Literary Analysis of the Writings of a Jackalope

mykl roventine/flickr
mykl roventine/flickr

Background

Like you, when I first read B.T. Evilpants I was blinded by the sheer, surreal humor prevalent in all his writings, but I slowly became aware of something deeper.  Full of hidden symbolism and irony, metaphor and simile, his writings offer a rich banquet that can satisfy the most demanding appetites.

I decided to abandon my writing career and spend my literary life studying his complete body of work.  When we read Evilpants, we focus on the obvious humor, but the humor is merely the tough shell of an ostrich egg.  Crack the shell and inside it is full of nutrients and tasty goodness...and packed with protein.  So are the writings of Evilpants, and with one ostrich egg equaling about 2 dozen chicken eggs, so too we may compare one Evilpants story as equal to 24 of another writer's stories.  The first big surprise was his extensive education which belies his easy accessibility and “everyman” quality.

B.T. attended graduate school at Stanford, graduating with  honors and seven doctorates in Letters, Literature, Philosophy, Psychology, Calculus, Animal Husbandry and Home Economics with a focus on gravies. Subsequently, he received honorary Doctorates from Harvard, Yale, Duke and Wellesley, an all-girls school where he disappeared for 48 hours.

 
He then attended Cambridge on a Rhodes Scholarship.  While there he began publishing his work on such diverse topics as The Folly of Politics and the Fall of Rome (National Review), Toulouse Lautrec: The Short of It  (The Paris Review), as well as humor pieces published in Yuk Yuk, Cracked and many other award winning publications.  He was awarded the prestigious “Guffaw Fellowship” from iconic Mad Magazine, presented to him by founder and recluse Alfred E. Newman.

Social Criticism

His social criticism is delicate—i.e., doesn't beat you over the head—for he is not a provocateur or preacher. No. He is an artiste. By placing his characters in the current society, he explores the values these characters reveal, and in that way there is a biting criticism of society's foibles and misdirection. This then, serves as the overall theme of his body of work. In A Day in the Life of a Michigan Jackalope, he speaks of Clarence, a Werefrog whom he admits is “...probably the most evil friend I have.” He writes:

Of course I was apprehensive about keeping a Werefrog as a friend, but, as it turns out, he suffers from antler intolerance. He does, on occasion, look at me the way I look at a butter tart.

We all have friends that are capable of evil, just as every human being has a capacity for evil, and we know that the Werefrog wants to eat him but can't, just as we know the government would like to eat us if they could get away with it.

This is also where he introduces his caustic criticism of environmental destruction, writing “Nobody knows for sure where these fish (the legendary Great Lakes fur bearing Trout) came from. I have heard it said that in the 1940's, a freighter ran aground in Lake Superior, spilling about 70,000 gallons of hair tonic.”

Point of View

The Evilpants stories are written with a limited point of view rather than omniscient one, allowing the reader to imagine what thoughts are actually in the other characters.  He reveals to us only what he sees and feels, not what other characters are thinking.  Motivations of these characters is up to the reader, which is the perfect choice and helps keep his theme from becoming preachy. Evilpants' account and our judgment of it are all we have.

In his scathing assessment of women's culture and the cult of advertising, Top 10 Hairstyles To Die For...Or From, he opens a salon and gives us pictures of women wearing absurd hairstyles of his own design and sold to a hoodwinked populace, and the reader can't help but wonder what in hell were these women thinking?  He lets us decide the answer while bringing home his point that you can sell people anything at all, even ridiculous hairstyles.

Why a Jackalope

Is a jackalope real? Is it simply a myth and legend? We don't know, so the jackalope becomes symbolic of everyone's secret side, capable of both heroics and debauchery, easier to ignore than to pay attention to. It's a sort of "Unclassified Residuum,” a phrase coined in William James' essay, “The Hidden Self,” published in 1890. Evilpants' choice of jackalope allows the character to be a symbol of everybody, frustrated by a world dominated by morons and a symbol of the frustrations and delusions of all peoples.

It is this character that allows the conflicts to develop. Firstly, the inner conflict with the hidden self. Secondly, man's conflict with man. Then...politics, political system, election process, the financial crises bailout, military, secret illegal studies indicative of the governments disdain for the populace, pollution, the rape or imprisonment of nature--ocean pollution, poaching, zoos, the eradication of entire species--drug addiction, the press, psychiatry, and finally, even butter tarts and gravies, not necessarily together.

