Male Muse Wanted Immediately

Zeus
Zeus

I’m finding little time to sit and be creative lately, and when I do finally sit at my desk and start writing, I’m not able to produce anything that I truly like. So I tried calling out for any of the 10 Muses to please come and muse me. None of them showed up. I've pleaded and wailed and begged with my heart full of anguish and despair, yet none of them appeared. I've thrashed in my bed for countless sleepless nights crying for them to come to me. Nada.

Oh well. Someone else must be hogging them, and I have my suspicions about which hubbers are hogging the muses. But that’s fine. Who needs a female nymph muse? Not me. Who says a man can’t be a muse? Now that would be a very interesting twist. So I’m putting out an advertisement to recruit male muses. I’m sure they’re out there just waiting to be called upon. Sorry ladies, I think we need to give guys a chance to muse, and I'd love to be the one who starts the new muse revolution. What follows are the needed qualifications, sample interview questions, and basically what I will expect from my new male muse.

Necessary Qualifications:

  • You must have muse-like qualities: an ethereal air of divine superiority with a touch of softness, high intelligence, and your clothing should be flowing and sparse revealing most of your assets. The outfit of choice will be gladiator sandals and a loin cloth. Since an ethereal air is difficult for a human to achieve, I will also consider a candidate who simply amuses me.
  • You should be able to produce a family tree showing some connection to Apollo or Zeus. If you cannot produce such family genealogy, then having a body that looks like Apollo or Zeus will be sufficient.
  • You must be able to inspire me. You may do this through humor, dance, music, poetry, letting me copy your writing or by looking like a Greek God. A little Greek God dancing would be quite inspirational.
  • Dragon slaying experience is preferred but not required. Simply looking like you have dragon slaying ability is very good. A willingness to play dragon slaying games is even better as long as you remember that I am always the slayer and you are always the dragon.
  • At least 2 years experience in musing or amusement is required.
  • You must be willing to do some cooking and light housework. Hey, I can’t do those things and write too. I’m an artist. Frankly, if you can’t cook and clean while musing me, then you needn’t apply. Please take immediate note that I am most easily mused by roast beef and mashed potatoes.

The Interview

Send or post your resume here along with a list of references immediately. After I review all the resumes, I will start the interview process where you will be expected to answer some very common interview questions, such as:

  • What makes you think you would be a good muse for me?
  • When was the last time you mused for someone?
  • Can you muse 24/7? Why or why not?
  • Have you ever been fired from musing?
  • Can you bake a chocolate cake?
  • Can you throw lightning bolts like Zeus? If so, would you be willing to throw lightning bolts at my adversaries?
  • Can you get those nasty coffee stains out of clothing in the laundry pile?  

After all the candidates have been interviewed, I will choose 5 people to proceed forth with the loin cloth competition. I advise you to come prepared and to be well oiled. Tardiness will not be acceptable and will result in your immediate dismissal...unless you look like Apollo or Zeus or find some other way to amuse me into forgiving you. Suggesting some dragon slayer role-playing would be highly advisable if you are tardy.

Muses dancing with Apollo
Muses dancing with Apollo

Compensation:

Your compensation will be the internal gratification you receive by inspiring me to produce large volumes of written material that will be loved and adored by everyone. Plus you will go down in history as the first male muse to successfully inspire a talentless aging writer to greatness.

Of course, you will be given a proper muse name, like Harmonicas or Acidophilus, and accommodations will be made for you in my dungeon…I mean basement. We will have a lovely time with me writing and you musing and cleaning and musing and cooking and musing some more.

Now make haste! Brush up on your musing skills and prepare to inspire me to hire you!

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Comments 294 comments

t.keeley profile image

t.keeley 7 years ago from Seattle, WA

As much as I'd love to indulge, the whole irish physod thingy I got going isn't what you're looking for I'm afraid...lol


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Pam

This really sounds dubious. If I may be blunt, it reads like an ad by an  escort service agency on its last days of operations.

But i can rethink if you'd reconsider the compensation package - prestige won't buy me anything :D 


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Damn! I was all excited and ready to apply, then I read the qualifications...

The only thing I can offer is a god-like quality and a heavenly aura.

...And an ass you can bounce a quarter off of!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

It sounds like fun, but I can't bake a chocolate cake :(

Is it possible to lower the expectations? I mean really lower?

I might have a chance then.


buddygallagher profile image

buddygallagher 7 years ago from manila, philippines

hehehe i myself would pick up a GQ when im trying to find inspiration


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Whatsa matter?  Do I no longer aMUSE you?  Well, this is a hell of a way to find out about it!

Guess I'll have to reapply.  Lets look at the requirements (and remember to keep telling yourself, "at least he's honest.")  Lets get started.

1. Muse-like qualities:  MMmmmm, not really.  I don't have an ethereal air of divine superiority, but I do just have the air of superiority without the divine and ethereal.  I have the softness thing (I've been working out though) and my clothing is sparse and flowing, but does not reveal my assets but rather hides them.  I don't approve of men wearing sandals or loin cloths unless they are an actor in a Greek trajedy or a bedroom game.  I am sometimes amusing.

2. My family tree shows no connection to Apolla or Zeus, but may show that I am decended from Davy Crocket if the family stories are true (like wer'e worried about truth in mythology!  Ha!)  Also, no Zeus or Apollo body, but more like Davy Crocket after a week of Bear huntin' in the Smokey Mountains.

3. Be Able to Inspire you:  I'm pretty strong in this category.  I am humorous, and I can dance.  I am especially humorous when I dance.  Music-check, Poetry-check, Copy my writing-check!  We've already established I don't have the Zues body thing happening.

4. Dragon slaying experience:  No, but I will kill spiders, bugs, catch the occasional mouse or snake, and generally protect your abode from intruders.  I am always willing to play dragon slaying games, and I will be the dragon, but how is that going to mesh with the fact that I am dressed as Zeus with sandles and flowing robes that reveal my Zeus-like business?  Ah, well.  I am but the muse and you are the musee, so you call the tableaus.  Whatever you say, your highness. (Just practicing).

5. Two years experience: I wish it was only 2 years experience!

6. Cooking and cleaning.  Ok...I've got this one covered.  I don't mind cleaning and I am a very good cook.  Anything you want, but I have been working on the perfect rare roast beef lately, which I usually serve with garlic mashed potatoes.  If you prefer pot roast, that is childs play.  I don't reallly do much baking though, so I will start working on a chocolate cake (I'm sneaking into the interview section now, but all's fair in musiness and war!) but I do have my own recipe for Deluxe Brownies which you will think were made by Zeus  himself!  Although mixes are fine, these are made from scratch.

REFERENCES: Cleopatra (was screwing another muse), Bathsheba, Joan of Arc (she was hot!), Marie Antoinette (she got fat on cake), and Brittany Spears (the early years--before that ass talked her into dumping me and look what happened!).

THE END

I must have like this hub very much, since I spent an hour on my comment.  Really, it is very, very funny and so creative!  This is going to be a very popular hub, I predict, and it should be.  Your talent is the stuff myths are made of.  Thank you for the first class entertainment...er...I mean, this satiric piece clearly meant to hold the ritual of human desires and sexual conquest up to the light of understanding.  It's a bold statement, that women, in effect, have the same type of classical sexual desires as the male of the species!

Anxiously awaiting word on my moving to the personal interview stage.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Good sucking-up there, Christoph, but you don't stand a chance against the whoppers I told.... I mean my true qualifications.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Thanks for reminding me, Constant. Pam, I have very big...uh...whoppers!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Good one... damn you, you funny bastard!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFLMAO at you all! :D

T.keeley, anything Irish is always cool. :) Thanks for coming in. :)

Cris A, you're a tough cookie. Okay, here's the deal, if this gig hits a national level and I'm able to round up a bunch of male muses to contract out, then I'll cut you a small percentage for being the highly amusing person you are. :D

CW, wow! A heavenly aura and quarter bouncing glutes? Yes, I think this is a definite possibility. ;) Thank you for applying! :D

goldentoad, thanks for coming in. LOL! The chocolate cake thing is a minor triviality. No problem there. ;) I'll give your application serious consideration. ;)

Buddy, thanks for the tip! I'll give that some consideration if this doesn't pan out. :D

Cristoph! ROFL! Of course you inspire me, but haven't been around much lately. I just figured you were too busy to muse anyone. ;) Hmmm, now this Davey Crocket thing works for me just dandy especially if you also possess the skill to kill spiders, snakes and such.

Rare roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes? Screw the cake! Yum! With references and charm like yours, I'm putting you at the top of the list. Hey, that 'your highness' thing didn't hurt one little bit either. ;) Gosh you're good!

Thank you for such a wonderful comment Cristoph, it was a pure joy to read! :)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

That's MISTER bastard, to you!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

And speaking of whoppers, Burger King has been begging me FOR YEARS to be their spokesperson!

PS: I'm Scotish...


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth

lol. I don't qualify... : ( But I've slayed some dragons on my spare time... while cooking a mean baked alaska... all at the same time of course.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

CW...ROFLMAO! So are you holding off signing up with Burger King in hopes of a better offer? Hey, maybe they will give you a crown. Now that would be snazzy. LOL!Oh, about this scottish thing, um, do you have a kilt? Those are very inspiring indeed. :D

Hi Mellas! You're one heck of a woman with true skill and style. :) Baked alaska is hard enough without having to slay a dragon simultaneously. I'm impressed. :D

Gosh, I forgot to thank you Christoph for that highly intellectual literary analysis in the conclusion of your comment. Thank you for the huge chuckles and time you spent amusing me with your gracious comment! :)


Bruce Elkin profile image

Bruce Elkin 7 years ago from Victoria, BC Canada

Sorry, Pam, I don't meet any of the qualifications. I dont even have gladiator sandals.

