Humour: A Man of My Dreams

Fighting for control over dreams


The man of my dreams is my ex-husband. We have been divorced for three years and I keep seeing him in my dreams. I would rather see somebody else.


Since I have no control over my dreams and husbands have such power to infiltrate them, the best thing to do is to marry again. But this time I should choose carefully.


“Careful selection of partners is crucial for the success of the marriage. Unless they are fully committed, the marriage will only be a temporary exercise with no continuation.”


Every second marriage ends in divorce. Even my first marriage ended in divorce and now statisticians are telling me that the second marriage is always a temporary exercise doomed by definition. Who am I to argue with statistics? There is some good news – the second marriage lasts only five to six years. It is rather like a job – five years and then you have to move on to greener pastures to keep your sanity and vanity.


What happens next? Statistics show that for an average person (I am!) it takes five to seven repetitions to remember and therefore learn.


I’ll brace myself for the second marriage. Third time is a charm – I might even enjoy it and hopefully by the fifth or sixth time I will get it.


It?


But how do I choose a partner for the temporary exercise that is the second marriage?



Marriage is a scared institution


Half the people are scared of marriages and another half is scared out of them. The fear factor? I know two: people are afraid it won’t work out and people are afraid of commitment.


In my case, it did not “work out”. Neither of us worked out. I went to gyms a few times, but clearly it was not enough. I still don’t – I have all the excuses in the world.


New Baccara "Fantasy Boy"

Commitment


There is no argument, commitment is scary. I was committed for sixteen years, but I survived. It takes courage; it is not for the faint of heart. But who wants to marry a coward?


The only fully committed people are in mental institutions and prisons.


The difference? You have to commit a crime to be imprisoned, something that society disapproves of. To be institutionalized you have to be insane. Marriage is insanity that society approves of. Not only approves of, but encourages, as well.


To test your strength and determination, society sends you for a temporary stay at a spa (asylum)…. It is like a test, the friendly staff in a facility observes your behaviour and your ability to handle adversity. Some people get crazy only upon arrival. We are animals - when encaged - we become enraged, scared or something else, anything but happy. Don’t panic. Don’t be a rebel without a cause.


Be cooperative. It is in your best interests. If you are not cooperative, the friendly staff will straighten you out. Oh, there are means …romantic dinners … straitjackets... cold baths …divorce lawyers.


Marriage is a serious matter



“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”

Oscar Wilde


I am not interested in gay men. Why are they so gay? It is a sign of immaturity. I am too old for that. I want seriously straight (straightly serious, I always forget which) men, who have been already straightened out. What was the first marriage for?


What matters to me?


1) White matter

2) Grey matter

3) Primary matter

4) Secondary matter

5) Subject matter


Intelligence


If you work for intelligence, there is something wrong with you. It should be the other way around.


Your intelligence will be measured and if it is not up to bar you have to get it up. Gentlemen, I cannot stress it strongly enough “Get it up”.


No cheating! Artificial intelligence won’t do. Nothing artificial will do.


Is marriage in America overrated?


It is an interesting question. I was not aware that there was a rating system for marriages.


My marriage was not rated. Maybe that is why it failed.


I had no strategy for choosing a partner. I was clueless. I thought about love and all this romanic nonsense. It was good (it wasn’t) for the first marriage. Second time around, I should do my homework.


A man should be a Canadian subject. I have too many Canadian objects as it is.


Chemistry


Chemistry should be right. It is tough to measure; I studied chemistry long time ago and I always get it wrong. There are accidents, burns, explosions. I don’t need trouble anymore.

Physique


I prefer strong muscular men. I have been told that it is a sheer perversion for an intellectual woman like me to look for muscular men. Maybe I am a pervert. I have also been warned that strong muscular men tend to be abusive.


There is one category of men which is tested for precisely that – inclinations to be abusive. If they are, they are disqualified. They cannot become police officers. So, maybe a muscular police officer.


What always confused me, however, was that police stands for “law enforcement”. Enforcement – taking by force. In Russian, the word “rape” and “enforcement” is the same. Therefore, “law enforcement” is "rape by law". Power corrupts. I don’t know. Police officers or not, men are terra incognita for me. But whom do you suggest?


Axis of Evil

Theoretical Mechanics


Three Axes. This one is rather confusing. X, Y and Z. Pitch, Yaw and Roll. What is so evil about them?


I hated this subject in the university. Our professor, an old lady, “God’s Dandelion” was vicious. There must be something wrong with it, I am sure. On the other hand, everyone needs a good mechanic.

.

Economics


It would be nice to have someone who can make money. One of us should.


Arts


- Art of Seduction

- Art of Conversation

- Art of Life


Being a Drama Queen, I am very playfool.

Therefore I need a Drama King. Apparently, I enjoy plays.


Sports


You should be good at some sports. Why? I don’t know. Use your imagination. Maybe having different hobbies will allow us to spend time apart.


History


Curriculum vitae. Life story. Oh, if you are good at telling stories then I have a lot of BS to plow though. Truth is vital. I don’t want any liars. The only person who is allowed to lie is I.



Math


I have to do the math:


replace my ex (X) with


But that is what I am doing.


Wait a second… X-rated… is what rating is all about? Finding an axe?



Hot Math Teacher, the Face of Armani

Measurements:


1. Height

2. Weight

3. Length

4. Width

5. Circumference


Lab exams:


1) Physical (protrusions)

2) Chemical (infusions)

3) Mental (delusions)

4) Dental (occlusions)

5) Optical (illusions)



We don’t call them “tests”, we call them “analysis-es”. I think it is a better word, someone has to analyze… you know what. Yes, all the BS and a BS.


But can I test and analyze all the candidates? It is a daunting task. I am not good at rating, but Consumer Reports are.


They are always on the lookout for the optimal combination of performance, quality and price.


For me, a man should be cheap. Cheap, lean and mean.


I cannot afford an expensive one.


Making Love


It is a tough subject. Even at my age I understand nothing about love-making.


When you make money, there is money. When you make dinner, there is dinner. When you make love, there is no love. Maybe I just don’t know how. I admit I am clueless, but my partners must have been clueless as well.


To me it is more or less like a roller coaster ride. You get on with great excitement or maybe apprehension, but you never know how it will turn out. You start rolling and then get thrilled and scared and scream. But then you come back to the point where you started if only slightly more excited. Or embarrassed? Sometimes the best part is that the ride is over. I don’t like all roller coaster rides. I don’t like the majority of them. Why? They are designed for men in the first place. The seat and the harness are meant to secure a man who is taller and broader in his shoulders. Maybe for women that are the same size as men… Ladies and gentlemen, size matters.


It does for me. I don’t fit snuggly in the harness. Therefore there are some merciless roller coasters out there that throw you like a rag doll and you finish the ride with bruises. The worst scare was when I thought I could break my neck. That is not an excitement. That is not a thrill. That is a horror and I hate …horrors.


Maybe there should be gender-oriented seats: male seats and female seats. We don’t wear the same underwear. Somewhere differences are acknowledged, but somewhere ignored.


What am I talking about? Underwear? It is also designed for men, not for comfort. I will only wear a string if he will. Even then I won’t.


Shoes? For whom are high heels designed? For whom and by whom? Spanish Inquisition? They had some torture device called "Spanish Boots"...


Make-up?


But back to roller coasters. I looked them up. They have to do a lot with physics. Told you. One interesting detail (irrelevant, but sweet) the history of roller coasters goes back to 16th century Russia.)


So, in love making everybody thinks about position.


There are other factors:


1) positive acceleration

2) friction:

a. rolling

b. sliding

c. static

3) motion

4) momentum

5) gravity

6) displacement

7) speed

8) velocity

9) Newton’s 1st Law.


Things are complicated. And it is only physics – an exact science. What if we have to take into account psychology? If we do, we will never see the end of the day. We don’t. Especially if it goes well.