Addiction by federico.bebber/flickr
Addiction by federico.bebber/flickr

Metaphors and Symbols

The metaphors employed by Evilpants are rich and varied. In his story, How the Jackalope Got His Evil Pants, two important metaphors are introduced. The first sub-metaphor, if you will, is his use of the family unit as a means for a scornful observation of today's tendency to blame every problem, every illegal act on our parents and upbringing:

While the grown-ups were getting all fat and happy on butter tarts, us kids were forced to subsist on fruits and vegetables. Oh, the humanity! One night, while my parents slept, I got into their tart cache. I decimated it.”

But the primary metaphor is his need for butter tarts, representing drug addiction. “I started knitting my own fur into toques to sell on the corner. Sales were slow at first, but I made enough to support my habit,” he writes, but it is his gut-wrenching account of trying to kick the habit that really rips out our hearts and brings the message home. He has already written of having to go to Canada to “feed his addiction.” In A Day in the Life of a Michigan Jackalope, he writes that his day typically consists of:

“Watch a little more television, don't eat the butter tarts. Groom my fur, stay away from the bridge to Canada. Chase the cat around the house, don't eat the butter tarts. Shake the bird cage, stay away from the tunnel to Canada.”

It's clear that addiction is difficult to break and a worldwide concern. More importantly, his account of “kicking the habit” rings true. It wasn't long before the military and government became the targets of his pointed barbs. In Where Have All The Jackalopes Gone, he attempts to explain where jackalopes came from when he writes that jackalopes have been removed from the endangered and protected species list because they are “a nuisance species.“ A prominent U.S. senator gave the following explanation:

"The American Jackalope has been classified as a cryptid. Simply put, they do not exist. We cannot continue to enforce laws to protect the non-existent. This government is not in the business of perpetuating myths, or entertaining such fairy-tales as Jackalopes. I will not be taking questions today. Thank you."

We know what we think of the senator's remarks, and Evilpants' thoughts are the same as ours when he says:

“(This is an) attempted cover-up, by our government. Pure doublespeak. How could we be a public nuisance, and nonexistent at the same time? As I continued to nose around, i discovered some truly frightening things. Among them were secret government Jackalope mills, and research surrounding military potential for a breed of superlopes.”

Evilpants continues his mordacious denunciation of the military and government in Never Poke a Sleeping Jackalope:  “While no one is certain as to how, or why this cross-breeding occurred, there has been speculation that it was carried out by the American Military. The story I heard, was that the goal was to create a nimble, efficient soldier with an ingrained bad disposition."

Evilpants abhors secret government studies, and this may in fact be a direct reference to the US Military operating a secret chemical weapons program, in which the military is accused by The Sunshine Project of conducting a chemical weapons research and development program in violation of international arms control law. But Evilpants does not just criticize. He sometimes offers solutions, as he does in Killing Them With Words: Relieve Stress, Feel Better, and then again in Bailout! What's a Few Hundred Billion Dollars, Between Friends? His solution to the bailout is actually a sound one, and his plan was soon repeated by almost every economic expert who could get in front of a camera, with their slight changes of course, so the idea would appear to be theirs, not Evilpants'.

The Election Trilogy

Evilpants' epic election trilogy is considered by many to be his greatest work, where all his skills as a writer come deftly into play. The trilogy was referred to as “brilliant” by Philip Roth, arguably America's greatest living writer. It is. In the first installment of the trilogy, B.T. Evilpants For President, the jackalope announces his bid for the office of President of the United States. But that is just the beginning of his crushing denunciation of the political system. Each of us harbor the suspicion that all politicians are crooks. So does Evilpants:

“...this election as a choice between the lesser of two evils. With me in the race, it becomes a simple choice between the evil you know, and the evil you don't know...The sad fact is that they may, and probably do, each have an evil streak that runs deeper than you could possibly imagine.”

He continues when he lists his strongpoints:

“I have never stolen anything from anyone; unless, of course, it was something shiny. But then, that's not really stealing, is it? I mean, when you see something shiny, you have to take it, right? Secondly, I do not accept money from lobbyists, as far as you know.”

This is working on several levels. “Something shiny” is a metaphor for uber-corrupt ancient Rome, where coin was the only form of monetary exchange and bribery was rampant, and the shiny coin is itself a symbol for all money. He uses irony when he writes he does not accept money from lobbyists, when he has in fact just told us he does, if it's shiny.

In the second installment, B.T. Evilpants Goes to the Zoo, he contemplates getting out of the presidential race, chronicling the difficulties politicians face in today's America. He seeks the advice of his imprisoned friends in the zoo, and shows not only his contempt of this prison for animals, but the shortcomings of America's penal system, as well as the difficulties inherent in electing an honest man, or at least an evil one who is honest about being evil and who doesn't fit the mold. The animals agree with us when they convince him to stay in the race because they need him, someone who can implement real and meaningful change.