But one of these guys will surely meet your need. I mean, heck, just thinking about a male muse got you writing this piece, and it's great!


rockinjoe profile image

rockinjoe 7 years ago from Standing right behind you!

sorry pam, but showing off my assets can mean a misdemeanor charge.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Ha-ha! Pam, I couldn't, in good conscience, endorse anything I wouldm't feed to my dog. A kilt? Well, no, but I've got some damned sexy (and baggy!) tartan shorts!

-Joe; A what, a mini-meaner charge? ;-) Also, great pic! Is that one really you?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Bruce! If I have to be honest, then I will admit that i wouldn't know what to do with the type of muse I described if he fell in my lap. I'm all talk. lol! But don't tell anybody! Mum's the word. My idea of a good time is a soft spot and a good book. :) Thanks again Bruce. :D

Joe, I certainly don't want to cause you to break the law or anything. I should warn you, it's also against the law to be as funny as you are. Yep. It's like almost a felony or something equally judicial like. ;) Thanks for coming in. :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Mini-meaner charge! ROFLMAO! OMG that was a good one. :D

Okay, I'm sold. Sexy tartan shorts ROCK for sure. :D

I wouldn't feed BK to my dogs either. I don't blame you for not endorsing their whoppers. ;) lol!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

...Not when my own puts theirs to shame!

(Now your sweet innocent hub has evolved into locker room humor. I hope you're happy!!!)


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

i've changed my mind...got the oil and the loincloth ready. do i have to wax? what I'm willing to do to inspire a friend! :D 


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

I have most of the qualifications you seek. But damn the luck! I just can't wear sandals. Nothing in an open toe, actually. By the way, I'm half Scottish, and have been known, on special occasions, to wear half a kilt. Does that do anything for ya?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

CW ROFL! Yes I am happy and quite amused. :D Sweet and innocent hub, now I'm going to have to give you a ticket for being too funny! ;) But seriously, I hear you about making your own burgers. Even mine are way better than theirs.

Cris, now I see that you are a true blue friend. :) So there's no need to wax. :) lol!

B.T., LOL, yea I have to admit that I love kilts. I have a wee bit of scottish blood in me too, so I can't resist. I think I've seen Braveheart at least 50 times. :D No problem about the shoes, remember I'm a mountain girl and shoes aren't very popular here anyway. ;)


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

For what it's worth, Pam, I make a killer chocolate lava cake. I also do hard candies, fudge, and I grill a mean filet mignon. If you want roast beef, I guess I can do that. But once you've had my filet, you'll be hooked. Oh yeah, I do throw the occasional lightning bolt.


t.keeley profile image

t.keeley 7 years ago from Seattle, WA

If you ever want an irish muse you know where to find one


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Burgers? Oh, uh, yeah! That's what I meant... of course!

Burgers...


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Hi Pam!  You must have received the favor of a pretty fabulous muse to write this one, it's SO original and fun to read!

"At least 2 years experience in musing or amusement is required."  Laugh!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

B.T., of course filet mignon is always an acceptable replacement. I only said roast beef because the economy is so bad and all. ;) Ah, I should have known a fiesty jackalope like you is no stranger to lightening bolt hurling. You're in the top 5 for sure. Now, do you have a problem throwing those at people?

t.keeley, thank you! :D One thing I now know is that you're very good at music, so I wouldn't dream of robbing the world of that gift. I'm not that selfish. Yet. ;)

CW, ROFLMAO! I hardly thought you were talking about making your own whoppers, but if you were, um, that seems fairly marketable. ;) Good one! Joke that is. ;)

Hi Elena! Thank you so much, and thanks for coming in for a read. I never know how my humor is going to rub people, so it's always nice to know if it made someone giggle. :D Thanks!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Constant Walker...I forgot to say that I'm beginning to think you're overqualified for this job. :D


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Sigh... story of my life.


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth

Bruce, you can get gladiator sandals on sale at mandees right now. teehee. Like $20 I think. They even come with a very cool medallion in the middle. : )


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

CW, lol, I had a feeling you have a history of being overqualified. :D I mean that as a compliment. ;)

Mellas, what grand news! Perhaps I should stock up on them just in case of an emergency. ;) lol!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

I bet you say that to all the boys... :-(


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Just the ones with glutes I can bounce a quarter off of. ;) :D


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Good one! But, don't try to suck-up now, after casting aside...


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Well, I must say, take a look at my avatar. I'm in sandals, no loin clothe, but I have big feet(look close) I can roast a roast to perfection, also a jacklope for that matter or any other beast. I can throw you all kinds of bolts, including cloth. i ain't never been fired from musing and will defend you to death with required bolts.In some cultures a snake is a dragon, got that covered. i can make any chocolate you desire and muse your ass off 69/69. I am a direct decendant of a crusading Scottish Knight, my family tree goes back to 980 AD. But I ain't livin' in no basement! sorry, I decline.

Care to reconsider?


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Pam, I may have none of the qualifications you require but imagine me typing. But then take away my keyboard and place your back under my fingers. I got some magic in my fingers, forget these over the hill bulls, they've long run out of inspiration and I can hear them wheezing.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL C.C.! Very impressive! You have one incredible resume. Of course I would never dream of having the decendant of a Scottish Knight live in a basement. :D Nope, I'll have to come up with something much better. Do you like tree houses? Um, maybe a motor home? Let me think on this. ;)

Thanks for dropping in! :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Ah goldentoad, you just said the magic words. I'm very amused with magic fingers. :D But something tells me yours are always glued to a keyboard. ;) You do magic with that for sure.

Hmmm, is that what that noise was? Wheezing? I thought a storm was brewing. :D lol!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Shoot, night's here, supper is over, they finished playing bingo, and are already heading off to bed. What kind of muse goes to sleep with the sun, consider that? A muse has to be able to work into the midnight hours none of these geriatric fools stay up past Larry King.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

You seem to want this position very much grasshopper!


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Hah! Amateurs!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Isn't it past your bedtimes!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

What's that ya say CR? Amateurs? why thems figthin' words where I come from.

I'll throw my sandle at ys in a minute. Course I don't think I can throw that far anymore.

No it ain't past my bedtime grasshopper, er toad.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Relax Grandpa, you might raise your blood pressure a bit too much...The nightly news is almost over, so I'm sure you'll be fast asleep any minute now.


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Oh, Goldentoad. You've been licking your own back cause you're hallucinating! Speaking of going to bed, I'll bet you have a Bruce Lee sheet and pillowcase set.

CC: I don't blame you for having an impossible dream.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Yeah, your 'bout right there. It's 3 hours earlier here ya know. One more brewski an' I'm going. Maybe I'll make that a scotch for a nightcap. Glenfidicch! see ya later pard.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I got action figures too. But you can't play with them.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

CR, I gave up on those dreams and more a long time ago. night now have fun


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Another one bites the dust. I got all night CR!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Pam, this is a GREAT hub! Love it, thumbs up and all that.

Umm, if you should decide to pimp....er, I mean contract out muses from your stable, please keep me in mind. ;)

Best of luck with your interviewing!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Okay, that's it, no more sleep for me. I missed all the fun. :(

ROFLMAO @ you guys! Too funny! :D Now I'm beginning to think you're all overqualified. ;)

Shirley, thank you! I'm honored you came in for a read. :) Perhaps I could cut you in on the deal. Women like us deserve a fine male muse. Although, it doesn't appear from your writing that you need one. However, since you're one of my favorite peeps, I'm more than happy to share. :D


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

I feel that even though my stature (look at avatar again as you can see is that of a mighty muse with a large foot holding down a connestoga) makes me an obvious choice, I must leave it to my competitors. I don't do panties, and in my excitement of being your muse, I forgot I can no longer throw lightning bolts in lieu of my difibrillator. That, and wee one revoked my muse guild license. She is my queen you know, and my muse is hers. thanx


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL muse guild license! :D I understand perfectly. :) I certainly don't want any mad queens coming after me. ;) lol! Plus, you have a book to publish. I can't rob the public of that. I'm glad you told me about the lightning bolt deal because that's quite important. Especially since I think I misspelled it in the hub and now have to go back and fix it pronto! lol!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

This is hilarious! And now the true nature of hubbers - male AND female - is coming out: We're all shameless whores!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

speak for yerself mortal


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL CW! Shhh, don't tell everybody. :D There might be some closet shameless whores out there. ;)


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Ooo-ha-ha!! (Psst! C.C. is one of them)


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

This was great to read!! Laughing the whole time through it. If you end up with an extra muse, do you think you could loan him to me?? I could always use some inspiration!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi Anna, thank you so much! I think a little muse loaning can be arranged. :) It appears there are many men who are very qualified, and I certainly can't handle them all by myself. Who would of thought there'd be so many amusing men out there? :D Thanks for coming in for a read Anna. :)

CW...careful, C.C. is Scottish too. ;)


Sally's Trove profile image

Sally's Trove 7 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

In Shirley's spirit, I'd like a list of, uh, potential candidates for hire. You could have quite a new business adventure here, Pam, as we women struggle for inspiration.

But there's one problem, and a big one. The reason muses are women and not men is that women hold the key to creation, meaning they hold the key to birth. (No man has ever had human life growing within him, despite tabloid tales.)

I've been going over my old notes and research about who said that the first time, and I'm drawing a blank. It could have been Aristotle or Plato or Socrates who said that the birth of any new idea has its seed in a woman's ability to birth new life, which is something a man can't do. And further, that a man can only approximate this gift of creation, because his creative urge is merely an attempt to birth as a woman does. Therefore, great works of art executed by men are the striving for the life that women birth. Women are muses, and men are not, and can never be.