Erotica


I am in favour of animalistic love. Animals are so cute.


I wonder why lions and other animals are always beautiful and people are not? Marriages may or may not be overrated, but looks certainly are. Animals go by smell, not by looks.


There is some sniffing for me in store and I am NOT looking forward to it.


Because certain things just stink.


Secondary matter


The secondary matter is even more delicate than love-making.


We are all very particular about it.


I did not realize that there are certain things to look out for until somebody pointed it out.


“Don’t take any white sh-t”.


The man did not elaborate.


First of all, who gives? Some people are honest and straightforward about it.


They just say:


“I don’t give a …”


Colour is irrelevant, they would never part with their … and I respect their choice.


But there are others who don’t say whether they would or would not. I am in the second category, so don’t ask. What is the deal with “white”? I have never seen such a thing.


I think the only people who give a … openly and without any reservations or (shame!) are children until they are potty-trained and until they realize (until they are socialized into understanding) that it is something to treasure and therefore to be secretive about.


I don’t understand this point. Take it or leave it. No, don’t take it or take it at your own discretion? Peril? Too confusing.


I came up with three options:


1) I don’t give a …

2) I don’t take a …

3) I leave a …



Racism


I have Zero Tolerance for racism. I have to say that I don’t race. I don’t like it because I always lose. You can be a racist, but please race with somebody else.


What rings true?


“There is an engagement ring, a wedding rind and suffering.”


“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional”.


Since suffering is optional, there is no need to take it into consideration.


Engagement and wedding rings are pain. Is it because they are expensive? Or because they don’t fit after a while? People gain weight, lose weight… True.


Engagement and wedding rings are temporary. True?


Disengagement and divorce rings are permanent. True?


A divorce ring can be a nice memento. I already have one. It does not fit. I lost weight. Pity.


The Wedding


There will be no wedding.

Remember the point of the exercise to learn and move on.

We both know it is temporary.


Marina, Marina, Marina

The Gist of It


I fell in love with Marina

Sweet brunette girl

But she doesn't want to know about my love

What should I do to conquer her heart?


Marina, Marina, Marina

I want to marry you as soon as possible

Marina, Marina, Marina

I want to marry you as soon as possible


Same Man, Same Song, Another Tongue

Eh... What's the Rush?


Instead of changing tunes, he has changed the words. He speaks in tongues now, some man of my dreams. I don't understand a word of it, not that I understood much before.

Personality Colours


I am looking for a blue orange. I know that oranges are orange, but in personality colour scheme everything is different. It is very counter-intuitive. No wonder so many marriages fail. Colour coordination is a skill and some people are just colour blind.


My colours: I am blue-green. Teal, the colour of my universe is teal. I love marines, …


I was even called Marina at school. My math teacher could not remember my real name. But maybe she was clairvoyant and she saw my colours even then.


It is all so serious. Yes, marriage is a serious matter.


My sign: "Trouble Ahead"


I have a driver’s license. But I don’t have a car. I don’t have much experience.


Somebody told me that I am the kind of person “My way or highway”. That is true, I have no experience driving on highways; therefore, if I am behind the wheel, it is much safer to go “my way”. When you are behind the wheel, then we can take a highway.


Pants


I think the discussion who is wearing pants should have been closed long time ago. Everybody is wearing pants. If you want me to go outside without my pants, then I am sorry, we don’t have a deal. I would not be happy if you will be parading around in your underwear, either.


I am


I am very down to earth – in other words, I am grounded.


I am not


... a morning person ...


China? Korea?


You can be either. Just don’t bring me coffee in bed. I prefer it in a cup. No in a mug, no mugging, please.


I got you thinking?


Light up! There are no perfect matches. At first all matches look the same, but then there is no spark, no fire… Instead you have a feeling of a bath gone cold...


That is why every relationship must be tested. My problem is that I am not very selective. I let men select me. But it is time to learn. Practice makes perfect.


Substitute X with ?


Consumer Safety Product Reports sent me the first candidate with a promising conclusion “The numbers are on your side”. What numbers? I guess his rating must be high if he is the first man.


It is not the same, however, to be the first and to be the one.


Problem #1.


Substitute X with?


Let me take a shot at Bachelor #1.


Oooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Air-raid warning! First squadron in the air!


Note: I have no idea how commands are given in English, so the first one of the readers who does, please let me know where to look them up.


Ladies & Gentlemen: I never insist on readers watching the videos (I simply cannot), but these ones are part of the story.




That is a bad dream! The guy is a shooter. I don’t do any shooters.


Yes, after careful consideration, I must admit that marriage in America is overrated. Or at least Consumer Reports are not good at ratting.


Bachelor # 1 found his match on e-Harmony. Is e-Harmony better at rating and matching?



No, they overrate, too. Back to square one. Or is it, next in line, please?




A Man of My Dreams, Ratings and All

© 2011 kallini2010

More by this Author


Comments 100 comments

Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

loved reading your different angles on finding the "true" love for making a second marriage a success!

All I can say is...if you find a man who takes away your breath and makes you feel better everytime you meet him...should be the one!

Good luck!!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ruchira!

The irony is that I am not looking at all. The article was inspired by the question: "Is marriage in America overrated?"

And from that point the imagination took flight - the first squadron went in the Air...

Thank you for reading again,

All the best,


Reynold Jay profile image

Reynold Jay 5 years ago from Saginaw, Michigan

Wow--this is nearly a hot steamy novel! Ahh--the mysteries of life...I enjoyed this very much. You have this laid out beautifully and it is easy to understand. I laughed a few times! Keep up the great HUBS. I must give this an “Up ONE and awesome.” I'm now your fan! RJ

Based upon this HUB, you might enjoy…

http://hubpages.com/politics/Tiny-asks-a-Question-...


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

.....no one comes up with hubs like you do - they are works of art waiting to be hung up on the Louvre wall waiting to be framed - and it's true, in reference to your comment to me, I don't need drugs because when I arrive here and take this journey with you, dear Miss S, I become higher than any kite, believe me, and as a favor, could you please check out a buddy of mine here at the Hub by the name of CLAIREPEEK (from Sweden) and I am sure she will love your hubs, as I always do - in fact this beauty is being posted to my Bookface page with awe and admiration with a direct link back here.

Lake erie time 5:10pm - happy holiday my lovely Canadian


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Reynold Jay. I am glad you enjoyed it - that was the whole point.


manthy profile image

manthy 5 years ago from Alabama,USA

Original as it gets..nice


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Colin, I did not realize it was a holiday. What are we celebrating again?

I was writing and not feeling too well. I am completely shut off from the world.

I will try to check your protégé, now I am to do some reading.

About drugs: tell me in private, s'il vous plait.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, manthy. "Nothing is really original..."

Just a collage...


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

...well it's a holiday for me because I'm getting a paid day off - and it's a holiday everytime I arrive here because of your wit, your verve, your nerve and your originality. Is there anyone quite like you? I think not. lake erie time 6:49pm


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Colin.

I love the expression:

"You are unique. Just like everybody else."

We are all unique, each in its own way.

You are unique in your ability to write comments - I am nowhere near you.

Toronto, Bird & Drug Store. Bus Route # ...


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

Good morning my friend,,

I was so excited to see your new hub posted. What an awesome and unique hub and I knew it would be...So much information..good information..thought provoking information..I am on my second marriage..20 years in October...some of the stuff we have been through it should have ended long ago..so how does it work..I have no idea but it is work everyday and a work in progress..wanted to run many times..but glad I stayed..at least for now..a daily choice..I have no advice for finding the perfect mate but I do believe he does not exist. Two people like rough hard stones grinding away until hopefully you have two smooth stones that doesn't grind at each other other over time as much..I do believe in love but not the fairy tale, romance kind..although it is helpful to have. Its two people committed to live together..to give of eachtother...to eachother...selfless..if both are doing this then chances are better it will work...Always dissappointments..so one learns to not think too highly of the other then we are not sad when they don't meet our expectations. I have no other advice or thoughts on second marriages..did I say it takes work..UGGGG! It surely does..it it worth it? I think I would just have to start all over with a rough stone and I am getting too old. I pray it lasts a lifetime..no of us are given a sure ticket in this marriage thing thats for sure. If you can find a simple, loving man or woman..hold on for dear life...comes in all sorts of pacages...Beware of the pretty pacages or the neatly wrapped ones..the heart is the most important. thank you so much for writing this. It was so good.