The arc of the trilogy—and his entire body of work—comes to a heartwarming and hopeful conclusion when he becomes President in Mr. Evilpants Goes to Washington, the third installment. At first it appears he did not win the election, but he calms us:

The truth of the matter is that I did, in fact, win the election. That's right. Shed no tears for me. Come January I will be firmly in the catbird seat. The head honcho. The big cheese. The most powerful jackalope on earth! I can already hear the objections, forming in your head. "But Obama won.", you're thinking. "Evilpants wasn't even on the ballot.", you may be saying. Well, they don't call me Evilpants, for nothing. I was on the ballot (kinda), and I came out on top!


We were dejected, forlorn, with no hope, but Evilpants restores our faith, our dreams, our very lives. Change will happen. The world will be a better place and it is he who will make it so.

Hope
Hope

In Conclusion

Assuredly, Evilpants' body of work is timeless. People—or species for that matter—from any background or culture could read Evilpants and find it relevant no matter where or when in history they lived. He would retain his deepness, profundity, allure and accessibility, and that is one of the consummate criteria for judging great writing.

These are not just funny stories about a strange creature. Like all great writings, the collection of Evilpants' stories are not merely tales of a jackalope and the characters he meets, but a record of the human race itself, and more to the point, humankind's fight against the injustices and idiocies prevalent throughout the entire world.

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Comments 146 comments

agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

WoW I had no idea he is so clever cunning and evil , I thought he was just another pretty face. ;-)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I know! The man is a genius. Thanks for the comment.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Finally! Someone who really understands me! I've been trying to tell people how brilliant I am for years! They never seem to believe me, though. Why do you suppose that is?

By the way, those 48 hours at hours at Wellesley were NOT my fault! I was...ummm...detained. That's what like to call it, anyway.


Tatjana-Mihaela profile image

Tatjana-Mihaela 7 years ago from Zadar, CROATIA

Well, Cristoph, I must admitt that somehow I have missed majority of Evilpants´ Hubs! What a mistake! Lack of time and too much work is poor excuse for my mistake...

Thank you for inspiring me to read his masterwork´s.

Great article, Christoph.


rmr profile image

rmr 7 years ago from Livonia, MI

Hmm. All this time I've been thinking he's just a sad little jackalope, suffering from delusions of grandeur with a touch of paranoia clinging around the edges. Now you have forced me to go back and re-evaluate his work.

Or maybe I'll just go have a beer. Awesome hub, though!


Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Brilliant! A new standard of writing excellence on HubPages.


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 7 years ago from India

Wow...now I know I need to read B.T Evilpants.

You outdo yourself each time Christoph.


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

Christoph you know how to bring the house down with your writing. Darn I have missed you, how u been cupcake? x0x0x


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

I always worry about a man who calls himself Evilpants


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Hey!! Wow, the gang's all here! Yippee!! And it took a writing exposing the truth behind the mythical Evilpants to bring us all out!

I would like to know what 7 letters he came away with.. was it like 'ABCDEFG'? I love a man of letters. I think.

Love ya Chris!


Janetta 7 years ago

HAHA Excellent! I think you captured the jackelope perfectly :) PS...why did I not know you could major in gravy?? THAT was not in my course book! lol


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Christoph - that's a literary analysis that's beyond compare! I guess you had an advantage - what with a subject whose works can only be classified as sheer genius. C'mon - anyone who can take a gray ass and raise it to the level of literature has to be put on a pedestal. Thank you for giving us a bit of his background.

rmr - how could you have possibly thought that???? Methinks you must be a tad jealous of this jaunty jackalope! :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Mr. Evilpants! I...um...I don't know what to say. For you to visit my humble, yet scholarly article about YOU is...well, amazing! And your incredible writing was not the only inspiration for us young, passionate writers. There was that 48 hours. Now THAT is legendary! Thank you, Sir, thank you!

Tatjana: I am thrilled to be the one to encourage you to read more of Mr. Evilpants' classic literature. I'm sure you will find him rich and satisfying. Thanks for coming by!

RMR: I understand. I felt like you until I devoted my life to studying his writings. Now all I can see is symbolism, metaphors, analagy, and above all...brilliance! Thanks for the comment!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ralph Deeds: Why, thank you, Sir. Kind words indeed. Much appreciated!

Diana Charles: Thank you so much. Yes, everyone can do better with a dose of Evilpants. Nice to see you, as always!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

blondepoet: Hi, Sweetie! You KNOW how much I missed you. So glad to see you back, and your normal charming and lovely self too! We must catch up. I hope you are catching up on everything. XXXXXXXXXOOOOOOOOOOx2! Love ya'!

