Best Lawn and Garden Practices If You Want to Annoy Your Obnoxious Neighbors

Do you really loathe your neighbors?

Is your daily goal to find ways to bother them?

Does the image of their manicured lawn and picture-perfect garden really whack your weeds? Well, what better way to annoy them than by using your own lawn and garden?

Here are some ideas that you can use outdoors to really pluck your neighbor's petals. Let's call him Mr. Wilson.

  1. Buy a high-powered fan and plug it in outside. Position it so that it blows dandelion seeds into Mr. Wilson's yard. Or just use a leaf blower.
  2. Spray paint a line dividing your lawn from Mr. Wilson's lawn. Use a really bright, obnoxious color. Neon orange is effective. For added effect, spray "MINE" on your side and "YOURS" on his side.
  3. Mow fun shapes into your lawn, like red-breasted robins or large-breasted women. This one may require some training to develop your skills.
  4. For the artistically challenged, mow words into your lawn. Possibilities include your name, SOS, Paris Hilton's Boy Toy, or I'm With Stupid with an arrow pointing toward Mr. Wilson's house.
  5. Never rake your leaves. This is especially annoying when Mr. Wilson just spent hours raking his own leaves; a gust of wind is sure to come and blow yours all over his formerly tidy lawn. Again, you can buy a leaf blower instead of waiting for a wind. Waiting is so annoying.
  6. Use your weed-whacker at 3 A.M. Make sure you go through your lawn thoroughly. Mistakes are bound to be made, though. Correct them at the same time the next night.
  7. While Mr. Wilson is working in his garden, stand outside in your underwear and yell, "Working hard or hardly working?" Repeat this frequently. Laugh hysterically every time.

Laugh hysterically. Every time.
Laugh hysterically. Every time.

8. Obtain several cats to hunt the pests and vermin in your garden. Let them be outdoor cats. This works especially well if Mr. Wilson is allergic or ailurophobic.

9. Track down and plant the Rafflesia Arnoldii. [Wikipedia: "they attain massive proportions, have a reddish-brown coloration and stink of rotting flesh, which is why it was nicknamed the 'corpse flower'."]

10. And finally, what would an annoying garden be without decorations? Buy the plastic flamingo lawn ornaments, but don't stop there. Buy a zombie surfacing, a Peeking Giraffe, and Dodo Birds on a Stick!

A Final Word of Advice

When attempting to annoy your neighbors, you must always remember to toe the line between annoyance and destruction of property. You don't want to get sued.

The "Corpse Flower"

Huge, smelly plant... probably not for your personal garden
Huge, smelly plant... probably not for your personal garden | Source

Evaluate Yourself

Why do YOU want to annoy your neighbor?

  • Her perfect lawn mocks me. Who does she think she is??
  • I'm sadistic and I like to see others suffer.
  • He's a jerk/narcissist/rapist.
  • She wakes me up at all hours with her lovemaking/intoxication/leaf blowing.
  • He employs one or more tactics from this article on ME.
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Comments 6 comments

Uninvited Writer profile image

Uninvited Writer 7 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

Excellent hub. If I had a house and had neighbours like I do in my apartment building I would love to follow some of your advice.


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Excellent!!! I loved this! Don't forget a collection of brightly colored garden gnomes or those geese you can dress in clothes for different holidays!!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

This is so funny, Great Job!!!!! I like my neighbors so I won't use these techniques but I waill pass along the information to other people I kow that don't like their neighbors.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 7 years ago from America

Place the compost as close to your neighbors as is allowed by law. They never like that. If you can buy a couple roosters to run around your yard say it to keep the ticks down. We once had two roosters that disappeared I went looking for them found them next door. The man next door was on the ladder painting his house my two roosters were under the ladder going Cock-A-Doodle-Do back and forth to each other like they were having a contest. I was so upset our neighbor was nice about it but I bet he could have chocked those birds.


gnome cicerone 7 years ago

What great ideas. It makes Springtime, the outdoors, and gardening that much better.

You could send lawn ornaments, like garden gnomes, on a trip. They seem to love it. Trevor, the traveling gnome, has starting getting world wide fame from it all, and his trips, thoughts, and hijinx is viewable at thegreatungnome.com --lots of fun!


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 3 years ago from Scotland

I live in an apartment but I'll store this ammunition for future suburban warfare.

Many thanks PP for a funny Hub.

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