Take care,

Sunnie


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sunnie!

You are absolutely right!

Although - my article is pure fun - at least I had fun, maybe it is the whole point.

I am not looking for Husband #2.

I don't think I am ready.

To be ready, I have to write something similar for myself.

"Preparation Guide for the Second Marriage

for Unwilling Brides."

Rule #1: Date. (what date is today?)

Rule #2: Go through men fast, as fast as you can.

Imagine they are posts when you do downhill skiing.

Just pay attention enough not to break your neck, turn fast, maneuver...

Rule #3: Garbage Disposal: some men can be recycled, others should be completely wasted.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Svetlana, you have excelled yourself. This is so funny, so poignant, so incisive, so very, very readable.

I found myself just reading through it mopping up your delicious use of words and your clever turning them in on themselves.

Brava, my friend, Brava!!!

I'm going to recommend it to some of my non HP friends... this is very, very clever writing.

Loved it.


Sunnie Day 5 years ago

lol...You said it so very well...It was so much fun to read..


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ian and Sunnie, my friends.

I love words, but there are moments that I cannot put two of them together.

I hope you watched the videos (at least one of them) - it is supposed to be the punch line (it is even funnier for me given my involvement with Kim Il Sung).

Ian, you always come at the moment when I hit the rock bottom... thinking "This is it. The last one."

Even though, I promised to Augustine - I hope you will like my "Narcissus" (not written yet).

Thank you for your support, it is invaluable - worth a king's ransom.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

I did watch the videos and laughed. It must have made with you in mind after your amazing treatise on the man himself.

And your statement, "I love words, but there are moments that I cannot put two of them together." just doesn't apply.

I love words also, and just revelled in your use of them and the way you inverted them. Each a tiny joke, with a clever little punch line.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ian. No, it is true. I have a pathological relationship with truth - I try avoiding lying. I made a New Year Resolution this year - LIE more!!!

It did not work out. I wrote this hub a couple of weeks ago, but I was not happy with it, I had grandiose plans of changing it... but since I was slipping into "not being able" - I decided, it's O.K. - good enough.

Thank you, Ian.


Chatkath profile image

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

Svetlana- Your usual clever clever writing talents are quite apparent, this is no exception! Nice photos too, especially (?)bachelor #1!!! I enjoyed your humorous take on romance or maybe the lack of it! Why does it have to be so difficult my dear!?

Up awesome useful and very interesting - I am really liking your Men are Buses Series more & more!


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Great day in the morning kallini but are you ever a most diverse and talented person. The positive adjectives are too numerous to mention in one sitting. I've never seen a Hub quite like this and am impressed. I'm going to respond a little here, bookmark and return. First off , theres nothing wrong with an intelligent woman liking muscular men. As a matter of fact, if I was an intelligent woman that would be the physique i'd prefer. All factors should be taken in to account in any marriage and it helps if two people really and truly love each other. Don't be shy of a second marriage, I know of many that have worked out beautifully. To be continued...


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Kathy, for reading and commenting.

I don't know who you are referring to as the Bachelor #1 - the top photo, the guy who smokes or Kim Jong Il...

I love them all - maybe it was the problem with making the Right choice... ( I hope you watched the videos - they are the punch line)

I saw this question "Is marriage in America overrated" and started writing this piece, but then I shifted into more serious mode and went on reading more serious info ..., but in the end I returned to the humourous take on it...

There are too many serious articles on it as it is.

I think, I was entertaining myself as usual.

Is it hard? It is. I am not even looking...

Thank you again, Kathy.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Alastar:

I was joking, of course. The divorce rate is 50%, which means that every 2nd marriage ends in divorce. I was just playing with words - making the 2nd as in sequence ...

I am not really looking forward to get married now. There is, of course, nothing wrong with physics or physique - but what inspired me was a comment that I got on one of the dating sites. I have a profile and what could I possible say there?

So, I chose from the list: well, one of the things - muscular body.

There was a young man living 3,000 miles away from me who told me in the first sentence how he admired my profile and in the second pointing out how shallow I was - wanting muscular bodies.

First of business, what business it was of his to tell me what was right and what was wrong?

Ever since, I remember this sheer stupidity - what does he want me to desire? The opposite? Most people don't think before shooting off from their mouths...

Maybe I am like that as well. I find it funny - women are supposed to be attractive and take care of themselves, but for men it is optional. I think it is optional for everybody.

Thank you again for reading and commenting.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Good afternoon. You have put another thoughtful, humorous and wise Hub together. The humor sparkled, the cries were heartfelt. Your ballet of words are thought provoking.

I subscribe to the Uneven Yoke theory which goes something like this. In choosing the person which you are willing to commit time to chose someone of similar strength. Similar beliefs is helpful. Similar educational abilities. If they look good that’s just a plus. But since the institution of marriage basically becomes a ‘work’ contract, it is helpful if one or the other does not drag the other along. A mismatch is sure to fail.

There is to much cleverness in your writing to comment about all of it. You toy with the nuances of the language like a master. I even think the wit may be sharper here than I’ve seen you do on other Hubs. Influences, yes,I think influences.

The Kim video was to die for. ( a little joke)


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

For real men kallini it is not optional. As far as women go, he tries to respect and honor ladies by being at his best when around them..:D


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I forgot. I was going to add, I always give a nice clock as a wedding gift. And I give a nice clock to remind the couple that what they have basically done is promised each other a great deal of their time. Don't know why I thought that was important.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike.

You know me, I am always half-serious only. "Kim" video was the inspiration - a few months back.

But some things are painfully true - the man of my dreams is my ex. For some time I was seeing him in my dreams and I thought...

Every piece becomes an embroidered handkerchief - a bit here and a bit there... - you can travel with the handkerchief thought as far as your imagination takes you. Handkerchiefs are good for... Once Othello ...

Speaking of imagination - my journey "imagination - daily joy - imagination - dancing..." still did not take off.

So, this article was just something to put in between.

I agree with you about similarities - it is necessary for the marriage, but where can I find anybody like me?

I feel that those people do not exist and I will continue "dancing my solitude"...

and I will be lucky if I can spare time to read and write here on HP.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I like the embroidered handkerchief analogy becuase that is what I see you doing. You pick a color, a shade, a pattern, poke the needle through for effect. Pull the thread through slowly to draw the reader along. Then change threads, back and forth, back and forth and before you know it the work becomes a rose with green leafs as decoration.

I saw the ‘Joy’ challenge and thought that is not a task I could take on. I don’t know enough about the subject. You however know!

where can I find anybody like me? you are inique, we all are, that’s the beauty of the system, you can find somebody like you on the bus. which bus, that is the issue

"dancing my solitude"... This is such a beautiful line.

It will be our continued luck if you can spare time to read and write here on HP.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Alastar, I agree, for real men... but it is another dive for me. Men are men and some of them are not really... and that drives me to despair and gives freedom to laugh.

But sometimes I feel that it is easier to deal with men than with women, especially when they go nuts about appearances, become unforgiving about the slightest imperfection (we all have them).

In short, yes, I agree, it is not optional, but when I remember some men ... being oblivious not only to "beauty", but simple hygiene...

Just a thought. A tangent. A springboard - I can spring too far from it - better stop.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike, for "the rose".

Wherever he (the bus) is, he is somewhere, as I said I am not looking, I have trouble finding myself.