Cindyvine: Yes, normally that's a sign of BAD things. But it's another example of his unequaled, refreshing honesty! Thanks for the comment!

Candie V: We should have a party. Pop open the champagne! What the letters were is a closely guarded secret, but I believe they were love letters from the girls at Wellesley! Thanks for commenting!

Janetta: I think "gravies" was a study discipline that B.T. himself invented. I hear he makes a mean gravy. I'm thinking of going back to school to get a doctorate in gravies myself! Broth gravies, milk gravies, wine-based gravies, fruit-based gravies, and any other kind of gravy that I can make up. Thanks for visiting!

Shalini: Indeed, the paper pretty much wrote itself. It didn't take me a few days to write it and I didn't have any technical issues putting it on hubpages that kept me up till 6:00 AM. Not at all. It was like a walk in the park. Thanks for the kind words and the comment!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Ah yes. The gravy curriculum. You certainly have done your homework, Christoph! I didn't think that one was going to fly. It was touch and go, for a while. It was my thesis entitled "The Positive Impact of Bacon Gravy on the Vascular Health of Middle-Aged Males In a Gravycentric Society" that put it over the top. I hear it's currently the most requested course at the University of Southern North Dakota at Hoople (USND at H).


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Mr. Evilpants: I have also heard that a secret "gravy society" has sprung up at Harvard called "Flesh and Bones." Membership is pretty much limited to students from wealthy, powerful families.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Ahem...I uhh...I wouldn't uuuh...ahem...I wouldn't know anything about secret societies or shadow governments...wait, you did say something about shadow governments, right?


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

I was wondering further about those letters, so I came back! Love letters? I was pondering whether they were letters aka "restraining orders". *pop*.. champagne is ready!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Mr. Evilpants: Well, I don't remember doing so but I must have. Otherwise, where would you have gotten the idea to say that. Now that I think about it, "secret societies" sounds utterly ridiculous and silly. I won't mention them or "Meat and Bones" again.

Candie: Hmmm...interesting theory. Perhaps they were restraining orders from the President of Wellesley. Mmmm...champagne. And Pernod-Ricard Perrier-Jouet no less, at $50,000 per bottle. Joie de vivre!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 7 years ago from Upstate New York

Hmmm...I do love the irony.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Paradise: Well, I have some shirts that need irony, but I hate to do it. Thank you for the comment!


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

Please don't analyze me. Especially my essays on Google. Please don't read them or comment on them. I beg of you.


lisadpreston profile image

lisadpreston 7 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

When I was reading your own writings, I could see from reading the long list of comments you recieved that evil pants was truly a great talent, along with many others. I look forward to reading his hubs. So many brilliant minds at hubpages. I look forward to your next hub.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Nicomp. Sounds like an invitation to me. Thanks for the comment!

Lisa: Glad you could stop by. There are some great writers here, and I feel privileged to know them. Thank you!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Christoph I'm so glad you are here to read between the lines, create... I mean find the metaphors and imagine what I just could never imagine alone. Your intellect is a gift to us all. Plus you make me giggle. Oh, and I'd like some of that champagne please.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

69 minutes ago I asked you not to critique ny writing and believe me, it's seemed like 69 hours. I guess I'm in the clear. Whew!


RedElf profile image

RedElf 7 years ago from Canada

Well done, Christoph! A timely and clever expose of the true greatness underlying the Jackalope's writings.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Randy: Thanks for the kind words. Yes. I didn't just make stuff up, it's all there between the lines. I went over his writings with a fine tooth comb...oh, wait, that was his back I went over with a fine-tooth comb. No, him, I stared at the papers for hours and hours, and finally went into a higher, hallucinatory state. It was then I saw the truth!

Thanks for coming by. Always good to see you!

Nicomp: Ha,ha. At first it sounded like an invitation...now it sounds like a dare. Whatever will I do?

RedElf: Ah, you have seen the light! Thanks for the comment!


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

I've never spared any expense on you, my friend! Please pass some to Randy B.. she's awesome! Watch the crystal glasses however.. got them at Pottery Barn.. maybe they're glass.. oh dear! The Champagne would be good in plastic! I'm thankful you've not covered me as well.. I think it would be good for a small paragraph then on to more Mr. Evilpants!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Your generosity knows no bounds! Glass? No! Actual glass? Now I'm impressed.