So here's a request to you and your readers to find out who said that.

Need I say thumbs up, and I also owe you an email. :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Sally, you are so sweet! :)

Now down to business, you have presented me with a huge problem indeed. Hmmm, what shall I do? I certainly can't argue against Plato, Aristotle, or Socrates or any other philosophical genius especially in light of a very logical and reasonable truth about women being givers of life. :) Woe is me. :( But...

You have enlightened me and I was fascinated by the information you shared because I really didn't have any idea why the Muses were women. Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me about that, and I hope someone can tell us who said that.

Actually, your comment came at the perfect time, because I was ready to let all these fine guys off the hook. The truth is that each and every person who has commented on this hub inspires me when I read one of their hubs. And that includes you Sally. :) You, Christoph, goldentoad, rockinjoe, Bruce, C.C., Cris A., Constant Walker, t.keeley, B.T. Evilpants, MellasViews, Elena, and Shirley. I don't know Anna and Buddy very well yet, but I plan on checking you both out! I know you have a sense of humor though and that's a biggie. ;)

For anyone who hasn't read hubs written by these fine hubbers, please go read their writing. You won't be sorry. They all have my highest regard and respect, and I've learned something valuable from each and every one of them.

Of course there are others who inspire me, but I want to say a special thank you to those who have commented here. :D

Sally, again, you are a such dear person, and I greatly appreciate your insightful, thoughtful comment. :) I'm feeling rather teary eyed that men can never be muses. :( Hey, they can amuse us though can't they? And amusement can be very inspiring. ;) :D


RGraf profile image

RGraf 7 years ago from Wisconsin

How many final candidates did you have in the end? I love these qualifications!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL! Thanks RGraf. :) I never could narrow it down to just a few, they were all overqualified. ;) Thanks for coming in for a read. :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Now I don't like to contradict my friend Sally, and I don't know much about Pluto, Aristastopitplease or that Scrotum fella, but I say a guy can be a muse. The reason one of those dudes said that was that only Men were doin' all the creatin' of art and writin' on that papaya paper stuff, and so naturally all this art and stuff like that there was credited to a female muse (except for them Greek fellers who had a thing fer them little Greek fellers.) But in todays whatcha call modern times, Gals can sure be as creative as the fellers and sometimes more, and I figger they got a right business havin' any muse their sweet little ol heart desires. Even if one gal should choose another gal as her amuzer, which we call lezbefriendsism, or somethin' like that there.

But anyhow I been working on my writin' and my speakin' skills, which I hope meets with your oral satisfaction.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL! Pluto and Scrotum! OMG that's too funny! I can tell you've been working on your speakin' skills and it makes me feel proud as punch and orally satisfied. :D lol! What a progressive thinkin' fella you are, and you make a good argument for all males who wish to be muses. :)

Greek fellers likin' little Greek fellers...ROFL! You're killing me! :D Thanks for the major laughs Christoph!


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

I loved this hub!!! First, apologies to all the ladies out there, but screw the ladies! It's time for a male muse and my vote is for Christoph :)

Heck, let them all be muses Pam, they're all great :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL! You're always such a pleasure Trish. :) Yes, Christoph is indeed very charming, very amusing, and he keeps me in stitches and sometimes tears...it's all a total joy. :) And you're right that they're all great. Too great. :D

So are you Trish. You have heart (that you share openly), humor, good hubs, and a good stew recipe. ;) It's a joy to know you. Thanks for coming in and making me smile. :D


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

so equality has finally arrived in the "muse" stakes Pam, and you have struck the first chord of recoqnition; although i have to say your selection criteria was slighty strict but, it seems that your gentlemanly scribes have outshone themselves and you may now have to pick the winner - naturally one who can be on hand for impromtu musing duties, live in your basement, cook cake, look like an adonis, forgo any attribution or accolades from your work they may have have "mused" on, and finally slay dragons or hurl something... is there a chance that there is one scribe to fit this list? like a Prince of Muse?...way to go Pam ..cheers


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ajcor, you certainly have my attention! And I like the sound of "Prince of Muse." It has a definite ring to it. So why can't these guys be appointed as muses? Kind of like a knight. So, since I came up with the idea, I will take it upon myself to knight these men as Princes of Muse or Knights of Muse or Muse Knights, and they can call themselves whatever they wish. :D

Now I know you said I should pick one, and for sure Christoph had the most, um, interestingly lengthy and enjoyable application with references of the highest quality, I think they all deserve to be muses. :) Hey, there were 10 Muses and that Pluto guy created the 10th one, so here goes...

I hereby knight, inaugurate, appoint, and annoint each of these fine fellows to be Princes of Muse. You may now fly and be free and muse your wives, yourselves, or anyone you wish. Feel free to flaunt your title everywhere, especially in restaurants to get a good table. :D

Thanks ajcor! You're quite musing yourself! :D


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Pam you are so clever - equality reigns! not just girl muses hanging around in the ether but you have now so graciously appointed all these fine scribes as Princes of Muse - talk about egalitarian none of this marie antoinette "let them eat cake stuff" it's more about let all the Princes eat cake but only if they cook it.....love it ...rock on....

ps but and this is a big but ..according to Sally they may have to up their skills and learn other fundamental skills!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFLMAO! ajcor, maybe they can compensate something else for those funamental skills. :D You're so funny! Yes, let them eat cake, as long as they make it! Oh, and share it...and serve it. ;)

Think of all the fun they can have with their new titles. Backstage passes at concerts, bumping to the front of the line at fancy clubs, endorsements, free stuff, the best seats at the theater, and the list goes on! I'll bet their hubscores go way up too. :D


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

May the Princes of Muse reign for a long time and may their hubbing scores reign with them - I wonder if you could designate a Muses principality for them - with their legal status printed and stamped on their individual passaportes - so that indeed they do have something to flash!!!  nothing too fundamental  mind!

make it look big on paper - so many princes they can't appear to come from too small a principality ....

 


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL! You are the clever one! Yes, they definitely need something flashy to flash with the highest of principalities. Gosh, I should have consulted with you long ago. I'll have to get to work on that right away. I'll need to hire someone artsy to design an official seal that at least looks royal and dignified. ;) And if I can find someone to forge Plato's signature, then we'll really be in business. :D

Thanks ajcor! You are a gem!


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

What fun Pam - now try and find someone soon to do the spade work, no that would be art work -maybe you should consult with CrisA - oops forgot he is one of the princes among princes!!

Don't forget you have made the announcement so this is definitely of import - I think a little something in red could work - maybe purple, quite patrician. Gold is always good. I look forward to your awarding ceremony!!! cheers aj


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Hi Pam I can meet most of your requirements. I used to look like a godam Greek about 35kg's ago but I won't live a basement and a name like I'mon knickers or Acid phallus is just not dignified or even 'musing. Even CR 's Scrotum is somewhat more ballsy and more 'musing.

I am totally 'mused by this great hub!


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

forging Plato's sig may be a bit too hard - forgot that bit...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL, ok ajcor, it'll be gold and purple or gold and red, and I think Cris A can be unbiased. Hmm, on second thought, he may want to put his face on it. lol! I better think about this some more.

Sixtyorso, ROFL at l'mon knickers and acid pallus! :D There's been a change to the plan, I'm now appointing and knighting qualified people to be "Princes of Muse" so you don't have to live in a basement. ;) In fact, you're free to flaunt your status any place you wish. :D Thanks for coming in to read, and if you're ever interested in being a Muse Prince, then let me know. The Muse cards are in production as we speak. ;)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Ok OK you win I graciously accept. thank you.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

You are most welcome and I hereby appoint, anoint, inaugurate, and knight thee "Muse Prince Sixty." If you desire another name, like acid phallus, then that can be arranged. ;)

Now enjoy your ethereal, divine right to muse whomever you wish and by all means exercise your full powers of being first in line for everything. :D


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

I'm sitting here musing and want to say thank you so much for the compliments :)

You're a joy to read.  If you get overrun with muses, send some my way :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks so much Trish. :) They are all official Muse Princes and free to muse whomever they wish. So by all means call out to them to come muse you and maybe even serve you a little chocolate cake. ;) Thanks again Trish! :D


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Pam, I think you had six guys, and one jackalope contending for awhile. A few of them I think are still in the running, this was great fun while it lasted. Great hub dear. What a mind.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hey cuz. :) There's no need for anyone to run or campaign any longer, I've changed the plan. Perhaps I need to add a clause to the hub. From this point forward you are all Muse Princes. You will receive your official title and certificate in the mail, and you should flash this whenever possible to obtain the best seats in restaurants, concerts, the theater, and any other place where you want to line jump. It gives you full power to spread your divine essence where you please, and if you wish to keep your musing to yourself, then that's fine too. :D

I hereby anoint, appoint, inaugurate, and knight thee "Muse Prince CC." :) Be free!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Pam

I'm sorry but I gotta say this. This is starting to sound like a farce, i think you're not actually bent on picking a male muse! But rather you're in for the steady streaming of wannabe male muses in loincloth! Admit it or else you shall forever be damned in the fires of hell where it's too effing hot even the loincloths are dispensed with! Or does that sound like paradise to you? :D


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 7 years ago

Thanks Pam!

