11 Lame Limericks of Love and Lustfulness

Source

Choosing a topic

My process of writing a collection of limericks is first to choose a topic. This is the easy part, whatever comes into my head. My previous topics have been 'life', 'tv and movie characters' and 'sport'. This time I decided to choose 'love' as it is the most popular subject for poetry. However limericks by their very nature tend to lend themselves to leaning towards the ruder side of things, so although I had good intentions, some of these tend to contain 'adult themes' as the movies say.

Therefore I decided to alter the title from "Limericks of Love" to "Lame Limericks of Love and Lustfulness". I hope you enjoy my fourth collection of limericks.

Sculpture by Barbara St Jean
Sculpture by Barbara St Jean | Source

A Good Fit

There was a young couple in love,

Brought together by God up above.

When they were apart

It broke both their hearts.

Her name was Hands, and his Glove.

Source

The Pearl Diver

A tanned deep-sea diver, Tom Sirl

Was desperately needing a girl.

While diving one day

He shouted, "Hooray!"

He's caught a sweet mermaid named 'Pearl.'

Source
Source

Courting Couple

A couple from London were courting,

Though it may not have seemed very sporting.

When they drove to the lake,

His clothes off he's take,

Then she'd run away laughing and snorting.

I'm Behind You

A fellow with love on his mind,

Had a thing for a curvy behind.

He met this big girl

Who'd sway and she'd twirl.

Oh she was a wonderful find.

Source
Source

Over My Dead Body

A couple were due to be wed,

But the bride's mother suddenly said,

"If you marry that guy

Your father will die!

With my blessing, please go ahead."

Yankee Doodle

A horny young soldier named Frank

Spent most of the war in a tank.

Though from the U.S of A

That isn't to say,

The reason they called him a 'Yank.'

Source
Source

King of the Ring

True love is a beautiful thing,

It is often sealed with a ring.

As husband and wife

You're a couple for life,

As long as you treat him like King.

Source
Source

Love at First Sight

Their eyes met in the candlelight,

It was clearly love at first sight.

She smiled as he rose

Up onto his toes,

Just as tall as the table in height.

Source

Roses are Red

Roses are red and violets are blue,

Honey is sweet and so are you,

Sunflowers are bright,

Except in the night,

So let's get together and ..garden.

Source
Source

Heart Race Disgrace

I met a beauty who made my heart race,

I asked her to come see my place.

She stepped in the door'

Took one look at the floor,

And said, "What an utter disgrace!"

Source
Source

The Internet Date

A pretty young girl known as Kate

Agreed to an Internet date.

The fellow she met

Who looked good on the Net,

Turned out obese, ugly, and late.

Source

© 2014 John Hansen

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Comments 92 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

How can they be lame when they are funny? Great way to begin my day. Thank you, John, and well done.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 2 years ago from New York

You have certainly mastered the art of Limericks, after all by definition a limerick is sometimes "obscene with humorous intent". Certainly HP would not allow obscene but you've tastefully bordered on "lustfulness" with style. I chuckled at every one. What talent you have!

Voted up, funny, awesome, and interesting.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for being the first commenter Bill. Glad to start your day off with a laugh.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi tillsontitan, Good to get a positive comment from a female hubber. I wasn't sure how some of these would be received, but you've put me at ease. So glad you found them funny. Thanks for the vote up, much appreciated.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

I love these, they always make me laugh John! I think my favorite is Over My Dead Body.


annart profile image

annart 2 years ago from SW England

Wonderful limericks to entertain us, John. The illustrations are perfect too. Thanks for the smile this afternoon!

Ann


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading and laughing Shauna. "My Dead Body" :) Good choice.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

H Ann, glad you got a laugh out of these today.


lambservant profile image

lambservant 2 years ago from Pacific Northwest

You need to 86 th e"lame" part. Very entertaining. I love the "Behind" one and the "over my dead body." Nice work.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey lambservant, thanks for reading and your kind words. Glad you enjoyed these limericks, lame or otherwise.


RachaelOhalloran profile image

RachaelOhalloran 2 years ago from United States

There's not a lame one in the bunch. (Although "Lame" is an attention getter in the title!)

They are all entertainingly funny and I have two favorites already.

Over My Dead Body

King Of The Ring

Very well done! This is another example that proves why you won your Hubbie Award. You are the Poet Laureate of HubPages with your versatility.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Well Rachael, thank you kindly. I have certainly developed a soft spot for the limerick lately, so no doubt you will see more from me from time to time. I am glad that I succeed in making them funny rather than 'lame'.

Wow, 'poet laureate' of Hub Pages....what a nice title, though I couldn't't even spell it.. :)


DDE profile image

DDE 2 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Amazingly what you have thought about. I really enjoyed this read. Voted up, and interesting.


bluebird profile image

bluebird 2 years ago

Liked Good Fit, Pearl Diver and Roses are Red most of all.

And the risque one could have been left behind, ha ha. No really.

Anyway, good job on all the others. Thanks for this hub, it was mostly cute.

