"? "Yes" he replies, as he sighs deeply, that was me". "What can I do to help you"? I ask as I stoop down on one knee to his level. Once again we both stare silently.

"Oh where are my manners" I say trying for cheerful, "My name is b. Malin". He replies back, my name is "Ralph". "Ralph, I say, that's a funny name for a Newt". "Really, he answers dryly, like b. Malin isn't Funny...what's a b. Malin"? "Ok, ok, touche I say, how about just calling me b. and I'll call you Ralph"? "That would be nice since it is my name" he answers smugly...and fine, I'll call you b".

Suddenly there is someone coming up the stairs and Ralph goes from green to brown in color. "Oh don't be alarmed I say softly, that's my husband, Lover Man, who has just parked the car, and is on is way up the stairs. "Are you sure b"? "I'm sure Ralph, and here he is now". I gently stop Lover Man, before he too almost steps on poor Ralph. "Honey, meet Ralph", I say pointing down to my little friend. Lover Man looks startled as Ralph says "Hump! I'm not calling him by that name, Lover Man indeed"!

Lover Man bends down and softly says, "Hi, Ralph, you can call me Stephan". Once again, Ralph is quiet as he studies my husband's face". "Hey Ralph, Lover Man says, may I take your picture. I just have to go inside and get my Camera". "Sure Ralph replies, I'm not going anywhere". Exit, Lover Man. "Do you want me to pose"? Ralph asks when Lover Man comes back out with his Camera. "Nah, just be yourself". Picture has now been taken, and it was now time for Ralph to talk.

"See that tree over near the corner of your Condo"? Lover Man and I both nodded. "Well, Ralph went on, I was trying to impress my "Lady friend" Donna. I told her I was going to climb the tree and jump from that branch, he said pointing to a large one, onto your 3rd floor. Well I did it alright, but now I can't jump back onto the tree, it's too far... and I can't get down to the ground level, because the stairs are too High"! And...to make matters worse, "Big Al" is probably making a play for Donna...He's probably asking her out to Dinner...I'm going to lose her unless you can help me get down"! Ralph finished his last sentence, and goes over to the edge and looks down.

"Oh Ralph you're not thinking of Jumping" I said sounding alarmed. "Are you Crazy b.? I maybe nuts about Donna, but no I won't Jump...I just need a way down" he said sounding sad. "We could take you down on a Plate"! I replied excitedly...You know, a small plate". "Sweet b. how would that look, I'd be the laughing stock of the "Newt Community", Donna would Never go out with me again after that...Listen folks, I don't mean to be rude, but this is my problem and I need more time Alone to think about it". "Ok, I said, we understand, but please Ralph, if you need us, just knock on the door...or just call my name, and I'll be there"..."Whoa, b. what are you one of the "Supremes". "You're so Funny Ralph" I say smiling as we exit the scene.

We had our Dinner, and kept listening for Ralph's knock, but it never came. We cleaned up the dishes and then decided to take our nightly walk. We carefully open the front door and walked over to the stairs where Ralph is sitting. "Listen Ralph, Lover Man said, I've got an idea". "Whisper it in my ear", is Ralph's reply. And so Lover Man bends down and whispered his idea into Ralph's ear, and then we wait. After a few moments, Ralph smiles and replies, "that just might work". Then I watched in Amazement as Ralph climbs onto Lover Man's shoulders, he is a Beautiful, Confident, shade of Green. "You comfortable little partner"?, Lover Man asked. "Fine, my good friend, Ralph replies. Lover Man turns to me, "Coming my Lady"? "Oh yes, yes, I reply as the three of us descend silently down the stairs...and my heart swells with pride for my guy.

When we came to the landing on the first floor, Lover Man sat down on the last step and said loudly, "Wait Hon, my sneaker is untied". He extended both arms and bent over to tie the laces as Ralph quietly walks down his arm, and disappeared into the night, unnoticed.


Comments 62 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Cute story :) Now I must ask are you feeling okay?


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 4 years ago from South Carolina

Aw....this was so cute. Especially loved the ending.

Voted up across the board.


Faithful Daughter profile image

Faithful Daughter 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

Ok, this is definitely the place to stop for a laugh if I come to need one! I thought I was the only one with... ehem... an eccentric imagination? Maybe one day I'll write about my own experience with Oscar, the lizard.