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Well Christoph as soon as I heard about the champers I went straight to the store and bought some straws. I know that Candie likes the ones with the bend in the end !


ralwus 7 years ago

A most delightful look into the eye and mind of our beloved friend Chris. I never knew he was so well educated. Who'd a thunk it? And yes, Jackalopes are just a real as the wild Haggis that roams the eastern parts of Canada outwitting the hunters much like our friend BT. A most brilliant hub Chris. I enjoyed it greatly.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ag: I hope you picked me up some crazy straws. I like those curly, wacky ones!

Ralwus: Ah ha, the Haggis! That would have made an excellent comparison for this paper. Glad you read...glad you enjoyed.

Thanks!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Its a little early for champagne now, better turn mine into a Mimosa. Cheers Candie.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Randy: We can do Mimosa. I love Mimosas!


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

Brought fresh-squeezed orange juice!! Oh and a little Gran Marnier.. we need a bit of a kick this morning! Brought enough for Ag, when he wakes up. Cheers Randy, Chris.. nothing but first class in this joint! Oh and if Mr. Evilpants would like to join us.. we could use another handsome chap!

@Mr. Evilpants - Hey!! I went to USND at H! Granted it was just to use the restroom in the bookstore, but heck it's a legit "went"!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Candie: Wow! Maybe USND at H should give YOU an honorary doctorate!


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Well I once parked my car in the Melbourne University car park. Oh... and I got a certificate as well.

yup I remember what it said. "If this fine is not paid in 30 days you will face court"

And Chris, I got some of those curly straws for you. Don't you just love watching the bubbles go around the curls ?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Ag: I do. Whoever designed them is a genius! Hurry on over!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

This must have taken you ages Christoph, but well worth it for the end result, as always incredibly entertaining, thanks to both you and B.T. (or should that be the other way around?) :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Misty: Thanks! I suppose you could put it either way. Writing comes so natural to him that he didn't even know he was doing all this stuff. I--and I'm sure Professor Evilpants--thank you for your kind words!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Well you're right about that, Chris. I hadn't a clue that my writing contained all that buried treasure. Usually, I just shake the left side of rmr's brain, and whatever junk falls out is what goes on the page. Maybe I should go have a look at what's in the right half.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

B.T.: Ha, ha! Right side, huh? Hmmm, maybe you'll find the location of the gold that he's been keeping from you! Thanks for your visit, Professor!


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 7 years ago from North America

Christoph, you should have some sort of an award for this Hub and a knighthood from the shadow government.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 7 years ago from Ohio, USA

Just checking in again to make doubly sure that I've not been targeted for a dreaded literary analysis.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Patty Inglish, MS: Hi Patty! I would most graciously accept any awards or citations you would care to bestow on me. If you don't do it, who will? Thanks for reading about the brilliant B.T. Evilpants!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

nicomp: You're kidding, right? I have left two comments on two of your hubs and you didn't respond. No analysis for you. (Because, you know, I'm a vengeful, spiteful, bitter person.)


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

If Mr. Evilpants is shaking his brain, and stuff is falling out.. I am NOT cleaning it up!

Chris - how did you go from a 95 yesterday to a 99 today??


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Candie: And now down to 98. I'm sure I have no idea. It's not like I figured out how to hack into the system and manipulate it or anything. No. I wouldn't have a clue how to do something like that. (What score would you like?)


Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

you know Christoph, thank you for introducing me to B.T. Evilpants. Now I am ever curious, and will spend the weekend in his part of the hubberverse! Fantastic hub--it was like an adventure! Missed you around here--where has everyone gone?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

AIDY: Howdy! Hey, thanks for the kind words. I can't really speak for anybody else, but I am pretty busy elsewhere. (I had a freak accident and had some surgery and spent some time in the hospital. I found myself so far behind on my other obligations. I was asking myself (your hubber name), only for real. Doing great now.)

Glad you liked the hub. Thanks!


Am I dead, yet? 7 years ago

LOL Christoph! You are most certainly not dead yet! I am so happy you are better and writing again. Take care of you =]


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Will do, AIDY! Ha,ha. My name is "I Ain't Dead Yet!"


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

I think you look super dressed in a "100"!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

No. I meant what score would you like for YOU? Not that I know how to manipulate the system or anything.


Candie V profile image

Candie V 7 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

OOOOH! I would like to be about.. I dunno.. 98 again! Not that you can manipulate the system.. of course! Hey, how's the search going for my Olds 442?


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

It looks like I need to jack my score up a bit again (not that I know how to do that.)

I thought I had found an Olds for you, but the color was just a fraction off. Darn it!


