Little Red Ridah's Halloween in the Hood
Little Red Ridah in the hood
bopping along it was all so good.
Sexy kewl, all new threads,
new weave on my head,
jeans real snug and tight,
got them cheap just last night.
Ipod really blaring,
all the homeys they do be staring.
Just as life was seeming right,
along came the source of my strife.
Round the corner and what do I spy?
Three pimps being robbed by a crack head too high.
He gets sloppy and they cap his ass.
Keep on strolling. This too shall pass.
Further down the block sees me,
gangstas, thugs, and hoes make three.
Rule of three... three bad guys do there be,
feet get moving! Out of here is me.
Still bopping, moving on,
oh hey, I really like this song.
Jamming on a funky beat,
what the hell is on my feet
messing up my new shoes?
Damn crackheads made poo.
But hell no! And you know you didn’t
do that right here for me to step in it.
Motha Fu__er, you low life freaks
it’s Halloween fools. I’m out for treats.
Headed over to MeeMaw’s place.
Tonight’s time for a happy face.
Chilluns coming one and all,
come for MeeMaw’s candy fall.
Once a year she makes it from scratch.
Won’t tell no one how, natch.
That’s ok. It’s all good.
Gonna help her out like I should.
Gotta get there I’m running outta time.
Damn gangstas always getting outta line.
Right in front of me what do there be?
Big, burly, ugly dudes do I see.
Three rival gangs with neighboring streets,
the ones with the most guns is the ones to beat.
Think I’ll go around. Later.
Tell me the story one of you haters
of how many of you fools will die tonight
so tomorrow some other kids can sell here, right?
MeeMaw’s place is right up the street.
Finally, gonna get something good to eat.
MeeMaw makes the very best treats.
All the kids will come for eats.
Through the door and into the kitchen
“Alright now Red, you better listen.”
MeeMaw pulls a wicked long draw on some killer chronic.
“Come on little Red Ridah, hand MeeMaw her Gin and Tonic.
Bout time you showed up little Missy.
I was about to have a hissy.
Where you been and why you so late?
Don’t you know MeeMaw don’t like to wait?!
Sit ya narrow ass down and let’s get busy,
gonna be the best treats in the whole city.
Sugar, spice, lard and butter
MeeMaw’s secret stuffer.
This here’s what makes it so nice.
This year gonna get it thrice.
Putting in three times as much secret sauce.
Wait and see girl. I’m gonna be the boss
of the whole wide hood watch and see.
After this Little Red, it’s all about me.”
“What you mean to say MeeMaw? Old lady,
you about to go do something shady?
How you gonna go be the boss?
You know how many players you’d have to toss?
You too old and loosing yo mind.
Cop a squat and try to unwind,
before I gotta go save your old behind.”
“Listen up you little witch.
You aint too old for me to switch!
Little Red Ridah needs a clue.
Figure out what’s good for you.
Don’t make me kick your smart ass.
I aint putting up with no more of your sass.
Little miss mouthy ma’am,
Make me show you who I am.
I’m the old lady that can wipe the floor,
Won’t be no more Little Red Ridah no more.”
“Damn MeeMaw why you gotta go hit so hard?
You know that’s why Uncle Willys’ a tard.
Hit him upside the head is what you did.
Messed him up when he was just a kid.
You trying to make me go tard too?
That what you is trying to do?”
“Shut it Red and get to kneading
or little girl you is gonna be bleeding.
I gotta work on the sauce here.
Aint about to let you get near.
You aint about to mess up my sauce with your dumb ass.
Aw hell girl, It’s not enough. Fetch MeeMaw’s stash.
Might as well really do it up right.
Gonna be a takeover tonight.
Yea, yea, that’s gonna do it up real nice,
make all them dumb ass kids go and think twice.
Running around fighting and selling smack,
hoeing, banging, and smoking crack,
looking for that all mightly high,
pimping, thieving, all out there to try,
Hmph! More like to see who can be mo ignorant,
Hooligins, thugs, sharks, and miscriants.
Gal, give me that dough. It’s time to drizzle.
Stand back now it’s gonna sizzle.
My MeeMaw was a voodoo queen.
You got no idea what I is seen.
She taught me the magic when I was a child,
before the world done up and gone hog wild.
Open that oven this here candy gotsta bake.
Move it gal. The treats can’t be late.
Now go start getting ready
Kids gonna be here directly.”
