Meandering through Conversations with God Part I (Page 134)

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“Dinky Has the Stinkiest Feet”

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“… for play-acting the role of troublemaker is something that cannot be done from ego.”

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“Assholes can also be extroverts.”

I am among the introverts who had the tendency to be prejudiced against extroverts. We, introverts and extroverts alike, have this human propensity, in order to puff up our ego, to name people names and judge them as inferior to us. It’s ‘normal’ but it should not be called human.

The human being is innately loving. So it should not be normal for people to be trying to tear down each other. It is common practice, but we do not have to think and do like the crowd does. We need to put lovingness back into the human equation.

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And it takes courage.

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“Assholes can either be introverts or extroverts.”

I would tend to think that people become extroverts because they are inspired, with a great hunger for life and social interaction, for example, in my case, a person who used to be an introvert.

I didn’t think that someone who behaved materialistically, i.e., addicted/slave to material things, would be inSpired or in Spirit. So there was something wrong with my original belief/premise about being Spirited. … Maybe some extroverts can be spirited with things of this world. They can be so addicted to material possessions that they have convinced themselves that their materialistic view is all there is and so they sound very convincing, indeed even to themselves. How do we wake up from these illusions of the world and end up making peace (instead of teaching others how to live their lives) instead of war?

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I am an introvert who has made of myself an asshole so many times in the past.

I have extrovert friends and they can be fun. They are good with punch lines and popping up the corniest jokes that make you want to cry.

But this asshole extrovert has the nerve to tell me how to live my life. That I should go biking instead of ‘just’ walking. Maybe his big mouth needs to be stuffed with the gold medal I won on first attempt at a duathlon (i.e., bike plus marathon). So that his eyes will be pop out open to the inferiority of his biking ‘experience’.

The thing with us introverts is that we sit quietly in a corner, accomplishing great feats, for which the extroverts get appreciated for. What’s the sense in having great achievements with no acclaim?

To those who have found the answer, this article or hub seeks to share the texture or ‘quality’ of a life free from the meddling ego.

To those who have not yet found the answer, this may not be the right place to look.

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The purpose of this article or hub then is to meander, as if in response to how I felt about the “Conversations …” book that Neale Donald Walsh wrote. As if in simulation of the intentional meandering nature of my every ‘workaday’ style of living. Whichever came first, the actual meandering or happening-to revisit the book escapes me.

In the past, I have mostly been a stickler for checklists and routines. Not too long ago, while going through the pages in the book, “A Course in Miracles,” I have read about the advice to not set a rigid schedule for the day.

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OBJECTIVE. This article or hub then is an exercise in meandering. The objective in meandering is to go on a trek to unearth hidden treasures, hidden to the busy mind. I cannot claim to be an expert in this but would like to attempt nonetheless and see where it takes us. Hopefully, we will get to, at least, the basics level, possibly which children are already quite adept with. They are so good at delighting at simple things, possibly because their meandering frees them from expectations.

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“Dinky Has the Stinkiest Feet”

I can claim credits to having the world’s stinkiest feet. Perhaps. I’ve had them since childhood. No one ever explained how or why.

Well as to the how … ‘You inherited these from so and so …’ ending in people’s fingers pointing to each other. I now am more interested in the Why of it.

BEFORE. Before I could be this honest with myself and the world about my ‘darkest’ secret, I went through a catharsis of sorts that I am still going through. Whether that’s good or bad, no one can tell for sure. I can only guess that everything He sends to our lives or Wills is what’s best for us. He’s the Great Father.

First, it’s like a confession of sorts. I took some personality typology tests. Turned out I had a dove personality, also an INFJ, also HSP*.

I vividly remember a scene from adolescence, being so embarrassed with my stinky feet when visitors came to the house and noticed how immaculate looking my bare feet were. Only to smell how stinky they were. Too much for high hopes of being in the limelight.

I recall recent experiences sharing car pools to/from work and feeling so stressed from being conscious of having the stinkiest feet stinking inside the enclosed air-conditioned UV or the elevator, etc., etc., etc. I just wanted to be swallowed up by the earth.

What it was it seemed was my ego trying to command my body, in particular ordering my feet to stop sweating.

It was also trying to control people around me, in my mind commanding them to stop covering their noses. =(

The more I commanded my feet, the more it sweated as if in rebellion.