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Ay ay ay, two of a kind, I'd say, this BT Evilpants character and yourself! I had loads of fun reading this. The list of honors and achievements is priceless... majoring in home econonomics with focus on gravies has got to be the ultimate super IQ proof! Laugh!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Elene: Thanks so much for visiting! Oh, I dare not put myself on an equal level with Professor Evilpants, but I appreciate your saying so! Thanks so much, Elena!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

hmmm, methinks your score might be about to go up Christoph :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

This explains a lot more than I needed to know. Thank you. LOL!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, good though isn't it Spryte, and where is the famous B.T. anyways ???


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Uh...I just went and ate at BT's cafe.

And yes, it is! Although I am beginning to worry about all this time that Chris has on his hands...


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Really, was it any good, I might give it a go? Perhaps that's where Gwendy is!!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

It wasn't bad...I left him a tip. I did notice there were no butter tarts on the menu though.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

That's 'cos he already ate them all!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Miss Christoph's cowboy hat, don't you???


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Wonderful Christoph. I haven't laughed like that in so long. I miss it. I had no idea B.T. had a doctorate in Home economics with a focus on gravies, I really should try and get a few recipes from him.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Actually, I wasn't even sure I should eat there...all of the stove on his food was rotted and I'm pretty sure a health inspector would be interested in that little tidbit of information.

Make that food on his stoves...I must be tired! :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I kind of like the idea of "stove on his food" sounds more likely really :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Of course! That's why he has the restaurant...his background in Home Economics! I wonder if he passed.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Yuk, I did home economics, awful subject, not just cooking, included, ironing, washing etc too, when all I wanted to do was woodwork and metalwork, but they wouldn't let me because I was a girl. So unfair and sexist!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

He might have held someone hostage to do all his homework. Some poor old lady no doubt, slaving away making gravy and butter tarts while he was out chasing tail.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

This is going to be a great week...I just know it.

The office manager will be out the entire week on her vacation and then I leave for mine on Friday night. :))

I loved Home Ec....well, the cooking part of it. And I wouldn't doubt that idea at all Gwendy. It sounds about right.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I don't know about that. Oh yeah, you are going on a vacation I hear, where to?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I hope the old lady didn't have the stove on top of the food too Gwendy!!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Aruba!!! :) I have a timeshare there...but I don't get to go every year. This will be my fourth time visiting and hubby's first.

You know who has a great cafe and farm? G-ma! Have you ever seen hers?

And LOL Misty...:PP


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

'Pouts', going to miss you Spryte, just when you have returned to the fold, (actually you have too Gwendy).


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

LOL, I just caught that Misty. I am a little slow tonight.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Don't worry Misty...I have this great idea for my vacation, but I have to bring a notebook and a pen. It's sort of an experiment...

"When One Happy Island Meets One Nasty Curmudgeon (my husband)"


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

No worries, I am slowing down too, now 05.50 am!!!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Nice, I would be jealous but I have been planning my own trip in February to cozumel and progresso. I am so excited.

I have seen G-ma's cafe and farm. She is great at both of them.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

LOL, but what is going to happen about your pesky Lee, Lyn Deb, Greg person if they post while you are away??


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Where the hell is Progresso? I thought that was just the brand name for spaghetti sauce.

I haven't been to Cozumel (yet), but it's on our list of places we want to go scuba diving. You are going to have a lot of fun if half of what my husband says about the place is true.

As for Lee, Lyn, Deb, Greg...I leave them for you all to play with while I'm gone. I have complete faith in all of you.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Progresso is in the mexican yucatan. where the mayan ruins are.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Ahhhh! So tell me, are you going to buy any new clothes for your trip? I had a hell of a time trying to find a couple of new swimsuits for mine.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Oh well, I suppose we can sort her out for you, reckon it might be a her unless their post under the name "Deb" was a double bluff!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Butter Tart anyone???


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Yes, I've been trying to get my shopping done since late July because I knew there wouldn't be any summer clothes on sale in February. I haven't found my swimsuit yet but am eyeballing one on victoria's secret.com. Hard to commit to buying though without trying it on.

Try 6pm.com


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Not for me...I'm trying to cut back. :) And fit in my swimsuit....without having Greenpeace called.

I found one at Spiegel and one at Sears. I'm at that "practical" swimsuit stage in my life.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Cindy, did you ever write a hub about your cruise?


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Brrrrr, can't even imagine swimming here right now, pretty damn cold, wind, rain etc.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

LOL spryte, I don't think that is going to happen, but I know what you mean. I had to go buy a total gym. Only used it one time, just like all the other weight loss equipment I have bought, but am going to try and start using it soon.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

funnily enough Gwendy I did, actually I wrote two. One to review the cruise ship and company itself, and one to review the actual cruise and the ports. I only published them recently. I hope Christoph will forgive me this minor indiscretion of blatant self promotion.... but the links are:

http://hubpages.com/travel/Cruising-South-America

and

http://hubpages.com/travel/Cruising-with-NCL-Norwe...