"Dancing solitude" - I love it - it is Carlos Gavito quote - one of the best tango dancers. Apparently, in tango we dance solitude and silence.

I only started and I can tell you that it is a completely different feeling from my other dances. I don't know why.

I hope I can find the balance between life and writing. It would be a pity to leave my "ideas" unfinished...


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I have only seen the Tango done in movies. I think I read a story once that Robert Devaul went down to Argentina to make a movie and fell in love with the Tango and his beautiful Tango instructor. (About forty years younger.)

When you achieve your balance I too hope tht writing is apart of it.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Svetlana congratulations on having your articles featured and I just noticed you passed the 200 hundred follower mark. That is a milestone for sure.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike.

We are all featured - I still don't understand why "Am I Beautiful?" gets the attention and other articles don't.

A lot of them are featured from time to time. I guess there is not enough quality writing on HP.

200 Followers are mostly the result of "Am I Beautiful?" publication, as well. They are not readers.

But thank you.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Good morning, I think the title lured them in. Do you really think they only read the one article? I think on Ian's comment list you mention the quantity of 'hits' that article received. Let me tell you none of my submissions received that kind of attention. I think I am saying that you are doing well here. It is a release for you. You write for you. Have a great Saturday.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike.

I think so too, the title and the picture, therefore the front picture is very important.

Quality? Being lured in is one thing and continuing reading is quite another. But you are right, if I will try to guess "what women (readers) want", I will never hit it.

Besides, you told me and a couple of my regular readers whose opinions I trust that I am getting better.

Now, now is another transition period, I have to do what I have to do - stuff plus thinking, so I may write very little.

But please believe me, I am not saying it out of false modesty - I am not happy with my writing at all.

I don't want to stay in this phase - it the the point of unstable equilibrium - either go back to "not writing" or find "some other way".

Thank you for your support, it is very important for me. These days I won't write - Daniel came for a short stay - so I will be occupied.

Have a great week-end, as well.


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Hmmm ... I don't know what to say. This is a difficult subject, especially for me to comment on. Thus, I will not comment on content.

I must say though, that you are quite creative in the way you put your blogs together. Creative in comparison to what? Well, my blogs for example: I just write ... and if I'm lucky I might have a photograph I have taken, to put along-side my writing. I have no clue where you came-up with those clips at the end but they worked.

I enjoy the dancing with words that you do too. It's great, when the mind flies, words dance. Your mind dances a lot; it's fun.

Now, I just saw your above comment: "I am not happy with my writing at all." - Maybe I'm a little hazy from last night but what's wrong with your writing? I am sure everyone can use some improvement ... other than that, I think you express your thoughts in a creative, honest and interesting manner.

There is a lot of food for thought in what you write, in my opinion and not only in the message but in the way you deliver your message and the way it is perceived.

It's gonna rain soon, I can smell it in the wind.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Mr. Happy:

Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment.

Don't pay attention to the content - I am not even writing about myself - it is nothing more than a collage. Even though I use "I" voice - I am NOT telling my story about looking for the man of my dreams (as I said, it is my ex and I would prefer to see someone else in them).

If you noticed, I signed the article with the new pen name - Dolores Marina de la Luz. She is supposed to appear again if I will continue writing. There is one script...

All this anecdotal scraps are put together in a collage. I am not looking and if and when I will, I would not do it like that.

The collage style may work, but it is not what I am looking for either. I put this piece together as something in between - without much thought. That is what is wrong with it. I was working on something completely different - I was trying to find the real portrait of me - the one that Dorian Gray was hiding.

I was looking in all sorts of "mirrors" becoming more and more frustrated with the image that I saw.

===============================

"I hope that Dorian Gray will make this woman his wife, passionately adore her for six months, and then suddenly become fascinated by someone else. He would be a wonderful study."

- Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray Ch. 6

===============================

Maybe that is my longing - to be satisfied for some time and then move on - I see what I have already done and I want to be able to become better. If possible.

I find it difficult; therefore I question my abilities. "A man of my dreams" is a trifle, "Make your creativity sparkle" is more serious because I was trying to convince myself to lower my standards - to loosen up and be completely ridiculous and frankly I failed. I tell myself "but it is ridiculous".

However, today I saw an ad for the Toronto Film School - they have a program for script writers. I want to check it out - this is completely crazy - I am not a writer - what do I have to say? To make it in the film industry is nearly impossible, but this thought is drilling a hole in my head, so I think I'd better check it out just to satisfy my curiosity and learn something else like teaching English as a second language.

I don't think you could be any hazier than I am in my completely sober state.

A woman of my dreams? Sane, able to make a living...

The last thing: the clips and images - most of the time I collect them before writing and they become an inspiration, the beginning rather than I write on the topic and then look for it, that is much harder.

But, of course, I pay attention to what is on my mind one way or another. Every image I collect is a story asking to be written.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I had another idea for you. I know, I know. But anyway, since you have such as eye for graphic design, layout and wordplay, I thought you should pick a product and write a positive Hub commercial for that product. You could think of it as part of your portfolio when you apply to Film School. I understand that the people in Advertising make some good money for their talents. And you have the talent, curiosity and will power needed for such applications.

I hope you recovered from that headache and are enjoying a beautiful Sunday.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike.

Maybe you are right - I was thinking...

It's certainly an idea - I do love visual "messages" - no wonder I loved cinema and I despised the shallow movies.

When I came to the conclusion that I wanted to write - I actually wanted to be a film critic - I read wonderful Russian critiques - there were certainly better than movies themselves - I'll leave this thread for Now, but they influenced me a lot.

But now...

I will give it a thought, the idea sounds interesting. The Film School sounds like a dream, like a crazy dream, but I thought, nothing prevents me from going there and maybe talking to the students. What am I to lose?

The headache - I am still very hazy - so I will try to make it hour by hour...

The last comment - Mr. Happy's - when he said that he saw nothing wrong with my writing, yet he did not want to comment on the content (I know the reason), it hit me - it is the content I am not happy about.

The search for myself is the pain. But other than that - it have to challenge myself all the time, it is the only way to grow or learn.

I am not against advice at all - it is collective brainstorming. I don't respond to it immediately - I take every idea and live with it for a while, that it all.

Don't forget, I come from the Country of Advice - Soviet means "advice" as the primary meaning and only the second one "Council".

That was the joke - we live in the Country of Advice. There is nothing wrong with it. Maybe I inadvertently said that I am totally against all advice no matter how sensible. No, I am not.

So, I will take your thought into consideration. Thank you, Mike, you are very helpful.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

I think you could really lock in a place as film critic here at the Hub. Your style and analysis would be welcome. You would no longer struggle for concept ideas. After a few submissions you would get the feel of the expectation. The length of the review would be more or less consistant. It could work, and perhaps be picked up or syndicated. You could do old classics and new releases.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Svetlana. This really caught my eye:

"I don’t fit snuggly in the harness. Therefore there are some merciless roller coasters out there that throw you like a rag doll and you finish the ride with bruises. The worst scare was when I thought I could break my neck. That is not an excitement. That is not a thrill. That is a horror and I hate …horrors."

And then your idea of gender-adapted seats. wow. How true of too many things we try to fit into when the physiology and psychology just don't align! There is a whole subject for probing there. . . .


Mr. Happy profile image

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I did mean what I said about your writing. It is clever, creative, intriguing ... I enjoy it. And I would comment on the content if I was knowledgeable on the subject but I am not.

You made me laugh. Thank you. Cheers!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Mr. Happy, I did not mean it in the way it may appear - I have too many articles waiting, but there are time constraints and More importantly - I am rethinking what I write about.

I either want to grow or leave it - I am just not interested in repeating myself.

You did not say anything wrong. It is impossible. I want you to say exactly what you want, what you feel, what impression it made on you.

And if you feel at some point "this is crap" - I'd rather know it, too.

I feel already detached from most of my work, I am cuddling an idea...

