I Prefer Being Out of My Mind

I prefer passionate dancing
I prefer passionate dancing

Wislawa Szymborska

I look at this picture and it makes me think about imperfection and serenity
I look at this picture and it makes me think about imperfection and serenity | Source

Listography

I mentioned in one of my posts that I was going to start making lists and the first idea that I was entertaining was "Traffic. Men are Buses."


But then I stumbled upon a post by Truckstop Sally and I was so impressed by the beauty and simplicity of the poem she wrote, I wanted to do it myself. Before writing my own, I looked up the original poem "Possibilites" by Wislawa Szymborska.


Poetry Does Not Have to Rhyme


"I prefer being out of my mind only for its absolute impossibility ".


I prefer solitude to dull conversations.

I prefer mindless simplicity.

I prefer clarity.

I prefer dancing.

I prefer Victor Pelevin.

I prefer Dostoevsky.

I prefer the Russian language for its beauty.

I prefer songs.

I prefer passion.

I prefer passionate love and lovers.

I prefer quick wit and irony.

I prefer sense of humor.

I prefer strong men.

I don’t even know what I mean by strong men because I have never met one.

I prefer fighting for my beliefs.

I prefer sophistication.

I prefer philosophy.

I prefer imperfections.

I prefer variety.

I prefer overcoming difficulties to secure, quiet and dull existence.

I prefer thinking.

I prefer writing.

I prefer muscular men.

I prefer beautiful women.

I prefer good dancers that make me dance better than I think I can.

I prefer tango.

I prefer sad love songs.

I prefer zest for life.

I prefer books and movies.

I prefer my own fantasy world.

I prefer the smells that awaken my memories.

I prefer men’s fragrances.

I prefer children to adults and adults to children.

I prefer the Art of Conversation even if the dialogue is only between me and myself.

I prefer power.

I prefer mystery.

I prefer the Art of Seduction. I am not good at it, but it’s fascinating – the beauty of the game! I have never won yet. But I bought the manual.

I prefer games.

I prefer being out of my mind only for its absolute impossibility.

I prefer shocking people.

I prefer being myself to conforming to the rules made by somebody else whether they make any sense or not.

I prefer questioning.

I prefer being a smart ass, I worked hard for that.

I prefer learning every minute, every hour, every day…

Oops, that is not true!

I prefer to enjoy life to the fullest and drink it to the last drop.

I prefer being me because I cannot be anybody else.

© 2011 kallini2010

More by this Author

  • Discovering Blues
    42

    A story of how a simple purchase of a calendar led to a discovery of my poetic abilities. Never stop learning about yourself. Maybe you can write poetry, too. Now I know that I am Blue. And what colour are you?

  • I Prefer My Preferrals
    18

    A follow-up poem on "I Prefer Being Out of My Mind" which confirms that mission was accomplished. A lot of nonsense that makes a lot of sense, if not sense, then a lot of fun. If not fun then a lot.

  • Jumping Into Erotic Wave
    62

    A glass of wine, a conversation, and the moonlight, a touch of thought, a consolation past the midnight... Past the midnight I was still drinking and I would have never imagined that everybody would love my drunken...


Comments 35 comments

Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Beautiful!! I love the line: I prefer to enjoy life to the fullest and drink it to the last drop. I'll drink to that!

Congrats!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sally! The editor in me -- I guess it should have been "I prefer enjoying..." But you are right, we should do that, we should enjoy. I guess joy is the engine that transforms existence into life.


Chatkath profile image

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

I prefer a woman who isn't afraid to say what she prefers

BTW I also prefer strong men - You must let me know if you find one!

Cheers kallini2010 and Truckstop Sally - Fabulous writes!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Chatkath! I am afraid that "strong men" are my own construct - I want to be taken care of, yet I am no longer willing to pay the price -- "giving up the control panel".

I haven't defined strength.

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness and nothing is so gentle as real strength."

Ralph W. Sockman

However, the quote comes with two different authors, I guess more than one person liked it. I certainly do.

I am yet to discover both strength and gentleness in myself, the rest of the world will come round later, I hope.

Now that I came back to this hub and reread it, I realized that I could not be farther away from my original plan to write "Men are Buses" series. Until I define who and what I want in my life, I will never find him and it (I mean, my career and vocation).

Maybe I should come back to my "I prefer" preferences more often - it was almost an effortless write. Not that I can say that about my life.

Thank you again for reading and leaving a comment,

All the best to you,


Chatkath profile image

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

I do hope you keep writing since I really "prefer" your deeper style of thought to so much of the superficial writing that is constantly in our face!