If you are interested :)

The first one is about the ports, things to do etc, whilst the second one listed is about the ship, prices, staff etc.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hub love? For moi? Listen to y'all. Going to Aruba and Mexico. I used to have a timeshare in Spain, but I let it go cause we didn't use it for several years, so we just paid and paid for nothing. Gave it up.


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

I've never been on a cruise...but have a friend that does them religiously. It's another thing on my to-do list, but only if I can have a cabin with one of those little outdoor balconies.

Gwendy...y'know, like my gray hair I finally just said screw it to home gyms and trying to regain my 27 year old body. It doesn't mean I don't still wish I had my 27 year old body...I've just realized it would take too much effort to get it back.

And yes...hub lovin' just for you Chris. You had a timeshare in Spain and gave it up??!!! Ah well...I understand that, but luckily my annual dues aren't too bad so it's worth keeping for now. Besides I want to use it when I'm a little old lady...which is creeping up a lot faster now it seems.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

I am very interested. I never had thought of taking a cruise before, but I happened upon an ad for a very reasonable price on cruises. And so that is what I am doing, in Feb. is going on a cruise. So yeah, I will have to read them.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

"Not for me...I'm trying to cut back. :) And fit in my swimsuit....without having Greenpeace called"

ROFLMAO, can't possibly be that bad Spryte!!!


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Hey, our mentor has dropped in!!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

CR, imagine seeing you here on your own hub. I would have never imagined. Wow, time share in Spain, that would have been awesome. I will see how this cruise goes, and if we like it we might try on to Alaska, then I would really like to try a transatlantic cruise.

I know Spryte, I was just wondering why I care so much. Really as long as my husband still finds me attractive that should be all that matters, but I can't help but feeling that I don't want to be laying on the beach and having kids come poking me with sticks and stuff. That wouldn't be good.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Cruising was great fun I have to admit, but drinks, shore excursions and cover charges in restaurants were expensive. however, that was the cruise company we were with, and I still loved it!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

I am hardly anyones mentor. I'd be happy just being someone's mentos. Yeah, the cool thing about the timeshare was it was in one of those exchange programs, so I'd trade in my weeks and take somebody else's: Went to Austria, Belgium, Amsterdam, Paris, others in my family went to Mexico, Australia, Colorado, and other places I no longer recall.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

You think that's bad Gwendy, Spryte thinks that Greenpeace are going to be pushing her back out to sea!! (I am sure they would never do that to such a lovely mermaid though).


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Ok, now I'm jealous. Damn it and right before bed time too.

Of course not, she is just being silly!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gwendymom, LOL. Poking you with sticks! Ha! I can just hear them: "What is it?" "I don't know. Poke it with a stick and see if it's breathing." Hey, that actually happened to me.


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

LOL CR. it happens to me on a regular basis. Maybe we should start a support group. Pokees anonomous

I spelled that wrong, maybe I need to join a bad speller support group.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

no way, really, tell us more as I must go bed soon :)


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

*snort* Lovely mermaid my ass... If there should be a story about a yellow and white flowered whale found beached in Aruba...

I never took advantage of the timeshare exchange program but I think I should have. It's just that every time I thought of going somewhere, I just wanted to go back to my own in Aruba. LOL! Yeah...I'm the annoying person that has one favorite item on a restaurant's menu and swears she'll order something different next time...but doesn't.

I have to put some duck on the stoves...I'm now the King of Crepes.


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

I need to vanish to bed now too, if only to dream of flowery whales being returned to the ocean. ;)

Night night all :)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Night Cindy, I'll get to those hubs tomorrow, I promise!


spryte profile image

spryte 7 years ago from Arizona, USA

Night Cindy...I'm outa here too. N'nite Gwen and Chris. Hugs to all of you!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Night Spryte. Hugs back at ya!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Good night to everybody. It was fun while it lasted! See youse guys!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Night CR, sorry we couldn't have chatted longer, maybe next time.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

You do realize that eye follows you?

Sort of feel like I'm in royalty. Get that sense I should bow my head in humbleness.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Jewels: Even the hubs have eyes. No, dear, it is we who bow to you, your sage-iness. What do you see in my stars? Does danger lurk?


2patricias profile image

2patricias 7 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

As I am logged on, this hub has a score of 84 and I cannot understand why? It's brilliant and should be at least a 94.

Both of us have always enjoyed Prof. Evilpants writing. Pat was immediately drawn to him because of the jackalope (she was born in Nebraska, where they live on the remote parts of the prairie.)

