Mayonnaise Clinic's strange case of the upside-down patient


Once, long ago, to the clinic came
a gal whose problems had no name.
In the clinic, "Mayonnaise,"
It was to be "one of those days"

Would Medicare refuse to pay
those doctor bills they'd send that way?
This patient had unlisted ills,
"Let's hope insurance pays her bills."

Few patients had strange stuff as she..
This gal was built most strang-e-ly.
Her body, unlike yours and mine,
had all the parts, but out of line.

With belly backwards, liver, left,
the gal was of one lung bereft.
Her legs were where the arms belong,
with one leg short, the other long.

Her hands wore shoes to guard ten fingers,
the first ones, pinkies, and next were ringers.
She was a problem - one of a kind.
A cure, if any - hard to find.

To rid this patient of her ills
the docs abandoned all their pills.
They laid her backwards on her bed,
with feet where mostly folks put head.

The bad bugs in her soon got lost,
their nasty genes were now all crossed.
Cured, the gal jumped out of bed,
but landed right onto her head.




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Comments 19 comments

PADDYBOY60 profile image

PADDYBOY60 4 years ago from Centreville Michigan

Good one Gus. I like the part about jumping out of bed.


flashmakeit profile image

flashmakeit 4 years ago from usa

That was an interesting poem!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Patrick (PaddyBoy60) - Thanks for the read. I have returned from my own doctor get-togehter now, and made some changes and additions. Ran out of time earlier.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Hi flashmakeit - I am glad that you visited this nonsense poem. I am wending my way through your good stuff here on HubPages. You are really "into" all of that fairy stuff and the elf things. Fun to visit your hubs.

Gus :-)))


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

I agree, Gus, upside down is a terrible condition,

But even worse would be inside out without any remission.

Thanks for the laugh. BTW, I sent you an email several days ago in reply but the message came back that your mailbox was full.


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

Great work. Very enjoyable. A limerick writer in the making. Thank you


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Good Doctor bj - (drbj) - With or without remission, we medics seem to come along with our commission ! :-)

It is good to be laughing at bedtime. Glad to have helped.

I am unsure of why it is that the Internet spirits like to tell people that the "mailbox is full." I got your very welcome eMail message, and I thank you for it. I am still puzzled as to some of the so-serious comments coming in for that Hardly Marijauana project spoof, but I guess that the piece is coming on like a junior "Gulliver's Travels" tale. Interesting.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Martin (mhatteroo) - Glad you enjoyed your observation of the clinic. As to limerick-making, a Redneck can only try.

If you like, you can see how the first of the Redneck "Dumb Poems" eBooks came along at this URL (where the download is free...):

http://www.sampsonafb.com/ebooks/101dumbpoems24jul...

Gus :-)))


eHealer profile image

eHealer 4 years ago from Las Vegas

Gus is a gas! Too funny and so well written. Thanks for the belly laugh, I pinned it and facebooked it! Thanks again!


Patty Inglish, MS profile image

Patty Inglish, MS 4 years ago from North America

Excellent, excellent! Rhyme and meter much like Dr. Seuss, but distinctly your own. Of course I love the Mayo Clinic and want to see the Mayonnaise Clinic (probably on Saturday Night Live).

Rated up and more.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Howdy Deborah (eHealer) -

You are far too kind to this wacky old Redneck - but I will take it as long as I can still see the monitor.

But a word of advice - you have to watch those belly laughs. If they are jiggling sideways, you may be suffering from some of the same problems as were presented by that upside-down guy in the poem. Lordy, lordy.

Gus :-)))


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Hi Patty - The Mayonnaise Clinic, unfortunately for SNL and the others, is all bottled up at the moment, but that was a great "want to see" deal if I ever heard of one. Your compliments on the piece are far and above what might be expected for such an display of amuscular and unstrained nonsense - but I am locking your words up in my mental vault (if I can, perchance, find the thing.)

Have fun today, Patty.

Gus :-)))


travmaj profile image

travmaj 4 years ago from australia

Thanks for the laugh -- got to me - hope I don't develop the condition - but then - guiness book of records!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Howdy travmaj - You are most welcome to any laugh, smile, or other good Australian livliness that you can get from checking out some of the fun we can have by jotting away here on HubPages. You have declared your lack of technological skills. I was amazed to read that. I understood the written words of your most welcome comment much more than I ordinarily understand my own - and me with all sorts of technocomical stuff on my resume'.

As you travel about the ocean expanses, as you are wont to do, think of me having to sit here and pound on these little letter keys, never seeing any half-naked island inhabitants to marvel over and never having the unanticipated pleasure of a coconut falling upon my noggin as I sit on a warm beach, watching sand crabs squabbling amid the sand and debris and nuclear submarines approaching in the waves. :-)

Have fun today, travmaj.

Gus :-)))


B. A. Williams profile image

B. A. Williams 4 years ago from USA

Very cute poem, had a sense of humor throughout it. Keep Writing!


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

Hi B.A. (B. A. Williams) - Thanks for enjoying this nonsense poem. Now, about that "Keep writing" stuff... Is that another compliment or is it a command for more punishment. My bride tells me that I deserve all of the punishment that the keyboard can deliver. You gals seem to always think much the same as one another. :-)

Gus :-)))


B. A. Williams profile image

B. A. Williams 4 years ago from USA

Your bride is the Queen and her commands have been sent down to the commoners. :P


shiningirisheyes profile image

shiningirisheyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

Very funny and very Dr. Seuss - esque! great write.

I always enjoy a wonderful sense of humor and you did not disappoint.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 4 years ago from USA Author

To "SIE" (shiningirisheyes) -

Maybe the good Dr. Seuss was in charge of the Mayonnaise Clinic.

There I went and used the "sie" initials for your happy pen name, "shiningirisheyes." In the German language, "sie" means "she" as in English. Stick a capital "S" in place of the lower case "s" and it is the way you say "you" (also in kraut talk) when addressing someone in the formal manner, like for a boss or the president, etc. Maybe I should find a better way to address your very kind and generous comments.

Just for the silliness of it, the FAMILIAR "you" over there in Kaiserslautern and in the Black Forest is "du." That gives rise to a dumb kraut joke that says it is not possible for someone to catch "siephyllis." they can only get "duphyllis." I suppose that makes for a lot of chuckling and a modicum of sense for anyone who overeats on cabbage and turnips. :-)

You can now sit back down and quit all the laughing.

Gus :-)))

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