Perhaps you can do a series of "I prefer" hubs, updated every so often to reflect an updated & expanding frame of mind?


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Chatkath, I will try my best. Right now, I don't think I can. My energy level is at its absolute lowest...


Chatkath profile image

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

That's Ok too - emotionally charged writing takes energy so just do what you can, get the ideas down now, put it together later - whatever you are comfortable with. Can't force creativity, it must be inspired. Fragile beings that we are can not be pressured until we are ready! Take care kallini.


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

Ah, sound like you indeed live to your fullest. Must be great life you have there. It is interesting to see the way of life across my chosen path. Widening my knowledge about human and their mind. Thank you, dear. Strong poetic poem, Kallini. Have a nice day. ^^


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Freya, for reading and leaving a comment. A great life?

I reread the poem - in the line when I said "I prefer tango" - I only started taking lessons. It is sheer delight.

You see - I like muscular men, for a reason...

I don't want to make assumptions, but how old are you, Freya? Are you married?


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Curiosity led and I followed...have we been reduced to providing the brawn? :) I like "I prefer being out of my mind"... a restless storm and stubborn dreams.:)


Freya Cesare profile image

Freya Cesare 5 years ago from Borneo Island, Indonesia

I am 33 years old and never marriage. I live in the side of the world where relationship between man and woman is should not about sex and sex should not become casual conversation outside the couple house. I heard the coming of the words "I see" from every corners now. LOL


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Silent Reed: No, nobody has been reduced to anything. It is the same argument why men prefer beauty and women prefer power. That was a question a couple of months ago and I still have not written a hub - it is in the making.

But the short answer - everybody prefers beauty and power. We are drawn to beauty ...

Facial features are not our choice - we may be better looking or ... sometimes... However, intellectual development and bodily prowess is within our Power.

But I would be the last person to judge ... because seriously I think - I should find a way how to motivate MYSELF to start working out - I should tone up - dancing is great for coordination and cardio - but that is not enough.

If more people would take care of their bodies, would it be a sin? Not to look at those overweight ... (not a judgement), but I had a nauseous feeling even when I was a child and society went in the direction of growing the width, not the depth of anything.

And the size of the wallet? What is new under the Sun?


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Gentleness and strength, the yin and yang of the cosmos. They compliment each other. Like power and beauty.They are qualities that give pleasure to the senses. Dancing? that can be a form of meditation in motion where "every movement becomes a prayer" And the size of the wallet? that would be in the philosophy of self- indulgence :))


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Freya:

For you and I to understand each other - we need a lifetime. We are too far apart, not only geographically, but culturally and ... and...

We speak different languages, both literally and figuratively speaking. Understanding is never easily achieved. I divorced my ex because we struggled to understand each other, but after sixteen years of marriage and 24 years of knowing each other (of each other more like) we still don't.

There was a time in my life when I was desperately looking to define happiness. It is a not an easy task - to define anything, let alone happiness. But I finally came to the conclusion that

"happiness is to be understood".

I try not to judge - I have no right to judge others. Understanding is a different thing. I was wondering if anyone actually understood what I meant when I said "I prefer being out of my mind?" I doubt it. It amuses me and saddens me as well.

But I don't judge it - amusement is good, sadness is bad. It is neither.

I looked at your picture and I thought you might be in your twenties, therefore probably still not married and you have no experience in the subject that we discussed (no judgment).

My picture is from 1993 when I was still 22 years old only - I got my Masters in Engineering and I married a fellow student. What did I know about life then? Why do I use that ancient picture of me? From my dark past? Dark as in "black and white" photography?

Not out of vanity - look how beautiful I was then ... My ex liked to take pictures and this one was a casual fleeting moment, I have not done anything special - no special dress to impress, no hairdo, no make-up and no posing - we were at home and he asked me just "look at me for a sec!" - snap shot!

It is the only picture in my whole life - where I see myself for who I am - no posing, no pretense, nothing. But it is misleading for others - they assume I am young - I am young at heart - but already 40 and I will turn 41 this year.

Age-wise we are not too far apart - either seven or eight years depending on whether you have celebrated your birthday this year or not. The age difference is the least of our differences.

I am NOT trying to convince anyone of anything as I keep telling. You cannot predict my reaction - as you said "I heard the coming of the words "I see" from every corners now".

None of us sees or knows. I am not going to discuss sex, but I will give you a different example. It is my assumption that you never were a soldier. I was not.