The more I focused on what others were thinking, the more thoughts of inferiority visited my mind.

It seemed like a self-perpetrating cycle. This ego trip of the ego self trying to force things to happen is making things worse really.

DURING. ???

AFTER. After the initial phase of the catharsis, I am now able to admit to the stinkiest feet. I am now okay with having the stinkiest feet.

I am still embarrassed about the stink but I am now able to be okay with being embarrassed.

I am now okay with seeing my ego self trying to give orders to my body, as if.

In the past, in response to Tolle’s book The Power of Now**, I thought I had to get rid of or control my ego self.

Now I realize, that too is ego trying to make an egoic deal of a spiritual pursuit. Overcoming the ego self may be something humanly impossible.

What is immediately or instantaneously possible is observing the ego at work. This has been made possible in response to the ideas I read from DE Mello’s book Awareness. This objective observer mode that can be accessed instantaneously is most effective when taken as a daily mindful awareness practice.

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“Anxious but not troubled at being anxious … ”

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Where I live now, you do everything openly and with integrity yet people seem to need to look at everything that I’m doing. Even in my own house. Even while you’re in the toilet. No privacy. No respect for belongings. Nothing. This is not my preferred way of life to be honest.

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What has the world come to?

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Fact is, an early childhood sketch from about five decades ago seemed to have been a preview of this present no-privacy rule. How strange.

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“And anxiety? There it comes and you’re not troubled. How strange! You’re anxious but you’re not troubled.”

- “Awareness” by Anthony De Mello

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PlayActing

Now playacting is entirely different.

You know Who You Are and you know what you want to play act.

You can, for example, you may need playact being troublesome to mask your gentle-heartedness, in order to get the job done.

You can only exercise this from one place---coming from a compassionate heart.

So you first need to decide Who You Are in relation to the world.

(Of course, only Love is Supreme so it may be best to align accordingly.)

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SCENE: After 12 midnight on a busy weekend at a swimming resort on a hectic summer vacation.

Guard: No one is allowed out through the gate unless leaving the resort for good.

PlayAct: Is that so?

PlayAct: (Waiting by the gate with the Guard, doing No thing. Looking very impatient to get out to buy a shot of coffee from the sidewalk vendor.)

PlayAct: (Watching, listen to other customers’conversations with the Guard. Not intruding.)

TrueSelf: (Feeling compassionate towards the guard who is only doing what he has been told to do, does not bully the Guard. Can throw off the PlayAct any minute because one knows that ego is not who we are and can step back from the ego, sense any subtleties and back off from getting into an argument humbly, if favor is not granted.)

PlayAct: (Approaching the Supervisor with an I’m-Looking-for-Trouble-Air)

PlayAct: Is it true that, even though you do not sell hot coffee in this resort at this unholy hour (I’m trying to stay awake night-swimming here) and that a coffee addict like me needs a shot, you will not allow me to buy coffee outside?

Supervisor: (To Guard:) The gentleman (/lady) just needs to buy coffee. Why don’t we assist with his getting out and back in?

Presto. Coffee after hours, beyond when it’s allowed. One needs coffee to stay awake, after all. Even the security team understands that. You understand them, they understand you.

You understand how difficult it is that people nowadays need to go beyond the call of duty just to earn a meager standard of living.

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Childhood Mythology

Now the childhood mythology. Thomas Moore mentioned in his book ‘Care for the Soul’ that most of what we remember about our childhood may not have actually happened but merely told from our perspective of the situation, seen from the child at that age.

I can remember wanting to carry my toothbrush to school and being asked why. Now I know why. I find out 50 years later that it would be a life habit, this brushing-my-teeth-well business despite the fact that a majority in my generation/ culture does not appreciate the practice in a like manner, even ending up fully dentured instead of at least saving a few genuine teeth.

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Now the bitch and the bully. Like the toothbrush, I don’t think it’s a myth. It can be proven to this day so it never was a myth.

BEFORE. Like some people, I had a victim mentality where I thought someone needs to be around to be my lord protector from the bitch and the bully.

Still in early childhood, one time , the bully invited me to wade through the flooded yard around the house. I tripped on a rock and fell head-to-toe soaked in the floody water.