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

Cute, I have Bernice running around my ground floor apartment catching bugs for me. We just see her once in awhile. She runs along the wall under the furniture so that the cat doesn't get her. The dog just watches her. She doesn't dare go near DAD. That is when Rufus gets upset.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Susan, so glad you Enjoyed. I am fine, over the "Bug" and back to Normal, whatever Normal is! I'm Good!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Gail, so glad you liked, it was a Fun write, with a Happy Ending or new Beginning for "Ralph". Thanks so much for your Votes!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Faithful Daughter, so glad I made you Laugh. I Love Animals, and try to imagine what I think they'd say, if they could talk to us. I hope you do write about "Oscar" the Lizard. I would definitely come by to read that Hub.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Becky yours sounds like a story in the making as well...I think you should write it. I'm sure "Bernice" would be thrilled, and maybe we could fix her up with Ralph!


Becky Katz profile image

Becky Katz 4 years ago from Hereford, AZ

I mentioned it to Bernice and she said "Long distance dating never works. She will stick with the guys here in town, thank you." I may write about her but am pretty busy right now with my 'Favorite Stories' series. Catch ya later.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

You are too Funny Becky, but you know, Bernice is right. I'll be by to visit your Hubs, Becky.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I heard when Ralph asked Donna out she said, 'Newthing doing”


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 4 years ago

Well "B," Ralph sounds sweet. Will Ralph be a pet of sorts?

mckbirdbks-Haha! I love your comment.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

A fun way to begin my day. Love your imagination and love the change of pace from your regular writing.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Oh Mckbirdbks, I LOVE it, I love it...Hopefully Donna is still with Ralph, I'm for Happy Endings!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Flora, we have so many "Newts" here, big ones, small ones (Ralph was small at 5 inches) that it's hard to keep track of Ralph...But I'm hoping he'll stop by to say "Goodbye before we move to "The Condo with the View".


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Billybuc, I love Animals and enjoy letting my "Imagination" interact with them...and I needed a "lite" Hub after my last one. I'm so glad you started your day with my Hub, Thank You!


cleaner3 profile image

cleaner3 4 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

What a colorful tale.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

Ralph could be in commercials! Go get him and sign him up! Up and funny.


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

I love this, so cute. I could almost believe it happened, ( I'm gullible ) HaHa..The lyric, ' Just call my name i'll be there' was clever...Enjoyed much...Cheers


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

How exactly do you find a newt staring up at you? I don't think I've ever seen this animal around my suburban digs. Have only encountered them in pet stores and zoos. Voting this Up and Funny.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

b. malin - I bet living with you is quite an experience.

TFP


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Cleaner, Cute, Play on Words...Thanks!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Breakfastpops, Ralph at the moment is in Love, and I think that's about all he can handle...Although it might impress Donna if he went onto TV fame. So glad you Enjoyed.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Now Ruby, you don't think it really Happened...Ha, Ha, Loved your Comments as usual. I'm so glad you Enjoyed, LOL.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

The "Newt" should be the State of Florida's Mascot...there are so many of them Alocsin, and they have such Fun personalities. So Glad you Enjoyed, and thanks for the Votes of UP and Funny.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Oh Froggy I couldn't stop Laughing when I read your Comment...All in good Fun...Just ask Lover Man!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

I agree with The Frog Prince. Living with you is probably quite and experience! lol I like Ralph!


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

that is the cutest story.. I love it... I like lover man.. LOl Ralph is so cute. I hope he gets the girl'

voted up

Debbie


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

I love animal stories, and this one is so cute! You have a great imagination, b. Malin. I wish I had a "Ralph" who visited my home - although on second thoughts that might not be such a good idea with three cats in my family!


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

This is just the 'best' story, so cute loved it and loved Ralph!

Wonderful - voted up and shared.

Best wishes Lesley


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

lol This was so adorable...So very cute..Thank you for the smile...made my day!

Sunnie


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

I think I know newts cousin. He's a huge Gecko that is always on the wall near the door when I come home from work. He never says anything to me though...


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Dexter, are you and Froggy ganging up on me...I'm Fun...with a Great Imagination...and Lover Man likes that! Life is Never Dull...well, maybe sometimes... As for Ralph, he's really quite a likeable "Newt" .


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Deborah, Thank You. Yeah, Lover Man is quite the guy, and he's now writing too! Ralph is liable to get a "Swelled Head" Everyone thinks he's so Cute...Yes, he really is. Thanks for the Vote and all.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Thank You alicia. Yes, I have a great imagination when it comes to Animals, I look at them and I can see a story. Actually there are a few cats in the neighborhood and they kind of play around with the "Newts".


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Leslie, Thank You! Ralph is truly Mr. Personality, Thank you so much for your Vote and Comments, always appreciated.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Sunnie, I'm so Happy I made you Smile with "Ralph's" story...And now your Comments made me Smile right back at you!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi A.A. Have you ever thought of just saying "Hello" to him, and seeing what happens...You just Never Know!


