MY JOURNEY THROUGH INSANITY - THE EARLY YEARS continues

Lynn about nine years old

MY JOURNEY THROUGH INSANITY – THE EARLY YEARS – continues

It was bitterly cold and darker than any night Lynn had ever seen. She wanted to be home in her warm bed. Her Mom said they couldn’t run the car heater because somebody might notice them parked around the corner from the house. This was like a secret mission, they were staking out the house of the whore.

Mom said she was a big girl now and she may as well learn. She needed to be quiet, wait and help watch so they could catch the dirty bastard in the act. Lynn wasn’t sure what a bastard was but she had seen an act before – a juggling act. This guy on tv had all these balls going every which away and he kept adding more and more until it looked like one big circle going round and around in his hands. She liked that act and tried it with some apples but dropped them and ruined them so bad Mom had to spank her hard for wasting precious food. She didn’t know her Father could juggle but she didn’t see him much so maybe he could do lots of stuff.

Lynn tried to drag her Mom’s attention away from the house but the woman’s eyes were fixed in hatred, a look the little girl had come to know was nothing to get in front of. They had left her worthless sister at the apartment but Lynn couldn’t stay with her cause Ann was always sneaking off every chance she got. Even though it was the middle of the night, you never could tell what Ann would do. She made it halfway into town one night when they’d lived in a trailer. Course her Mom and her had to chase her down and she got one terrible spanking all over her face and back. Lynn saw part of from behind the bedroom door but she stopped watching when hands went around her sister’s neck cause it always made her feel real creepy when they were around hers.

It sure was taking a long time for her Father to come out of that house and she hoped he’d be ok in there and wondered why he’d go in there in the first place if there was a horrible woman inside. Only the porch light was on and the shades were all pulled. Lynn hoped this woman would come out with him. She’d never seen a painted slut before and imagined she might look like the clowns she had seen a parade. If she did, maybe that meant clowns were bad too. It was all getting mixed up in her brain and making her more tired.

Then, her Dad’s car pulled up in front of the house and he and a lady got out and headed up the front steps. Her Mom grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the couple who had paused in front of the door. All of a sudden everyone was yelling and pushing and she nearly fell down. She had to go to the bathroom b-a-d! She told her Mom that before they’d left the apartment but her nonsense was going to make them miss the whole thing so she could just hold it. Then quick as a blink Mom was pulling her back toward the car, the engine fired to life and off they went with the tires making an awful screeching sound. She was crossing her legs with all of her might and praying to the God she learned about from her Mom and then in Sunday school. “Please Dear Sir, don’t let me wet my pants cause you know how hard Mom has to work and all she needs is more trouble from me. I’ll be real good and …”

A small warm trickle began. Now she’d done it, just like her Dad, she was always doing something to upset her Mother and she was so stupid she forget to even see what the painted slut looked like.

Comments 8 comments

Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

I am linking these short hubs together starting with MY JOURNEY THROUGH INSANITY - THE VERY EARLY YEARS and will continue them in as orderly of a fashion as I can. I have several very small snippets of memory that I will tell of, but not until Lynn is much older and has to recount some of this to a therapist. My telling of Lynn's story is not to elicit sympathy but for the telling of it, as it shapes the way she makes choices in later life. It is a study of human behavior, a recounting, no more no less.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 5 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

....kids....so innocent....not understanding...and doing whatever they can to please their mom/dad....not being seen....not being heard....treated and spoken to in such harsh manners...and then they grow up, right?...and then what.....


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Well, SOH, if they're lucky they find their ways to a good therapist to help sort it out BEFORE they have children. If not, they pass on more than they dare think of to their children, either repeating abuse or being so inconsistent they make everyone dizzy and they make life choices that simply repeat the familiar. It took a few thousand dollars and a lot of years to come to this conclusion. I sure hope someone finds this out before it's too late.


Scarlett My Dear profile image

Scarlett My Dear 5 years ago from Missouri

Pooh, you've done such a wonderful job here, describing Lynn's feelings and emotions with each agonizing second that passes in the cold with her mother.

It really is heartbreaking to read. But, so necessary to get out.

It's good to see your face! *smile*

~Scarlett


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Your work is well written, and it is very powerful. God Bless You.


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

SOH, thank-you for the kind words. This is one of my husband's favorite stories because I wrote it as I remembered thinking it from a child's point of view. Kid's repeat words they shouldn't say but really don't have the comprehension to know what they're saying.

Thanks, stars, for coming by and reading and for saying such nice things about my writing. I really enjoy reading yours too!


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 5 years ago from Philippines

Hi been out for a awhile I have now forgotten who Lynn is, but it was you right? it was innocently written, thinking on a child's point of view.... and you actually did not tell your reader's directly what was happening, just like the way a child thinks, so pure and no malice....poohgranma I am not sure when I stopped reading your I still look for you? I think I finished reading up to part 6 and at that time you were still working on part 7, I am surprised it's up to part 20 now...please update me (LOL)


Poohgranma profile image

Poohgranma 5 years ago from On the edge Author

Thank-you for your comments and for coming back to read. To be updated though dear, you must read! There is a link at the bottom of each hub that leads to the next part and if you are only on 7 you are in for a ride of a lifetime! Good to see your pretty smiling face again!

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