PS Loved the first picture with the sunset and the birds' wings making the smile. The quote about falling in love was excellent.


chef-de-jour profile image

chef-de-jour 2 years ago from Wakefield, West Yorkshire,UK

Good selection here Jodah, keep at it.

There was an old Scot from Dundee

Who married a young chickadee

On their very first night

When he turned out the light

.............................................?


always exploring profile image

always exploring 2 years ago from Southern Illinois

I laughed at them all. My favorite, the man in the tank. Hee. Tweeted


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 2 years ago from California

Ah you crack me up!


esmonaco profile image

esmonaco 2 years ago from Lakewood New York

A really enjoyable read, my favorite was "Over My Dead Body" and the guy that says I'm the before pictures. Loved them very clever :) Thanks


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you DDE, I never know what will pop into my mind next.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading bluebird. Yes the "behind" one was touch and go, especially the pic, but it obviously passed the censors. Yeah that smily pic is amazing.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey thanks chef. Writing limericks is fun....love to read your last line :)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Ruby, you are bad. Thank you.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Audrey, glad to hear it. I crack myself up at times, but my wife doesn't't get my sense of humour... :(


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for reading esmonaco. Glad you enjoyed.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

My favorites are I'm Behind You andOver My Dead Body. Keep up the good work, John!


DealForALiving profile image

DealForALiving 2 years ago from Earth

Just loved the internet date!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

haha thanks DealForALiving. The worrying thing is that really happens.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Flourish. They say you can tell a lot about a person by the limericks they like...haha...just joking :)


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

My goodness, Jodah - You continually surprise me with your many talents. Awesome hub, you little devil. LOL

Up, F, A, I and H+


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

haha, thank you Phyllis. I have to keep trying to reinvent the wheel. Ug.


taiwokareem profile image

taiwokareem 2 years ago from Salford

Funny piece, actually this is the first time I actually found out about Limericks and it was worth reading from A to Z


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 2 years ago from The Beautiful South

Very good! Thanks for the smiles. ^+


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi taiwokareem, glad to have introduced you to limericks for the first time. I am glad you found them worth reading.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hey Jackie, thanks for the smile, and the vote up.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

Hahaha ... loved all of these, so clever, as always, John!

Thanks for the laughs right before bed : ) Your imagery is perfect too.

Great talent for limericks and so much more.

Up +++ and away

Blessings


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

Jodah it was very difficult reading your poetry because the photos and those quotes were so distracting.. in other words I loved them LOL great hub my friend :)


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Being a man of words, Frank, it surprises me that you got hung up on the photos - or was it the ONE photo? My goodness! hahahaha


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

lol oh Phyllis.. the before picture ( lol )


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Oh ! Silly shameful ol' me, dear Frank.


Eric Flynn profile image

Eric Flynn 2 years ago from Providence, Rhode Island

If "Yankee Doodle" is what I think, I dig it, ha.

EWF


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks Faith, sleep well. Glad these helped you go to bed smilng.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Sorry for the distractions Frank..not! :) Glad you found these enjoyable.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

;) funny


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

He is a good looking chap. Don't know what she's complaining about.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

You got it Eric ;)


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 2 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

My sincere apologies to our dear friend Frank, Jodah. Hope he can forgive me. LOL I came back to read the limericks again. Lots of fun.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Phyllis, I am sure Frank will recover. Thanks for re-reading.


Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

Voted up and awesome. This was fantastic and I enjoyed it lots. Passing this on. No wonder you won that Hubbie award. Congrats and well deserved!


sujaya venkatesh profile image

sujaya venkatesh 2 years ago

a good collection jo


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you so much Gypsy, that is very kind of you. Glad you found these limericks enjoyable, and thank you for the vote up and sharing. Much appreciated.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Sujaya.


Nadine May profile image

Nadine May 2 years ago from Cape Town, Western Cape, South Africa

What a great collection of lyrics Joday. I missed your posts because we have been off line and the emails did not get through. Congratulations on winning the Hubbie award. Well done!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for the congratulations Nadine, glad you are back online. Thanks for reading this hub.


jhamann profile image

jhamann 2 years ago from Reno NV

Awesome Jodah, I love them! Jamie


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

How amusing is our dear John,

With the limericks he plays fully ‘round!

His humor is racy,

His purpose we may see

When Kudos come in with loud sound!

Here are mine! WOO-HOO! WOW, OH WOW! You’re GOOD at this stuff! :-) Our HP limerick king, MHatter, had better watch it! ;-) (However, he’s very good too!)


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 years ago from The Caribbean

Though I'd hate to be part of this experience, my favorite is Over My Dead Body. They're all funny.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Jamie.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Nellianna, thanks for your contribution :) and kudos. MHatter (Martin) is certainly very accomplished at limericks and I'm not trying to compete with him, just put my own little piece of humour out there. Glad you found these funny.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for reading MsDora. It seems "Over My Dead Body" is the most popular. :)


ocfireflies profile image

ocfireflies 2 years ago from North Carolina

My Dearest John,

What a treat. It is hard to choose which one I like the best, but "Courting Couple, Over My Dead Body and Yankee Doodle" are my top three. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. Hope to have my entry for Bill's song challenge published within the next year. Smiles.

