Mark Twain Quotes Collection

This is my third hub where i collect qoutes of famous people. You've see the title & already knew that this article is about Mark Twain quotes. Previously i've published two more quotes of two different famous people. If you missed those or interested to read -

Let's know something about Mark Twain. I know you already acquainted about this man.

Mark Twain
Mark Twain

Mark Twain Biography

Mark Twain, the pen name of Samuel Langhorne Clemens. He was an US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit. He was born on November 30, 1835 in Florida, Missouri, United States to Jane and and John Marshall Clemens. Twain began his career writing light, humorous verse, but evolved into a chronicler of the vanities, hypocrisies and murderous acts of mankind.

  • Name: Samuel Langhorne Clemens
  • Born: November 30, 1835
  • Birth Place: Florida, Missouri, United States
  • Died: April 21, 1910
  • Place of Death: Redding, Connecticut, United States
  • Pen name: Josh, Thomas Jefferson Snodgrass, Mark Twain
  • Height: 5 feet 8.5 inches
  • Profession: Writer
  • Parents: John Marshall Clemens, Jane Lampton Clemens
  • Children: Susy Clemens, Clara Clemens, Jean Clemens, Langdon Clemens

Mark Twain Birthplace

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Mark Twain Quotes

In this article i've provided some of his quotes, the remarkable quotes that he said in his lifetime. All of these are collected from various source. Below are some famous quotes that were quoted by Samuel L. Clemens during his lifetime.