Ok, open invitation to all Prince Muses, come muse me :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Gosh, I'm having some kind of problem with my comments posting. :(

I'll make this quick...No farce Cris! I honestly could never choose so I changed the plan to make all of you fine fellows Muse Princes! Doesn't that appeal to you? I'm working on the official certificates which you can flash to get backstage passes at concerts (even Brittney's lol), get good seats in restaurants, and basic line jumping at buffets. :D

You are hereby declared Muse Prince Cris. :D Do with it as you wish. :)

I may need your help in designing the official royal seal. ajcor actually gave me the idea, but I was slightly hesitant and thought you may want to put your face in the art as you did with your avatar. lol! You have a lovely face of course, but the other muse princes may prefer something more general. ;)

Thumbs up to Trish!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

LOL i just read the thread, so now I'm not as lost as the first time I read your response above.

Yep I agree, I might get seduced by the idea of putting my face on the certificates, toady, C. C. and the rest of the wannabes might get jealous and leave the harem! So i leave it all up to you - besides, I also want to be surprised by whatever you will come up with! Will the awarding coincide with Oscar night? :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL Cris! No one may show up if I time it with Oscar night, so I'll have to give it some thought. ;) Perhaps keeping it low key is best, and once I have the certificates designed, I'll send them out. But enjoy your title now! Flash your princely muse-ness and be adored and desired by the world. It is now your divine right. :)


Em Writes profile image

Em Writes 7 years ago from Upstate NY

Darn it! I read this hub too late! I was thinking that you should have Christoph do a test batch of his roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes, and I was going to volunteer to come help you judge the results.

Now I'm hungry.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Cris, what you talkin' 'bout harem? where?

I must reject said title of such glorious princess as I am not worty of such praise. Besides, we dan't have such titles in America. or do we? Queen of soul, huh? Duke of Earl? ok , I accept. Oh, and trish, I can muse your butt off too.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Oh that does sound good. Maybe we can muse him into fixing it anyway. You know, since we're women and all and are very muse-like ourselves. ;)

Thanks for coming in Em. :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL CC! You most certainly are worthy. I'm brainstorming how to handle the ceremony right now. ;) It's about time we have such titles in America. Why should England and such places have all the royal fun? :)

Yes Trish, CC can muse your butt off for sure. Just make sure you hide your toes. ;) lol!

Sorry CC, couldn't resist giving you a playful poke in the ribs. ;)


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

OMG Pam – the best treat I’ve had in days – absolutely ROFL! And a hub that’s inspired comments that are as amusing! Here’s to you and your Princes of Muse – may their tribe increase, prosper and blow our way too!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Shalini, thank you so much. I really appreciate you coming in for a read. :) After reading your writing, I don't think you need any musing! ;) I'm thankful to everyone who was kind enough as well as being such good sports to add so much humor here. :)


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

AH! Muse, Schmuse! We were just looking for a "sure thing"...


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Thank you, Pam, Queen of Male Muses. I most humbly accept the title which you bestow upon my head. Please hurry with the certificates, as I am looking forward to flexing my muse muscle to get the best table at the best restaurant in town, Larry's House of Liver, the only establishment for miles around to recieve 3 Budweiser Stars!

I also will be happy to prepare my county-wide, famous Rare Sirloin Roast and Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes for you and Em as she is a fine friend too and a person of interest--according to the FBI--which I think stands for Fun Babes on the Internet.

I'm not sure how a muse travels, whether by magic carpet or that thing with your head like on I Dream of Jeannie, but you just say the word and I'll get the old Dodge down from the blocks in my front yard and head right over, if it will make it. Now that I think about it, it's the perfect vehicle for a muse, as it already has lighting bolts painted on the side.

Anxiously awaiting your beck and your call.

Christoph - Prince of Muses (Province to be determined later.)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Well, now I see that Constant fella is kinda crass, and I suggest you do not bestow on him a title, as he can drag all of our reputations down the muse drain. Or if you do, make him the muse of Tackyland, which will suit him well.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Beats me where he gets that guff!

(Besides, I'm already the KING of Tackyland... and it's boring. Hmph!)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Ok. Guff is a good word and you used it well. Hmmm...


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

I'd love to take the credit, but it's one of my favorite Looney Tunes lines.

I plagiarize only the best!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL CW! Muse, Schmuse? Hmm, now you should know that the muse limit is 10, and I'm kinda sticking my neck out here with the whole male muse idea since you guys can't have babies and all that jazz, so if you don't want the Prince Muse title, then I guess someone else can have it. *sniffle, wiping a single tear* ;)

Christoph, I've never been to a 3 budweiser star restaurant. What a classy guy you are especially with the dodge ride that has lightning bolts on the sides. A prince muse with style. :D I must say that the name "Christoph - Prince of Muses" is quite fitting, and I know you will do the name proud and wear it well. Heck, Larry might even give you some extra gravy on your liver. :D I'm off to work on those certificates! Thanks Christoph! The world awaits you and your musing charms.

Hey Em! Did you hear that? We get Christoph's special rare roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes! Yippie! :D


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Damn it Pam, No wonder I can't get any inspiration around here! You got all the male muses at your house running around in kilts killing spiders and baking chocolate cake. Share Pam, share.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

I just wonder if that lightning bolt Dodge has any balls. My Ford has Trucknutz pardner, biggons too. An' if'n that fairy designer is there for vittles an' such let him make the tooty frooty for ya. And just let that artsy tartsy Cris do yer damn toenails, oops, that'll be my job. Strike 'at from the record. Cris can play ya his harp and sing to ya real purty like. Toad can jist catch flies for ya an' I'll bring on the haggis with pipers and bring ya a Tiara an' bestow blessin's on ya with mah Claymore.

Oh yeah, sixtyorso can clean out cher coffee stains. Let's see, who have I forgot? to hell wif 'em they can stay home we gonna haf a crowd as it is.

That excite ya and muse ya some there missy?


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

C.C. when can you get here?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFLMAO CC! You're absolutlely killing me! :D What's a tooty frooty? Oh gosh, I nearly fell over about you wondering if the dodge has balls. LOL! I've read all about your trucknutz, and I'm in awe. And yes sir I'm totally amused and excited! :D Now it's no fair for a comment to be more funny than the hub in question. lol! Thanks for the laughs CC!

GWENDY! We've missed you! Honest! Christoph was just asking about you not so long ago. I hope you're doing well! Sorry for hogging the male muses, I got kind of carried away, but I'm not a selfish person, and I wouldn't dream of robbing you and the world from the musings of such wonderful guys. The cake ain't bad either. ;) lol! Welcome back Gwendy, and thanks for coming in. :)


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Oh no! I hope I'm not too late to make the list! I was kinda hoping the title came with a uniform. You know, like a tunic, or a unitard or something.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

CC's gone mad, he must have skipped out on his meds today, and snuck out the retirement home and feels a little frisky again. That avatar he keeps refering to is from early 20th century, long before they came out in color, he's having one of those "oooh Grandpa" moments, and its time for his afternoon nap.

BT does it matter if you're too late? We all know you don't take no for answer!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Hey toad, and BT. Sorry BT I forgot about you. I been busy getting rid of snow! Lots of it, with ice too. BT you're in too I guess.

Anway, Pam here ya are, give a listen;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDDCieKfrvY


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

Well CC, that ain't Blue Billy music, they let you listen to that in the Home?

Help, I've fallen, and I can't get up....


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

go suck yer wife's toe


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

BT, there's ALWAYS room on the list for you. Unitard? ROFLMAO! I'll see what I can do about that! Actually, you've given me something cool to think about. This is definitely something I should have considered before. I will consult with you the next time I get an idea like this. ;)

Goldentoad...ROFL, i've been laughing over your Blue Billy music ever since I saw your comment on CC's hub. Where do you come up with this stuff? LOL! Thanks for coming back to give me some chuckles.

CC, I had no clue there was a band called Muse. Thank you! That guitarist can do some mean riffs. Is that what you call it? If I ever give this hub a make-over, I'll include the video for sure...along with a muse uniform. ;)


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

Pam I have missed u guys too. Cake? who said cake? I really need some cake, and some male muses. BTW I would really like to see B.T. in a unitard, get pictures ok.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

CC- If I must, can you please pass the tobasco...


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

hey Pam, I am working on a hubjacking for this evening, are you up for it?


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Sure you wouldn't prefer some jam, goldentoad? Seems appropriate.

Hey gwendymom! The unitard is cool, but you should see me in my codpiece!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

BT- Nope, no jam needed, its already there for dessert.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Hey, I was just perusing the ads, here. What the Hell are male power briefs and thongs? Sounds like super hero stuff. I need those! I wonder if they come with a cape!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

-I'll accept nothing, before accepting second banana (forgive the pun, couldn't help it)  But, cry not, my love:  We were but ships... passing in the night.  A lover's tale of epic proportions who's time is yet to come...

...til then, my flower.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

sob..tears flow...

poor cw!


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

CW- that some nutrasweet low budget phoney baloney poetry if I ever heard it.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

I know, but jennies love that crap!


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hubjacking? Oh yea Gwendy! Thanks for asking, I'd love to if you're still up. :)

Look at how much a person can miss in so little time. Wow, toe sucking, tobasco, jam, gooey poetry, power briefs, thongs, and what the heck is a codpiece?? And who the heck is jennie?? lol!


gwendymom profile image

gwendymom 7 years ago from Oklahoma

It's an open invitation to whomever wants to do some jacking with us, I mean hubjacking. I think I've got CR, CW and Ajcor ready to go after 8, I'm still trying to get a few more and I haven't found a hub yet, but I'm working on it.


hubber-2009 profile image

hubber-2009 7 years ago from India

The most famous are Hymenaeus god of wedding hymns, and Linos god of the funeral dirge.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Gwendy! I'll keep an eye out. ;)

Thank you for the information about the wedding and funeral gods hubber-2009, and thanks for dropping in. :)


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

toad, I ain't got no sissy tabasco, habanero is the game.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I'm sure if all my taste buds were worn out too, I would agree and go habanero


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Sissy tabasco! LOL! You're a hoot. I'm a sissy about all those hot peppers especially habaneros. Yikes.