Smells of ginger, malasses, honey and spice
waft through air smelling so nice.
Something subtle danced underneath,
the aroma so enticingly sweet.
A knock upon the back door sounded
MeeMaw to the door almost bounded.
Throwing the door open with delight,
“I knew it was you,” she stated into the night.
“My three oldest sisters come home to roost.
Thanks for coming. For this I’m gonna need a power boost.”
“Ah girl, now you knew we couldn’t resist when you wrote.”
“Little Red Rider get your butt over here and take yo great aunties’ coats.
Go on. Take them in the back and find something to do.
Me and your great aunties gonna need to talk for a minute or two,
Grown folks business and not for you little ears,
go on get, for I beat your smart mouthed lazy rear.”
Little Red hustled out the room fast as you can blink.
“ I smart off she might wash my mouth out in the sink.
MeeMaws on a wicked old lady roll tonight.
She’d do it in front of them old heifers just for spite.
How bout I sneak on the phone?
See, you be broke before long.
Run up your phone bill then you will learn some respect.
You’ll forget it by morning. It’s oldzheimers I suspect.”
As Little Red Ridah sneaky quiet picked up the black box,
the granny ladies circled around MeeMaw sly like a fox.
“Bout damn time it was Mabel, when I got your letter.
Look here. Hell girl, it couldn’t a worked out better.
You know we agree with you sister about the way of things.
Damn fool youngsters in this place done lost they minds,
better to take control while there is still some time.
Gonna have to start all over. You know we are.
That why your part of the treats is gonna be the star.
We ground and mixed ours into a fine delicate powder
of mandrake, hemlock, belladonna and passion flower.
Got it all blessed thrice and a sifter run through,
then we made a decoction to strengthen the brew.
Girl, this Halloween is gonna be the most.
Anyone who takes one bite gonna be toast.
But it’s your secret sauce that will provide the labor.
My sister, you gonna be the ghetto’s savior.
We gonna take over the hood, be MeeMaw’s crew!
Then what them fools gonna go and do?
By the time they know it will be too late.
The whole hood’s gonna get a new slate.
Time to start and we will have labor to burn.
Maybel girl, you know you doing the hood a good turn.
Bout damn time someone brought them fools to heal,
make the thugs and gangsters kneel,
bring respect and honor back to our lives,
make the streets safe for mothers and wives.
What you put in that sauce anyhow?
You know you ain’t never said. Tell us now!”
“And I ain’t gonna give all my secrets away today,
but maybe a peek at a few things that came into play.
Added blood of bat, and eye of frog,
tongue of newt and hair of dog,
petal of a black rose and feather of a raven,
sulphur, puffball mushroom root, skin of viper,
black widow’s venom and crushed up spider,
that’s all I’m a telling. You aint getting the rest.
Been working on this sauce for years and tonight’s the test.
Now let’s get this party started ladies and hope for the best.
Come on girls let’s get ready to start dishing it out.
Younguns gonna be here very soon have no doubt.
Biggest party of the year, Halloween is what it’s all about.
Chilluns gonna come from blocks and blocks around
and all them teeny bopper thugs. Red is on the rebound.
Got on jeans so tight you can see all the junk in her trunk.
Sides all the little bastards are expecting the funk,
as in live band, dancing, with all Red’s hoochy mama friends.
All them little boy gangsta wantabe’s be just dying to get in.
So we gonna let everything slide ladies you see,
let em get just as crazy as they wanta be.
Around midnight we hand out one of each candy, yours and mine
to each guest with a smile and show some old lady sunshine.
Play the loving granny part be really, really sweet
to be sure we get some into each one of them little freaks.
I hear the band tuning up in the basement so everyone get to it.
Everything is ready now gals, aint nothing left but to do it.
Ida, mix us up a batch of frozen daiquiris girl cause we gonna pile up in this kitchen.”
“It’s starting I could use some help” popped off Red in the next room. “ “Aw girl, go stop your bitchen.
Me and my sisters gonna stay right here and do some reminiscing.
You go on now, you and your friends get this party commencing.
Have a good time little Red.
Go on girl knock em dead.
MeeMaw always tells you right.
Go on now. We’ll be down later tonight.
Right around the time party gets going
we’ll come down and make a showing,
give the candy out to everyone by hand.
Hell girl, we even made some for the band.”
MeeMaw sat down at the head of the modest table.