  1. = A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. =
  2. = A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds. =
  3. = A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. =
  4. = Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. =
  5. = Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today. =
  6. = Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. =
  7. = A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read. =
  8. = A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. =
  9. = Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. =
  10. = An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before. =
  11. = Anyone who stops learning is old, whether twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing you can do is keep your mind young. =
  12. = A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. =
  13. = All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. =
  14. = A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. =
  15. = An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect. =
  16. = Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand. =
  17. = A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs. =
  18. = As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. =
  19. = Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. =
  20. = Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. =
  21. = By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. =
  22. = Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. =
  23. = Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. =
  24. = Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain. =
  25. = Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. =
  26. = Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. =
  27. = Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge. =
  28. = Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable. =
  29. = Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. =
  30. = Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. =
  31. = Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. =
  32. = George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. =
  33. = Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. =
  34. = Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. =
  35. = Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have someone to divide it with. =
  36. = Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. =
  37. = Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. =
  38. = Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by man, but coaxed downstairs, a step at a time. =
  39. = Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. =
  40. = Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place. =
  41. = He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it - namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain. =
  42. = He is now rising from affluence to poverty. =
  43. = How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it. =
  44. = [Humanity] has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. =
  45. = I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. =
  46. = I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. =
  47. = I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. =
  48. = I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places. =
  49. = I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't. =
  50. = I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened. =
  51. = I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. =
  52. = I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. =
  53. = I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened =
  54. = I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. =
  55. = I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. =
  56. = I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. =
  57. = I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it. =
  58. = I asked tom if countries always apologize when they had done wrong, and he says, 'Yes, the little one does.' =
  59. = I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts. =
  60. = If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world. =
  61. = If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. =
  62. = If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. =
  63. = In his private heart no man respects himself. =
  64. = In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language. =
  65. = In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination. =
  66. = In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. =
  67. = It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. =
  68. = It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. =
  69. = It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. =
  70. = It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. =
  71. = It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you. =
  72. = It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. =
  73. = It is easier to stay out than get out. =
  74. = It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. =
  75. = It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. =
  76. = I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people. =
  77. = It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race. =
  78. = Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it. =
  79. = Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. =
  80. = Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. =
  81. = Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. =
  82. = Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind. =
  83. = Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. =
  84. = Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. =
  85. = Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible. =
  86. = Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand. =
  87. = My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. =
  88. = Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. =
  89. = Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. =
  90. = Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you. =
  91. = Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. =
  92. = New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin. =
  93. = Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. =
  94. = Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else. =
  95. = Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it. =
  96. = Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with cat it would improve man, but it would deteriorate the cat. =
  97. = Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one--the solitary one--that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices--the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also--in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind. =
  98. = Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet. =
  99. = Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. =
  100. = Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. =
  101. = Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption. =
  102. = The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. =
  103. = The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. =
  104. = The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. =
  105. = The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity. =
  106. = The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. =
  107. = The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. =
  108. = The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. =
  109. = The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession. =
  110. = The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. =
  111. = The report of my death was an exaggeration. =
  112. = The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. =
  113. = The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them. =
  114. = The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money. =
  115. = The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. =
  116. = The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it. =
  117. = The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. =
  118. = There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry. =
  119. = Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. =
  120. = There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice. =
  121. = The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. =
  122. = There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. =
  123. = The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all. =
  124. = To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal. =
  125. = The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word. =
  126. = The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. =
  127. = The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. =
  128. = The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.' =
  129. = The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. =
  130. = There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded. =
  131. = The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. =
  132. = There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice. =
  133. = Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. =
  134. = Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. =
  135. = Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. =
  136. = Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. =
  137. = We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. =
  138. = When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. =
  139. = When in doubt, tell the truth. =
  140. = When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself. =
  141. = When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. =
  142. = When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one. =
  143. = Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. =
  144. = Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. =
  145. = When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. =
  146. = What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before. =
  147. = We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. =
  148. = We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that a savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter. =
  149. = You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. =
  150. = Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. =
  151. = Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. =
  152. = Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself. =
  153. = Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. =
  154. = Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. =
  155. = Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. =
  156. = It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt. =
  157. = Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. =
  158. = Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. =
  159. = If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. =
  160. = Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. =
  161. = Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. =
  162. = The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. =
  163. = A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. =
  164. = Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. =
  165. = Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. =
  166. = In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. =
  167. = Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. =
  168. = It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. =
  169. = A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. =
  170. = Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. =
  171. = The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. =
  172. = But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most? =
  173. = My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. =
  174. = I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. =
  175. = All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure. =
  176. = When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. =
  177. = Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it. =
  178. = A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. =
  179. = Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. =
  180. = It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress. =
  181. = The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop. =
  182. = Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often. =
  183. = The lack of money is the root of all evil. =
  184. = To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence. =
  185. = Don't let schooling interfere with your education. =
  186. = Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. =
  187. = It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so. =
  188. = Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. =
  189. = The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. =
  190. = The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. =
  191. = All generalizations are false, including this one. =
  192. = The secret of getting ahead is getting started. =
  193. = Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen. =
  194. = If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. =
  195. = There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. =
  196. = Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. =
  197. = There are lies, damned lies and statistics. =
  198. = You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. =
  199. = Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. =
  200. = When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear. =
  201. = Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. =
  202. = It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. =
  203. = Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. =
  204. = It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. =
  205. = What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself. =
  206. = We have the best government that money can buy. =
  207. = The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. =
  208. = In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. =
  209. = When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. =
  210. = Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. =
  211. = I've never let my school interfere with my education. =
  212. = I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. =
  213. = Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. =
  214. = Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. =
  215. = Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. =
  216. = Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. =
  217. = God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. =
  218. = Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary. =
  219. = I can live for two months on a good compliment. =
  220. = Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. =
  221. = Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it. =
  222. = If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. =
  223. = When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. =
  224. = Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish. =
  225. = Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. =
  226. = Buy land, they're not making it anymore. =
  227. = I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. =
  228. = Golf is a good walk spoiled. =
  229. = It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. =
  230. = Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. =
  231. = It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. =
  232. = It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. =
  233. = Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. =
  234. = Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. =
  235. = Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get. =
  236. = Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven. =
  237. = It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. =
  238. = It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. =
  239. = Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul. =
  240. = I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. =
  241. = When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. =
  242. = Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. =
  243. = The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. =
  244. = Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one. =
  245. = Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. =
  246. = When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. =
  247. = Work is a necessary evil to be avoided. =
  248. = If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat. =
  249. = Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. =
  250. = There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. =
  251. = What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. =
  252. = If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way. =
  253. = Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat. =
  254. = Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. =
  255. = The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. =
  256. = All right, then, I'll go to hell. =
  257. = Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. =
  258. = It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races. =
  259. = Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. =
  260. = The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. =
  261. = Better a broken promise than none at all. =
  262. = She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. =
  263. = Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. =
  264. = Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms. =
  265. = The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. =
  266. = The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. =
  267. = When in doubt tell the truth. =
  268. = Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. =
  269. = The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. =
  270. = The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it. =
  271. = The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. =
  272. = What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. =
  273. = 'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read. =
  274. = Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. =
  275. = I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. =
  276. = I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. =
  277. = The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. =
  278. = It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. =
  279. = It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it. =
  280. = By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. =
  281. = There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. =
  282. = Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. =
  283. = Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. =
  284. = The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. =
  285. = The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little. =
  286. = Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. =
  287. = My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. =
  288. = Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel. =
  289. = Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. =
  290. = Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. =
  291. = Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired. =
  292. = The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. =
  293. = When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. =
  294. = Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. =
  295. = Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. =
  296. = Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' =
  297. = Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. =
  298. = No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. =
  299. = Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned. =
  300. = I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one. =
  301. = Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. =
  302. = Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. =
  303. = It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. =
  304. = I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. =
  305. = There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. =
  306. = I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting. =
  307. = One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. =
  308. = There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable. =
  309. = When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. =
  310. = Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident. =
  311. = I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. =
  312. = Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. =
  313. = Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. =
  314. = Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so. =
  315. = Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody. =
  316. = Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. =
  317. = Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. =
  318. = Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. =
  319. = Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. =
  320. = I never let schooling interfere with my education. =
  321. = Necessity is the mother of taking chances. =
  322. = Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself. =
  323. = We are all alike, on the inside. =
  324. = I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time. =
  325. = It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. =
  326. = Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. =
  327. = Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. =
  328. = George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. =
  329. = It is easier to stay out than get out. =
  330. = Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. =
  331. = Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation. =
  332. = I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping. =
  333. = Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all. =
  334. = Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. =
  335. = Prosperity is the best protector of principle. =
  336. = We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world. =
  337. = Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. =
  338. = To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. =
  339. = What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before. =
  340. = Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks. =
  341. = Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late. =

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