Have a good night CC. I'm worn out from the hubjacking over at the "What White People Do" hub. It's snoozeville for me.


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

what is habanero?? sorry I think from the above comment a really hot chilli concoction - yes?


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

yes indeed, the hottest of chili pepper sauce.


bevy400 profile image

bevy400 7 years ago from scarborough

I love this,very funny if i where a generous person i would lend you my fella as i think he has all the right qualities(dont tell him though as he will get big headed lol).


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Ajcor, a habanero is the hottest pepper of the Aztecs, very hot indeed. I love the chili sauce made with it for encheladadas, burritos, etc, or even on frijoles y ris!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Bevy! :) I don't blame you for keeping your fella all to yourself. When you've got a good one, sharing is never an option. :) Thanks for coming in for a read. :)

CC, no wonder you're so saucy. :) You too goldentoad. :)


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

So Pam, which of the shameless horn-dogs did you chose as your muse(s)?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

I was on my way to bed when I saw your comment. :)

Horn-dogs LOL! Can I have mustard with that?

Actually, it's good you dropped in because I have decided to make all of you Prince Muses. So your name is officially "Prince Muse Constant Walker." Kinda catchy huh? Of course if you prefer Acidophilus or something else, just let me know. :D

This new entitlement will allow you all the fuss and glory you deserve for being an inspiration, and you'll get really good seats at your favorite hot spots too. :D

Congratulations and you're free to muse your ass off anywhere you please. lol!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

Pam

that should make it to the Guinnes Book of Whatever for the shortest snooze ever! Or are you really snoozing but hubbing at the same time? Wow that's talent right there! :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL Cris! I really am going to snooze, but things in hubtivity keep me from moving! I'm such a sick hub puppy! lol! I need help.

Okay, I'm getting ready to back away from the keyboard, very slowly, and I'm NOT going to click on that hubtivity link after I post this comment. No I'm not. I'm stronger than that. I don't have to click on hubtivity like the voices tell me to.

Here goes....night night for real this time!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Assidofilus is a good name for that young feller pam.


JamaGenee profile image

JamaGenee 7 years ago from Central Oklahoma

Since Pam has all the Princes of Muse kissing her...uh...ring, guess I'll have to stick with 1-800-rent-a-muse when I need my roast roasted, or a dragon slayed, or I get a craving for chocolate cake (love licking the beaters). Those guys even do windows! Problem being when one of their buff specimens shows up at the door in a loincloth (or a kilt - my choice), *writing* is the last thing on my mind. lol!


LisaStar profile image

LisaStar 7 years ago from New England

So this is where all the hot muses of hub pages are hanging out! Figures Pam is hogging them all. ::: eye roll :::

C.C... good one!! Assidofilus... LOL


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

How are those passpaportes going Pam?


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

This surely ranks high on my priority list "Can you bake a chocolate cake?". I guess a chef who is good looking may be ideal and here is my candidates list for your consideration: http://www.foodandwine.com/bestnewchefs/


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL CC! :)

Jama! ROFL! You mean my idea has gone national? *gasp* Darnitall to hell and back again. As usual, I'm a day late and a dollar short. ;) Windows too? I should have put a patent on that when I had the chance! Um, let's not tell the guys okay? I kinda like the ring kissing thing. ;) lol! Thanks for coming in and making me laugh so early in the morning Jama! :D

Hey Lisa! It's not like I have them chained up or anything...yet. ;) Ah, who am I fooling, I adore them all too much to keep them bound. :D But a girl can dream right? lol! Hugs to you!

CW, thanks for coming in and sharing that hot list of chefs. Yes, chocolate cake ranks high, and BT makes a mean chocolate lava cake. ;) I went to have a look, and those chefs sure do look tasty. I wonder though...can they swoon the hearts of women with poetry like Cris A? Can they charm women till their clothes dissolve into dust like Christoph? Can they suck toes with the expertise of CC? Ah, I could go on, but it would take too long and I need my coffee. LOL! Thanks for coming in CW, and I'm going back to look at those chefs. OH, Rocco Despirito is on the list for sure. ;)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Shame on me ajcor, I forgot to thank you for checking back in...I'm having a devil of a time with those things. I'm not the most artsy person in the world. Perhaps I can come up with something to put on the hub, and the guys can print it out and put their own names on it! :D lol!


druneric profile image

druneric 7 years ago from Ohio

Hilarious.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks druneric :D


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

I actually DO like that!  Prince Muse Constant Walker. 

Kinda regal, eh?  And I am not above dropping the title to get any preferential treatment possible...  "Excuse me!  Do you KNOW who I am?"

-Jama, "Licking the beaters"? I'm not even gonna TOUCH that one! But if I WERE to touch it, I'd say something like... I just whipped up some chocolate batter, and I didn't NEED no beaters!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL CW, I think the title fits you very well since you're quite inspirational, amusing, and especially now that I know you can whip up batter without using beaters! LOL :D

Yes! Flaunt your title and status for everything from line jumping at buffets to getting free stuff. :D


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

This is too much fun! I should have added to my reply to Jama, "Wanna lick the utinsel?"

I hate it when I think of those good lines... after the fact!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFLMAO! Oh my CW...I just had to delete what I was going to say cause it even made ME blush! lol!

That after the fact stuff happens to me too often. ;)


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Pam. I added my "New Title" to my profile (God, I crack me up!) you gotta go check it out - you're mentioned...

You deleted it! Now I'm really curious...


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

AH CW! I just went to have a look, and it SO works for you! Now all you need to do is go out there and work it baby. :D

Thank you for giving mention of me. That is incredibly thoughtful, and I appreciate it. :)

LOL, I was going to say something like...how intimidated lots of us women would be to do that considering the whole whopper discussion. Glad I had some time to tone down the original thought. ;) ROFL! ;)


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 7 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Thanks... don't know how long I should leave it there, but it cracks me up every time I look at it.

I think I'm my biggest fan...


ajcor profile image

ajcor 7 years ago from NSW. Australia

Pam - I think your idea for making a hub for the Princes of Muse to download and complete themselves is a winner!

CW love your profile - and with the most recent addition your cv is looking better and better - you maybe your biggest fan? no?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL CW, now stop hogging yourself from the rest of us. Leave some room for people like me to "fan" you properly. :)

ajcor, thanks, you are so supportive of my ideas no matter what! :D I must say though that I started thinking it may not be a good idea. What if every man coming across that printed one out and designated himself a Prince Muse? We can't have that. No that would be criminal. So I'm back to the drawing board. ;)


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

why can't you attach it to email? goodmorning


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

CC, that is a good idea, and as soon as I can figure out what these passpaportes things are supposed to look like, then that will be the ticket. :D Thanks!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Do you have Microsoft Home Publishing? or other program?


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Pam- You do have good descriptions for Cris as a poet and Christoph as a charmer but I didn't get " suck toes with the expertise of CC"(is that a phrase and did you mean CCR). Anyway I hope you do arrive at a decision about your "male muse" soon. I am glad I could add some candidates in the fray :-)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Countrywomen, thanks for coming back in. I'm sorry, yes, I was referring to C.C. Riter who has a thing for toes, and he writes a moving and erotic tale about Her Majesty's dandelion toes in his flying walrus hub. :D And I should have also mentioned Constant Walker's decorating/designing abilities. ;)

Yes, thanks again for adding the candidates. ;)


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

I had to laugh when I read CW's comment about me. LOL sorry CW, it's not your fault, funny though, she doesn't appreciate my style of humor. Remember CW, I lie, I tell tall tales. beware the Jabberwocky my dear.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Sorry CC, I didn't see your other comment...at the moment I don't have any type of publishing program installed on my computer. :( I'll have to go dig through my computer cd's.

ROFL jabberwocky! Okay, so it wasn't fair for me to reference one of your hubs without mentioning I was talking about one of your hubs. And even though that was from your imagination, it sure had some real sounding qualities to me! But that just means you're good at what you do...when you make the reader believe you're an expert at something. ;)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Well Pam, I got here late in the piece, but then I usually show up late at parties, when the girls are hot and the competition legless, - like Dionysus, a latecomer well qualified in booze and madness. Admittedly I more resemble Walt Disney's version than second century Rome's, however my attributes are more pronounced. They're pronounced att-rib-utes, attributes!

I don't go for loin-cloths, but at the moment I'm wearing a pair of torn swimming trunks, will they do?

I'm not too bad at chocolate cakes, and am so superior that I won't even talk to myself. As for descending from Zeus or one of those upstarts, I wouldn't lower myself to even consider it. *I* descended from a tree - quite recently!

There's no purpose in my throwing lightning bolts, I have 12 million electric eels left over from a recent minor election at my beck and call to zap any recidivist, deviant or hack writer who their infinitive splits.

I don't know whether I will slay dragons, I'm a bit soft towards endangered species, but I believe that I scare the Hell out of them at times, You may have seen my vitriol when riled. 'Don't mind cooking if you do the dishes, do your own bloody laundry, If you spill your coffee, you fix it!

As for being your Muse, I'll give it some thought. Anyone requiring a Muse obviously is incapable of making a decision themselves.

Arrogantly Yours,

TUH TOF (Totally Up Himself The Old Firm)

 


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Pam- I used to read romantic novels (like Mills and Boon) when I was about 16/17 but nowadays I don't have that much time (or maybe I have become lazier) hence may be I have lost the ability to understand all those things.