“Ida where’s them daiquiris?” “They coming Mabel.”
“Come on girls let’s play some cards
while these damn fool kids act like retards.”
The music blares within an hour all down the block.
The basement is busting with funk and hip hop.
All the thugs, hoes, pimps, gangstas and thieves
dancing in the basement. “Girl, you would not believe
the hoochy dancing going on,
the humping out on the front lawn,
the drugs being smoked, shot ,snorted and sold
for sex, money, favors, girl even gold.
Some bastard crackhead selling the gold outa his dead mama’s mouth.
You know it’s a sad day. Whole world done gone south,
as in straight to hell. Look at what these fool children do.
See that little gal? She aint but twelve now one gonna be two,
and with wino junky Scary no teeth Larry to boot.
Aw hell, I done had me enough, can’t stands it no more.
Come on now girls we gonna take it down a floor.
Grab up the candy lets kick this plan into gear ladies.
Remember now don’t tip off the crazys.
Smile and call all of the bastards dear and son.
Smile and dote on each like they the only one.
Don’t turn away until you see them swallow.
Gonna be a new day come tomorrow.”
Into the hip hop haze of smoky, smelly party went
the granny brigade with candy giving off an enticing scent.
Every mouth in the place started to water.
Never did a single granny smile faulter.
For Each person she did receive,
off her tray two pieces of candy relieved.
Each one ooed and ahed it was all so sweet,
until each every mouth had taken some treats.
MeeMaw smiled “that’s all folks. God Bless and good night.
Come on sisters let’s leave these kids, get outta sight.”
The old ladies went upstairs once more.
“How long before they all dead on the floor”
MeeMaw asked of her partners in crime.
“Should not be too much time.
I’m thinking about twenty minutes give or take.
How long will it take you to the corpses awake?”
“Just long enough to state the command,
just gotta stand over them with my talisman.
First, I’m gonna wake em up you see.
Then I’ll tell them fools how it’s gonna be,
that they work for me.
Yes lord, and working for free.”
The card game continued around the table,
but meanwhile downstairs no one was able
to get their groove on anymore.
People just started sitting down right on the floor
wherever they happened to be right then and there
was where they just fell down, totally out of air.
None bitched, moaned, raged or complained
but seemed to be just totally drained.
One by one each laid over as if asleep.
“Now listen. There my sisters, finally, peace and quiet at last.
Ida, I’m impressed. You were right, it done kicked in fast.
Come on girls, let’s get to It downstairs.
Get them corpses up and awares.
Let them see how it’s gonna be,
peace, respect and propriety.”
Down the stairs and into the sea of bodies moved
four old ladies slow and steady with attitude.
And on this most scary of all nights
grannys set the ghetto to rights.
MeeMaw stood chanting in time,
chanting an old voodoo rhyme.
Amid the bodies strewed here and there,
she waved the talisman with a dramatic flare.
“Wake your dead asses up and hear what I say.
Welcome my slaves to a brand new day.
From here on out you gonna do what’s right.
Follow my orders forever on from this night.
Now pull up your pants over up your behind.
Stand up straight and get in line.
You’re going out into the world to do good,
clean up the mess you done made like you know you should.
Start with my house and the front lawn too.
Gonna start giving instead of taking is what you gonna do.
Paint over all the graffiti in the entire city,
go clean the cages at the city pound, help the kitties,
go deliver meals to the elderly and the poor,
not be out fighting, dealing, and stealing no more.
Clean up the parks and plant some gardens
stop running around acting like heathens.
Clean up the world now go get with it.
When the dawn comes upon the land,
You come back here each night under my command.
You pass the day in the basement away,
but each night you gonna do what I say.
In life you acted like damn fools,
welcome children to being my tools.”
© 10-21-10 Vix a.k.a. Rhonda Enrayne
This is why Granny is needed!
I have always loved funny sitcoms with strong African America matriarchal characters. The pictures displayed here are some of my favorite characters from TV and movies. The poem above is just one example of what can happen when one does tequila shots while watching Medea and looking at Little Red Riding Hood costumes for Halloween. Lesson learned…Drink responsibly.
This was a fun write to do. Sadly, some of the social conditions contained within are far from fictional. Have you looked around in an inner city lately? From Dallas to Jersey, L.A. to Nashville, it's getting bad out there guys. What do we think our world will be like in a generation if this is the world our children grow up in?
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