Thank you for your ongoing support - it is invaluable!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Nellieanna - you know I was just playing with everything I could possibly find to play with. Most of the time I just play with words...

But it is true - I'll leave sex out of it - in the roller coasters - depending on severity of turns - the harness is important.

You would not want shoes one size too small or too big, would you? It is not one size fits all.

Thank you, Nellieanna, for your visit, it is most welcome. I don't know when I will be able to return to reading and writing - I am completely in a different loop right now.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Hi, Svetlana. -Thanks for the welcome!

It is fun to play. Yes, I knew you were playing throughout this hub; It's all quite playful and very clever and interesting.

I have a confession. I've always been terrified of even little playground slides, possibly because of my poor eyesight & brittle bones, though I adored swings, the higher the better.

Once - in my 40s I was persuaded to try the "tree slide" at an amusement park. This was a fake tree with a huge trunk hollowed out to slide down for sliding down, and very slick inside, with various twists and turns. Being all inside, I thought I could handle the plunge. As my turn in line came to the top, I was pushed into position, but I wouldn't let go of the slippery sides of the trunk. Finally they had to wedge my hands loose and I went careening down the inside of the tree, yelling "I HATE IT, I HATE IT!" all the way down, embarrassing even my young step-granddaughter! That's how I feel about slides! So I've never been on a roller coaster and doubt I ever shall be. I've ridden on "Loop-d-loops" which throw one around but there's no plunge down part of it or in the unlikelyevent that one should fly loose from the ride. The thought of the "rag doll" in your description was very vivid, was all.

I understood that the harness on the roller coaster car should not be one size fits all and should, for safety's sake, at least be capable of being tightened to any size body in it, perhaps like a car or plane seat belt, but not just a bar at a fixed position loose enough to accommodate the largest bodies likely to ride it. Being securely fastened into the car would be very important if one is going to ride on the roller coaster at all. Your description of how it felt to you to be too loosely held simply hit a nerve for me.

Hope your different loop in progress is good for you! We all need to back off at times. You'll always be welcomed warmly when you're among us. Hugs.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Nellieanna. Yes, the change in perspective is sometimes necessary. When we get ourselves in the loop of busyness doing the same thing over and over and being in the right seat (or held tightly) - the speed, the excitement and in the end?

Why was I so excited anyways?

I am afraid, I do not "own" the "rag doll" expression. I heard it first when someone referred to women being "used" as partners to train men how to dance. If a man does not know and he needs a partner (but, of course), the feeling is just like that - "the rag doll". I have felt it and "I HATE IT! I HATE IT!" I have no patience for this. I am a quick learner and being an exercise equipment drives me up the wall.

But there is another comparison that I fell in love with the moment I heard it: "Dancing with some women feels like moving furniture!" I laughed and laughed and laughed. That is another extreme.

Yesterday (Cue: feel free to laugh now) I was taken to a Ballroom Dance night (Argentine Tango being the attraction) and the first Rumba - my first move was ... - a man's leading move. I am taking Cha Cha and Rumba Class and because there are too many women, I take a man's leading role. But it became a habit - I did not even notice... You should have seen the reaction!

With roller coasters - I don't think it is possible to adjust much - those harnesses are very powerful - but I know that the smaller you are, the less comfortable it gets and when it hits you in all the wrong places... it is really no fun.

I love water parks - much more than roller coasters, but once when we were in Turkey, I was sliding down the slide (and there was not enough water to slide, so I was stuck and those lifeguards were not doing their job - they are supposed to let the next person only when the pass is completely clear), so the next thing I remember there was a huge guy hitting me in the neck. I am lucky I am not paralyzed. So, I have my apprehensions.

But sometimes I have to go on those "terrifying machines" - when Daniel begs me... and "I HATE IT!"

Another moment (cue: laugh here)

He asked me to join him for the ride in the Horror Chamber (I HATE IT!), I agreed reluctantly, but first I just bended a little bit and then I folded myself completely as if I was not there at all, we have not yet started moving, I screamed and the next thing I remember Daniel did the same: folded himself and screamed. You should have seen the faces of people around us. It was embarrassing - but I don't like Horrors.

Ok, going back to... Looping.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I got smiles out of the rag doll application to the dance. My dancing with partners is rather limited, but I think I've experienced that! And funny - that dancing with some women feels like moving furniture. I can imagine the stiff heaviness of that!

OH my - that would be a habit one could get into - taking on the man's lead if one had been substituting in that capacity. And a shock to a man partner!

I think the most fun at amusement parks for me was at Disneyland and at Knott's Berry Farm in the mid-1960s. There was a magical quality about it. We were living in Arizona where is was so hot and L.A. was so pleasant, it seemed like heaven. Our kids were a great age to enjoy it - but no more than their mother.

I agree with you about the Horror stuff. I don't like movies with all that horror stuff either. Oh, well. I don't have to submit to 'em! :-) Freedom of choice is great.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Mike, I agree with you about the movie critic. Svetlana has the capacity to dissect and her use of language is exceptional.

But I say this positively; her use of language is remarkably like the use of a very capable wielder of a scalpel, and our Svetlana doesn't take prisoners, as we all know. It would make very interesting reading.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Nellieanna: it is so strange that once the conversation starts, certain things come to mind and stay there...

Last night I was just that a rag doll - one man asked me to dance knowing nothing - he started doing "step - touch", I waited patiently for about 2? seconds and told him "This is not Salsa. What are you doing? This is not Salsa... What exactly are you doing?"

He admitted to his ignorance and asked me to teach him. I said I was not a teacher, but I tried to show the basics - he could not repeat. Why on earth...

Another "miracle worker" asked me to dance Bachata and the same scenario - he could not dance for the life of his - I was doing the basics, I was not leading, but I was moving. He was "patient" for 2? seconds and he said "I am tired." Just like that. Not "I am sorry", nothing.

And Bachelor #3 - the creme de la creme - he was dancing, sort of, but he was dancing with himself, throwing me around. I thought that I should have told him - that I was not an accessory for his "dancing", if I could have called it that. There was one spectator - I got most of my "amusement" from his face watching us.

But, you are right, I can choose not to be thrown. And sometimes, being "a leader" - I am - (Ian is right, I "take no prisoners", mentally I don't) - I wish I could have thrown him... as far as I could.

All could have been well, but I ended up so tired and my feet hurt too much, I could not even make it to the Subway Station, I opted for a bus... I guess Tango requires much more effort and strength for footwork even though it does not appear to be so. Again, as Ian would have said "Nothing is as it appears". Maybe it is the "controlled and deliberate" movement.

I seem to be completely taken by Tango, but I have no words for it, yet, except that it does not feel passionate, sexual, sensual... It feels like dancing alone...


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ian. Right now, I don't feel like anything - not writing, not criticizing others - I am afraid, the search for a career during midlife crisis left me without energy - maybe it is high time for others to write a critique for my life...


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

You don't feel like writing? Well what he hell is that stuff I have been reading above, if it wan't writing, and good writing as well?

I love your descriptions of the "partners" above. I would love to see you, or to have seen you, on just that evening.

I wouldn't want to be noticed or recognised, but I would love to be close enough to smell the cheap aftershave (I won't refer to it as scent, they wouldn't know a decent scent if they were presented with it) that those guys were wearing and also, almost smell the tangible aroma of fear, as they look into you eyes and see that implacable, "I don't accept anything that lacks some degree of commitment".


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Good morning. Just stopped by to see if anything is going on here. I see the field of dancing partners is bad and that you still are not ready for the challenges that the pen offers. Enjoy your Sunday. Maybe a walk in a park will it is warm will fill your lungs with crisp fresh air and the sun will bring a smile to your face.

Then because you are not writing (hence have plenty of time) stop by and read my short poem: Throwing your gifts away


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Ian & Mike:

Thank you for your comments. I am getting "luckier" by the minute - the week of migraines was not enough for entertainment - now I have to endure (enjoy?) the case of food poisoning.