The bitch instead of defending me for being the younger of the two siblings, sided with the elder, whose idea it was to wade in the floody water in the first place. Why spank the younger one? Why not the elder one whose idea it is to have the younger one come along with something prohibited by the parent?

Why did the elder sibling not protect the young one?

Why did the parent not protect the young one?

Are all elders this way?

What has the world come to?

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As I grew up, many good things seemed to have happened to teach the bitch and the bully that crime does not pay.

Many accomplishments came my way. But it seems that the more accomplishments, the more appreciation I received from others, the bitch and the bully just got nastier.

It came to a point that God just intervened using someone as protector, even against his/her self-proclaimed values. Much like King Arthur’s own just rules being turned around to hurt himself.

Sigh.

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Life is a mystery. It is in our best interest to refrain from judging, because refraining so leads us to a field of endless insights.

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Children have their way. They can cope in extremes of situations but we still need to be there to protect them. Their own strength may not be sufficient but angels will always be there.

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The naturally gregarious but bullied child kept mostly quiet for years, decades developing an introversion. Because defending oneself will just have the bully make the bitch side with him. And they will gang up on their victim.

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The abused became silenced.

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Now no longer a victim after silence revealed its own fruits, the seed has become the mustard tree for the birds to find the It. The child has become the Self. The Self knows the bullies and the bitches in our midst and protects us against them.

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When the time comes, no need for you to rehearse what you need to say. The Spirit will teach you, fraction-by-fraction of a second.

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PlayActing with the Bully and the Bitch

“Mendicant, despicable” can be applicable terms when taken from the lips of the bully and the bitch. Perhaps that’s how they now see the ‘poor’, bullied and bitched ‘victim’. Who knows who has found the Kingdom?

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Lest we be like them, let us then refrain from judging, bullying and bitching.

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Who knows that the ‘bitch’ might be able to do a complete turnaround from the worldly to the heavenly?

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‘Seeing a frog in your dream, represents a potential to change or to do the unexpected. The frog may be a prince in disguise.’

- hyperdictionary.com

She did dream of a frog.

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The World’s Ugliest Dog and the World’s Dinkiest Feet

Now the story about the world’s ugliest dog is an entirely different story of itself (See hub: “The World’s Ugliest Dog”). I then had to make a very unpopular decision which, at the same time, really broke my heart it aches till now. I had to let go of a beloved mongrel, Happy, the same one I mention in my profile page, who smiles back at you with happy eyes and sleeps under my bed every night, and sits under my table, even in my dream now that he’s gone.

I had expressed to Bitch my preference for them to no longer take in a fourth dog since we already had three then. One of them being Happy. No one listened. They simply exercised their self-centered will and got a fourth dog.

In the end, there were repeatedly deadly matches between Happy and the new kid, when it had grown up. We had to either see one of them dead or give them up for adoption.

Fortunately, despite Bitch refusing to give up New Kid, who was the one to have been let go by principle of seniority, I was able to find caring adoptive ‘parents’ for Happy. It seemed to have all been a happy ending except that Happy ended up being poisoned in his new ‘home.’ Sigh.

(Even my eldest daughter heaved a sigh upon hearing the news belatedly.)

Now you can call the owner of the stinkiest feet as ‘Dinky’. Perhaps these feet being the dinkiest (aka stinkiest) was the honing device to get the mongrel Happy back home to his loving Dinky.

Who knows Dinky may have been, in a previous life, Adam and Eve’s tiniest offspring. So it needed to get help from the closest mongrel on earth whenever in danger. Maybe the mongrel’s honing device are for stinky feet. So, for priority help, the dinkiest feet go to her being the tiniest offspring.

What if and who knows?

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Who knows that the ugliest dog has the gentlest heart?

Who knows but that the most abominable is the greatest saint?

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Who knows how our brain cells, memory cells suffer whenever we force things by will of ego?

Who knows what forcing our self does to our spirit?

Who knows what forcing others do?

Could the egoic destroy his/her own brain cells, rendering it with cognitive impairment, with the addictive pursuit of egoic urges?

One then becomes a literal forgetful fool instead of the figurative, for when forcing the moment be something other than what it is?

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There then seems to be two types of fools:

One forces the moment, self, others to be other than What Is; blinded by negative thinking.

The other has lost track of earth, a fool, blinded by heavenly illumination.