CCR- I will stop by that hub and make up for my ignorance. I guess I have become a serious person who doesn't have a good sense of humor now. You have the creative license to tell tall tales and entertain most of us (even if a few dumb people like me don't get your humor immediately) :-)


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

There' your muse, recidivistic as always. Give him the head of the class. Not head, unless he accepts that too.

CW, you were posting when I was. I do not think you dumb, maybe a wee naive, that's not dumb. I do not want to offend my very first fan, I like you and think you are preciuos. Never change, please? I'm sorry if I laughed, I just couldn't help myself.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

As long as it's not John The Baptist's.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

No, no. BT's it's a real trophy.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

TOF! ROFLMAO! This is the most huge laugh I've had today! Hey, it's really no fair for a comment to be funnier than the hub. ;) :D When you said this, "...and am so superior that I won't even talk to myself" I nearly fell out of my chair!

Thank you so much TOF, I appreciate you sharing such delicate aspects of yourself, especially the torn swim trunks. Just so you'll know, I'm now appointing qualified applicants to be Princes of Muse, and you certainly qualify. No need to worry over my needs and laundry any longer, you can muse anyone you wish or keep it to yourself, and you'll now have documented entitlement that you can flaunt where you wish. Will it be worthy of your superiority? Um, I hope so!

I hereby anoint, appoint, inaugurate and knight thee Prince Muse The Old Firm. :D


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Not quite what I had in mind, cc


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Well Pam. What cha say 'bout that? hey you have a great score on this hub. 84, I'm jealous


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Thank you kindly Pam. Actually it's not the only thing I'm at risk of flaunting right now. I wasn't joking about the torn swimming trunks. It's four in the morning here and still as hot as hell,- well, to me it is .


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

CCR- No I wasn't offended at all. I do realize sometimes I don't get the jokes as easily as others do and sometimes my jokes take time to sink in. I don't know if it has to do with my background too. Its actually a good thing if I can make somebody laugh. Sometimes even when I want to make others laugh they don't get my joke and now without me even trying I made you laugh..LOL

P.S: I love pet lovers hence I just had to be your fan. Your picture with parrot on the shoulder was so cute.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

CC, you know, I appreciate anything I can get. lol! I have yet to have one hit over 90, so I'm not sure what that secret is yet. I'll bet you know though. ;)

You're welcome TOF, and I'm sure you'll do the title proud...even with the risky flaunting which certainly won't hurt and I'm sure would be quite amusing. ;) LOL! :D


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

And the appointment is definitely worthy of my superiority Pam. as you know, once a Knight is enough.

And the flaunting, does this now make me Little Lord Flaunteroy?


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

See, there he goes again. King Muse TOF/bullshitter extraordanaire


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

ROFL @ TOF and CC! :D Lord Flaunteroy is rather catchy. ;)

Countrywomen, please let the responsibility of this misunderstanding rest totally on my shoulders because I should have kept my comment more general. There are a number of people who may read that and have no idea what I'm talking about because they haven't read that particular hub of CCs. I should have said something about his vivid imagination or humor. :) Also, I read one of your hubs where you tell a story of your travels, and there was a person who asked if Indian people marry snakes. Your reply to her was hysterical, and I enjoyed that story. :)


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Thank you Pam, please don't call it gripping.

I'm off to bed (4.30am)


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Pam- Really no explanation is needed as I wasn't offended at all. It does happen to me both here and at my work place too sometimes. And the surprising thing is even if I don't get their jokes or they don't get mine we all are still friends.

Oh that incident was really funny because until that point I was under the impression that all those who speak English (at least from where I come in India only those who are well educated) are knowledgeable people. But in recent times I have seen even the lady who says to McCain that Obama is a "Arab" shows that all who speak English (which happens to be mother tongue here) aren't necessarily knowledgeable...LOL


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa

Muse Muse Muse


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL TOF..okay, no gripping. :D

CW...LOL You're right! Speaking English definitely doesn't make one knowledgeable by any means. Gosh, the stories we could swap on that subject. :D

Ah Sixty, I see you're exercising your musing muscles. :) You flex them well. :D


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

sos, I think you're right, I think I think.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Oh Pam what have you wrought, a great hub indeed! this is fun


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

I received my official muse unitard today! I can't wait to try it out. Since there are several Prince Muses, are we free to do some freelance musing, when you don't require our services?


LisaStar profile image

LisaStar 7 years ago from New England

ROFL!! A muse unitard!! You go B.T.!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

BT, LOL, how'd you get that unitard over your antlers? Wow! I'll bet that's a sight to see. :D

You are indeed free to freelance your amusing muse skills anywhere you wish. As I've mentioned to others, the really cool thing is that you can get away with so much stuff, like line jumping at buffets and getting good theater seats and such. You are such an inspiration that I wouldn't dream of keeping you from the world. :D

Gosh, I think the other guys might be jealous of your unitard. I better go order some more. ;)


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

The antlers weren't a problem. I just kind of backed into it. The line jumping thing will come in handy at the buffet! Although I may soon require a bigger unitard...


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

not for me thank you


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

A Horny Hare in black spandex? (shudder) Are you the "Prince" of Darkness out of "Queen"?


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Good one Firm. Good one. I wish i'd a said that one.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Sorry TOF. I don't date men. Cool moustache, tough. Kind of a Village People thing you have going, there!


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

You had me worried BT, it's the spandex thing. Kind of kinky - actually Damned Kinky!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Silly me, being a woman you'd think I'd know you have to back into a unitard. ;)

CC, you can wear a kilt if you want. Heck, now that you're a prince, you can wear what you like. :D

ROFL...um, Ozzie is the Prince of Darkness, but that's still a good one TOF. :D

Now you've done it BT, I've got that Macho Man song in my head and it won't go away. lol!


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

You know BT, with those macho antlers I htink you can carry it off.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Wrestlers and bodybuilders wear spandex, too. I'm just flexing my muse muscle a bit! Also, this thing really breathes! Besides, you're the guy that hangs out with the tu-tu wearing bear. How kinky is that?

Thanks CCR. That means a lot to me.

Sorry, Pam. I was going for In The Navy, or maybe YMCA.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

And you're the guy who got it into a tutu BT!!


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

Had to come see what all the hubtivity is about.

A question, Pam. How is a loin cloth flowing? Not much there to flow.

Very funny!! And excellent candidates.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

Wait a minute!! Unitards and TuTus?!!?!?? What happened to the required loin cloth?

I'd like to see C.C. do one of his Tolden Goad things on this hub!!!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks A LOT CC! :P First I got a laugh that you were giving me a poke in the ribs, then I really got a big laugh over the video!! :D It's almost worth having that silly song stuck in my head. ;)

That's right BT, spandex does kinda make your body feel airy and good, and I'll bet it really shows off your hocks. ;)


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

It does indeed! It's got me thinking about my half-kilt, again! Or maybe the tenderloin cloth.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Once a lopeajackpoo got tuck lucked in a utoo. what am I going todo said hetu slefme, I know Pam, where the iscorsis at?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks for coming in Proud Mom. :) You're right, those loin clothes don't do much flowing. lol!

BT...ROFL tenderloin cloth! And the half kilt thing is a hoot to imagine. :D

You all are too funny! I'm off to bed. Have a good one, and thanks for the laughs. ;) There has to be something VERY healthy about laughing your butt off before going to sleep. :D


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Nighty night, Pam. I'll be along to tuck you in, shortly. First I have to figure out how to get out of this damned unitard.


Proud Mom profile image

Proud Mom 7 years ago from USA

Well, you backed in. Forward out.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

It's...very...tight! I might have to shift into four wheel drive! I knew I shoulda gone with the half-kilt.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Have a few drinks BT, you'll probably slip out if you're well oiled.


The Old Firm profile image

The Old Firm 7 years ago from Waikato/Bay Of Plenty, New Zealand

Like the well brought up young lady: Never smoked, never drank, and only swore when it slipped out.


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

Pam, one of your Muses is now elevated to Cult Leader Status. Beware of the Reilly factor.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

CC...ROFL! I'm slightly aware of the Reilly factor, but I'm way way behind. Thanks for the alert!

We had to switch our internet service to satellite, and they limit our usage. We've already exceeded our 30 day allowance, so my internet time is limited to a REAL quick email check and scanning through hubpages. :( No time to read hardly anything and comment. :( It's so SAD!

Will be playing catch up when we drop back down to the allowed percentage. I hate satellite. :(


TheRealTruth profile image

TheRealTruth 7 years ago from Virginia

Hmm......a male muse, eh? I HAVE been working on my lightning throwing ability....hmm. I'll have to give it some thought.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL! After reading your hubs, I see that you are muse material for sure. So carry on! Muse away and hurl those lightning bolts at anyone you desire...just not at me please. ;)

Thanks for coming in for a read. I appreciate it. :)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Pam, this is hilarious!!! Can I have your rejects? They still need to clean but I can kill my own dragons.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks Randy! I appreciate you coming in to read this one. :) Actually, I'll tell you a secret, but don't tell anyone...all these guys are too hawt for me to handle. Now the not so secret part is that I gave them all entitlement to muse away. They are all official and free! :D Have fun!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Darn I missed this hub in it's prime time! Was so funny.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

Looks like I missed it too! So tell us Pam...did you find a likely candidate?