A.A. Zavala profile image

A.A. Zavala 4 years ago from Texas

Everytime I walk by him, he gives me a look. And not a cute one like the Geico Gecko; he gives me the stink eye. Better be careful, he knows where I live...


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi A.A. I know, I know, it may appear that way...But maybe he's just Lonely...Give him that Handsome Winning Smile and just say "Hi". He'll either say "Hi" back or he'll Attack! Let's hope he doesn't, then you can say, I'm going to the "Health Club" care to join me? This could be the start of a GREAT FRIENDSHIP!


Faithful Daughter profile image

Faithful Daughter 4 years ago from Sunny Florida

Ok, b.,

I wrote about Oscar. It's not as good as yours, but I hope you like it :)

http://hubpages.com/animals/Oscar-the-Lizard...


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

I feel so much better now, b. since I realize I am not the only one who talks - and hears - wild animals like the banana spider, the hippo, the proboscis monkey, etc., etc. Ralph seems to be a neat newt. Maybe he'll come back for another chat and bring Donna! This was fun.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Faithful Daughter, I'm going over in a few minutes to read about "Oscar". Thanks for the compliment, but I'm sure yours will be a Fun read too.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

We are Amazing Drbj with our "Talents" of being able to talk to the Animals...Hey didn't someone once write a Song about that? I haven't seen "Ralph" since we helped him down...He must be busy with "Donna"..."Oh Donna", another song! Thanks for Enjoying.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I just take photos and videos of the lizards in Orlando, you created an amazingly, witty story about Ralph! This might make me want to chat with my guys over here. I usually just have conversations with the squirrels and cranes! OMG! Hysterical! Well done b. :)


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 4 years ago

What a wonderful read.I laughed all the way through.I can see it now as a Las Vegas act. Here comes little Ralph Newt.Rated up.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

Being such a kid, I loved this story! how great would it be if we could talk to the animals, okay so I am quoting a song, but its so true! lol! loved this, voted up all the way!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Great work and very enjoyable. Your descriptions painted a fine word picture!


thebluestar profile image

thebluestar 4 years ago from Northern Ireland

Hi hunnie, you are a gal out of my own heart. Cute story, and what a lovely tribute to lover man at the end. :) x


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Sunshine, Thank You...I think as Writers, with a little imagination, we can talk to Anyone. I Love Animals, and Enjoy their innocence. I'm so glad you Enjoyed my Hub on Ralph, it was a Fun write!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Thank You Dream On. I'll pass that Idea on to Ralph...that is if he every stops by again! He is so involved with his Donna...But who knows, maybe they could Honeymoon in Vegas and he could be s Standup Comic!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Nell, and who say's you couldn't talk to the Animals? Must people have NEVER tried, and they don't know what they're Missing! Thanks so much for your Vote.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi WillStarr, missed you. Thanks so much for your Compliments, always Treasured and appreciated.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Bluestar, I know how you Love Animals too. They are such Wonderful friends. I'm so glad you Enjoyed, and Lover Man is my Guy, and will be to the End...And Beyond, I hope!


femmeflashpoint 4 years ago

b.,

You had me convinced Ralph was gonna ride Lover Man's shoulder down the stars and announce to Donna that he'd captured a man!

However, you surprise me, and I liked it, lol.

Hope little Ralph caught up with Donna in time to divert Donna's attention from Big Al!

femme


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Femme, I Loved your version, very, very Funny. I showed it to Lover Man and he Laughed too! Haven't seen either of them in awhile...Who knows maybe they tied the Knot, and big Al gave them a Party, and are now they are off on their Honeymoon...I do like happy endings. Thanks for Enjoying.


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

Awww loved this sweet story. Like Femme I thought he was going to be a hero capturing a man. I think our imaginations are as wild as yours. Lol Ralph was very intelligent though, he had obviously read Isaac NEWTon's theory of gravity, maybe even a descendant


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Rosemay, as Writers, where would we be without our Imaginations? I Loved your witty Comments as well, and I'm so glad you Enjoyed Ralph's story...Thanks Friend!


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 4 years ago

I'm a little late. They coould be married and making little baby nwets by now . . . hope so. Life is short . . . We should make it sweet!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Sally, I've missed you, and I will be stopping by. I Loved your Comments, Life indeed is short...so hopefully Ralph will seek his Bride, and may it be his dear Donna.


Dim Flaxenwick profile image

Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain

Ralph´s picture reminds me of Gregory, our gecko who lived on our walls and ceiling for a long time.

One day... he was just gone...

You wrote this really well. I could visualise it all.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago Author

Hi Dim, Aw, Gone, but NOT forgotten...you should write about Gregory!

Thanks for Enjoying my Ralph... and visualizing it all in your mind!

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