LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD - Survival

Yes, this is a cliche....

I know...the first thing that comes to mind is Pat Benatar's hit song many years ago. The difference between then and now is that I am in my mid-forties and I finally get what she is saying after all these years!!! The first time I ever heard that song I was venturing into my first romantic relationships. I mean after quite a few relationships and marriages I can finally say that I have seen and felt all sorts of toxic gun powder and bombs!! That I have finally found my foxhole and I know exactly "where" and "how" to hide!!! Infact I can tell you truthfully that life is "complicated" and I'm actually glad that social sites give you this option when it comes to relationships. AMEN to that!!!

MY Relationship Status: COMPLICATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without explaining why it is complicated, just hang on for a while longer.

So, now I finally get it. The battlefield consists of having love, losing love (or never loving the one you are with), having money, losing money, good sex, then eventually bad sex, one partner loses work, the other partner gains new job, one partner has addictions or starts one, the other doesn't, one has an affair and the other does not forgive or goes out and gets their "revenge." Some forgive and then some forget. Some people have vices and others don't. People lose their parents and children cause problems, college tuition and other pressures that can put a damper on a relationship. Some couples are good at communication and some are not. Like my favorite Eleanor Roosevelt quote which I always repeat " A woman is like a tea bag- you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water. Well I'm BOILING I tell you!!!! I feel sorry for you if you are on the enemy line!!! OK, I will stop joking around. This is serious cause you see, I have gone into "survival mode." I get angry and let down like everyone else. I feel passion and love like everyone else. I give more of myself then most and people who truly know me often get a lot of love in the things I say and do.

So, what is my point? There is NOT ONE so go onto a better hub and do yourself a service!! ha ha... Part of me wishes I found the right one to grow old with who is a master of everything. I know this is impossible and too much to ask, but it would be nice. It really would. Someone who when they find themselves in "hot water" they still bring me into the bath until it cools off. Makes sense doesn't? I mean I know the bath sucks when it is really hot and the person maybe having a really hard time and life changing experiences, but it would be nice to share the bath instead of being shut out of the bathroom. This is what I feel when it comes to relationships and friendships. Communication is "key" and when there is a "shut down" people act a certain way...they either deal with it or they "act out." I call this "survival" and I am extremely familiar with this emotion. Are you? I have been doing a lot of "soul searching" lately and have come to the conclusion that "Love is a battlefield." Even if you love the one you are with.

As a child I often got let down by immature partners and arguments would take the place of love. This is what happens when there is a breakdown of communication. Everyone acts differently in the battlefield. They either jump into the foxhole until the war is over or they shoot a couple of enemies, take care of their wounded and go back to the barracks and share some tea with their loved one. Even if it is for 5 minutes before they go into the next village and wipe them out. This is the type of soldier that I want. This is the type of person I want to share the battlefield with.

When a parent dies when you are young, you know that they will never return. This is fact and this is truth. But when communication breaks down for whatever reason in a friendship or romance, it feels like "death" to someone like me even if I decided to end the relationship. Love is there and then love is gone. I mourn the loss nomatter what. I just do. Even if they are still alive and having the hardest times in their lives ever.

The reason why I have let go of people in the past and just recently is because they left me out of the bathroom when the bath was too hot. In the case of a recent friendship that I ended due to the persons screwed up values and no respect for mine. The thing that really made them get kicked out of the squad was that they were not mature enough and did not have the gutts to approach certain issues and they treated me like the enemy (yes I am a bit threatening and a very strong woman), so they ran like a scared animal with their tail between their legs. Frankly I was glad because this is the type of person I do not want in my foxhole. Someone who is not honest or who really does not love me for the right reasons. If you have a friend or partner like this who constantly judges your true life values and passion, shoot them or ship them out to a military camp now!

So the survival ship is in the water now flowing on slow waves and fast ones too. It may slip into a port late into the night or it may disappear on an adventure in the higher seas soon. But one thing is for sure it will never disappear on anyone who it holds dear....

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Comments 14 comments

heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 5 years ago from hub

Like your picture and your title. I see what your saying about love being a battlefield...there sure are allot of scars and bruises to be had, acquiring love. Even when you have found the right one, life in the area of love still can hurt. Guess it is because none of us are perfect, and we each seem to have our own baggage...that we hate to claim. Healing from one relationship before going to the next, does seem to help? Good topic, everyone can relate to. (Great profile picture by the way!)


Ghost32 5 years ago

I've never really thought of love as a battlefield--still don't.

Which could explain my six divorces, perhaps.

When I hooked up with Pam (wife #7, ongoing till death do us, at minimum), I took a look at our astrological compatibility. Used to do charts, you see, amateur (meaning unpaid) but very serious, back in the day. Discovered an aspect between us. The astrologer I respect the most has a book on relationships. That text described the aspect I'd discovered as being SO difficult to handle that we might want to wait until another lifetime to work out the karma between us.

Huh.

Kept looking. Discovered we not only had that aspect, but had it DOUBLED. Specifically, my Mars squares her Sun, AND her Mars squares MY Sun.

Nobody (who knew what this meant) would EVER tackle this one! Not in a bazillion years.

So of course we did. Prior to our meeting in a Tonopah, Nevada, laundromat, she'd been booted from a marriage of more than 20 years. The ex stole kids, land, horses, dogs, and the old blind cat, leaving Pammie homeless. She'd survived that way for more than 18 months, 92 pounds of fiery redhead at five feet tall and all woman warrior with a heart of pure gold.