Both of us "know" that there are wars, soldiers, victories, battles ... We may even "know" - what soldiers must do - I hope you would agree that our "knowledge" is hearsay only - if you and I would be trained and sent to the front, survive to tell the tale - only then we might be able to share similar views. Something like "a war is senseless, all this killing is insane". To feel what it is like ... you have to experience it.

To wrap the whole thing up - I don't know what you are allowed to see in your part of the world (I know there are rules and restrictions). For example, I have never watched "Desperate Housewives" - I don't know why they are so desperate and frankly I am not really interested. That reference was wasted on me.

There is a very interesting short story by Somerset Maugham "Rain" - you have to read it to the end to understand why I recommend it to you (even if you don't like it, Maugham is a good author for reading and improving English, we read him as students):

http://maugham.classicauthors.net/Rain/

and there is the film "Kinsey"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0362269/ - watch it if you allowed - it is very eye-opening.

You don't have to, of course.

There is another gem of Somerset Maugham - the novel "The Painted Veil" - there is the novel and the film - but I would recommend the novel - it is very unsettling, but worth reading.

Even if you follow none of my recommendations, the rule of the Universe (no, I am kidding, it is pure sociology) - whatever you do - changes you - you will never be the same. Even this conversation (more like a monologue on my part) makes an impact. You don't notice it, but it does. It goes in both directions: we both make an impact on each other and everybody else who has enough patience to read it.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

So, swirl the baton

then dancing til dawn

with both brains and brawn

then gone,

with a tap of your wand


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Already done - taking into account that it is almost 3 a.m. and I only came home - it was a nice night. For the first time I danced tango more or less - a complete dance, still a beginner.

Thank you for the comment, Mckbirdbks.


Johnathan L Groom profile image

Johnathan L Groom 5 years ago from Bristol, CT

I hear Toronto is excellent, dear.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

You must have an excellent hearing.

Toronto is ... as everything else - in the eye of the beholder (or beer-holder?). Either. Neither. Both.

I don't complain. Then I complain. Then I don't. But I have been busy writing, dancing and writing. Thinking.

Agenda: creating myself. It's a bummer.

Good luck to you,


Johnathan L Groom profile image

Johnathan L Groom 5 years ago from Bristol, CT

Thank you kallini2010! Still, a nice hub!


writeronline 5 years ago

Hi Kallini, I came to this because you linked it to your latest article. And I'm glad I did, I really enjoyed it.

Also read the pieces by your two inspirational sources, Wislawa Szymborska, and Truckstop Sally. Enjoyed those as well.

I prefer delivering to promising. So I won't make a promise. (It would be premature, as well as irrelevant anyway.)But, I think I might be inspired to write yet another version on the theme.

If I do, I'll have to reference three sources, of course.

Cheers


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Writer online.

To me, if you promise and not deliver - it would depend on what the promise was...

"Promises are like pie crusts,

they are meant to be broken."

I keep "promising" to write on this or that topic and not delivering. I don't LIE, I mean it at the moment of making that promise ... Later it just does not happen for a number of reasons. But for me to make a promise in the first place, is to be inspired and that is what counts.

You read it, you felt the inspiration.

What can be better?

Your own piece.

Of course, but that is the ultimate goal.

Remember how I described creative process (the fundamental question of ART)?

impression, expression, impression, expression.... and the wave continues to roll...

I don't know which "latest" piece you referred to, but there was

"Jumping into Erotic Wave"

where I precisely described my longings.

And a few days later, they came alive.

"Dangers of Riding Erotic Waves".

The only thing that stays "irrelevant" is erotica. There was nothing erotic in either of them.

But it was so strange. So, so strange.

Again, thank you for reading.

I prefer to be read.

I prefer writing to reading and reading to writing.

I prefer... having readers that have something to say.

Something I would be interested to know.

Something that will make me listen.

You do it and it makes me happy. I always look forward to your comments.

The man in question (from "Dangers of Riding...") told me yesterday:

"Write and publish. That is who you are. You are creative." If only I knew how to cash my creativity.


Majadez profile image

Majadez 5 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

I prefer...

long baths

quiet walks.

I prefer...

poetry to novels

sometimes more is said in one 14-line sonnet

than 300 pages of prose.

Then again, some novels read like poetry.

I prefer...

Interaction over mere discovery.

Intensity and passion

over calmness and the status quo.

I prefer...

Fighting!

For love

for life.

I prefer smiles and laughter.

I prefer aquired ecstasy

over any other drug or emotion.

---

This one is yours. :)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Yes, Maja, we all know that you like long baths.

Now I feel like taking one. Maybe your words were sent to me by God. I started to believe that EVERYTHING that "happens" to me - is not "just a coincidence".