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Can I come along to help judge. Fancy seeing how well the loin clothes hang


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hello Jewels, Feline, and Cindy! Oh the misery and angst I must report at this time. I ended up declaring that all of the applicants are official muses, and now they have all fled off on their merry musing ways to other ventures either musing themselves or others! Hence, I've been left hubless for a month! OH woe is me! But it's a sacrifice I was willing to make. They were all so good that I had to set them free. :D

However, if I put out another ad, I'll be calling on you three to assist me in the process! The loin clothes do hang quite nicely on these fellows. ;)

Thank you all for coming in!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Pest will make a good muse I think. He has the physique that would look stunning with a loincloth


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Good idea Cindy! I'm feeling the distinct subtle waves of a hubgasm just thinking of it! I must try to consult with him today. Good thinking! :D


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Pam, have you use "hubgasm" before? That's hilarious!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Randy, lol! Thanks! No I haven't used it before. It just popped into my mind. You can blame or give credit to Christoph for making me think about hub-isms after reading his latest hub. :D


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

Thanks for the Pamiriffic plug!


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

I read this back when it first came out and forwarded it to a whole bunch of people. It cracked me up into a million pieces. I think I even have it bookmarked. I came back to see what my comment was, cuase I couldn't remember, and noticed, OMG I didn't comment. So I'm commenting now, months later. Awesome hub. Thoroughly enjoyable. Delicious. So did you ever hire one? If so, did he turn out to be a good choice? If so can I borrow him on Tuesdays and Thursdays?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Frieda, you are a riot! You never fail to make me smile and I adore you for that. :) Thank you for forwarding this one. It was quite generous of you and I do get such a kick out of being passed around. lol!

All these guys were so grand that I had to make them all official muses and then set them free. So call upon them on Tuesdays and Thursdays at your will, but be forewarned, it appears they are quite busy musing themselves these days!

Thanks again Frieda!


hairy A.S.S. 7 years ago

Strewth what a bloody line up of wimps you got ear.

A good lookin sheila like ewe can do betteren that that.

I'm well kwalified at this ear "musin" thing, whatever it be, we do somthin like that to the sheep.

So tell those other guys to bugger off ya got yaself a real muse.

Go grab ya laptop, cuddle up to old hairy ass and tap away to ya earts content. I'm only available for a short time, so ya betta get in early.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

I still do freelance musing. Strangely enough, I am only available Tuesdays and Thursdays. And for birthday parties (adults only, please).

@Hairy: I think I saw The Captain over in the forums. You had better go have a look!


Jewels profile image

Jewels 7 years ago from Australia

Muses have always been narcisstic. Self gratification is their top priority. Regardless I'm partial to a good body. I'll take the Wednesday in between Frieda's Tuesday and Thursdays.


bunyip named sue 7 years ago

I could do a tag team with BT Evilpants if thats of any interest to you.?


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 7 years ago from Hell, MI

Hey Sue! I've been looking for you for days! A tag team sounds fun! Who's askin'?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Mr. hairy A.S.S., while you haven't followed the traditional muse application protocol, I find you very musing. That raw commanding tone of yours is stimulating as well. I think you'll be GREAT! You are hired loin cloth unseen. In fact, wear what you wish! Or not! :D

B.T., Frieda will be so happy to hear that you're available on Tuesdays and Thursdays. What a sport you are! Looks like you'll be booked on Wednesday's with Jewels as well! You certainly are one busy jackalope with your world domination plans, new construction job, writing, and freelance musing. ;)

Jewels, you are a wise woman to overlook narcisstic behavior and go for the body. I hope that B.T. will have an opening for you on Wednesdays. If not, Mr. A.S.S. certainly appears to be very qualified. :)


hairy A.S.S. 7 years ago

Cor blimey Ag ewe were right cobber. Now awl i gotta do is get me won of those old loin cloths or an ornot. Hey Ag wats an ornot.?

I reckon I'll just take me pure merino sheep skin blanket and get this sheila in front of a nice warm fire with a bottle of me best rotgut moonshine. I wonder if youse could find us a pair of those matchin ornots  ?

This Jewels sheila worries me a bit with this wet suit thing shes got on. Derya reckon you could find her a ornot two ?


The Captain profile image

The Captain 7 years ago from The Carribean

The Captain swings into the hub on a rope, he long locks flowing behind him like silk in the wind.  He draws his saber and quickly draws a bloody letter C on hairy A.A.S.'s hairy behind.  The Captain turns to the Lady Roberson.

"M lady," the Captain said in his deep, rich baritone that made her golden skin all goose bumpy.  "It seems hairy A.S.S. will be otherwise engaged recuperating with the Aborigine's of the outback."  I kindly offer my superior and muscular services."  He then bowed low to the Lady Roberson. Unseen, the wounded A.S.S., from his crumpled position on the hub floor, eyed the Captains tush hungrily.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

hairy, Sheila would like a fire, but she's a little worried about the rotgut moonshine. The last time she had moonshine she got amnesia, lost her shoes, and broke her toe.

I'll go see if Amazon has some of those ornots! :D


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States

The muse merely must appear and look you in the eyes, awakening within that which you fantasize.

My work is done here.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Captain, how generous of you and your muscular self to leave your ship and visit my muse lair. I'm honored! Although I fear Chi Chi's wrath. So let's stick to business...you are clearly muse material with your puffy pirate sleeves and other things that are very manly, so you're hired. Now I understand that your captain duties come first, so a little moonlighting will be fine. ;) Or would you prefer the position of simply keeping the muses in line? That works too as long as I can watch you as you work. :D


The Real Captain 7 years ago

In a somewhat surreal segue from an entirely differently hub, The Real Captain dives through an open window, performs a perfect combat roll, and flips up to his feet. With an effortless sweeping motion, he uses his exquisitely polished shoe to scoop up the nearest weapon. He brandishes the jackalope like a true master. A few quick moves, and The Captain's cheap hair extensions decorate the the floor. "I call that the rape of the lock!", he proclaims.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Tom's hired! That penetrating gaze beneath the arched brow is so intense that I'm overwhelmed with musing thoughts. I must retire before I have a heart attack or something. :D


sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

LOL, Pam. This is extremely musing me. No one is going to qualify. Not even Pest. On second thought, what would you do if Pest applies and qualifies. heheheh

Love it!


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

Not to get serious or anything around here, but Pam, I thought you and Christoph pulled off one great interview!!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

The Real Captain...oh my! What a combat roll that was to behold! Hair extensions on "The Captain?" I'm so confused, but I'm very impressed with your nimble moves and brazen actions! I'm off to bed, so please help yourself to the snacks, and clean up the blood before you leave. :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Sheena, thank you! Actually I'm considering Pest because he has the attitude of a muse with all of the self gratification that he speaks of. I think he'd work quite well! :) Thanks for coming in for some musing. :)

Laughing Mom, your comments are always appreciated no matter what you care to talk about...and this one is a really sweet one! Thanks! Actually, Christoph did such a great job with the questions, that he made my part easy. :D Thanks again!

Now I'm really off to bed!


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Pam, remember, way up there somewhere, you said I could have a go at whomever you didn't select. (sloppy seconds) Remember?Remember? I'm here to claim my booty... harem... what hub is this?


hairy A.S.S. 7 years ago

Well Cap'n Queeq as well as you have done against this vagabond of a pirot we must be awf and plan our attack on him. Looks like I got the arse as a muse anyway. Who is this man they call Tom comin in ear with all his funny words strolls in ear wif half a dozen words and she'd ooked mate. Come on mate I gotta patch up old hairy ass !

a bit like Blazing Saddles ain't it?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Randy, you're hysterical! Claim away and enjoy! Mr. hairy is quite the rascal though, and he might try to booze you up with rotgut moonshine, but he's rather irresistable in an outback kind of way. ;)

Yes hairy, you are hereby mused, so don't waste too much energy in battle tonight. ;)


dianacharles profile image

dianacharles 7 years ago from India

Oh boy...what a great hub and I see all the muses have been hard-selling themselves. So any favourites Pam...its been 3 months?? I thought Christoph's application was quite well delivered ;), though hairy A.S.S, and so many of the others seem to have their merits......lol


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Dianacharles, thank you! Yes, Christoph's application was impressive, and he had more muse that one woman can handle. All of them are so good that they are now musing as they wish, but you've given me an idea that I'm going to be thinking about. Thank you! :D


Jeb 7 years ago

I think I love you, and also, that I qualify.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Dear Jeb, While I normally like to have a resume to look at, the fact that you think you love me is enough to make you qualify as a muse of the highest regard. I look forward to your musings! :D

Thanks for coming in to read. :)


Cris A profile image

Cris A 7 years ago from Manila, Philippines

hey pammy!

well my dear friend, it seems you are in dire need again for a male muse! next time, don't be too choosy - you need, really need, to write again!

PS I hope online poker has not consumed you totally - if it has, well i just hope your wallowing in extreme and out-of-this-world happiness :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Cris! I really dig that new photo of yours! Yes, I AM in dire need of a muse again. I didn't realize that male muses could be so, um, flighty. ;) They muse you, then they leave you for someone new. Someone should write a song about it. :D

I'm wallowing in happiness for sure, but it's not in online poker! (not yet!) LOL! I miss you Cris, and I really look forward to catching up on all your fabulous writing and poetry. You're the bestest. :) Thanks for checking in!


Christofers Flow profile image

Christofers Flow 7 years ago from Denver

This is a great way to get conversations going, and so I do not restrain myself. I am your ultimate muse, but I know what you need to get inspired. You can't have a list of qualifications for your muse -- that's an idealistic selfish little plan for yourself so you can have a date AND a muse. No, your muse comes with his own set of qualifications and you decide to listen or not. I like the way you have handled this though, even though your are completely off base and misguided. You're a wonderful creature who really does need a muse. You are reaching out, and that's what is most important. See - that's what a muse does, he gets under your skin and pisses you off. That is what a muse does. After he pisses you off, you create.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 7 years ago from Virginia Author

Hi Christofers Flow! Now let's see here...I'm going to check off each correct answer concerning me and my muse plan:

Idealistic - YES!