You have obviously undertaken detailed research into not only his Hubs, but his academic records (and maybe other records). And then you have applied your usual sparkling wit to help us all understand the true depth of his writing.

thank you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

2Patricias: Hello my two friends. I had no Idea one Patricia was and ex patriot from Nebraska. Glad you read it and enjoyed. I have devoted the better part of my life writing it. ha! Hope to see you soon. I'm not on HP too much lately, so it's great to be in touch!


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Dang! I keep missing the fun! Next time you plan a reunion, someone had better tell me. You wouldn't want me just hanging out at your house...waiting...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Professor Evilpants: I barely found out about it myself. I happened to look at my email and saw I had a comment, and then I saw the little number that said 49. I was like "WTF", which as you know stands for "What's this? Females?," and so hauled my butt straight over. How are you doing, anyway? So you were hanging out at my house? You wouldn't happen to know what happened to the parrot, would you?


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Parrot? Um, no. Why? What'd you hear? It's all a pack of lies!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Tremendous hub, Chris! It's high time that someone expounded on the talent that is Evilpants.

If he's hanging around outside your house, you might want to hide all your butter tarts, though. :)


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

You are lucky, it could have been loads more than 49 if I wasn't in a different timezone. (69 was very possible) ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Professor Evilpants: My parrot is missing all his feathers and it keeps saying, "squawk, evil jack, evil jack." I can't figure it out.

Shirley: Thanks and the butter tarts are safe. I have them locked in my wall safe right her...what?...they're gone!

Misty: That's just when I first saw my email notification. Eventually we went way beyond. Thanks for steering them over and the HubLove!


Lgali profile image

Lgali 7 years ago

very nice hub thanks


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

very nice comment gracias


mistyhorizon2003 profile image

mistyhorizon2003 7 years ago from Guernsey (Channel Islands)

Well it was Gwendy's idea to hubjack you in all fairness, but she hadn't yet read the hub, so I told her how good it was, (and Spryte of course). :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Thanks to you and Gwendy then, by all means. I was feelin' the HubLove.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 7 years ago from USA

To all above, and to anyone left out as well - Kindly note that I did not say this, and, it is a fact that I actually forgot what it was that I did not say. ;-)))


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gus: Yes, but the real question is, what didn't you say and when didn't you say it?


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 7 years ago from USA

CR - It's hell to get old ! :-)))


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Gus: Could you speak up? I'm a little deaf in that ear.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 7 years ago from USA

CR - Wouldn't you know it - wrong doggone ear again!!! (:-0


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

Ahh...a great look at the wonderful B.T. Evilpants. How we all love him (and secretly fear him)!!! Great job!!!!!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis Author

Anna: Hi. Thanks so much for reading and the comment!


blondepoet profile image

blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

Hey there just dropped in to wish you a huge Merry Xmas. Havent seen you for ages. What is on the agenda for Chrissy?

4 calling birds, three french ducks and a cartridge in a pear tree??? Never remembered that song anyway lol.x0x0


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hey BP! I don't have any specific plans or agenda, except I'm coming to Australia to see you! Okay?

I certainly hope you are well and have a great holiday! I have a lot of news. Maybe we could talk. It's so great to hear from you! I've missed you!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia

Oh my gosh. You wrote this 5 months ago and I missed it! I was laughing so hard (out loud) as I read this that I was SNORTING! Nobody deserves a literary tribute like this more than Mr. Evilpants. I think he also deserves some kind of title as well.

Outstanding masterpiece of laughter Chris!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Hi Pam, I haven't seen this one in a while. Glad you managed to find it and tickled you liked it. Hope all is well with you. Thanks for the kind words!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia

I check in from time to time, and this was the first one that showed up under your latest hubs (it still is). This isn't your last latest hub? Have I been ripped off? Hmpf! The nerve!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

No, that's right. It's the last one I wrote for HP. They better not try to rip you off!


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

Terrific hub. I don't know how I missed it, before. You've really nailed the Evilpants style, to the life. I'm gonna revisit a couple of those hubs. Thank you.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

Paradise7: Thanks for the kind words, and the comment!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

"""If you exclude the truly brilliant geniuses such as Shadesbreath, the inimitable Zsuzsy Bee, the amazing Christoph Reilly and a few others who could be writing on an unknown desert island, but people would still """"

About you in my last hub :-) - Pls erase this!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis Author

De Greek: Thanks for your cryptic comment. I appreciate your reading and commenting, but what is it you're asking me to erase? I can delete the whole thing, or leave it, but I don't think I can erase just a portion. Please advise. Thanks.

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