Me? No lady had ever lasted more than 8 years with me.

That was fifteen years ago, or will be this autumn, about 3 months from now. Two years into the relationship, disabilities both numerous and painful began tumbling about her head and shoulders. She's not well, hasn't been well for the past 13 years.

And neither one of us has ever regretted our marriage, except on Pammie's bad days when she starts thinking I'd be better off without her and I have to chivvy her back to reality.

The exes? Three I still consider friends, two in more or less neutral territory, one I'd do best to avoid. But no, I've still never seen love as a battlefield.

If I ever do, though, this Hub will be a great reference point. Voted Up , useful, and interesting.


Alma Cabase profile image

Alma Cabase 5 years ago from Philippines

Hello,

This is a very wonderful hub. My current man seems to have changed a lot for the better and I'm so happy about it.

Keep it up!

Regards,

Alma


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 5 years ago from United States

Interesting hub. I don't exactly think of marriage as a battlefield except maybe on a rare day. I do think good communication is a necessity, and it helps if you have the same views on important issues, like money. It sounds like you clearly know what type of person you want, so don't settle for less!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

You've had quite a few relationships and marriages G. So when it comes to the inter-personals between a man and a woman you know of what you speak. It took you till now to realize fully that Benatars song new of what it spoke too. You are a complicated- and cautious- woman in a way that I find admirable. Remember how you approached our HP friend-ship. It was one step at a time for you. We're all special in our own ways and mean different things to different people in different situations. You notice how often a word was just used. That's how you started your relation-ship status. Differences. You are inherently a survivor, this is nothing new in you. Therefore open communication- and that can come in different ways- is vital. Anyone that wants to know and love you should at least make an attempt at an open conduit of their feelings and of course be reciprocal to yours. And you are so correct in that your ship will never go under.


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Heart4theword.....thank you so much for your comment and compliment on my title and photo. I appreciate you stopping in and sharing your feelings with me and whoever else passes by this hub. I'm always excited when my old friends here as well as new one's stop in and share their voice. I'm in the middle of healing after I left my marriage of almost 20 years......this is part of that journey. Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Ghost32....WOW. Just wow....your comment is one of the reasons that I keep writing. You have a heart of gold. Your story amazes me. I'm currently producing a documentary on the condition Fibromyalgia which is a modern disease. My best friend has it and I have just found someone who may have the answer. I'm sorry for your loved one's pain. But it is so beautiful that you have been there for her and love her so much. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It inspires me to be a better person and to help more people. Feel free to send me a message and I can send your wife a link....one never knows? Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Alma..Thanks so much for stopping in. I'm so happy that your man is treating you right. Take nothing less...EVER. Best, GPAGE


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Pamela..I always appreciate your voice here. Thank you for always being here and sharing your thoughts and life stories. I am so happy that you have been fortunate in your relationship/s....Unfortunately my life has always been "complicated....." But now it is not. It's simple really. Just got rid of the chaos and opened my heart for only "good, kind and caring people." Not very difficult when you really think about it.....Anyway, I wish you many more years of happiness with your loved one.....G


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Alastar. Your comment means a lot to me. Once again you understand where I am coming from. Both of my marriages were very long one's and most of my shorter relationships were over twenty-thirty years ago...So I was married most of my life since my early 20's. I'm currently working on my past "hurts" and like I say to my kids "Mom's get boo boos too." I feel like I am shedding a lot of "repeat scenarios" that I always seemed to gravitate to in the past. The same scenarios, the same type of people....

All of my partners have lacked in communication skills. And it always happens when "things or life circumstances throw a curve ball." Even the strongest men can "wilt and retreat" and I find this terribly sad. Nomatter how bad things get, if you love someone you don't hide in the foxhole until the war is over. Cause when you finally come out....no one will be waiting for you. I have more compassion and love then many people I know. No one has ever left me physically, but they have left me emotionally and in the end the love dies. You are right, I will never go under and I will never give up. The wind of time is pushing me along to exactly where I need to be......Thank you once again for your words, your insight, your inspiration and support. I really appreciate it.......G


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 5 years ago from malang-indonesia

Love is complicated, but I believe that love is so beautiful. Human is created by god to feel the love and it become beautiful if they want to share with others. That's why God created a partner for man and woman. I hope I can felt the sweet of love soon...amen. Very inspiring hub, Gina. Well done and I'll press all buttons here.

Prasetio


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

hey prasetio....I hope you find love too!!! You always put your heart out there in everything you say and do. One day she will walk right into your life!! Thank you for your lovely words and I'm so happy you like this hub....G


Ausseye 5 years ago

What can I say, I must have had a dream run with an awesome partner who keeps getting better and better. We do fight once every 20 years or so....na we did all our fighting when we were young and sorted each other and our expectations out as we went along. Now we pull each other up and share our needs and thoughts and give each other a chance to react, and as you would know G its all about listening and giving love a chance.....reminds me of a song. Following Eleanor's line hot water brings out the true flavour of a realtionship,and oh it can leave such a good taste in your life...Sorry getting mushy!!!!


GPAGE profile image

GPAGE 5 years ago from California Author

Hey Ausseye! MUSHY is always welcome here!!!! HA So happy for you and your loved one.....So lovely of you to comment here and share your thoughts and feelings. I do believe relationships go through so many different phases....but both partners have to be able to make it work. It takes two and like someone told me a long time ago, couples need to be on the same team! Thanks for being here.....GPAGE

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