I'll get better in a couple of days and get back.

I hope you enjoy the week-end.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Get well soon, my friend.

There is nothing worse than food poisoning because it has to "go its course" and can be very stressful and painful.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Yes, Ian, it is. Thank you for the good wishes. I don't get it often, even though I am more susceptible to it than other ("normal") people. Canada "treats" me well that way, it really made a difference for my health (I am comparing to Russia, of course).

But this is one is quite unfortunate - my mom said "the best way is to get an IV at the hospital", but I am not looking forward to being locked in.

Daniel, on the other hand, is funny - "Mom, once you get sick, you are so LAZY! We have to do everything for you..."

Thank you, Ian, again. I will be back.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Ms. S. That certainly is two extremes on the scale. Hospital vs 'What about me'. Feel better young lady. Rest, lots of fluids, more rest.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Perhaps you're not at the hospital, then?

Be happy to have some relatives to ". . . do everything for you..." ! If I'm ill, I don't have to be taken care of, since there's no one to do so. I get to do it my way! I would do anything to avoid a hospital. It takes me a week to get my system back to normal after the rare occasions of being in the hospital even a few days. :-)

So I'm wishing you a speedy recovery and enjoyment of the time to relax the tensions meanwhile. That dancing sounded very frustrating. But you're right that the sustained movements are every bit as vigorous and tiring as rapid ones. There are exercise programs which emphasize sustained movements. In the case of the tango, it looks to be a strong combination of the mental and physical, as well. So beautiful. Jennifer Lopez does a lovely tango sequence in "Shall We Dance?"

Hope to see you up and bright soon! Hugs.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Thank you Nellie. I am a complete Jennifer Lopez fan.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Me, too, Ian. I've been a huge fan ever since seeing one of her earlier movies, "Selena". In it, she played a real-life Tejano music star who was extremely beloved, especially in parts of my state down around the ranch, - and who was tragically killed in a fit of anger by one of her trusted employees. J-Lo's talents seem endless and she just keeps getting better and better at her craft. And no matter how glamourous she is, she always comes across as a real and a very warm, caring woman. I read that one of her real-life sisters sings opera, by the way.


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Have you seen 'The Backup Plan'? I loved it, and also 'Angel Eyes' with Jim Caviezel - one of my favourite actors... Two of my favourite actors, Ha ha ha!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I haven't seen those, but I just watched their movie trailers. Totally different from each other - and both look very good. I've been wracking my mind trying to remember a movie I thought JLo was in but can't find it. She was a battered wife who gained her own power and got out of it. Maybe it was another actress, someone like Demi Moore. Wish I could remember the title. That would help. haha It was very well done and the triumph was great.

Two of my favs are "Maid In Manhattan" and "Monster-in-Law". Both also with great casts.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Ah - I got it! (my dad described me at age 4 as "a very determined little girl - hehe) It was with JLo - titled "Enough". Whew - what a relief. Here's a trailer of the movie. It can also be viewed in total in parts with tube.

The trailer: http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1134887193/


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

It wasn't sleeping with the enemy was it Nellie.

Great, great movie.

Julia Roberts.


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

No, it was "Enough" & was with JLo. But, yes - "Sleeping With The Enemy" is another excellent one about that subject. I don't have "Enough" in my DVD library but I have SWTE. It is extremely gripping.


writeronline 5 years ago

Fantastic.

Entertaining, insightful, and 'all in fun".

But not really... there's a betrayed woman at work here.

Just in case you really have given up on ordinary people having a love that lasts, within a marriage, maybe you'd like to spend (waste..?)a minute reading this piece I wrote. Be warned though, from a writing quality perspective it's simplistic, compared to this work of yours. I hope its redeeming virtue is its honesty:

http://writeronline.hubpages.com/hub/Get-Married-T...

Oh, the list with 'velocity' in it? All those attributes are relevant of course. but to me, the one you left out is the one that matters most. Depth.

Regards


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Writeronline, for your comment.

There is no betrayed woman here. It was my Ex who was betrayed, but that story I am not ready to tell.

This piece is strictly entertainment - there is not a glimpse of me. Maybe strong muscular men, yes, but for the most part, I was only joking.

When I only started writing on HubPages, I started "Traffic Theory" (hence the buses), but there was a particular man stories - Armando Stories. I removed them - maybe later I can rework them into something sensible. Most of my hubs - all autobiographical, but this one?

"Can I have your number?" and "42 Marriage Proposals" are more personal. By the way, I got a marriage proposal today as well. In jest, but still...

But seriously, "depth" is my problem - I am being disqualified as a desirable marriage or relationship material for precisely that.

"Still Waters Run Deep" is my official diagnosis.


writeronline 5 years ago

Well, that's good to know..I'll read those others another time, to see if I can get a better feel for the real you (although I think I already am starting to..).

Beats me why depth should be a barrier. The dictionary definition of deep's opposite is 'shallow'. Who would want to settle for that? What's left to discover, or reveal...?


epigramman profile image

epigramman 5 years ago

Period. You are the greatest writer and hubber of all time here ...... Period. And I am not just trying to get on your good side so you won't hunt me down - please see Mr. Zavala's hub for my response - what else can I say - or his alter ego - Epi - I would be a passenger, willingly, on your bus anyday - and you just may be the (hub) woman of my dreams .....

lake erie time 5:04 am can't eat can't sleep but a few beers and the righteous Thelonious Monk and Clark Terry.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 5 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

There is nothing wrong with depth. Just install a laugh chamber at level three and then let only a select few past that, otherwise they drown. I am glad to see that you are back Hub hopping so that we know that you are Ok and dealing, as we are with all the 'stuff' that comes our way.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Writeronline:

What can I say? If I meet anyone who is either ready to take a plunge or who is deep enough himself, it will be another story, but most of the time I am advised to keep it (the depth, the width, velocity, the wit, the intellect) to myself. Or people/men love to be entertained, but can give little back. I want to be entertained, too, I want a partnership, not "a solo flight". Going back to our exchange yesterday "masturbation": it is not even fun, it still takes two.

You know this cliché (and I hate cliches): it takes two to tango.

The funny part, I understand it better now that I started dancing the dance. In tango, both partners always stand on one foot, leaning forward and to the side - it is a couple's dance more than any other - doing it alone makes no sense, let alone brings no joy.

Finding the balance - learning the basics - takes time - I am very much a beginner. Goes for relationships as well.

It is all too complicated. Nothing is wrong with depth, what is wrong, though, is compatibility. If I grow too bored too quickly, what kind of relationship it is?

Of course, I would love my partner to have that potential to grow with me as time passes by. Otherwise a relationship/marriage is not sustainable.

Even love and respect would not be enough. I like people (men qualify) and I respect people the way I want to be respected, but having the same interests? Certain things complicate the possibilities of finding the good match even further. When I was married, my ex would not let me or even hear of me going anywhere alone. Dancing, for example.

Now, I do dance. The dancing crowd is rather specific (let's say - those are not writers) - who to look for?

A writer? a dancer? A combination? Right.

Maybe I should reconsider all my assumptions. I know that I am a marrying kind, I like to be in a couple, but at the moment - my prospects don't look too great.

So - now I take all those buses coming my way, but I have a suspicion, I am at the completely wrong Bus Terminal. Maybe I need to take a flight.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Of course, Epi - I am the woman of your dreams - don't you forget - we are a perfect combination for marriage.

Only the dreams might be slightly on the nightmarish side...


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mike. I am still very much out of balance. Note: it is a good topic for me - Balance. No, wait, I have already wrote about the Balance Beam Syndrome.

Eventually...


Neil Sperling profile image

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

You are a cool writer - I love the blend of thinking, imagery, questions and answers rolled into a dialogue of mystery and intrigue that takes the reader on a pleasant journey into the deep..... without a destination maybe, but ending up exactly where planned.