Everything, people, timing, words... it is almost like I hear the voice - not the voice... but

when I was sitting in Starbucks and Armando just left - the next word said (that I heard) was "FORTY TWO".

There were a couple men discussing whatever they were discussing. And this "42" was just like - a lightning.

I thought "OK. 42. Moving on. Coincidence".

Now - rings, weddings... blah...

Strange - still I have my doubts, but I cannot compare myself a year ago to myself NOW. Yes, 11/11/11 - was Point Zero, Ground Zero if not (Zero Minus One) - yet, I started listening...

I prefer to listen than to speak.

I can learn more this way.


Majadez profile image

Majadez 5 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

I don't think I believe in coincidence. I prefer the idea that we are all part of one large web of events that connect us all. Some things are pre-determined and others uncertain. There are more reactions than mere actions.

I know you know I like long baths. I'm going into marketing. It was a subliminal message, although consciously unintended. Coincidence? I think not! ;)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Dear Maja:

Do you see how long it takes me to answer a short comment? Forever. And it is not a coincidence.

The day I said, I would take a hot bath, I actually did. It was not long, but hot and I went to a Milonga (Tango Practica).

On my way back I got lost, stranded and I "had" to take a taxi (I, The Poor Woman, I am poor, not cheap!).

I don't think it was a coincidence.

I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN COINCIDENCES.

That was my declaration of "I do not believe in coincidences".

Marketing?

You are going into marketing?


Majadez profile image

Majadez 5 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

Yes, marketing... I've been offered 3 jobs/business proposals that I'm now working on. The fourth - the marketing, is my idea. I have to squeeze it in over weekends and see if it takes me somewhere. I've built almost 40 concepts over the past year that I'm passionate about so I'll try them out. It's based on videos. Everything will be placed on Youtube and I might even write about it so you'll see.

I just have to keep focused and Toronto in November 2012 here I come. ;)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Oh, Maja, Maja...

Think about your passions... November 2012 can wait... I might end up with a different husband by then. Well, knowing me... I call my fiancée (Financee) - My Future Maybe Husband. The keyword is not Money (as in Finance-eeeeeeeeee, no, the keyword is MAYBE. As much as I love ROMAN-se, marriage is a serious matter, so there is no rush. If he is wrong, he is going, going, gon---------).

I am all in thinking "Business... Money... Business... Cash..."

I think it is the first priority.

Of course, I will be interested in your Marketing, Successes, Videos and all Forty (Two) Concepts you came up with...

I cannot write a single hub - too busy. Even comments are on hold...


Majadez profile image

Majadez 5 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

Hi. The thing is I need an income. That's one of the things I'll be busy with. The other 2 will come and go within the next 2-3 months so that will free up more of my time to work on my passions. It's going to be a busy year.

I won't give in. I'll do everything with passion. Or, at least try to. ;)

In that case, once our passions have got the balls rolling and the value is earned in monetary figures, you must come to my wedding too (whenever and wherever that will be and whoever it will be to).

Haha! I should actually count them since I keep coming up with ideas. What a "coincidence" it will be if it is 42 concepts!

Good luck and enjoy!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Maja - you can MAKE it a coincidence - that is all.

Money will come.

So, let's celebrate our INTENTIONS to make money.

Let's dance. In Rome?


Majadez profile image

Majadez 5 years ago from Johannesburg, South Africa

Oh, why not?!

My feet are getting stiff from all this not-dancing anyhow. I'm sure once we get going, they'll remember how. Then, soon enough, the rest of the body can join in too. ;)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Maja - to dance you don't need anything - just motivation. Music is also optional!!!


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa

I've missed this striking hub of yours, Svetlana, and so glad I have found it now. I would love to add a link to this one in 'our' hub. Or would you like me to feature another one of your hubs?

This hub is a striking statement by a person who has mastered their unique character. Of course, mastering an instrument - for example a music instrument - is one thing. Practice makes perfect. But to keep on using it, keep on making music with it for oneself and others to enjoy, is another story.

Voted up and awesome!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 3 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Martie, thank you very much for your comment. I think - this hub is as good as any other with one quality that makes it a better candidate for the reference in your hub - it is short. If anyone decides they want to read my hubs, my profile and their interest would prove to be sufficient motivation.

If not, no reference in the world would make them read what they do not want to.

And, honestly, yes, I prefer being out of this sick mind of mine - this struggle with my health is exhausting.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 3 years ago from South Africa

Thanks, Svetlana.

Perseverance will be rewarded.

I think this video is too cute.... (From me to you):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embed...


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 3 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thanks, Martie!

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