Selfish - YES!

Off base - You bet!

Misguided - Totally!

Wonderful creature - Ah, well, this is the only error. I am but a desperate, pathetic creature who will stop at nothing for a cheap laugh. All the more reason for me to be mused immediately. The madness must stop.

You sir just might be the ultimate muse for seeing through my cloak of neediness, but I'm not feeling very pissed off. Hmmm. ;) Oh well, it was nice to meet you!

Thanks for coming in! :)


Snag 6 years ago

I am thaumaturgist,the original,the only one that can fulfill all your criteria.

Reluctant hero, clueless poet, voiceless balladeer,great cook,construtive hypocrite,housebroke,richest broke man you'll ever meet,I can count pennies while wearing a see through blindfold and not only that.since you are a goddsess of Erato, you will never be shy of inspiration.

I slay,neuter,and reprimand dragons,I quell and or incite riots, I can start wars,end wars and mediate wars,(not real crazy about that one),I love peace,and pieces of love, I know a little about herbs and their benefits,I can cut onions without crying,and I love garlic.

My life experience has thought me that everybody has an opionion, be it at a best,a good one, or one induced by drugs.

This big,blue marble,is all we have.

Without us she will not survive,neither will we.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Snag, you surpass my most selfish expectations and big, blue marbles are cool. You must be mine! My heart beats with paradoxical excitement. :D

Thanks for the awesome comment!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUgely funny! Why did you tell me not to read your other stuff?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Ah you!! Because you are musing me beyond belief, and my stuff is hideous compared to yours. HIDEOUS I say!


dohn121 profile image

dohn121 6 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

Wow! I was very, er..."Amused." And to reply to Maximus' inquiry:"Are you not entertained?" I am! Reading this certainly made my night. So are you still accepting applications?

Dohn


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Dohn! Unless I'm mistaken, you're a friend of Cris A's (I've seen your comments on his hubs right?), and any friend of his is OKAY with me! You're in! :)

You can start musing people any time you wish--but I think you already are. The certificate is in the mail, and you can add the title of "Prince" before your name. I would suggest wearing a loin cloth, but it's really up to you. ;)

Have fun Prince Muse Dohn! Or would you rather be called Acidophilus? :D


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

Dear Pam...

I´ve gotta hand it to you. That was funny, subtle and with very good taste! You say you are talentless? Wow, isn´t that a bit cocky? You have made me chuckle a lot tonight! Thanks for sharing!

Warmest regards and infinite heavenly blessings,

Al


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Al, you are too kind, and I appreciate you taking the time to read this! :) Thank you for the generous comment, and I'll look forward to reading your hubs this weekend because I must find out more about a kind person such as yourself who also has a good sense of humor. :)


randslam profile image

randslam 6 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

Zachrodisiac here applying for the job, ma'am...ms...or miss...I, too, do not wish to offend. I believe my credentials are in order...though I'm somewhat softer in my 40's than I was in my 30's. You see, I've become a writer and lost a little bit of the Adonas body thing.

I have slain dragons...pursued young children held hostage and rescued them...I breathe in fire and smoulder with each exhalation a dash of smoke.

I shall stop now. What a great idea...the male muse. It is this Lancelotian dreamer's most exquisite wish to inspire and "amuse." Thank you for doing the same...just joined your fan club.

Appreciatively,

Rand


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Mr. Zachrodisiac! I'm honored that you'd even consider applying when you're so clearly qualified. The ability to breathe fire and smoulder a dash of smoke with each exhalation is beyond my expectations, and I could care less if you can cook or clean! Just breathe honey! Just breathe!! :D

Ooh me, okay, I think I've composed myself enough to thank you for taking the time to enter my lair. I'm most humbled and you are now Prince Muse Zachrodisiac the High Prince of Muses! Muse away!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

it took me so long to scroll down to the bottom of this screen that the NFL football season has just started and it's still June!

Well well well I could be your muse - I am funny, intelligent, loaded and from Mars - and the Martian people have sent me earthling to your planet on a mission to discover hubtastic talent such as yourself!

And you are the exception to the rule - a creative anomaly!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL epigramman! You would be the first Martian Muse! How can I resist? You are hereby granted the title of Prince Martian Muse Epigramman-opolis. Please go forth and muse earthlings!

Thanks for reading! :)


epigramman profile image

epigramman 6 years ago

greetings again earthling - it is Epigramman from Mars.

And it took me so long to scroll down to the bottom of this screen that Jim Morrison returned from his sabbatical in Paris and knocked on my door singing 'BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE - BREAK ON THROUGH TO THE OTHER SIDE'

....when I read this hubmania that you write - I break on through to the other side!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

epigramman, you are tooooo musing! You do your title justice! Your fellow martians must be so proud of you!


malcx profile image

malcx 6 years ago

Well here! we are , thoughts flow from scarlet pumpkins around the dungeon of stars to hexagonal laundry, Umm we need to chat


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

malcx...you mean the hexagonal laundry isn't finished yet? Scarlet pumpkins and dungeons of stars...very interesting indeed. Chat away Mr. Malcx. :)


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Too funny! I think De Greek is the man you seek!


Milos 5 years ago

I am a muse and have been inspired by muses, but not in person. To say that I am a creative coach is more appealing than life coach. I have not inspired those that do not know me yet. I am available as a virtual muse.


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

I am here now .just flollowing where I am led to be


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you for following your calling to be here johnny. :)


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

i am not a self proclaimed muse.I have been called that before.I am someone who helps people in many areas of life .I wasnt even sure what a muse was.I started researching it .Then I googled male muse to find out if there was such a thing and landed here .If I can be helpful to please let me know . I am not incharge of who i help and dont normally pic them .It just seems to happen have a good day pam and thanks for welcoming me


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

It sounds like you were born a natural muse. How fortunate for you and those you muse! You have indeed mused me! Use your powers wisely and may the force continue to shine its light upon you. :)


Patricia Costanzo profile image

Patricia Costanzo 5 years ago from Behind the Redwood Curtain

Perhaps that's him?


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

Wow ! Thank you for that .This is really stretching my comfort zone .I must be where i am supposed to be.i hope everyone is having a great weekend .Its raining here in Cali nonstop .Im am going outside and let it hit my face for a while .After your kind words pam it only seems right to do so Ciao for now


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Patty...could be, could be. I happen to be ready to fire my current muse. Great roast beef and gams are one thing, but I need material! This has become most unsatisfactory. ;)

Johnny, I have the most high appreciation for a muse who stands in the rain allowing it to pelt his face. Lovely. Adieu


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

I have been writing a book as well.Its called "Hub Caps"

A true story of my life .I havent put the pen to the paper for months .Trouble is i am not a writer .Its interesting that I end up on a hubpage. Pam please feel free to contact me if needed thru my profile .

I am hoping the material you wish for comes to you in a sparkling moment of clarity today .Its actuall more likely to happen this evening for you .Ciao Bella


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Dear Johnny, the only thing, I think, that defines a writer is desire to write and the willingness to attempt to dedicate oneself to learn how to follow some basic mechanics so that the reader can follow what you're trying to say. The desire part is huge. Why don't you consider sharing some of yourself in a hub?

Thank you, and I'll be waiting for that sparkling moment. :) Ciao and adieu rain dancer.


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

Good morning Pam, "Rain Dancer" now there is some material for ya .I l luv your advice .Sharing is good .I have actually told my story from podieums before large groups.Writing is so in my own face and scary.I have all the exceuses for not finishing . One of my spiritual advisors told me very boldly to "Get off the cross we need the wood Johnny .I wrote 4 pages after that .

It must be true .Every muse has a good muse

Ciao Girl


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Surely this young Muse, Pam, has stirred in you some literary genius. Even I feel a stirring third person!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

LOL Randy! Yes, I am feeling quite stirred (first person even), and perhaps it's time for me to ask "the johnny" if he'd be willing to do a very simple name change to "my johnny." :) My Johnny the muse of muses. :)

BTW Johnny, I like that saying about get off the cross. Very nice. :) And it is often true that what goes around comes around in the musing business. ;) So are you mine yet?


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

I wish you and Randy didnt have hot profile pics .I have the feeling i may have pulled the yellow tape off the entry way of a seductive crime scene. I am so your muse now .Where do I sign


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

How adorable! The contract is in the mail. :) Don't worry, it's not terribly legal nor is it terribly illegal. ;) :) I'm excited...in the artistic sense of course. ;)


the johnny profile image

the johnny 5 years ago from San Luis Obispo,Ca

I am excited to .I have already noticed some subtle changes on my end .i give freely so feel free to grasp all you want .

Your Johnny


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Curious how the..ehemm... grasping is going?


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Oh Randy, what a versatile, smart, handy, and mighty hot muse my johnny is! Mercy. He's quite possibly the most musing muse I've ever had the pleasure to grasp...mentally of course. ;) Stamped approved! I'm tickled! :D


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Pam maybe you should start a service, matching blocked writers with potent muses. I'm keeping myself amused these days but will definitely be knocking on your hub should I run dry again.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

That means you've been cranking out some writing that I've been missing and I need to go have a look pronto. A service sounds like a good plan! But you're potent enough...I shudder to think of what would develop if you also had a potent muse.


John Ketseas 5 years ago

Perhaps overqualified but here I am:

https://picasaweb.google.com/107016037887630884274...


4 years ago

Good luck finding that which sight can only be given by the muse itself. Curious if you never seen the muse how will you know when it declares itself so? Ps you don't card a god. lol

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