Awesome hub as usual.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Neil. You are right - there was no destination in that one (I hope you watched the last videos).

It was an excursion to the jungle - taking a scenic route.

But if anyone will offer me the guy in the fist photo - I am taking him home!!!


Sylvia's Thoughts profile image

Sylvia's Thoughts 5 years ago from Southern California

Wow...an extremely interesting hub! After reading it, I feel extremely sad for you. Love, true love cannot be boiled down to an equation. My first marriage was when I was too young and it didn't last, although we have remained close friends. Then I found the love of my life (note my SECOND marriage) and lived a wonderful life together until he died with cancer.

Looks, money, and even your mind can go with the years but what is in his heart? That is enduring. What are you bringing to the relationship? Because it's not a 50/50 deal. It's a 100/100 deal. No man can make you happy. (or vise/versa) You have to be happy in your own right first. Your partner should enhance what already is there. Nor can you listen to other people's horror stories or go by the statistics.

Remember, whatever your heart attitude is will be reflected in your words, body language, etc. Is it something that would be attractive to someone else? Are there creeps out there? Of course. But there always have been and always will be. That's a given. There are still wonderful men out there.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Sylvia's Thoughts, thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

Sad? Why? I did not expect such reaction. I guess I was not clear enough. I agree with everything that you said, but this article/collage is nothing but a big joke.

I hope you watched the videos at the end - they are the final touch.

I was playing with words. For example, the word SECOND.

The divorce rate is 50%. It means that every SECOND marriage (as in one out of two) ends in divorce.

I put it as in order.

Every SECOND marriage ends in divorce.

This article I wrote as an answer to the question: "Do you think that marriage in America is overrated?" There was an answer there stating that marriage is a sacred institution. Only the person made a mistake and typed "scared". I used it as an inspiration.

All words are got played with. Physique instead of physics.

"Don't take any white sh-t". It was a real situation and, of course, what a person meant was don't get involved with the white people. It was as racist as it gets.

Five minutes after this black gentlemen left, it occurred to me - "sh-t" is never white. It is brown and most "blacks" are "brown" (another misnomer). Whites are also not snow whites. I wish I could have brought it to his attention that he does not even hear what he says.

In this sense, the whole article was supposed to be nothing but entertainment. "Get it up!" for gentlemen - get what up? Something that sometimes refuses to go up and becomes a deal breaker.

What do I have to offer?

Apparently, my intelligence, my sense humour, my wonderfulness, me being loving and loveable, my irresistibility, my looks, my passion, my craziness, my creativity, my loyalty.

But to know me, if you read my articles, you would come to a conclusion - I like her, I don't like her, I am indifferent. It is not about how wonderful I am - it is about the other person being able to accept and love me for who I am.

I don't have problem with men - in this series I wrote another article "42 Marriage Proposals" - it is autobiographical and more serious even though it is still entertaining.

Marriage proposals? They keep coming. The last one was a few days ago - on a Facebook. Men like everybody else like to be entertained. But I would like them to be able to return the favour when I need it. One is not enough.


Ausseye 5 years ago

Kalline2040:Well you've done it again, a delightful read. But I'm rather, rather annoyed that you've decided to point out in great detail, might I add, about what I am going to miss out on. The first of two problem is that I'm on the first marriage (mind you it took mega years to get that done) cos living together was beaut and we didn't need to commit. The second problem is that she's still the dazzeling partner whom I loved, and worse she's getting better and more dazzeling. So you see second serves seem a distant dream as I'm getting or gotten to an aged condition.

The disturbing thing is that you've covered so much ground and sowen so many seeds it start to look like the garden of Eden where it all began, or for us athiests the jungle where we made monkeys of ourselves. I believe men-like-beings were hanging about the jungle some 1 million years ago, so I guess that means the female spieces were there also. I wondering if they had first and second marriges to see if they could get it right? Na they did live as long so they must have just had to put up with failure, no second chances no future bliss......or wait their marriges and lives could have been so short that they never discovered they didn't like each other....a bliss of sort.

See what you've done, sent me on a wild imaginative ride......all due to your writing ability, makes me want to read and read and read, like a kid again. The beer with mates was infact a glass of red with my best mate, guess who? I'm not sure about my grammer as well because English is my second language, and unlike some it ain't good even though I've practiced for years and years, more than 40 I think!!!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank, Ausseye, for your comment.

I guess it is up to you what to read and what journey to take.


readexds20 profile image

readexds20 5 years ago from Tahlequah, Oklahoma

I just signed on to this site, and your the first hub I've read, and I like very much. You are also very nice looking!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Readexds20, for your comment. The picture was taken in 1993 - we all look better when we are younger.


J Burgraff profile image

J Burgraff 5 years ago

Now I know I'm officially boring. So I'm going to go out and buy some of that red lipstick and a cigarette. What was the other stuff I need...crap..can't remember a thing...


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Jenny, for reading. Go out and buy what you want. If you don't remember, then you don't want it and probably don't need it.

I have NOT been out for shopping for about six months, just for as long as I was unemployed (still am not), but then I went to buy one top to match the burgundy leggings that I bought on sale. Burgundy? It did not match anything.

I ended up with five items for dancing - five of which were dresses (but nothing matching leggings still). But that was not too bad as the amount I spent was reasonable. I could afford it. But what I could not afford - was a leather jacket - speaking of personality colours - no, not TEAL, I bought it in Orange. I love it. I bought it on impulse - does not happen too often to me.

What does it have with looking for a candidate for the second marriage? Nothing. I do things for me. "But it is the last season's colour!" the sales person told me.

As if I care. My personality does not change every time season changes.

Why red lipstick anyway? To be kissed by a frog? I prefer the Russian version of the story - in our version the FROG is the Princess - and the Prince, well, just like any man...

As long as you enjoyed the story, it was worth writing it.


kenneth avery profile image

kenneth avery 5 years ago from Hamilton, Alabama

Pure genius! Genius, I tell you! This has to be the work of someone with an extremely-high IQ. Loved it. Lay-out, graphics, text. What a talent you are!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Kenneth avery. I would not say I am a genius. I was just having fun.


Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Another interesting and well written article we have in here from one of the best writers hubpages has and am so glad to read from you again.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sun-Girl, for reading.


stricktlydating profile image

stricktlydating 4 years ago from Australia

Wow this sounds all so complicated to me. But my favourite part of this Hub was when you wrote:

'When you make money, there is money. When you make dinner, there is dinner. When you make love, there is no love'

Brilliant!


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, stricktlydating,

it is not really difficult, it is all a big joke. A play on words.

Thank you for reading.


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Svetlanan, I enjoyed the read. Looking for answers. Pondering over facts, statistics and statements made by men who were apparently wiser than us.

So many things you've stressed in here could be discussed for hours - from all angles, and still.... What is love? You fall in love today because of xyz and eventually you fall out of life because of... xyz. What attract you today could soon irritate you endlessly....

Blame it on the moon.

This entire hub is impressive, but I want to paste only two statements you've made, or perhaps they were speculations, to be pondered (by me) -

"Marriage is insanity that society approves of. Not only approves of, but encourages, as well."

"We are animals - when encaged - we become enraged, scared or something else, anything but happy."

AND marriage is in my opinion nothing but a cage. It could be a luxurious cage with room service.... or the opposite.

How will we know before it is too late?


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Martie, darling, it is simple.

How do we know?

We marry, then we figure out how it feels.

There are options:

1) stay and be happy;

2) stay and be miserable;

3) have someone sweet on the side (someone or a few of someones);

4) divorce and be miserable;

5) divorce and feel happy.

It is all in doing... not in speculating "What if...?"

But I am truly happy that you liked my article.

The last reader gave me "constructive criticism". It felt like a PILL.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Did you see my new 3/2 Part of Narcissism?