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Now blindness by negative thinking seems to respond to Stephen Covey’s self-fulfilling prophecy principle. Maybe we just need to give them a positive context, a positive self-image:

A Vision.

Accepting their own vision, they know they can help themselves then maybe eventually be in the position to liberate others from their own lack of vision.

The bitchiness deescalates in intensity. Noticeable improvements in the areas of physique and recall have now become observable.

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As regards to blindness caused by heavenly illumination, that may be something more difficult to treat.

Since their experience is not of this world, you may never be able to get their agreement to get down from heaven and down to earth. The mystic and the saint, once they have placed their hands on the plough, may never want to look back.

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Yet who knows? Mystics and saints, not looking much different from the ordinary lay person, may be going about daily in our midst. Narnia is a story about three children who went to *[to follow - Narnia plot. Apologies for the WIP.]

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“The teacher and the student are One and the Same.”

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“Yes, the things that others think, say or do will sometimes hurt you---until they do not anymore. What will get you from here to there most quickly is total honesty---being willing to assert, acknowledge, and declare exactly how you feel about a thing. Say your truth---kindly, but fully and completely. Live your truth, gently, but totally and consistently. Change your truth easily and quickly when your experience brings you new clarity.” – Neale Donald Walsh, “Conversations with God, Part I”

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* - Highly Sensitive Person

** - This is not to say that Tolle’s ideas are not valid. It is possible that at my level at the time of reading was not sufficient to grasp the insight behind the information.

??? – Choice of strategy, religion, philosophy is entirely an individual matter.

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Back to Play-Acting

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SCENE II.

Disclaimer since play-acting with true bullies and bitches is extremely dangerous and/or hazardous to your health and safety, it is recommended to stay away from them if at all possible.

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WRONG WAY!:

Bullied: (Always falling in line only on what appears to be the legitimate line/queue.)

Bully: (Big and brawny, replete with air of puffed up ego.)

(Raised voice:

Are you stepping ahead of me on this line?

Bullied: (Small and seemingly helpless, also interacting from ego defense.)

(Raised voice J :

I fell in line here because this appears to be the legitimate last on the line.

If you want to go ahead, it’s all yours. Go.

It turns all quiet in the court.

CAUTION: Avoid engagement with potentially harmful entities if at all possible. Otherwise, practice objective observer point of view as often as possible.

RIGHT WAY:

Bully: (Inserting oneself in front of the line, in front of the bullied.)

Bullied: There’s a line but if you want to go ahead, I can let you. You might be in a hurry.

(Piqued but watching the ego.)

Bully: (Piqued and wary of the tiny bullied)

The bully quietly goes his way, hopefully.

There is no wrong way or right way really. The best that we can do is to practice the objective observer point of view or mindfulness in order to achieve clarity on situations.

We just need to do our best and let God do the rest.

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REAL LIFE Play-Acting

“The young and vital learn because they are always yielding, always beginning.

Great old scholars, stuffed with information and burdened with knowledge,

are old and dry trees ready for the ax. The unbending will break; the heavy and stiff are dying.”

- “76. The Beginning Wonder” by Ray Grigg in the book “The Tao of Being …”

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We can still teach the young.

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As regards to the old ‘scholars’, …

Bullying and bitching into old age may have habituated to itself. If so, one must grow from being the bullied and the bitched into the objective observer, who does not invest energy in defense against egoic strategies used by bitches and bullies.

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If they want to depict you as the worthless person, you may need to go along with their play-acting. You Know Who You Are. Play-Acting the role inferior and subordinate to them will give them a sense of safety, no threat. Reiterate to them you are the mendicant and the worthless person that they are depicting you to be. But in thoughts that know yourself for Who You Really Are, observe their personality and your personality, objectively, without judgment.

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Thoughts are deeds. Keeping to your highest vision makes it easy to be the good deed. Instead of efforting, constantly planning at doing, action flows of itself.

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While we live, there is always hope.

Who knows that the bully or the bitch may become the saint, given a noble vision of him/herself?

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Yet beyond providing one with the vision and doing what is humanly possible to help, set the vision free.

Unless claimed for a personal truth, nothing can be called a truth at all.

The vision cannot touchdown to ground.

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Let the Dove, who is above good and evil, take care of the rest.

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"I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:16)

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