My Best To You,

Kim


cat on a soapbox profile image

cat on a soapbox 2 years ago from Los Angeles

John,

These are absolute gems!! I am still smiling at "Over My Dead Body."

What a great way to start the day!

Cat :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 2 years ago from TEXAS

Of course, I didn't think you were in competition with Martin - or anyone. It was just by way of complimenting your own great limericks by comparing them with a master of the form. It's a very special skill which some have and others (don't I know it!) lack. hehe. Just rhyming the lines is not enough to make great limericks, nor are other poetic talents. For limericks, a most fine-tuned with-the-times humor AND the rhyming skill which distinguish the genre are needed! It's a pleasure to read good ones! Hugs.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Cat, glad you enjoyed these little ditties to start the day.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you sweet Kim, I appreciate your kind comment and smile. I just found out ads have been disabled on this by a personal hub review (not an automated one) which means someone complained about the content. I am sure it was due to a certain "behind" pic...oh well, what's a few ads. Have a great one.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for that Nellieanna though you din't need to explain. Limericks are just so much fun for me to write and somewhat of an outlet when I am having trouble thinking of a subject or inspiration for a more serious poem or topic.


Ryem profile image

Ryem 2 years ago from Maryland

Jodah, your hubs never disappoint. These limericks are great!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Ryem, that is a very kind thing for you to say. Thank you.


The Examiner-1 profile image

The Examiner-1 2 years ago

I thought that those limericks were witty John. I could not rate the last video because I was either reading the English translation, or just watching and not knowing what they said. I voted it up, shared and pinned it.

Kevin


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for that Kevin.


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

Loved the limericks. Great fun. I liked over my dead body.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you Catherine, glad you enjoyed. "Over My Dead Body" seems the most popular so far.


Vellur profile image

Vellur 2 years ago from Dubai

LOL!! Enjoyed reading!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi again Vellur, glad you found these limericks funny.


Colleen Swan profile image

Colleen Swan 2 years ago from County Durham

Hi Again, I especially liked your limerick about a husband as king. It has been said that a man treats a woman like a princess or queen until she puts the wedding ring on; at that point she is transformed into a maid.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Colleen, yes I think in some cases that may be true. Thanks for reading and commenting.


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 2 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

So true!!! The title grabbed me for this hub, then I read the poem about internet dating and I went "that's me!" and "it totally sux!". Voted awesome because I don't know how you think like a girl but you get it ;)


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

haha Suzanne, I am in touch with my feminine side. Thanks for reading and relating.


Mira Fang profile image

Mira Fang 2 years ago from Canada

'Over My Dead Body', 'King of the Ring' and 'The Pearl Diver' were my favourites in that order. I had a good laugh over a few of them. I am so glad you decided to go back to writing. You surely have the talent for it!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for checking out my hubs Mira. I'm glad you got a laugh out of a few of these limericks. When I am having trouble thinking of a subject to write about I find I can always come up with new limericks. I appreciate your kind comment.


Mark Lees profile image

Mark Lees 2 years ago

I have always loved limericks, a delightfully simple yet surprisingly subtle form of poetry.

Voted up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for the visit and comment Mark. I appreciate the vote up too.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for the visit and comment Mark. I appreciate the vote up too.


Sweets21 profile image

Sweets21 24 months ago

This is so funny! There's nothing better than having a good laugh and you have definitely achieved that for me. Made my morning!


Jodah profile image

Jodah 24 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Sweets21, thank you for reading another of my hubs. Glad these gave you a laugh to start the day.


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 23 months ago from Somewhere in the West

Hi good day Jodah sorry it took me so long to get here but I have been mighty busy lately. Your hub is a fun read :) I do hope you are having a wonderful day :)

Keep up the talented work !


Jodah profile image

Jodah 23 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thank you for finding the time to read this, I know how busy life can get Lady Fiddler. It is difficult when you are following a lot if people too to get around to reading everyone's hubs. Glad you found these funny, I appreciate your kind comments. My day has just begun but it should be ok thank you. Take care.


Mountainlife profile image

Mountainlife 23 months ago

Where did you get that smiley face picture at the beginning? I love it!


Perspycacious profile image

Perspycacious 23 months ago from Today's America and The World Beyond

For chef de jour - (last line) he liked what he couldn't even see.

I add my vote to the others for "Over My Dead Body". Great twist.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 23 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Hi Mountainlife. I think someone just posted that pic on Facebook. I have seen it a couple of times. Not sure of the original source.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 23 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Haha Perspycacious...you may be right about chef de jour. Thanks for reading and liking "Over My Dead Body".


Chriswillman90 profile image

Chriswillman90 19 months ago from Parlin, New Jersey

Some of these are quite funny rather than just lame. Many of the pictures are also quite humorous and match up well with the limerick. Very entertaining voted up.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 19 months ago from Queensland Australia Author

Thanks for the thumbs up Chris, glad you didn't find them all lame.. :)

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    Jodah profile image

    John Hansen (Jodah)685 Followers
    267 Articles

    John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Monty Python, Mr Bean, Black Books etc.



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