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 4 years ago from Louisiana

Voted up and everything else! I really enjoyed this piece. Finding the right guy (that may or may not exist) is tiring. I'm so tired of playing the waiting game. and giving myself to guys that it never works out with. When will it end?? But I keep trying. I like your play on words in this hub. and the metaphors you used. Love and life is a mathematical problem which idk if anyone is smart enough to ever find the real answer. Its complicated and complex and maybe its really us who make it that way. we can only be as happy as we allow ourselves to be and who needs "a man of my dreams" to make them happy anyways? (I do) It helps. But even then you get mad at each other and fight and its the ones you love that can hurt you the most...its not all one giant picnic. Eventually the ants will come. So guy or no guy...your happiness really depends on yourself.

Also wanted to comment on the police part. In Russian, the word “rape” and “enforcement” is the same. Therefore, “law enforcement” is "rape by law". Haha I agree with that! The law today "rapes" a lot of people. People that don't deserve to be "raped" but does anyone ever deserve to be raped? I can name a few.

Why are animals always beautiful and people can be so ugly? Maybe its in our nature, our attitudes, our way of living and mindset. Some people just don't care enough to take care of themselves. Some people just have given up. Animals don't really go through heartache like we do. They don't experience as much as we can. They don't really get cheated on, or lied to. and if they never find "the one" I don't think it really bothers them as long as they have an owner who cares and loves them. or if they are wild well they have their "fun" but its usually to mate...which a lot of animals mate for life. They kill because they have to...for food. Whereas we have sex just to have sex. and we have murderers and thieves killing and stealing just for fun. Animals are only cruel when they have to be. We choose to be. That makes us ugly.

Anyways thanks for this hub. I hope we can both find the Man of our dreams one day.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Nicole, for your comment.

Thank you for taking this article lightly as it was written as a comic relief and nothing else. Some readers saw in it more than I intended.

Ironically, "a man of my dreams" is my ex-husband - some issues were not resolved, I guess, but I am not in charge of my dreams.

I have to tell you that to find the real (REAL?) man of your dreams, you should play not a waiting game,

but a numbers game.

You should actively look for him.

That is why I was joking about criteria.

There is a song

"My one and only", I did not not find the lyrics, but there were two lines that got my attention

"it's such a crying shame

to play the numbers game"...

yes, that is what we shall do to find the ONE.

I wrote it before. As I told you, I started with Armando I, then I started series "Men are Buses", then ...

today I got side-tracked going back to the beginning of the last year re-publishing an old Armando story and then thinking. Why did I waste my time on him? No, really?

Strange things we do. I was writing at length about my relationships, but I don't think I am even close to understanding them.

So, let me leave it at that - maybe as I said I should read more, write less. But writing is more fun. Sometimes.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 4 years ago from Louisiana

Yea...waiting game...or numbers game. I'm stuck playing both. I have had one too many "numbers" I am in the double digits and would like not to go into the trips lol I know I am still young and blah blah blah, but i feel i don't want to find "the one" when I am too old to really do anything with him. I want to grow old with him by my side. Actually...i don't want to grow old at all but some things in life are inevitable unless I am to die before my time, because you never know what will happen and thats another thing..I don't want to die before i find this so called "one". I can be very patient sometimes, but then I can be very impatient, and these "games" are weighing in on my patience. I did find several parts of this to be funny but it related to me on another level as well. And I can ask myself that same question...why did I waste my time on him? Several different hims at that. I haven't had much luck in relationships either. I don't understand quite a few things as to why things happened the way they did. What did I do wrong? It must be me, not them, to have so many failed relationships, ones that failed before they even started. I don't get it. I feel like my heart just keeps playing tricks on me. But why would it want to cause itself to be heartbroken? Anywho...yes writing is lots of fun. But reading can be quite entertaining as this hub and your comments have entertained me. and i hope you can read some of my hubs and my comments and be entertained as well :)


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Dear Nikki:

I agree with you - to figure out what is wrong is hard. I have no advice neither about love nor about life.

I like this quote:

"Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment.

There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.”--from Deepak Chopra

As I mentioned before - I began my journey on HubPages with six Armando Stories and there were two Armandos, one after the other. The second one I even agreed to marry. Then I changed my mind.

There are a few "Men are Buses" stories.

If you are interested, I can point them out to you - and you can tell me what you like most

http://hubpages.com/relationships/Men-are-Buses-42...

and having learned something about me, you can suggest your work

maybe your favourite

for me to read and I will give you my opinion.

Have a wonderful day,

Men are not the answer, men are the question.


Nikkij504gurl profile image

Nikkij504gurl 4 years ago from Louisiana

men are definitely a question. lol yea i tend to believe everything happens for a reason. I know my last relationship was just what i needed at the time, but i didn't need it anymore and i realized i wasn't in love. I almost moved to another state with him. so i guess the guy that kind of made me really realize what i was already feeling was needed at the time too though that didn't work out either. I will check out the armando series and all that and try and find you some of my hubs that you might like.


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Nikki, I wanted to mention in my previous comment

you did NOT WASTE time - time cannot be wasted

you learn, at your own speed, the way your life plays out, sometimes people around us speed up the process, sometimes the other way around.

Please don't feel pressured to read any of my articles

some of them are really long - my earlier work, that is why I said

once I know your preferences, it would be easier for me to point out something that you might actually like.

Just let me know.

There is no obligation.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Dear Svetlana,

I have missed you, think of you daily and am getting around to saying HI. It is our Thanksgiving Day and I want you to know how thankful I am that we have become friends.

I will eventually get to all of your work. This title caught my eye...I don't think a gal can start planning early enough...

I don't know any other writer who has such interesting leaps and progression of thoughts as you do. Your work is rich with creativity, humor and authenticity.

Whether and when you find #2...please be very sure he has met my scrutiny. You deserve the very best.

Voted UP and all that. Love, Teresa


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Dearest Teresa:

I hope you had a pleasant Thanksgiving Day.

I, for one, lost all motivation or rather all sense of festivities.

There are no jolly occasions for me worth celebrating.

However, I am really touched that you thought of me on the Thanksgiving Day. I think of you, often, as well. I am rereading Dan Brown's "Angels & Demons" and there is one Saint Teresa on Fire (I don't know if you read the book - but "The ecstasy of St. Teresa" is a statue by Bernini) - maybe not something that is being thought often when the name Teresa is mentioned. More often than not I think about Mother Teresa. Maybe for the lack of other associations.

I am flattered as well that you read this article - I don't feel like writing these days or anything and least of all - looking for another significant one. I would not be able to come up with the proper criteria.

Maybe it is all a stage - I decided to bravely meet my depression head-on without medication - it seems to me - that it is the constant change of ups and downs wear me down more than something more stable and predictable. I can't go on forever without a doctor and having a doctor proved only two things for me - creating a dependency of both medication and a doctor. No solution was found yet, no perfect cocktail of drugs and life became nothing but a waiting game. And I am just simply tired of it.

Hoping that my body and mind would make its own adjustments - surprisingly enough - I have not found much understanding or support for my decision. But since I "got help" seven years ago, my life did not improve, rather it went to the dogs. And maybe taking it into my own hands and trusting this path might be a better idea. I know that you might say that it is alarming, but given my history (of life and illness), it seems to me that I was more functional before. Before the wonderful psychiatric profession stepped in.

I hope you feel well and everything is fine in your corner of the world.

Always thinking of you,

Svetlana


copywriter31 profile image

copywriter31 3 years ago from Port Neches

I am VERY impressed with your formatting, and the terse, to-the-point sentences! This extraordinary hub should be the model for all writers expecting to land readers who begin with the first sentence, and 'can't put it down' to the last period. VERY WELL DONE. ...


kallini2010 profile image

kallini2010 3 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, copywriter31, for your comment and nice words. It's been a while since I've written anything and maybe now I would not write anything like that - the time has passed and has taken motivation with it.

I am glad you liked my article and I hope you keep writing, it's the only way to be a model writer - just write!

Good luck,

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