Monday, December 26, 2011 1:53 AM
Maybe I'm dead and just don't know it yet. But I think that when you die you know it relatively quickly. When my sister died her shoe dropped in the bedroom just as the Rabbi called me. I know she dropped her shoe to let me know that she was with me.
I'm sure you know when you die. Maybe I don't know yet because I died on Christmas Day and all the spirits who lets people know they're dead had the day off for the holiday. Of course then you would have to make the broad assumtion that there are no other religions in heaven or hell except for ones that believe in Christmas.
But I did have that thing with my left eye on Christmas Day at 10:00 AM. It could have been a stroke and I could have died but where is my body? I looked for it. It isn't on the chair where I usually sit and where the eye thing happened. It isn't on my bed and it's far too large to hide in my underwear drawer. Maybe I'm still in it - maybe I just don't see it - maybe I'm in some kind of dream state.
I haven't spoken to a living person for over two days. I've watched television, read some, and of course I ate - do ghosts get hungry? Do they still love bagles and cream cheese?
Maybe I'm doomed to forever haunt my apartment for eternity not realizing that I'm dead and believe that I'm continuing on with my life, such as it is, when in reality I'm frightening little children who live in the apartment after me. "Mommy," they will ask, "Who is that strange lady who goes in and out of the bathroom every two hours?" Ha - pretty funny actually.
I think I saw a movie like that with that red head in it - Tom Cruise's ex wife - what's her name again? I'm having problems remembering things lately. Maybe that's a pre stroke warning - loss of memory - NICOLE KIDMAN - yeah, Nicole Kidman, just came to me.
Maybe I am dead and just don't know it yet but the heavenly or hellish workers should be back to work by now. It's a solid two hours and 11 minutes into December 26 - unless they're having a long weekend. Maybe I'll have to wait until December 27 to find out fo sure.
In the meantime, while I wait, I'll nosh on another bagel.
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